Читать книгу “THEY” Cripple Society Volume 1: Who are “THEY” and how do they do it? An Expose in True to Life Narrative Exploring Stories of Discrimination - Cleon E. Spencer - Страница 11

Chapter Four

Collin Seldon, as his custom was on occasion, was lost in thought. Yes, he mused to himself as he again approached Quilibet University for a support group session, Gilda Emerson did make it through. That feat is not merely the result of good work from a hard working person. It is not just an accomplishment of another person who had used her above average talents to the utmost. Rather, it was an extraordinary achievement against the odds. Of course, most people wouldn’t see it to be any more than another success story - the kind of story one would automatically expect from a person of Gilda’s caliber.

But Collin was aware, from his own experience, of the deep and prolonged anguish, the times of excruciating stress, the sheer mental agony that Gilda had been through to attain her goal. To retain the stamina and keen powers of concentration it takes to earn an honors degree, while at the same time bearing that burden, was a remarkable achievement indeed. He mused further, with such a background of academic attainment, and experience, she may someday well take her rightful place at the top of the ladder somewhere, not here, but somewhere else. Most people would not think of that as being out of the ordinary either for a fine person like Gilda Emerson. They are not aware of the difficulties of the upward road, and of how many like her drop by the wayside, or settle for lesser summits. I wonder, he thought to himself, how many in this group, have settled for less, because of these sometimes overwhelming circumstances!

Collin expected he would find Donna Coyne’s story equally as interesting as Gilda Emerson’s. No doubt about it there was contrast in the setting of the lives of these two women. Collin, in his varied life, had gone the way of the business world also, for a time, so he handy about knew how the essence of Donna’s story would go. He was glad for her though, for at a young age her awareness had grown and come to full flower; not at the exceptionally young age that awareness had come to Gilda, but still relatively early in her life - in time to avert a catastrophe.

That is what Collin pondered in his mind as he sat in the foyer on floor one of the university arts building. He had arrived early this evening for another support group session. Having been out on a lengthy pastoral call, he had gotten himself a snack somewhere between his pastoral visit and the university. Now he had time to spare. So amid the tranquil setting of the appropriate benches and indoor trees, and the early evening quiet of the area he sat and meditated on the latest happenings of the support group.

Awareness, semi-awareness! Collin well knew from experience what was meant by the terms, but it is very difficult to put into words a definition of them. As Gilda Emerson would say though, “it can be done you know” - and so it can.

To Collin, awareness in its various stages is a characteristic that a person just grows into as life progresses. As we go through life’s experiences they make imprints on us which greatly affect our behavior, particularly with regard to our reaction to those events which may affect us heavily.

When we are very young persons, as with Gilda in Grade Five, before she had the unusually early and awakening behavioral learning experiences of Grades Six and Seven, these experiences may affect us with our having little or almost no consciousness that they are doing so.

With an older person, such as a university student, or a person in the work force awareness or consciousness of the social influences become more predominant in the mind. If only a semi-awareness develops, then thoughts of these influences take a secondary place in our total thoughts. People on this level of awareness generally try to just automatically avoid events that they sense to be unpleasant. Their reaction is, to a great extent, unconscious and unpremeditated. Many people go through life this way. And so they can, and get by - perhaps - depending on what category of people they are. People such as are in the support group, they being assailed in life so much more than average, need a more highly developed consciousness of what is happening to them in the kind of world in which they are compelled to live.

So awareness, more complete awareness, is to be fully conscious of the influences, good and bad, other people are having on you, on your very being, and your response to these influences. It is to be not only fully conscious of, but to be able to discern and understand the influences of others upon you; to be able also to discern and understand their motives as they take their various attitudes toward you, friendly or otherwise, or as they try to either manipulate or befriend you; to be fully conscious of other peoples effects upon you. To be able to discern by keen observation of speech and action another persons motives is not an easy task but one that can be developed with time and experience.

To have also honest understanding of one’s own motives, actions, and reactions, and coping methods, is another element of more complete awareness. All of these together are the things that bring awareness to its full fruition. Surprisingly few people master this trait.

But for people such as us, it is a necessity, mused Collin. Then as he looked up and saw Albin Anders and Owen Winslow approaching from a distance, he thought again, yes Albin Anders will have to master this if he is ever to make the grade. How can we best help him? It is really something you grow into but first you have to be introduced to it by oneself, or by others, or by a combination of both. Yes, that’s how we can best help Albin, by continuing to introduce him to awareness, but for heaven’s sake don’t smother him. He has to do the growing himself.

“Hello Collin,” said Owen and Albin, as they came and sat beside him. “Enjoying the tranquility before you face the problems of life once more?” quipped Owen.

“Yes,” replied Collin, “just having a period of peace and meditation, before our session begins.”

“Are you glad you have joined us in the group, Collin?” asked Owen.

“Oh yes, I really am,” he replied. “If for no other reason than just to have the assurance and support of other people like myself.”

Then Collin turned to Albin, “Your awareness is beginning to blossom more fully. Am I right on that?”

“Yes, Collin, you are right, I am beginning to understand about awareness and about many other things many of which I am not sufficiently aware yet to discuss them intelligently, but it’s coming.”

“Good,” continued Collin. “I would like to point out to you that as your awareness grows, so may the awesomeness and difficulty of the fuller life it opens up to you. But don’t ever let that despair you. As time passes, and you master the art of living in this new sphere, you will gain new confidence, and in years to come you will be able to look back at these more difficult growing years and smile. Will you remember that Albin? It’s like learning to swim. Once you have mastered it to a point, you are at ease in the water.”

“I will remember,” responded Albin, as his boyish smile broke over his face. “It’s like swimming, difficult at first, then later you are buoyed up by the water and its much easier. I swim quite well Collin. Maybe I can do likewise in this realm of life.”

Then Albin surprisingly took the initiative of the moment, looked at his watch, and remarked, “it is time to proceed to our group session. Perhaps we should go now.”

