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I’m feeling fearlessly BRAVE

MY DEFINITION: the red lipstick of emotions. You’re walking round with a big old ‘I was brave at the dentist’ sticker on your forehead and you feel like you could tick off every task on every to-do list you’ve ever made.

This surge of energy can come when you least expect it, but how super-fucking-duper does it feel? For me, I get this rush of power after a coffee or a matcha! Other times, it’s post-workout (or post-orgasm) – all those endorphins rushing through my body like electricity. The docs and specialists out there know that dopamine and oxytocin improve brain function, they flush out cortisol (the stressy bits). For me, I like to think of it as brain food – my mind is feeding off those chemicals, creating ideas, and I feel invincible.

You know those massive inflatable sumo suits, or those huge zorb balls you can climb into? Well, when I was 19, I had to go into the Houses of Parliament actually dressed in one of those. Yes, I was a human ‘hive’ for Allergy Awareness Day. I had to be rolled through the door lengthways, with my legs poking out the end, as I couldn’t fit through standing. When I feel superpowered, I feel like this – like I’m wearing armour, an inflatable shield of invisibility; I’m protected and I can do anything. We are our own secret weapons when we’re feeling courageous.

When I started doodlin’ and designing my own prints, I just did it for me, in my notebook. I absolutely loved the creativity flowing out of my brain and it was super-calming. I’ve never been ‘arty’ – I mean, I can draw a pretty inspiring stick woman – but since leaving home at 18, I’ve always filled my bedrooms with quotes and colourful prints. Around Christmas time 2018, I showed my Future Husband Mat (since finishing this book, Mr Carter has proposed and by the time you read this … we may be married) and my family my notebook scribbles and told them I wanted to make them into something. They encouraged me to do more. One morning I woke up, felt this tingly sensation in my body like I just wanted to pour all my love and every ounce of creativity into what are now my CKret prints – my babies. I just went for it. I kept repeating, ‘I’ve got this.’ I didn’t have anyone telling me what to do or feeding me the motivation to kick it all off; it was just me, my brain and my cash.

I have worked over 30 different jobs since I was 14, but I had never set up my own business with products that I was hand-designing all by myself. There was so much more to it than just drawing stars and writing a quote about magic. I hired an illustrator, who is just brilliant, and from day one, she just understood me – she transforms my ideas and makes them the real deal. So, after finalising the original six prints to start with, I set up the business 42 days after my first scribble. For the first month, I wanted to do it all myself, to fully immerse myself in the business. I wanted it to feel personal, to handwrite a thank-you to the people that believed in me and bought a print. I was doing the designing, the printing, the packing, the personal notes, the shipping labels, the post-office run, the customer service … a month turned into two and I was packing over a hundred orders a day. It was incredible and so unexpected; I had to rally round the troops (my brother Henry, my mumma and postman Mat) to help with the sheer volume.

I look back now and realise it was all because I woke up one day feeling brave, ready to work on something new and take a risk – now that was a superpowered moment.

Channel that superpower

So you’ve got this energy vibrating inside you – let’s do something with it. This is the perfect time to challenge yourself, to start something new, to say goodbye to self-doubt, to say ‘I love you’ first, to come out to your parents, to take risks …

When I was at school, I couldn’t wait for the summer holidays, and to stop learning things for eight weeks. But when you’re an actual adult, you realise life is so much more exciting when you keep topping up your toolbox of skills, and I’m way more of an interesting human if I’m learning new shit.

A few years ago, instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I wrote down five things that I used to do when I was younger that I haven’t done since moving to London at 18 (where you’re distracted by everything and your monthly rent is the same price as buying a private jet …) and missed.

It was honestly one of the best mini-challenges I set myself and I urge you to do it, too. It doesn’t have to be five. These were two of mine.

ROLLERBLADING

The remains of half of my left knee still lives on the concrete pathway in Battersea Park – exhilarating for four minutes until I took a nose-dive into the floor, smashing my phone and nearly my face. Luckily I was with one of the most multi-talented humans to grace this planet. A best friend who doubles up as my regular saviour (while juggling a highly sought-after hand-modelling career), Sammy peeled me off the floor and carried me to the first-aid centre. It was only then, at 22 years old, that I fully understood why Mum always insisted I wore knee pads, wrist pads, a helmet and two pairs of trousers. The scar lives to tell its story, but it honestly made me feel alive. It reminded me that the world is our playground.

DANCING

I mean, I’ve never actually stopped. I’m a professional dancing-in-the-house-completely-naked-until-I’m-sweating dancer … but when I was younger, dancing shoes were permanently glued to my feet. My entire out-of-school life was dedicated to it – but in my teens I went from doing eight hours a day, doing shows monthly and regular auditions, to doing nothing in the space of a few weeks. So this challenge gave me the fuel I needed to join my friend Lottie in a dance lesson. Before I knew it, I was lost in the music, prancing away, giving the mirror some fierce looks I didn’t even know I had in me … It felt so liberating. During and after, I just felt pure joy.

Finding my inner child re-lit that fire inside of me. I proved that voice in my head wrong and it made me realise that if you stop anything you love, it’s not forever. You can always come back to it at a different stage of your life.

What did you do that you haven’t done since you were a dinky kiddywink? Swimming? Horse riding? Tennis? Painting? Trampolining? Make a promise to yourself that you’ll try at least one of those again in the next month. It might feel new, it might feel like you never stopped. But just know, however it feels, you are never too old. Do it once, do it weekly, but most importantly, do it for yourself.

Stretch yourself, believe in yourself, keep filling your brain with new things. It’s ironic that as you get older, things become more accessible, but life gets in the way. Give yourself the time your younger self would thank you for. Channel and savour that superpower. Hopefully this offers a little encouragement to give yourself that boost to take this feeling to the next level. I know you are more capable than you think.