Читать книгу “THEY” Cripple Society Volume 1: Who are “THEY” and how do they do it? An Expose in True to Life Narrative Exploring Stories of Discrimination - Cleon E. Spencer - Страница 12

Chapter Five

Another week had slipped by, and Collin Seldon once again approached Quilibet University to participate in the support group. His wife walked with him this time as he proceeded towards the now familiar doors of the Arts building from the parking lot down the street. It wasn’t easy on the mind of a man in late middle age to have thoughts of a difficult, sometimes torturous past revived each week by listening to the experiences of others.

He appreciated the words of St. Paul the Apostle, “....... forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal...” (Philippians 3:13-14 R.S.V). There certainly were times to forget the past. Collin had done so many times in order to survive. But now in this support group, it was a time to remember. As stressful, disturbing and pre-occupying as it might be for all concerned, here was a time to remember in order to help someone else; in order to help each other. Some good would come of it surely, for the younger ones at least. Collin, at his age, was reconciled to his lot in life. But these others in the group, they are still on the edge of things, young and looking for an opportunity to break into life and find fulfillment. Yes, there is a time to forget, but this is a time to remember.

It is a dangerous game to say the least. One of the mind-games posing the most danger to fine, but besieged people, is when the players of the games try to keep us guessing for answers and solutions when there often is nothing tangible to base our ponderings on. They would love to wear us out. Over the years, however, Collin had played along with their games sufficient to figure them out, and after protecting himself from them as much as possible, just turned it off and shut it out of his mind. Now though, it was necessary to have it on his mind more than usual in order to make something worthwhile out of the support group’s project.

So to help alleviate the after effects of the strain of remembering, Collin brought his wife along. They had planned that she would wait for him in the library, an entrance to which was located on the first floor of the Arts building, from where an enclosed ramp type passageway had been built to the library building next door.

Collin accompanied his wife to the library where she would browse through books while the group was in session. Afterwards she would do the driving for the evening while Collin relaxed beside her. Instead of going directly home he would from now on, at times after a group session, go out somewhere with his wife for the remainder of the evening. At times she would accompany him to the coffee shop with the others; or they would seek diversion at a pleasant restaurant, a drive by the lake on a moonlight night, a suitable movie, anything enjoyable and soothing to put the mind at rest before bedtime. Collin’s wife had always done things like this for him. They had continually been very close. She understood, for not only had she been through much with Collin, but she too was the same kind of person, one of us.

So Collin left his wife there in the library and headed for Room 405. No sooner had he started out, than his mind began to toss around the happenings of the last session. It had been obvious that remembering had been strenuous, though beneficial for Donna Coyne. What had been a burdensome experience bearing heavily in the back of her mind was now a burden shared with, and understood by others. And although this is not the same as something lurking in the sub-conscious, it does have a similar, though often heavier effect. A burden in the subconscious may have an unconscious effect on the person; but to be conscious of a burden is to be conscious also of its effect. Therefore it can be all the more heavy to carry. There are often times when we cannot eliminate such burdens. Nevertheless, a burden shared is usually a burden lightened, when it is shared with friends.

There were things Collin would like to discuss with Donna concerning her story. One thing in particular at this time was the pros and cons of her move into the family business. Was it withdrawal into a cocoon, there being assured of survival, but forfeiting the right to be free to fly as a butterfly. No, I hardly think that of Donna Coyne. Here she is studying at University now.

Then again, a family business, because it may bring Donna a measure of security a person such as she wouldn’t have at the corporation, by no means indicates that it is short of challenges, troubles, and the opportunity for fulfillment. On the contrary, a family business is one of the greatest avenues there is to personal growth and a sense of accomplishment in life. Collin himself had experienced that.

Or again, perhaps this was a tactical withdrawal by Donna in order to do better in some future advancement. Generals of armies have often withdrawn to regroup their forces only to make a new approach under a new plan of attack altogether. This perhaps is Donna’s design, a wise maneuver rather than withdrawal.

Collin decided against questioning Donna any further now. She had been through enough for the present. Anyway his questions would be answered in time as the group members got to know each other better. Already, Donna was showing evidence of being a person game for life.

As meeting time approached, enthusiasm was evident as usual. All the group members were present. Dr. Eldren, the enabler of the group, was as vibrant over it as were those seeking help through this unusual, experimental gathering. His manner and interest showed no lack of enthusiasm. He was an aged and much experienced psychiatrist, yet this event in his career seemed to be an adventure which was pushing back his horizon. He truly was being caught up in it.