“Sure, sure,” Owen and Collin responded, as all three got up to move toward Room 405.

Great, thought Collin, as they walked down the hall towards the elevator. Albin is coming on good. He’s not afraid of us any more. He is even showing some initiative among us, although we are very much his senior age-wise. That’s a beginning for him. Just great!”

They entered Room 405 to greet and be greeted by other group members and Dr. Eldren.

“In my opinion Dr. Eldren,” said Collin as the time drew near to begin, “it will be good indeed to hear now from Donna, the other woman of our group. There might be an interesting comparison or contrast to Gilda’s experience. If you don’t mind my saying so.”

“Not at all,” replied Dr. Eldren. “If Donna is agreeable to that and I think she is, it will be an excellent next move. What do you say, Donna?”

“I’m willing, if you people can take it,” she responded, “but there will be quite a bit of contrast between my story and Gilda’s as we compare them. Basically though there will be likeness, I mean the same underlying problems.”

Dr. Eldren was enthusiastic again this evening. “Sounds like it will be plenty helpful to hear your story also,” he said.

Donna Coyne began to tell the story of her life as she had lived it thus far, and as she saw it now at twenty-eight years of age.

“I wasn’t so fortunate as Gilda,” she began “in that I didn’t have a vivid contrast between my grade five and grade six, that would teach me at so young an age one of the main lessons of life for people such as us. Surveying my school years,” she continued, “I see now that from the beginning I was greatly affected both favorably and adversely by my teachers. Many of my teachers I remember affectionately. The remembrance of others still brings a cloud over my life.

The earliest I remember now was in grade two where I had a teacher who put me down throughout the year. I am still not sure why, but it seems she was envious of me for some reason, so her attitude towards me was always negative. In her attitude towards the students of the class generally, I was always at the bottom of the ladder. It was an attitude only, and as in Gilda’s case, difficult to describe, but not impossible, I suppose. It was mostly her way of noticeably ignoring me while paying noticeable and friendly attention to the remainder of the class, sometimes some specific student in particular. I got through that class with only a minor sense of isolation, and no other particular harm done.

Throughout the remainder of my schooling there were similar experiences with teachers, and students. The students that were of the same type as the obnoxious teachers did me considerable harm over the years as did the teachers. Since these students had some teachers as their example in this regard it sort of gave them license to be down on me too. It also caused them to be more numerous. The students of that type did affect me considerably. This was partially offset by my living in the sphere of my own friends as much as possible. However, when I consider now the overall effect of the teachers who were obnoxious in their attitudes towards me, and they by their poor example, in turn, leading some students to be down on me, I believe they affected my life a great deal. The goodness, and the kindness, even the affection of the good teachers was not able to overcome it.”

Dr. Eldren interjected, “Donna, from Leo’s and Gilda’s stories we now have a good conception of what we mean by the attitudes of obnoxious teachers. Is your concept in that regard, the same as theirs.”

“Oh yes,” she replied, “exactly.”

“Perhaps then, Donna,” he added, “we can spare you the pain of relating in detail your experiences in school days. This will enable us to avoid being repetitious in relating experiences. If there are any further really different experiences, or outstanding events which would be of significance in making a particular point, we should hear these. Otherwise I think it would be sufficient now for you to describe to us the overall effect you believe your teachers had on you.”

Collin added, “and then perhaps we could hear from her, in more detail, her experiences out in the business world where she has worked for the past several years. These would be very revealing too, I am sure.”

“If you wish!” replied Dr. Eldren. “If it’s all right with Donna.”

Donna smiled. “Collin must be reading my mind.”

Leo was mildly ecstatic. “Collin is psychic,” he quipped.

“No, No,” replied Collin, “just experienced.”

“Can’t wait to hear your story,” came back Leo to Collin.

Donna then continued with her presentation. “I had only a semi-awareness of the social and psychological forces that influenced my life in its younger years. By younger I mean in this instance right up to the age of twenty one or twenty two; around that age, as well as I can place it now. I think I was in the realm of the majority in that regard. I find that most people do not really understand such things, even at a much older age. Some never do. Yet they get through life in various ways, depending on their personal makeup and other circumstances.

“Referring again to me personally, in retrospect this semi-awareness wasn’t sufficient for me to learn to maneuver my way through life. I just pressed on with perseverance, patience and firmness. I would say, I developed a high degree of stability, a stability that stood, regardless of the circumstances. I took what came, high marks or low, acceptance or rejection, affection or scolding, fair treatment or unfair, all in silent forbearance, always pressing on to do my best, regardless of circumstances. Needless to say, the burden of this influenced my life greatly, both favorably and adversely; favorably in that I became hardened considerably, with regard to my sensitivity to criticism or unfriendliness. I developed, and rightly so, I would say, a sense of confidence in my own character, and felt that generally I was a good, pleasant, and likeable person. I was well liked by the right kind of people, and this helped to somewhat offset the effects of the others.

“These others, however, did affect my mind-set and consequently my career. Even though I graduated from high school with very good grades, I had not the slightest inclination to go on to university. When I look back at that, I can now see that I was unconsciously steered away from it by the unpleasantness of academic life caused by the obnoxious characters, both teachers and students. It was a case of the obnoxious minority overshadowing a majority composed of both friendly and neutral people. For survival purposes I handled the circumstances of the time by becoming hardened. But I coped with the future in advance, by saying to myself, why go through more of this, when it doesn’t mean that much to me. As I look back now, that was my semi-conscious reaction at the time.”

“There was also another factor that had an equal influence on my steering away from a university education. It was family circumstances at the time. Up to a year before I graduated from high school, my father had been a car sales manager in an auto dealership. Then in the year previous to my graduation, the owner of the dealership retired from business. My father bought him out and became the new owner. It was a crucial time for my family, and although some financial help would have been forthcoming for me to continue my education, and in addition I could have earned some myself, I turned it down. I felt it would be an extra burden on my family, not only financially but in other ways as well. ‘Why put my family through all this?’ I thought, ‘just for me to have to take more of the basically unpleasant life I had through my school days.”

