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INTRODUCTION

Since writing Twenty Something, Twenty Everything, I have seen firsthand the immense need for guidance that twenty somethings have and their thirst to feel “not alone.” I have received thousands of emails and letters from twenty-something women and men (as well as from their parents) asking for more information, advice, and feedback. At the end of almost every email is the question, “Am I alone in feeling this way?” or, “Am I the only one going through this?” To anyone faced with uncertainty, sadness, or disillusionment, I can unequivocally tell you — you are not alone.

When I finished my first book, I was twenty-seven years old and I thought I knew a lot. Sitting here at thirty writing this manifesto, I realize that there was a lot I didn’t know that I didn’t even know I didn’t know. The point is that each moment of life, each experience, each breath provides another opportunity for learning and growth. There is no such thing as knowing it all. Wisdom continuously evolves. Each person we come in contact with, whether for years or minutes, has something to share with us. I have been blessed with a life rich with people sharing their most profound experiences and have had many of my own; however, I do not know it all.

“The twenties are about not knowing anything, but thinking that you do. It’s realizing the mistakes you’ve made and figuring out how you are going to fix them inside your soul. It’s about knowing you’re going to be okay, even though it doesn’t feel that way.”

Consultant, 27, married with two stepchildren, Virginia

What I do know is that we all have a purpose in life, and this purpose evolves as time ticks on and experience shapes and teaches us. At this point in my life, part of my purpose is to be a voice of encouragement and support for those experiencing a twenty-something crisis. Over the past five years, I’ve become a sort of “twenty-something expert,” and here’s what I’ve learned: The twenty-something crisis is a melting pot of issues; one topic or issue never stands alone. Twenty somethings desperately want to know how and what other twenty somethings are doing or did to get through their issues. And just talking about the issues is not enough; a practical manual is required that covers how to deal with all the real-life stuff not learned in college or from parents. I call it “twenty-something self-enlightenment.” I like the word “self-enlightenment” much better than “self-help” or “self-improvement,” which imply something is wrong with you — and there isn’t!

WELCOME TO THE
TWENTY SOMETHING MANIFESTO

“Manifesto” is defined by Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary as a “statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer.” Let me just say this book is not only my manifesto — it is yours, the collective voice of twenty somethings. It’s a place for twenty somethings to throw off the reputation and stereotypes society places on them and describe their lives the way they actually live them. It’s a place for twenty somethings to voice what they are really going through and feeling. Not just job angst, not just relationship drama — but the nitty-gritty stuff that no one talks about. Even those who constantly write about their lives on blogs or MySpace, telling every intimate detail, may find themselves lost — asking questions but not coming up with answers. Twenty somethings need a road map, one that shows a path through their own troubled ground.

“The hardest thing about being a twenty something is not knowing if you missed the boat on getting to where you want to be in ten or twenty years. I just feel like I missed something someone said during college, and everyone else heard it but me.”

Marketer, 26, serious boyfriend, Colorado

This book is meant to help you create your road map. To do so, you will have to learn about yourself along the way, and this takes time, patience, and experience. I know: you want answers now! I can’t promise that, but I’ve filled this manifesto with the stories of twenty somethings, and in their struggles you may find the answers and lessons you need. The suggestions, advice, and exercises in this book are inspired from my own life, from the lives of my clients, from an online survey I conducted involving over a thousand twenty somethings, and from the twenty somethings who were inspired to write a personal story for this manifesto. These stories appear throughout and include a “Declaration” in which the person encapsulates the predominate take-aways from his or her story. Quotes by twenty somethings reflecting on their lives appear on nearly every page, and these include each person’s “stats”: profession, age, relationship status, number of children, and place of residence. The status of these “stats” preoccupies the thoughts of most twenty somethings I know.

This manifesto is a collection of puzzle pieces that each person will assemble in his or her own way. We begin by emptying the box and identifying all the pieces that make up our own twenty-something puzzles. We then identify where we are in our journeys and discover ways for making them a smoother ride. As we assemble our ideal picture, we’ll see if certain puzzle pieces are missing, or if some do not fit, and decide what to do about them. Finally, we will celebrate the completion of our puzzles with stories of surviving and thriving.

“One of the hardest parts of being a twenty something is feeling that you need to achieve it all — whatever ‘all’ may be. It’s a feeling of urgency, like you need to achieve in every area of ‘life’ — career, marriage, family, money. All the while being happy and content. It’s a feeling of great pressure — that if you don’t work it all out now, you are setting yourself up for a fall in your thirties.”

