Читать книгу 20 Something Manifesto - Christine Hassler - Страница 41

In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey explains that one of the fundamental qualities of being an effective person is being proactive, which he associates with being responsible for your own life. Covey breaks down the word “responsibility” into “response-ability.” He asserts that highly proactive people “do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior.” In other words, no matter what cards life deals us, we are all responsible for how we choose to respond.

Remember the “90/10” rule when dealing with an Expectation Hangover. Only 10 percent of our symptoms are dictated by what actually happened; 90 percent of how we feel is determined by how we react to what happened. Treating an Expectation Hangover begins with accountability: accepting that how we feel about our situations is up to us. If we allow ourselves to be merely reactive — complaining about our situations, texting our friends about it, blaming someone else for it, or throwing ourselves a lively pity party — that’s our choice.

However, it’s not enough just to know we are being reactive. Many twenty somethings will acknowledge that they know their Hangover behavior isn’t serving their highest good. We have to become proactive; we have to do something differently. And what you do does not have to create a dramatic change. Simple shifts can make twenty-something travel a lot smoother. In fact, the final destination of the proactive train is a peaceful mind. When we free ourselves from negative thinking, it’s easy to see what action to take. But in order to do this, we need to stop beating ourselves up for mistakes and instead learn from them. Uncover the “aha” in any regret. Mistakes are valuable lessons that we do not have to repeat if we uncover what they are meant to teach us.

To begin to untangle our knot of reactive behaviors, all we need to do is choose one proactive step and commit to doing it. In the past, how did you react to Expectation Hangovers — by drinking too much? Resolve, this time, not to drink. By eating out of emotion rather than hunger? Stick to a diet. By wallowing alone in a dark room? Go outside; meet friends. By disappearing into your job? Take a few days off instead. As important as what you do is that you commit to doing it and follow through. It doesn’t even matter if what you choose isn’t entirely successful. Commitment to an action itself may be the beginning of your cure.

COMMITMENT CONTRACT

A commitment to your goals is much more powerful than an expectation to achieve them. It’s important that your focus be on your intention, not the outcome. For instance, commit to an exercise program and make your goal sticking to it rather than how much weight you may lose. Committing to altering your thoughts and behaviors is something you can do right now and will immediately alleviate your Hangover symptoms.

Break away from expectations and commit to your action steps. Commit to becoming more aware of your internal dialogue and refocus it in a more positive direction. Commit to specific thoughts and behaviors that move you away from expectations. Examples of commitments you could make are:

• I commit to finding one thing about my job each day to appreciate.

• Each time I am feeling regretful about a mistake, I commit to reminding myself what I learned from that mistake.

• I commit to having only one drink per week.

• I commit to exercising at least five times per week for a minimum of forty minutes.

• I commit to journaling about my feelings when they begin to feel overwhelming.

Create a commitment contract with yourself right now. Make it official by printing the contract on a thick embossed-style paper (like the kind diplomas are printed on) and design some kind of personal seal or graphic. Type out each commitment and begin each one with “I, [your name], commit to [xyz].” Sign and date your contract. Display it where you can see it — especially when you feel an Expectation Hangover coming on.