“Collin spoke. “Donna, may I for a moment, change the emphasis of the conversation from the influence circumstances had on your mindset, to the circumstances themselves in your final two years of school?”

“Well, yes,” Donna replied, questioningly, just what do you have in mind?”

Collin continued, “I have in mind the fact that in the year before you graduated from high school, your father became the owner of a car dealership in your home town. What I am curious to know is just what change of attitude took place towards you by teachers and students because of your father’s change in business status from employee to owner.”

“To my friends and friendly acquaintances, it made very little difference, Collin,” replied Donna. “They were generally happy at my father’s success, and thought it was just great. For the neutral ones it didn’t seem to make much difference either. But for the obnoxious ones it did make a great deal of difference. They had been nasty to me before, but now more so. But most notable of all, now as I look back, was the change in their motivation for being that way towards me. It was a change, and yet in a sense it was the same, basically at least. What it amounted to was that when my father was just a very successful salesman, I was snubbed for trying to be a big shot. When my father became the owner, I was snubbed for being a big shot.”

“You were being discriminated against because of your father’s success?” queried Collin.

“Yes, oh yes, that’s it,” replied Donna.

Collin questioned and pried further. Her father’s success was only one factor. There was that other affecting element too. He would like to bring it out to increase Donna’s awareness. “Donna, were you not also discriminated against because of what you were yourself? You were and are what we are calling a fine person.”

“Yes,” replied Donna. “I wasn’t aware of that at the time, but when I reflect back, I can now see that it was so. There were some other ‘big shot’s’ children around who were not picked on. But when my father became owner of the car dealership, that seemed to give them all the more license - they could now more openly pick on me because I was ‘a big shot’s daughter,’ so they inferred with their side-swipes and innuendo.

Collin led Donna back on course again in the telling of her story. “So you abandoned the way of the academic life for the business world, did you Donna?” he asked.

“Yes,” Donna replied, “I prepared myself to be a stenographer and went to work eventually in the offices of a large manufacturing company.”

Collin smiled at her sympathetically, “was it any better there for you, Donna?” he asked.

Donna shook her head as she returned the smile. “Not really,” she replied, “not for me.” The place where I worked was known as a reputable company. My experience there was quite different in essence than I had in high school, but no Collin, it wasn’t any better for me,” she said with an emphasis on the ‘me’ at the end of her sentence.

Dr. Eldren came in with a suggestion. “Perhaps Donna, you could tell us in detail something of your experience in office work that would be helpful to furthering the understanding of the group members. That could be the main thrust of your contribution, if you wish.”

“All right, Dr. Eldren,” Donna replied. “I will try.”

So Donna resumed her story, now in the sphere of her career in office work. “I went to work as a clerk-typist,” she said, “and as usual when a person is new in a place, you neither know people nor are known by them. Apart from the feeling one gets from being eyed by other people who are trying to figure you out, you are in a kind of pleasant vacuum where you haven’t yet come into close association with anybody. There are people all around you, and in the course of their synchronizing their work with yours and showing you how the system operates, there is an all around almost perfunctory friendliness.

“Only as time goes by does this preliminary friendliness become enhanced or marred as people figure you out in their own way and either accept or reject you to varying degrees on the basis of their speculative opinion of you. So for approximately my first three months with the corporation I had no unpleasant experiences to speak of. During that time I learned my job well, did very well with my work, and was gradually given more responsibility. At the end of the first three months I was given a substantial increase in salary on the merit of my work.

“However, one cannot be involved for a prolonged period in any organization without being eventually caught up in its social joys and trials. As time passes you find out who are your friends and who are not.”

Collin asked, “Donna, do you not find that out as you do your work better and better and perhaps get a promotion or raise in salary?”

“You sure do, Collin,” Donna replied, “but I was fortunate in my first year in that I was in a department where the supervisor appreciated good work, punctuality, and decorum.”

“Don’t all supervisors appreciate these qualities, Donna?” asked Albin.

“Many supervisors do not appreciate decorum at all, Albin, and often these same supervisors appreciate good work and punctuality only to a degree. I am glad you asked that question, however, and if you will keep it in mind, I am sure that it will be answered for you as we continue through our discussions. In the meantime, in the department of my first year, I did make some enemies because of these favorable attributes, if I may say so without sounding conceited or presumptuous.”

Collin cut in, “that is something a person like you always has to be careful of when you make an honest assessment of yourself, isn’t it, Donna? I mean being careful not to be accused of conceit or presumption.”

“Oh yes indeed, Collin,” said Donna, “there is always someone ready to accuse people like us of that. However, in this group I feel free to express my thoughts without restraint.”

“That is good, Donna,” interjected Dr. Eldren. “It is sometimes very difficult to make an objective assessment of one’s own experiences, but you are doing well. I think if we all keep in mind that the more open and objective we are in our analysis of ourselves and each other, the more beneficial it will be to our learning experience.”

“Well,” said Donna, “I think I am being objective and factual in stating that my enemies were made because of my good work.” She then quipped with a nervous smile, “Of course, Dr. Eldren, I made many friends there too, so I wouldn’t want you to think I came out of there paranoid or with delusions of grandeur or persecution.”

“No such thought entered my mind Donna,” Dr. Eldren replied, “feel at ease and continue.”

Donna continued with her story. “It was there in the year one department, as I will call it, that my semi-awareness began to grow into a more complete awareness. There I learned the art of maneuvering among and coping with the many and varied personalities one finds in life’s experiences. In semi-awareness I had been led into a mind-set that made me feel I was to be an underdog anyway, and just grin and bear it. I thought then that if I just plodded through in a somewhat stoic manner, I would in the end average out a good distance up the ladder. But now, on my way through year one, all that changed.

