Читать книгу 20 Something Manifesto - Christine Hassler - Страница 29

I don’t really feel all that stressed as a twenty something. I used to, but now I am kind of indifferent. It’s a little strange, I guess, seeing that I live with my parents and I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I guess I am most worried over what I ultimately will do, but after thinking about it for two years, I still don’t feel I have any direction. Yet somehow none of that gets to me too much; I’ve just gotten comfortable with where I am. Or maybe I’ve just gotten complacent.

My twenty-something life is not turning out like I expected. I slacked off too much in college and had to transfer to a small school close to home and move in with my parents. Also, for reasons I don’t really understand, my commitment to getting a good job is gone. I just don’t have a great work ethic when it comes to really getting out there and networking or job hunting, even though I was a total overachiever in high school. Maybe I just burned out.

I tell myself that I still have plenty of time to change my life and figure out what I want to do. I wish I knew three years ago what I know now, because if I did, things may have been different. I would not have taken things for granted. When I look at what I could afford on my blue-collar-job salary, my parents four-bedroom house in the suburbs is a lot nicer. Maybe my problem is my life is too easy, and I’ve accepted it the way it is.

“Being a twenty something is like being a fish in a fishbowl. Everyone around you is looking in, and they assume you know what you are doing and you are following the guidelines of what it is to be a fish.”

Teacher, 29, serious relationship, Texas

A common trend I see in twenty somethings today, especially among those with parents who are “friends” with their children, is the tendency to lean on their parents a little too much. This makes it hard to have your own life, relationships, opinions, and independence. If you are financially or emotionally dependent on your parents, recognize it’s time to grow up and become your own parent. It’s understandable if you need to live at home; just make it temporary. Create an “exit strategy.” Start by paying rent for your room, and set a move out date. Then create a plan and budget for living on your own. Roommates, second jobs, and fewer shopping sprees may be the not-so-fun price for independence, but they are also great motivators for improving your situation. Living at home may be easy, but it’s not your home. Get out of never-never land — reality may sometimes bite, but you can’t stay a kid forever.

“I truly think one of the best things I did for myself and my sanity was move out of my mom and dad’s house. It has allowed me to get to know myself better and not be so afraid of being alone with myself. My parents were not supportive, but I did what I needed to and we are all the better for it, especially me.”

Administrative assistant, 26, single, North Dakota

WHAT’S YOUR TWENTY?

Where are you in your twenty-something journey? Are you busy creating lists to check off? Are you obsessively planning the future? Do you sit staring at your Cheesecake Factory menu? Are you a member of the instant-gratification generation? Are you celebrating with champagne toasts only to suffer Expectation Hangovers? Do you think about “meme-me” all the time? Are you flying through your twenties like Peter Pan? Are you stuck in never-never land? Whatever your experience, remember that you are not alone and you won’t be where you are forever.

Right now, take some time to write down a few insights in your journal about what your journey has been like so far. I suggest making two columns — one for things that have happened, and one for things you have learned. In the first column, reflect on your twenty-something experience so far by taking an inventory of your major life events, those you have “toasted” and those that may have resulted in an Expectation Hangover. In the second column, consider the lessons and insights you have gained from your experiences. When making your lists, ask yourself questions like: What has surprised me? What have I learned? What have I proved to myself? What have I gotten through that at first appeared insurmountable? What do I know to be true?

Next, on a new page, respond to this question, “What are the goals that I am aspiring to in my twenties?” Be specific. Write down anything you hope to put in motion or accomplish during this decade. If questions arise regarding the specifics of how you will go about achieving your goals, write those down as well. Keep those questions in mind as you continue to journey through this manifesto.