As the group members still stood around chatting before the formal session began, Dr. Eldren approached Collin Seldon and Owen Winslow who had been talking together.

“I’m really pleased with the way things are shaping in the group,” said the doctor. “I do believe we are isolating a rather peculiar fact of life that has never been really brought out in the open sufficiently to explore it and enable people to grasp its significance and deal with its impact on persons and society.

Owen spoke in response. “Personally I am deriving a great deal of benefit from simply hearing the stories of people who have had similar experiences as I. Perhaps after we have all shared our stories you as a psychiatrist can shed more light upon our problems for us.”

“I think I can help some,” replied Dr. Eldren, “but since this is turning out to be such an unconventional case in the history of my experience, I rather believe we will have to help each other.” Then, as if losing himself in his own thoughts for a moment, he added slowly and in a low voice, “where the matter goes from this room when we are finished with it, I am not sure yet, but - but,” he dallied, then bringing himself and his thoughts back to the present, he turned to Collin, “would you like to see things proceed as is, or do you see some other course we might take?”

Collin replied, “All is well as is sir. Specifically I would like to hear Brett Culver’s story this evening. When he is finished, I would suggest we hear Owen Winslow’s experiences. After that I would be interested in hearing from Albin Anders. Albin is young, but with the understanding I believe he is deriving from the other stories, he will certainly be able to tell of his experiences very well.”

“And what about you Collin?” Dr. Eldren caught him up quickly as though eager to have him included. “Can you help us help each other?”

“I certainly can help to bring a measure of understanding to these matters, doctor, but I assure you, if you view us and our cases as unconventional now, you will view them that way much more so when I am through.”

Dr. Eldren smiled at Collin. “I think we can take that in this group. In fact, I would say its what we ought to expect - unconventional explanations for unconventional problems. We will hear you out.” Then smiling to Owen, he asked, “Okay. Owen?”

“Seems to me, doctor, that it’s just what we’ve been looking for. I’m all for it!”

Good!” replied Dr. Eldren, his vibrancy becoming obvious as he turned to Collin again and earnestly requested, “But you will tell us your story also, won’t you Collin?”

Collin paused, as his eyes moved about, revealing a mind in gear. Then he replied slowly, thinking as he spoke, “We are becoming more relaxed with each other and with you, Dr. Eldren. By the time we get to my story we will have delved into analysis, and the whys and wherefores enough to make my story more believable. Then, when all that is said and done, and we have a fair understanding of our problem, hopefully we can find ways to help each other, and people like us.”

Owen was pleased. “It was a providential meeting the evening I met you in that classroom, Collin,” he remarked. “I knew you could help us.”

Collin shook his head. “Don’t get your hopes too high. Only so much can be done under the circumstances of a problem mostly unexplored in society as a whole. But I think I can be of some help. However,” he continued in a now lighter manner, “you are one of the older and better educated members of this group. Much will be expected of you also, Owen.”

Owen smiled and responded with a remark that befitted two clergy people talking to each other, “Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required; (Luke 12:48. R.S.V.) is that it, Collin?”

“Indeed,” came Collin’s reply, “there are people to be helped. Albin Anders is only one example. He needs our help badly. We just have to help him somehow!”

As Dr. Eldren looked at his watch he remarked, “we have a good thing going here.” Then he called the group into session.

Brett Culver began his story with a brief verbal profile of himself and his family. He was a quiet unassuming type and people generally would not associate such a modest and seemingly reserved person with such business accomplishments as he was about to reveal in the telling of his experiences.

“I am in my early thirties,” he stated. “For some time I have been the owner and manager of a chain of gas stations and automatic car washes spread over a wide territory. More recently I have become involved in a manufacturing or more accurately, a re-manufacturing business as well. My growing business interests account for my being enrolled in an evening course in business administration here at Quilibet University, and consequently my presence in this group. So you see it is easy for me to tell you in a few sentences how I came to be with you here in the group. But if you were to ask me how I arrived where I am in the business world, that would not be so easy a matter. Perhaps I can more accurately reveal that as I proceed with the story of my life’s experiences as a member of what now seems to be known to those present as the us group.”

There were chuckles throughout the group.

“You really have joined the club,” remarked Owen.

“Yes, I’ve truly joined your club, Owen, with the hope that people like us can somehow find a better way,” responded Brett.