“There were a few newly made friends who dared to befriend me regardless of the hostilities of some others. Also, there was my supervisor with her absolute fairness, and her appreciation of myself and my work. This led me to break out of my youthfully formed mind-set, to begin my years of awakening and growing. Why this awakening didn’t happen to me in school is a matter of speculation. Of course I was older now, and that was a contributing factor. I rather think it came about in year one at work, because there I was in an entirely adult situation. Among adults both friendship and unfriendliness are more pronounced, and people are more openly reactive to my response to their overtures of either friendliness or unfriendliness. This made it easier for me to discern and know who was my true friend and who was not, and how to react to, even utilize friendship, in an ethical manner of course.”

Collin asked, “did you have more time to contemplate these things now Donna, even dwell on them for periods?”

“Yes, -yes,” replied Donna. “During my school days, I recall now, it was the custom to brush all troubles aside so as to participate in and enjoy extra-curricular activities or to do home work. Now that I was working, I often had some evenings of inactivity. As I watched television, or read, or did some craft work or helped around the house, there was time to reflect, to think, even to dwell at times on the activities and happenings of the day. This certainly was a contributing factor to my awareness, and a tremendous aid in the process of my growth, provided I didn’t let it bog me down. To be active in the world, with ones feet planted firmly on the ground, and to have not too little, nor too much time, to meditate on life’s experiences as they happen is, I would say, an invaluable aid to growth and development.”

“So getting back to my story,” continued Donna, as she stirred herself to new thoughts evidenced by her stirring herself in her chair, “year one was a learning year. I came through it well, but I owe a great deal to my supervisor. She realized that some other employees discriminated against me mostly by their attitudes. There was little she could say, but she very graciously counteracted these attitudes by openly befriending me in front of them, by taking time to pause and talk a minute or two with me on occasion. This was always in sight of them, but often not within their hearing distance, just to show support for me, and to keep them at bay. She did this for some others too. It seems her policy was to show open support for the better employees in this manner which she had developed very skillfully. I will always remember her as a very helpful and kind lady whom, may I say with truthful modesty, appreciated better type people.”

“At the end of year one, on her recommendation, I was promoted to a more senior and larger department. Now, having been awakened from my semi-awareness, I was to have opportunity for experiences that would make me fully aware indeed of the harsh realities that exist for people like me in the realm of life out in the market place.”

“I was placed in charge of a section of work that had previously been poorly organized and carelessly carried out,” Donna related. “This isn’t just my summation of the situation. It was generally felt in the department that there were things gone wrong with the overall efficiency of what was now to be my section. It would now be my responsibility under the supervision of a department supervisor and assistant supervisor.

“As often happens in industry, I was given only a vague introduction to my work, its general structure, and how it is to relate to other work sections in the department. From there one finds the way partly by asking others, such as the supervisor, or those to whose section certain aspects of your work relates. But most of all the way is found simply by digging in and figuring things out for yourself and building on the preliminary introduction. This method one accepts as a norm.

“So, I dug in - challenged, eager and anticipating. As I look back now I still agree there was a challenge beyond a doubt. But as for my eagerness and anticipation, they would over the three year period I spent there, become largely dulled and disillusioningly unrewarded.

“My particular work within the department was designated a job to be handled by one person. However, it seemed that, in the recent past at least, one person could never keep up with the work load. So at periods when it was crucial that the work be more up to date, temporary help was brought in from outside the corporation.

“In a brief and broad outline, I will describe the work as consisting basically of receiving from the billing department a copy of billings going out to numerous customers across the country, and recording them. Also receiving records of payment of accounts by customers. Breaking these payments down and particularly keeping record of the various taxes collected for the different levels of government. Also separating shipping charges for a variety of products, as well as payment for products from other branches of our corporation. By the way, this was at a time before the corporation had computerized this part of its operations. Records were kept and requisitions were issued for either payment of accounts, or transfer of money or credits to other branches or departments as the case may be. This was to be my work. And I recognized it as being a job vital to the well being of the corporation.

“Also I soon recognized that my predecessor on this job had not taken her work seriously. The system was sloppily cared for; records so carelessly entered that a person other than the one who did the work could at times scarcely decipher the nature of the transaction or the date it took place. In time, it also became noticeable to me that many transactions were not recorded at the proper time. Postings were sometimes omitted for a period. Then caught up on later. These items could all be accounted for in time, no doubt, but as it was they now lay in a jumble in the drawers of the desk I had inherited for the job. This caused delays in the corporations financial transactions. Delays cost money. In addition, the system was poorly organized. If there was any chance at all of keeping up with the work load there would have to be changes to the routine. With the procedure streamlined, I felt, then the thousand and one items requiring special attention would be reduced to a minimum.”

As Donna spoke now, her glowing expression seemed to indicate deep satisfaction with her accomplishment in re-organizing the system of her vital work section.

“I was purposely cautious at first,” she continued, “but as I learned more assuredly the details of my job, I began to point out to the department’s assistant supervisor the deficiencies in both the system and its implementation. Also, as I began to see ways of improving both of these matters, I made recommendations for change to the assistant supervisor, who in turn would take them to the supervisor for his consideration. He always approved them. Only very occasionally, however, did he come by to speak of the implications of these changes to me personally. The assistant supervisor was nearly always his liaison. This I simply took for granted at the time, as I figured he had many other matters to think of.

“It was shortly past the beginning of the new financial year when I had taken on this job. As its end approached things were running very smoothly in my section. Many innovations had been made to enable the work to be done more efficiently. This required changes not only to the immediate system, but also in its interaction with the other departments from whom I received my work and to whom I sent the end results. The assistant supervisor was showing a great deal of satisfaction in having this corner of his work operating so smoothly, and consequently, much more speedily. Now, even as the year end approached making it so much more expedient to have all accounts up to date, there was no need to bring in extra help. I too was pleased with the accomplishment. It gave me a sense of satisfaction. I felt it on the inside, but I dared not show it.”

Dr. Eldren broke into the narration of the story, “there is nothing wrong with showing your feelings, Donna. Why hide them?”

Donna paused. She was stuck for words for a moment. Then she responded, with a pronounced emphasis on being courteous, to Dr. Eldren. “Maybe we can discuss that further after I’ve finished my story, Dr. Eldren?”

