Читать книгу 20 Something Manifesto - Christine Hassler - Страница 35

I have an answer to Erin’s question: “How do I stop feeling so regretful and like I failed?” It’s very profound, so brace yourself and grab a notebook. Ready? Just stop. Stop feeling regretful and start feeling more positive. Okay — I realize “just stop” may not seem like a very helpful answer, but it is the only answer. The reason twenty somethings get so frustrated and despairing is that they haven’t yet learned how to just stop an Expectation Hangover.

Reading Erin’s story, it seems like she is putting her energy into beating herself up and creating more anxiety for herself, rather than focusing on pragmatic actions. For instance, is she being fair with herself to write off her time in New York as a failure? If she puts aside her self-criticism, she may discover that she actually did learn a few things while she was there. She has more of an idea of how much money it takes and what kind of jobs are available. She can treat her past experience as a “rehearsal” and set goals for her next “performance.” Erin can examine her feelings of success as a teacher and perhaps fine-tune her goals for a dance career, while taking manageable small steps toward them. When we focus on actions rather than on our emotions, and when we learn from our experience rather than constantly measuring it against our expectations, we can avoid major Hangovers and keep moving forward.

“If you asked me when I was six where I’d be at almost twenty-six, I would have told you that I would be a graduate of medical school, with a home, a husband, 2.5 kids, and a dog. So far, only the dog part has worked out.”

Support supervisor, 25, serious relationship, Virginia

Picture this: You are at the bottom of a staircase, and you really want to get to the second floor. How do you do it? Do you take a running leap and jump straight for the top? Of course not! You take one step at a time, trusting that the next step will be there and you will eventually ascend to the next floor. The emotional quicksand so many twenty somethings get trapped in is that they wait for one big thing to happen that will set them where they want to be instead of taking small steps in the direction of their dream. Clarify your short-term goals!