Читать книгу Be Your Own Best Friend - Chessie King - Страница 13

I’m feeling CALM

MY DEFINITION: Enjoying the magic of being in the moment: the right here, right now, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW … sing it, Fatboy Slim.

In our jam-packed, go-go-go lives, we are constantly thinking: ‘What’s next?’ Our brain goes into overdrive thinking about the future, not the now.

I’m guilty of getting worked up thinking of my ridiculously busy day tomorrow, which ruins my today. Or thinking back to an interview I did a few days ago, replaying it back in my head wishing I hadn’t gone in for the second kiss on the cheek afterwards while they were fixed on just the one (something I don’t think any of us have mastered – the art of greeting a stranger politely … Is it one? Is it two? Is it five on the cheeks then one on the lips?!).

What I have learnt is that I cannot rewrite the past, but I can control how I feel about it.

I still gotta remind myself to slowwwwww the paaaaaceeee dowwwwn. A few years ago, I made myself pretty sick because I just didn’t stop. I was on the go constantly, life was bonkers. I was saying yes to everything, a yes woman. I was unwell with back-to-back illnesses because my body was just screaming out for me to stop. It was telling me I needed plugging in and recharging after running myself completely empty, but I still wanted more more, more …

Mr Mathew ‘Calm’ Carter and my zen-filled mother have helped me by installing a very important word in my personal dictionary – no.

With social media comes a lot of performance ‘busy’. People are constantly trying to show how much they’re working. I’m so used to reading stuff like this on Instagram Stories: ‘Wow life has been non-stop madness for 62 weeks, haven’t had a second to breathe but my 4am alarm is ready for my morning spin, nine back-to-back meetings, lunch with the CEO of girlbossuniverse.com, then I’m hosting an event for 123 of you (last tickets available swipe-up!) while trying to film you a make-up tutorial you’ve all been asking for, then I’m back to my laptop to #wurkwurkwurk #nodaysoff …’

Seeing other people being busy does not mean they’re more productive than you; it does not mean they’re more popular, nor does it mean they’re more successful. The most valuable thing we can do is look after ourselves – and that’s where we find the power in saying no. N. O. Saying stop when everyone else is saying go.

Losing my hearing suddenly was a momentous time in my life – which I speak about in Chapter 2, Our Bodies – it has carved out the way I look after myself now and for the future. I feel like a tiny little human found its way inside my brain and installed an internal stop button that I now have full control over. I’m still learning how to find a blend of stillness in the chaotic-ness of my life and how to absorb every moment in the pandemonium. There are still days when I get swept up in my chockablock calendar, but I check in with myself, acknowledge it, and if I need to, do something about it. I think the most powerful tool I’ve learnt is that we are all in control of this moment, right now.

‘Mindfulness’ is a term that’s been chucked around for years, but I never fully appreciated how it feels to be mindful until last year. It sounds like your mind should be full – full of what? Thoughts? But isn’t that the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve? Well, after trying meditation and finding what works for me, I’ve realised thoughts are part of ‘just being’. Telling your brain to switch off and stop thinking is like telling your lungs to switch off and stop breathing. Have you ever been in a situation or been somewhere with your favourite people, convinced you’re having the best time in the world? You’re in this bubble like no one else exists and nothing else matters? That’s my absolute favourite state of ‘just being’. It doesn’t always have to be sitting down, with crossed legs, in silence, repeating a mantra in your head.

In the wild world we live in, there’s always somewhere to be. There’s always someone to see. There’s always more to do. It’s rare to just BE.

SHARE A PIECE OF YOUR PEACE

Wherever you are in the universe, try something from the list below to put this feeling to use.

When I feel calm and present, I try to use it to help myself and others by:

 Calling a friend or family member that is going through a difficult time or someone I haven’t spoken to in a while.

 Feeling like I can be completely there for them, giving them my full focus and attention to just listen without any distractions.

 Focusing on a task that has been on my to-do list for weeks. Something I’ve put off because it seemed too much to even get started on, too mind-boggling, but today I’m ready to tackle it.

 Simply just taking everything in and soaking up the moment. Those situations where I forget I have a phone, forget I have a meeting next week, forget I’m on my period – just absorbing where I am and what I’m doing. (You’re basically doing the job of a tampon, a pad, a menstrual cup/your favourite choice of period protection … you’re just mopping up the moment instead of blood!)

The result? You feel like the bawwwws, the CEO – like you’re in control of your life and your life’s not controlling you. There are so many places you could be reading this book, but wherever you are, trust that you are right where you need to be.