Collin, sensing her embarrassment of the moment, came to the rescue again. “You’ve told us the rosy side Donna. The other side is yet to come, is it not?”

“Yes Collin, that is right,” Donna replied.

“Experienced again, eh, Collin!” quipped Leo.

There was a chuckle throughout the group that put everyone at ease once more.

Collin would now alleviate Donna’s embarrassment by purposely steering the conversation into focus on year two of Donna’s industrial life, and thereby away from an analysis of Donna’s hiding of her feelings. “Year one was a success, Donna. I’m awfully anxious to hear more about the end results of year two,” he remarked.

“Yea,” quipped Leo. “It’s like watching a mystery unfold. I can hardly wait for the next episode.”

Donna was relieved, and pleased to continue with her story. “First, let me say again that during this year two I accomplished a great deal in streamlining the processes of my section. In doing this I worked very, very hard, with my ‘nose to the grind-stone’, as the saying goes, almost continually. But as the year drew near to an end, the system was running so smoothly that I could take things a little easier -that is reduce my effort to what I would consider to be a normal and reasonable pace.

“It was a great relief to be able to do this, as I had worn myself down quite a bit during the year with the continual concentration, changing this, eliminating that, and adding something else. It had been heavy going. There was much relief and joy for me at the end of the financial year when the annual department audits proved my renovated system to be quite efficient. Now, I thought, I wouldn’t have to work any harder than those around me.

“To add to my relief and joy, one day the general manager stopped by my desk and congratulated me on my work. He had heard from other departments, he said. Payments and transfers were able to be credited punctually, adding immensely to the efficiency of these departments. He encouraged me to keep up the good work.

“He left my desk and went to the supervisor’s office. As he stood there besides the supervisor’s desk talking, they both looked out at me periodically. I could tell they were talking about me. I could also tell that pleasant things were being said, at least on the general manager’s part, since he was smiling and looked pleased.

“My relief and joy were short-lived. One day, before I was very long into year three, the assistant supervisor came by and informed me that since I had had plenty of time to learn and become familiar with my job, the supervisor would now expect me to also do some work in the next section to mine. This entailed helping to collect overdue accounts. The collections section was, in a vague manner, connected to mine in that once the accounts were collected, they were handed over to me for recording and relevant distribution to proper departments. But it was a different type of work altogether than that of my section. It looked as though I was to become a ‘jack-of-all-trades. I was deeply let down by the request, but in time became reconciled to it and thought, well maybe this is another stepping stone - maybe, but I had misgivings about the matter.

“Nevertheless, I went into the work in this new section as energetically as I had during the past year in what I will call my own section. In this collections section there were four other people working. Collecting overdue accounts was part of the work and obviously a time consuming task. However, I soon formed a favorable opinion of the system used there. The work was usually running a little behind, but occasionally the employees would work overtime in keeping the related paperwork up to date. This would leave them free during regular hours to do work that could be done only during business hours, such as contacting other business establishments.

“There were two girls of average efficiency in the new section. Then there were two who usually dragged behind, often coming in late, taking time for gossip and for personal telephone calls, and extra time for coffee breaks. But the two efficient ones kept the system rolling along at a satisfactory pace, somehow motivating or prodding the other two along with them, thereby keeping the whole process moving.

“I soon became friends with the two efficient girls, or young women I should say. They were both in their thirties. The other two, approximately the same age resented me. As annoying as that was at times I tried not to let it cause me any great concern. I enjoyed my job, and contrary to their attitudes continued with my usual punctuality, decorum and hard work. The two efficient girls were pleased with this and in some instances endeavored to copy my ways of working, dressing, being punctual and pleasant.

“As was usual by now, and almost expected by the group members, Collin interjected with a question: “were you able to keep up on the work in your own section while working part time in the other section Donna?”

“Well, therein lies the crux of the matter, or at least one of them, Collin. At first I obligingly speeded up the work in my section so that I could spend time in the other section. I was working very hard again now. As weeks went on, eventually things got turned around. On direction from the supervisor through the assistant supervisor to me, I was now to spend time ‘as needed’ in the collections section, doing the work in my own section as time permitted after that. The outcome of this was that I was eliminating the need for overtime in the collections section and practically killing myself to keep up the work in my own section. I did this for a while until I realized what I was doing to myself, and what was being done to me. Then I reduced my effort to a pace which allowed me to survive. The result was, work in my own section went behind, thus requiring overtime on my part to keep it up.”

The group members looked around at one another in silence, then still in silence looked to Donna, astounded, and eager for her to continue.

“If there can be two cruxes to a matter,” continued Donna, “Then the second one happened a few months later. I just told you the first one. I had now been employed there for nearly three years. In all that time I had not been late for work any morning. In fact I was usually the one who arrived early, turned on the lights and got things humming in the department.

“One morning I finally was late. It was a very wet morning. It had rained heavily all night and it was still raining in the morning. As I drove to work in this rain I had not noticed that a section of the street ahead of me was flooded up to sidewalk level. I drove into the flooded section at a good city speed for that kind of weather. Water splashed up over the vital parts of my car engine and it stalled, leaving me sitting there in my car surrounded by water. I tried to restart the engine, but to no avail. Before long another car stopped slowly beside me. The driver asked if he would get help for me from a service station a half a mile or so down the street. I said, ‘yes please.’

“About fifteen minutes later a tow truck arrived. The driver drove up behind me and pushed my car out of the water to a higher elevation in the road. Then he explained to me that with my car just sitting there with a warm engine, it has probably dried out some on its own. However he would check and use some ignition spray to be sure. After drying and spraying the ignition parts, the car, with some sputtering started up. Soon it dried completely and was running smoothly. But I was now to arrive at work fifteen minutes late, whereas I was usually fifteen minutes early.”

