Читать книгу 20 Something Manifesto - Christine Hassler - Страница 31

Only 20 percent of twenty somethings in my online survey said they are where they expected to be in life. The rest — 80 percent — reported suffering from an Expectation Hangover. Expectation Hangovers arise when things don’t go as expected, when we are unable to match our expectations for ourselves, or when something unexpected (and undesirable) happens. When our expectations are met, we feel great; if it’s something we’ve accomplished, we usually receive praise. But if we don’t succeed or meet the standards set for us (or that we set for ourselves), the incessant judgment begins. The majority of disappointment stems from career, relationship, and money issues. Here are some of the answers I received to the following question on the Manifesto Survey: “What are some things that you expected to happen that either have not happened or didn’t turn out like you expected them to?”:

“I expected to be involved in a job with people I feel comfortable with and in a steady relationship, live near my family, spend a lot of time in the sun, and have a dog. I live three thousand miles away in an apartment that does not allow pets and spend most of my hours in an office without a window.”

Art director, 26, single and hate it, New York

“I thought I’d be comfortably and confidently on a path with a clear vision about what I want.”

“I thought I’d be married by now.”

“I thought I’d be happy after I lost 120 pounds, but I’m still as empty as before.”

“I thought I’d be financially stable.”

“I never thought I’d move for a man.”

“I thought it would be easy to find a life mate and not hard to slip into a career that I love.”

“I thought I would graduate sooner than I did.”

“I thought things would work out with my ex.”

“I thought the money I invested in my education would lead to a higher paying job than the one I have.”

“I thought I’d be further along in my career.”

“I thought it would be easier to meet people and make friends.”

“I thought I’d feel like an adult.”

“I thought I’d be helping more people than I am.”

“I thought career success and marriage would bring more happiness than what I have.”

Can you relate to any of these? If you are not where you want to be in your life and you feel like there is nothing you can do about it, let me remind you that this is your life. It’s not a dress rehearsal, and you don’t get a twenty-something do-over. If you want to be happier, more focused, more decisive — you have that choice. Remember, you cannot completely control your external world, but you do have power over your thoughts. As Victor Frankl says in Man’s Search for Meaning, “The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”

“My Expectation Hangover left me short-changed, burdened, and just plain stunted for a couple of years. It is a difficult time finding a new path, but it does happen if one chooses to do more than just exist.”

Dental assistant, 27, divorced but found love again, Washington

In the midst of an Expectation Hangover, simple choices can feel very challenging. While it’s impossible to avoid them entirely, it is possible to reduce the severity and frequency of Expectation Hangovers — as long as you take responsibility for what you drink. Accept that you have the choice to put down that cup full of expectations, to walk away from that shot of disappointment. The key to overcoming an Expectation Hangover is to change the way you respond to Hangovers and eventually free yourself from expectations.