Teacher, 27, married, Australia

You can read this manifesto from beginning to end or jump in at any place. Grab it when you need a pick-me-up or a swift but gentle kick in the right direction. Dog-ear the stories that move you or make you go “aha.” Commit to doing the exercises and answering the questions. I encourage you to keep a journal in a notebook or on your laptop to capture your insights and ideas along the way.

WE ARE MORE ALIKE THAN WE ARE DIFFERENT

We really are more alike than we are different. This can be hard to remember, or even believe, since we live in a culture that focuses on what we look like, what we do, who we are with, what we have, and all the things that make us feel unique. But when we focus our attention inward, we begin to feel more connected to one another. We all cry, laugh, hurt, grow, worry, fear, think, make mistakes, obsess, dream, and love. As Alissa, twenty-seven, shared with me, “At this stage in my life, I’m always looking for people to latch on to who have felt the same, to see how they dealt with things and how I can get myself out of this suffocating black hole.” We all have felt like we were in a black hole from time to time, but we must trust that, when we reach out to others, we’ll find an experience, a person, or an intuitive connection that will shed light on our paths.

As you read, pay attention to the stories that really resonate with you, evoke an emotional reaction, or inspire you. There is a bit of you in every story — though we connect more deeply with some than others. Remember how certain films completely moved you? Reading or experiencing other people’s stories creates an emotional impact and an opportunity for learning at a heightened level because it’s not personal. When it’s not about you, it’s easier to see yourself. I’ve experienced this in my coaching practice; even as I counsel others, I learn about myself from my clients. They force me, unknowingly, to stay on top of my “stuff.” They inspire me to keep investigating, to keep understanding myself, and to keep moving toward joy and wisdom.

YOUR TWENTY-SOMETHING TOUR GUIDE

If this is your manifesto, then think of me as the tour guide. I selected each story because I believed there was a lesson to learn or an insight to share. As the narrator who is reading between the lines, I offer suggestions on how to learn from your fellow twenty somethings. I hope you will be inspired and that their experiences will move you to tears, laughter, and action. This manifesto is a compass — it may point you in the right direction, but it’s up to you to follow it.

You may notice that I use a lot of analogies — it has become part of my coaching and writing style. Why? Well, it actually has to do with the way the brain works. The left side of the brain focuses on rational thought, logic, and intellect, while the right side has a little more fun and operates our creativity and emotions. We need to use both to solve our problems. When reading a book, our left brain does most of the thinking. The problem is that we usually pick up self-enlightenment books when we have roadblocks in our lives that we can’t logically think our way past. Even when our left brain understands the problem — in its very literal, black-and-white language — we may not solve it without the emotional and creative involvement of our right brain. Analogies evoke the pictures we need to “turn on” our right brain, which supports us in solving problems and dealing with emotions. And hey, if you are going to take the time to delve into this book, you might as well get the full-brain-experience guarantee.

Since the beginning of my own quarter-life crisis more than eight years ago, both sides of my brain have been a sponge soaking up information. What I have learned I share with you, and it comes from a potpourri of teachers and sources. But as I say above, this book is a map, not the gospel. It’s a “manifesto” — a declaration of “intentions, motives, and views” — not the answer. Only you know what is right for you. If something resonates and raises questions I don’t address, I encourage you to pursue your own answers in whatever way is personal and relevant to you. As one of the many tour guides you will have along your journey, I’m honored and excited to share this manifesto with you.

“It seems like every decision you make in your twenties is the most important decision of your life. It’s like you’re standing at many crossroads, and they’re all beckoning you to take a risk.”

Writer, 26, serious relationship, Texas

CREATING A
TWENTY-SOMETHING COMMUNITY

My hope is that you connect with this book and then want to connect with one another. For that reason, certain contributors’ names are listed on pages 337–39. Others have stayed anonymous; however, if you read a story by someone you feel a deep need to connect with, please email me (christine@christinehassler.com) and I will seek permission to get you in touch with him or her.

There is also a Twenty-Something Manifesto website that you can access at www.20somethingmanifesto.com to share your thoughts, comments, stories, and insights. I know that I have not covered every topic, so I encourage you to share the stories, perspectives, and issues that are missing! The manifesto does not end with the last page of this book; twenty somethings continue to write it each and every day.