“As I walked in through the department with my raincoat still on, I met, part way, one of the more friendly girls from the collections section. She was surprised to see me late. ‘What happened to you?’ she asked in a loud whisper of disbelief. I was explaining to her the difficulty I had on the flooded street, when the supervisor, who usually kept his distance from me and communicated to me through the assistant supervisor, now came charging towards me. He roared like a lion, “Don’t you know we start work here at 8:00!”

“But sir,” I replied quietly, trying to calm the situation, “I had trouble with my car on a flooded street.”

“You’re not on a flooded street now,” he snapped, “you’re just standing there talking.”

“What could I say,” said Donna as she threw up her hand to the support group. “I took off my coat and went to work, with no time even to properly wipe the rain off my face. There was a deep silence around the department as everyone worked away. Eventually the girl to whom I had paused to speak on my way in, had work to do near where I was working. She couldn’t get over what had happened. “He turned on you for being late,” she said, “you, you of all people. I don’t understand. Do you?”

“Well, yes I do, sort of, as much as something like that can be understood,” I replied. “But we’d better not talk now till this thing cools down.”

“Okay,” she said, and moved away.

Donna’s face was flushed as she related this story to the group. Obviously it had been a traumatic experience for her. She was now reliving the event, and it hurt badly. In one way it would have been easier on Donna’s feelings if the session for that evening had ended there. However, although it had been an intense session it had not been a long one. “It is so painful to recall all this,” said Donna. “I’d just like to end the session right now, but I know it will be just as painful next week.”

“Perhaps, Donna,” Collin said, “if we pursue this discussion to completion this evening you will not have to relive it again next week, nor would it be heavy on your mind during the week. Would this be too hard on you this evening?”

Then without waiting for an answer, Collin turned to Dr. Eldren, “what do you think, doctor?”

Dr. Eldren responded, “my observation is that this was a very profound and disturbing experience in Donna’s life. Further discussion may relieve some of the obvious trauma. So I think it would be beneficial, not only to the group but to Donna as well if we proceed with it further while the matter is open. Then she can put it behind her again to some degree and hopefully with some resulting relief of pain.

“Yes,” replied Collin, “I agree. Its been my experience that when such profound experiences are left dangling in mid air so to speak for a period of time, it leaves the person in a mental turmoil for that period, in this case it would be a whole week.”

“Would you like a five minute break, Donna, as we did for Gilda?” asked Dr. Eldren.

She agreed, and after the brief period of relaxation said she was able to recollect her thoughts and continue.

“It doesn’t hurt beyond my endurance,” she said, “and I would prefer to discuss it more fully now rather than have it dangling all week, as Collin said, and have my mind in a turmoil until next group session.”

“Good,” said Dr. Eldren.

“May I question you more, Donna?” asked Collin, eagerly.

“Sure, go right ahead,” replied Donna.

Collin asked, “Donna, did that supervisor who chastised you for being late ever chastise other employees in the same manner. Was this a regular way with him?”

“Not to my knowledge,” said Donna. “In all the time I was in his department, I never saw nor heard of it happening to anyone else.”

“Were there other people late at times,” asked Collin further.

“Oh yes, lots of them,” said Donna, now becoming more calm and settled, as she began to realize she had in Collin a friend who understood.

“Were there some who were late often, perhaps habitually late,” Collin pressed on.

“Sure there were, Collin,” Donna replied. “One of the girls in the collections section, one of the draggers, I call her, she came in late nearly every morning. Not only that, after she did come in and make an appearance at her desk, she would leave again for the washroom where she would spend ten or fifteen minutes putting on her make up and fixing her hair, things she should have done at home.”

“And to your knowledge nothing was ever said to her?”

“That is so.”

“What kind of girl was she, her character I mean.”

“To put it bluntly, she was coarse and tough, sometimes getting impatient with her work and using bad language to describe it. She often complained about other employees behind their backs, running them down, supervisors and all. At times when a supervisor or other employee would complain about her work, she would lash back at them with tough defensive talk about the faulty system, thereby putting an end to their complaints. Does that give you some idea, Collin?”

“Indeed it does,” replied Collin. “Were there others of her type in the department?”

“Several,” said Donna, “but she was the worst, I would say.”

Collin’s questions became more crucial to the point he wished to bring out.

“Was the supervisor afraid of that tough girl and the others like her?”

“Yes, yes indeed, replied Donna, breaking into a smile of relief. “That’s it Collin, he was afraid of them. Come to think of it, I heard her tell him off one day when he questioned her about something pertaining to her work, and he walked away like a beaten man.”

“Coward!” remarked Leo boisterously and contemptuously.

“Yes, Leo, a coward all right, but more, a bully also. Bullies are always cowards,” added Collin as he turned to Donna again. “The supervisor was afraid of those other girls, but he lashed into you for being late. It may seem this was because he was not afraid of you. But there was more than that churning up in this man.

“Yes,” replied Donna, “I think you are right, much more.”

“Do you care to put it into words?” asked Collin.

“I’m not so good at that especially on the spur of the moment,” she replied. “Would you help by expressing your views on the matter?”

“Okay,” said Collin. “The way I see it is: this man hated you because you were too good for him. He didn’t know how to look up to and respect someone he perceived to be a cut above himself. He worked you hard as if that was expected of you in his office; and as if you wouldn’t know the difference that you were being overworked. It is another mind-game such people play on people like us. If you had cracked up or quit because of this overwork, he would be able to say you weren’t up to the job. He would make himself believe that, and hopefully other people too. Your enemies there, the draggers and so on, would be only too glad to believe it.

“This man hated you because he was envious of you. The more you beat him to his game, the more his hatred was stirred. Sooner or later, such people, when they can’t stand any more of your fine character and exceptional abilities, explode at you in some way. Or, they may take some other rash retaliation in return for what they perceive you are doing to them just by being what you are, a fine, gifted person.

“This man’s envy could have been stirred for various other reasons. Maybe he could see in you what he would like to see in his wife or his daughter, or his mother for that matter. He may have been deflated because he himself couldn’t get as much work out of the other employees under his supervision as you were able to do. Either way, he was envious of you and hated you surely for unintentionally deflating his ego. It was his problem, not yours.”

