Читать книгу 20 Something Manifesto - Christine Hassler - Страница 15

Anxiety (anticipation about something yet to happen) lives in the future; depression (sadness over things that you did or didn’t do) signs a lease in the past. That is why, if you are a checklister, you probably suffer from a mixed bag of anxiety and depression. Checklisters and planners are consumed with worry about achieving everything on their list and then heavy with regret as they think about things they are missing out on.

“Having it all” is a common desire for checklisters. We grow up hearing that if we apply ourselves, we can get anything we want. So we put everything we want into our life goals list. I believe having it all at once is a myth — but you can have it all at different times in your life. The problem is, twenty somethings get so obsessed about the future that they overextend themselves and burn out by trying to accomplish all their goals right now.

If you are an anxious and confused checklister, get into the present! Be proud of your accomplishments and also have some fun. Go out with friends, have a social life, and take some pressure off. Consider this statement from a twenty-one-year-old about to graduate from college, “College should be a time of self-discovery; the years that shape who you are and who you want to be in life.” Do you agree? I do, but I would add that self-discovery is a curriculum for life, not just college. It’s true that college shapes you, but it provides just some of the clay you will mold into your life. Don’t worry if college does not answer “who I am and what I want to be”; it probably won’t, not completely and forever. Take college for what it is, a piece of the ongoing puzzle of who you are.

“The most difficult thing about being a twenty something is that even with all your plans, there are no guarantees. You are not guaranteed a job after college, you are not guaranteed friends if you move to a new place, you are not guaranteed a passionate career, you are not guaranteed a loving partner. You have to go out and create all this or at least hold the thought that it will all happen.”

Program developer, 28, engaged, California

Living by a checklist and planning is actually a lot easier in college when the goal line is clearer and the timeline is shorter — graduate, get a job, find a place to live, and so on. But after college, and as your twenties continue, not only do the goals get bigger and more complicated, but you may find you don’t even know what to plan for. A twenty-one-year-old confesses, “Being a planner and one who has always ‘known’ what I would do with my life, the deep sense of not knowing what is ahead for me is so hard to deal with. It’s not that I don’t think I could accomplish my goals; it’s that I am not sure if I am willing to work toward something I’m not sure is even what I really want.” This quandary is incredibly difficult for planners. We love to plan, but we don’t know what to plan for. The solution? Less planning and more investigation of the questions of the Twenties Triangle (which we’ll cover in part 2).