Читать книгу 20 Something Manifesto - Christine Hassler - Страница 34

When I was twenty-five, I tried to move to New York to pursue my dream of becoming a dancer. I lasted six weeks and came home broke and disheartened to my Midwestern town. Since returning home and living with my parents to pay off the debt, I’ve been crying a lot — depressed about money and that I failed at my “dream.” Major Expectation Hangover.

About a year ago, everything was beginning to look up. I started a job teaching dance and even started performing. I made a budget and actually lived by it, which made it possible for me to start to save again. But I still get hit with this sense of failure that I’m almost thirty and what have I done? My answer to myself is “not that much.” I’m sick of having crappy jobs that don’t leave me time or energy to pursue my passion.

I don’t have a boyfriend. I date casually and don’t feel like getting attached because I want to move out of the state to pursue dance, but then I get sad when I don’t “have someone.” I don’t know if I want kids because of the kind of lifestyle I want to have with dance, but then again, I don’t want to miss out on being a mom.

I am not where I thought I’d be. I compare myself to my friends who are getting promoted, planning weddings, having kids, and buying houses. All this really hit me hard when my twenty-two-year-old brother said to me during one of my Hangover moments, “You’re twenty-seven. I hope for your sake you start doing something with yourself and soon.” Now there’s a confidence booster — even he expects me to do more with my life. I feel like a loser and like everyone is looking at me thinking, “When is she gonna get the show on the road?”

How do I stop feeling so regretful and like I failed and start making solid decisions to follow my dreams? How do I stop comparing myself to everyone else around me?