“That sounds like the way I would put it if I could have,” responded Donna. “Thanks for your help.”

A noticeable look of relief came over Donna. She expressed gratitude to the group that the supervisor who had caused a trauma in her life was, to her present frame of mind, now out in the open and exposed for what he was. At last some others, the group members, understood in a friendly, supportive manner.

There was a momentary silence, as if the members were waiting for a direction by which to proceed.

Collin broke the silence. “Donna, it may seem relentless of me to ask more of you at this time, but I am anxious to know how things went for you generally during the remainder of your time with that corporation.”

“All right, Collin,” responded Donna, “I think in the time that is left this evening I can give you an overall picture of the remainder of my final year with that corporation.” Then, as if to release her long time pent-up feelings some more, she interjected, “first let me say further, you have been a great help this evening in expressing for me what I find difficult to put into words, mostly because of the trauma involved. And it makes a tremendous difference to talk to a group of people who have had similar experiences as I am sure you all have had; people who know the world out there and who can truly and realistically empathize. To talk about such things to someone who doesn’t know or care what it is all about has a negative effect on a person to say the least.

Collin was curious. “Have you tried previously to talk to someone about your experiences?” he asked. Donna blushed slightly as she cast a glance at Dr. Eldren, then back to Collin.

“Yes, Collin,” she said, “sometime after the shaking experience with the supervisor, and as tension continued to grow there in the office, I went to talk to my clergyman about it one evening. I told him I was under a great deal of tension because of conditions at my place of employment. He made arrangements for me to see a therapist, which I did and which after a few sessions I discontinued.”

Collin’s curiosity was aroused some more. “May I ask, Donna, why you discontinued with the therapist?”

“Well Collin,” she replied, “with all due respect, it was really futile. There was very little response except once in a while a brick came tumbling down from the wall, knocking me on the head. I was having enough bricks tumble on me at work.”

Some group members were puzzled at Donna’s statement. But Gilda Emerson smiled a broad smile of acknowledgment of familiarity.

“Would you clarify that statement for us Donna, please,” she asked.

“Yes Gilda,” replied Donna, “what I mean is I talked and talked and talked. As I said, there was little response except that once in a while when I would relate to him a particularly upsetting experience he would say, ‘and that bothers you does it?’ or, later he started saying something to the effect, ‘well why are you working there if it bothers you like that?’; and later still, ‘well why are you working in a place like that?’ I found it to be deflating to say the least. So I stopped seeing him.

“The therapist had no idea or understanding of the world in which I had to live. Even if he had, I think the approach towards which he was heading me was just futile. It seems he was going to impress upon me that I was too sensitive, and that he was going to help me change my mind-set so that I could take all that the obnoxious people threw at me without it bothering me, or that if it did, then I should move elsewhere.

“When the hatred and hostility are so intense, and your job, your working credibility and capacity, and your personality are being destroyed, how can you not let it bother you. No person is that insensitive. How can you go somewhere else, when you know chances are it will be just about the same there? And why should I have to forfeit a good employment opportunity with future promise just because some obnoxious persons can’t stand to have me around?” said Donna with disgust.

“Can’t stand to have you around because you are too good for them,” emphasized Collin.

Donna nodded in agreement.

“It is a fact everything is stacked in their favor and to our detriment,” Collin commented further, “and psychology is keeping it that way and supporting it. Psychology has done nothing to discover and expose the raw side of adult life. They only try to soothe the pain of it for us. That may help us sometimes, and only sometimes, to survive after a fashion, but it does nothing to help us live life fully as we ought to be able to do.”

“I’ll say amen to that,” added Gilda vibrantly, “your therapist was sending you in a similar direction my psychiatrist was sending me. I’m mighty glad I got out of hospital and away from him.”

Dr. Eldren shuffled uncomfortably in his chair.

Collin thought to himself, we’d better get off this track quickly, and onto another. Sometime later, much later, we will somehow have to get back on this track again. I myself will want to express some very strong concerns in this regard. But for heavens sake let’s get off it now until a more appropriate time.

“Donna,” Collin shot quickly and emphatically, “your point is well taken by me. It is very understandable, yours too Gilda. But now I wonder can we have Donna wind up her story as she had planned in the time that is left this evening?”

Gilda, having sensed Dr. Eldren’s uneasiness, caught on quickly.

“Yes,” said Gilda, “I think it would be a relief for Donna to get through with her story this evening. I’ll try not to interrupt again.”

“Well,” said Donna, “to describe my later experiences briefly, it was a time of almost continuous tension. I was working hard at two jobs. From a distance, the supervisor kept an almost continuous eye on me. For the remainder of my time there, I had to be near perfect to avoid criticism. I was fast becoming high strung and a nervous wreck. By being so nearly perfect, I was able to protect myself from any open and severe criticism. I never left him room for complaint, although I could sense he was almost continually looking for an opening to get at me. But his attitude towards me was negative from that time on. Hard looks came my way often. There was never a cheerful word or greeting when, on occasion, I was in his close vicinity. From time to time, through the assistant supervisor, and never directly, he made inquiry concerning my work, asking why was so much overtime necessary in my section. Why could I not spend more time in the collections section? Was I spending too much time away from my desk during the day? The pressure was really on. I didn’t feel free even about going to the washroom any more, although I did when necessary. But even that was a nerve wracking experience. And the most hurting part of it all was that others were just as free as they pleased to be. Most of them were doing a normal day’s work with time out for chatting, and coffee, etc. etc, a reasonable touch of those things that keep a person human as you work through the routines and intricacies of commerce and industry. Some others of them were doing less than a good day’s work. None of them were being disciplined.”

“I began to feel very strongly and much to my disappointment that I wouldn’t be able to stay on working with this corporation. However, there was one thing I could try. I could perhaps appeal to the general manager. It would take nerve. It would take tactful explanation, and certainly it would be a long shot. The supervisor had been with the corporation for a long time. So had the general manager. They were long time business associates. I would be sticking my neck out, but I had nothing to lose. I just couldn’t stay on under present circumstances.”