Leo Aidan interjected admiringly, “seems to me that you have, at least for yourself, found a better way already, Brett. Your apparent accomplishments in business certainly indicate success against the odds.”

“It may seem so, Leo,” said Brett, “and I suppose in a sense I have succeeded, but in another sense I am a misplaced person.”

“Oh,” said Leo, puzzled.

Collin sought to relieve Leo’s perplexity. “Do you mean by a misplaced person, Brett, that you originally intended to enter into some other occupation in life, but somehow circumstances put you into the business you are in now?”

“Yes, that’s it, Collin, as you will see for yourself as I tell my story,” answered Brett.

Leo’s amazement was aroused again. He cracked a smile and quickly twisted his head in a gesture of wonder towards Collin. Then to Brett, “I can’t wait to hear this one.”

His action and remark instilled expectancy into the minds of all the members. Interest was running high in this unconventional group.

Brett was now at ease among his friends. As he prepared to pursue his story, the lines of strain left his forehead, and the furrow disappeared from his brow. Now a bright, wide eyed facial expression revealed the kind of person good people take to very quickly, and a certain type of bad people hate vehemently.

As Brett had mentioned at the end of last session, he was losing his hair. It was thinning back from the temples on either side, the centre part remaining a little thicker, but showing some thinning there also, even though it was combed high and to one side. Offsetting this scarcity of hair on top, was well groomed, comparatively thick hair on the sides, combed back in a sweeping manner to meet the equally thick hair of the back in a very loosely and irregularly formed duck tail. This black hair was augmented by a well shaven, yet shadowy facial beard area, the darkness of which was highlighted all the more by a white complexion. Below his slightly high forehead were two wide open innocent looking eyes, then a majestic, chiseled shaped nose, beneath which were larger than average lips that often and easily broke into a relaxed looking uncontrolled smile. All of this together with a body that was only a little less than average height, yet well within a satisfactory weight for his size, and despite the hair shortage, gave Brett the appearance of a person with appeal to well cultured people. The clothes he wore, although inexpensive were an indication that he had good taste. Yes, Brett was a fine looking person who stood out among others in public. It had already become evident to the group members that he was of fine character as well.

Having known Brett now for some weeks, the group members could not help but surmise he had been brought up on the better side of life, that is, with good grooming, culture and manners; also with appreciation for the good things of this world. His story was soon to confirm this.

“My father,” he began, “was a retail business manager employed by a large corporation with department stores across the country. He had a solid reputation with his employer, so much so that he could pretty well ask to be placed where he wanted to be and expect to have his request met whenever it was possible for the corporation to conveniently do so. So we moved several times during my school years. I mention this now and ask you to remember the fact because it will be of some significance in my story.

“My father was a good man,” continued Brett, “and my mother a genuine woman. I was their only child. I loved them both, and they loved me and did extremely well for me without spoiling me, contrary to what some people automatically expect with an only child. Our family ties were close. Small family though we were, we fulfilled each others needs in that regard. This aspect of life was invaluable to me as I faced the kind of world that lay in store for the kind of person I was. I learned very early in life what it was like to be one of us.

“One other aspect of life that was and is indispensible to me is my religious faith. That I could not have survived without either, nor could I now. I was brought up in this faith and in the Christian Church. My father and mother were ardent Christians, active in both church and community affairs, choosing and giving priority to those activities they considered to be most helpful to other people, particularly underprivileged people in various areas of life, including the sphere in which you and I frequently find ourselves.”

“We were living in a large city when I went to kindergarten. Although I had attended a nursery school mornings for a year before that, as far as I know it is of no special significance. To my knowledge things went well for me there, and I must have benefitted from it. But it was in my year of Kindergarten that I learned my first hard lesson of life. I remember it well to this day. It started me on the road to awareness early in life.

“My kindergarten class was double the usual class size, but we had two teachers who worked together as co-teachers of the class. I soon found out that one of these teachers liked me immensely. The other hated me just as intensely. At the time I didn’t understand why she hated me, or for that matter why the other teacher liked me. But, as young as I was, I did become fully aware of my circumstance, and learned in a childish way to cope with it, simply by associating myself more with the teacher who liked me and who treated me with respect, and, by avoiding as much as possible the teacher who hated me. Regardless of this effort of mine, she was able to put me down quite often; that is, to ridicule me in front of the class at every opportunity, to trip me up on an answer whenever possible, to enlarge the least bit of misbehavior into a major infraction of rules. If I had had this one teacher alone in my kindergarten year, I may have been damaged for life.”