Читать книгу 20 Something Manifesto - Christine Hassler - Страница 39

I’m a twenty-seven-year-old woman who still feels like a lost teenager. I had a great family life and no real angst growing up besides the typical teenage string of heartaches and tribulations. After completing my degree, I have worked “successfully” in my industry for the last four years. But to me, it feels like I haven’t found satisfaction, and I don’t personally see myself as successful.

After an unexpected breakup with my boyfriend of three years, I went hardcore into the partying scene. I was always upset and started drinking and eating way too much. This combo helped to distract me so I wouldn’t have to think about the decisions or feelings I faced at the time. I’ve gained fifteen pounds with emotional eating and have lost my drive for the gym. This past year has been full of many mistakes, humiliating regrets, and then the overanalyzing of those mistakes and regrets.

I need to make some major changes, and I need to find my passion for life again — in all aspects. But as a self-confessed anxiety junkie consumed with every idiotic action no matter how small it may be, change is a bit daunting. It’s funny how long you can continue to be unhappy and maintain patterns you hate because change seems so much more difficult.

I realize I can’t continue to have reckless partying nights, which lead to wasted days and anxiety, and I can no longer eat like there’s a trough set up in my living room. I’m learning not to dwell on the many mistakes I’ve made and truly use them as learning tools (so very, very hard to do). I’ve learned that toxic people no longer have a place in my life and that sometimes friendships die without a dramatic ending — people just grow apart. I’m learning the art of saying no, though I still feel like I’m letting people down. I know the biggest thing I want is a peaceful mind instead of the negative internal dialogue.

“During my Expectation Hangover, every day it seemed like something would go wrong or not work out for me. It would seem that my needs where not being met. In actuality it was me not accepting the position that life had put me in. I was fighting the present and trying to regain the past, which only made everyone around me suffer — including me.”

Teacher, 25, serious relationship, Illinois

I am beginning to feel a little more upbeat about getting my life on track after four or five months of wallowing. What a waste of time, eh? I’m not who or where I had pictured myself to be, and that’s okay (I’m slowly learning to accept this). Things don’t magically fall into place after university. I have hit some rough patches. I may continue to make some wrong decisions, and I will continue to have some really embarrassing moments I wish I could erase — but that’s life. Maybe these moments are here to remind me that I’ve made a major detour and it’s time to refocus.