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SITUATION #3: CERVEZA GOGGLES

You’re trying to scope out a tavern on your first night in Madrid when a guy with a run of pick-up lines more cringe-inducingly unoriginal than “Come here often?” (¿Vienes aquí a menudo?) won’t get off your back. The tavern is hopping with sizzling Latino singles, and this cologne-ridden ne’er-do-well is giving everyone the impression that you two are an item by ordering drinks for you, sitting way too close, and pummeling you with these hideous lines whenever your attention wanders.

What to do:

First the hard part—refuse the next drink he buys. It may almost not seem worth it, but if you’re going to break it off with someone who won’t take a hint, you can’t leave any room for uncertainty. Next time he orders you una fría (a cold beer), let him know it’s a bridge to nowhere with a polite “gracias pero no gracias.” If he keeps touching your arm, tell him:

What to say:

VETE A TOMAR POR EL CULO, BABOSO.

“Go and take it up the ass, slime ball.”

Baboso comes from baba (“drool”), and it’s used for men who try to flirt with just about anyone in a disgusting, charmless way.

Why it’s okay to say it:

It’s only fair to let the guy know you’re not interested. And with a few more drinks, you regrettably might be! Cut and run while the night is still young.

In the know:

Closing time in many cities in Spain puts “the city that never sleeps” to shame. It’s true those Spaniards pack in a good afternoon siesta, but then they really live it up way past last call in New York. In Barcelona, it’s common for nightclubs to stay open until 6 in the morning, and if you wait two hours, they’ll open back up again for breakfast cocktails.