Читать книгу 20 Something Manifesto - Christine Hassler - Страница 22
CHAMPAGNE TOASTS
AND EXPECTATION HANGOVERS
ОглавлениеThere is a lot to celebrate in your twenties. You may “toast” your first job, first home, first love, first anniversary, first promotion, first child. You may boast about your graduation from college and have your first real experience of adult independence and freedom. But these celebrations are often followed by grown-up doses of disappointment and the reality of deferred gratification — something the instant-gratification generation often forgets exists. Relationships end. Jobs are harder to get. Friends fade. Money is tight. Perhaps your life as a twenty something is not living up to the picture of what you thought it would look like. You probably didn’t expect twenty-something life to be this hard.
“The most difficult thing about being a twenty something is being okay with the fact that your first job, your first apartment, your love life, your finances, your family and friends are not going to be at all what you hoped or expected, and instead of worrying about it, enjoy it.”
Accountant, 27, single, New York
If you can relate, you may be experiencing what I call an “Expectation Hangover,” which is a term I created to help twenty somethings get a handle on what they are going through. While I discuss how to deal with Expectation Hangovers in the next chapter, here is my dictionary-quality definition of an Expectation Hangover™: the myriad undesirable feelings or thoughts present when a desired result is not met or an undesired, unexpected event occurs. (Sounds pretty official, huh? If this book thing doesn’t work out, perhaps I’ll write for Webster’s . . . )
I’ve heard thousands of twenty somethings complain that life is not turning out like they thought. It sounds rather catastrophic to some to label this as a quarter-life “crisis.” Instead, it is simply discontent and not knowing what to do about it, an unhappy mix of morning-after feelings and symptoms. An Expectation Hangover does not have to come from something huge to affect you greatly. For instance, think of how much a tiny little splinter bothers you. Until you get it out, it is painful and annoying — and often the process of removal is no bowl of cherries either. But if you have a good set of tweezers and a steady hand, the removal process does not have to be so bad. Like a splinter, Expectation Hangovers get worse the longer they remain — but with the right tools you can recover from them quickly, or better yet, prevent them in the first place.
“I thought I’d be a lot ‘happier’ at this point. I thought I’d know what I wanted to do as a career and be doing it (but I’m not). I thought my serious boyfriend would be the type of man who had a stable job where he made good money (but he’s sort of ‘finding himself’ too). I thought some of my friendships would never change, but they have (for the worse). I thought I’d be getting my master’s degree, but I haven’t because I didn’t expect to be so indecisive.”
Program coordinator, 27, serious relationship, California
And sometimes you just have to accept that you’ll pay some dues in your twenties. Expect that your first job, relationship, or apartment may not be 100 percent exactly what you want. Trust me, with time and patience, your life will align in a way that exceeds your expectations.