“I watched for an appropriate opportunity. One day when the general manager was circulating through our department, as he occasionally did all departments, I maneuvered myself to be in his pathway. Being in a jolly mood he greeted me cheerfully. I asked if I could speak to him for a minute about a personal concern.

“‘Sure,’ he replied, ‘what’s on your mind?’

“‘Well,’ I said, ‘I have tried very hard since I’ve been working here to do my work faithfully and well. My own summation of my efforts in this regard is that my work is efficient, if I may say so myself. However, the department supervisor seems to be down on me. I get the impression that he doesn’t like me. I am under a great deal of unnecessary pressure here.’

“‘Oh come now, Miss Coyne,’ he responded, as he patted me cheerfully on the upper arm, ‘your supervisor has been with this corporation for a long time. He has gotten more work done for us over the years, than anyone else I know. You’ll get to know, in time, that he’s a good sort. Don’t worry about a thing, Miss Coyne.’ He went cheerfully on his way. My problem hadn’t reached through to him to any depth. As capable a manager as he was, he was apparently unable to recognize my particular problem. My hope for survival in that corporation was diminished greatly in one brief conversation.

“In the weeks that followed, I made a brave effort to keep up and keep going. Occasionally, an added quandary would creep in on my mind. I would wonder if the general manager told the supervisor of my complaint against him, and if so would he be vindictive, or, would he improve his attitude towards me?

“As the weeks went by, I observed no change in the supervisor’s attitude towards me. I came to the conclusion then that the complaint had not gone further than the general manager, and also that with him it was just a frivolous matter that warranted no further attention.

“As disappointed as I now was, I decided to make a good stand, and hope that something would change. But nothing did. I surmised that, yes, I could stay on there and become hard as iron, insensitive and consequently characterless, if I wished to choose that way. But I decided against it. Like Gilda in her experience, I believe I am entitled to be free to be the pleasant person I really am, and prefer to be. Therefore I would leave this place and search for fulfillment elsewhere. I put in a month’s notice of leaving.

“About a week or so after my resignation became effective and all my ties were broken with the corporation, I received a phone call at home one evening. It was the supervisor of my first year department, as I have called it. ‘Donna,’ she said in earnest tones on the telephone, ‘I heard that you have left our corporation. I’m very sorry that it became necessary for you to do so, but I don’t want you to feel too badly. Similar has happened previously. Good people like yourself just don’t get past that supervisor. I have promoted others to his department, but for people like you it becomes the end of the line. I am very sorry indeed that lovely people like yourself have to be treated so. And since I am the one who has to promote such people as you into such a booby-trap predicament, I too am leaving the corporation.’

“‘Wait a minute,’ I frantically replied to her, ‘it isn’t your wrong doing. You don’t have to take the blame for what happened to me. You did well by me. You gave me a promotion that I welcomed and looked forward to. What happened afterwards wasn’t your fault.’

“‘No,’ the first year supervisor replied. ‘It isn’t that I shoulder the blame for what has happened, neither in your case nor that of others preceding you, Donna; rather, it’s the futility of the matter. I train and promote top quality employees only to have them turned away later. You see, Donna, it’s a dead-end for me too. I’ve been contemplating for some time now, whether to look for a position elsewhere. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s past time I did.’

“‘I think I understand,’ was my more positive response. ‘I’d like to thank you for calling me and for all your kindness to me in the past,’ I said, ‘I really did have a valuable experience in your department you know.’

“‘Good,’ replied the supervisor. ‘I hope you will have every opportunity to put it to better use in the future, and, lets keep in touch,’ she continued, as she gave me her phone number and address. ‘I would like to keep contact with you and to hear of what you will be doing in the future.’

“‘Great,’ I agreed. So a lasting friendship was formed.”

Collin was quick to say, “this is another of many examples I could give of businesses being deprived of their better employees by obnoxious people in their midst, and how the wayward ones manage to stay in there. The matter is practically unrecognized.” Then he continued, “One question, Donna. What was the assistant supervisor’s place and attitude through all this?”

“He was young, Collin, a whiz at his work, but with very little understanding of people and their behavior. To him, the second year supervisor was a man who knew his work but who simply got into a bad mood once in a while. I doubt if he ever paused to think it through more deeply than that.”

As if to spare Donna from more grueling questions after so long and arduous a session, Leo came to her rescue with what he meant to be the conclusion of the story in a sentence.

“And now Donna works in her father’s business where there is both challenge, and appreciation for her response to it, and where she can be the pleasant person she really is meant to be.”

Yes, Yes indeed, pondered Collin to himself. There is a lot to be said for being secure and comfortable in a family business. But also to be in business brings its own problems, and that is something else again. The independence of owning one’s own business does offer a measure of security to people such as us, provided we get wise to the obnoxious ones in that sphere as well, and can stay afloat in the learning process long enough to master the art of survival and success. This area of life rings a familiar bell too, and would make for meaningful discussion. But Donna has had enough. It isn’t easy reliving the unpleasant past, and also the evening is about gone. Brett Culver could best tell us about being in business for oneself.

“Brett,” said Collin, aloud. “You are in business for yourself. May I suggest you tell your story next session; what led you to where you are, and how you find things on the road of independence.”

Brett smiled slightly as he shook his head. “Okay with me, Collin, but I warn Leo and any others who may have a rosy conception of life for people like us in business for oneself, that I am not going bald without reason!”

There was laughter, and the group session adjourned in a relaxed mood, as the members gathered around Donna to express appreciation for her contribution to the support group. It was obvious they all were by now more at ease with each other and most of the time with Dr. Eldren. This would be of great help in their future story telling and analysis.

Dr. Eldren left for another appointment. The group members decided to proceed to The Corner Coffee Shop for refreshments and relaxation. Brett Culver asked to be excused from that. He and his wife had work to do at home pertaining to the next day’s operation of their family business.