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Chapter Two

The support group met as scheduled on Wednesday evening at seven in room 405 of the Arts Building. This fourth floor was taken up mainly with faculty offices. It was a quiet area, with occasionally a professor or secretarial personnel moving about, as well as a student now and then going to or coming from an interview. Amid this rather private atmosphere, room 405 was set aside as a meeting room for use of staff or other approved groups.

Collin Seldon, in accordance with his usual practice arrived a little early, but the open door of room 405 revealed that three others were already present. He entered the room, and as he did, he entered upon a new experience in life - well, not entirely new, it was to be old and familiar content, but with a new approach and emphasis. Collin sensed that already, even with all it may take out of him, he was glad he had come.

“So pleased you came” said Owen Winslow, one of the three early comers, as he went to Collin and shook hands. “Come, meet Dr. Eldren,” he continued as he gripped Collin’s shoulder and led him toward the senior person present.

Dr Eldren gave a hearty hand shake. “Most welcome to the group” he said, obviously well pleased at Collin’s attendance. “Owen has told me a great deal about you already, even though he has known you for so short a time. He has great expectations for the contribution he feels you can make to our group - now I would like you to meet the youngest member of the club, Albin Anders.”

Albin was standing beside the doctor. He blushed slightly at the mention of his own name. Obviously shy, he shook hands with Collin, rather hesitantly.

“How do you do,” he said quietly and without the hearty exuberance that had been shown by the older men present. It was evident Albin Anders was very shy indeed.

Quickly Owen moved to his vacant side, the side opposite to where Dr. Eldren was standing, placed his arm around Albin’s shoulder, “Albin has become unofficially our prime charge in this venture,” said Owen as he affectionately ruffled Albin’s young shoulders with his powerful arm. “He is young, eager, and to date not too badly scathed in life. We hope to see him through to better days.”

Collin could not help but look at Albin and size him up. Young, twenty one years of age or so, he would guess; fair complexioned, blonde hair, average height, with a youthful body and appearance; striking to look at. Collin’s mind went into a swirl of thought and reflection. Past, present and future all sprang to his mind. Tears of emotion came to his eyes. Nobody would notice, he hoped. He fought it back, and kept it hidden as best he could. Yes, Albin Anders would need help and support from the strong arm of Owen Winslow - and many others, went Collin’s flashing thoughts. Life is not a bed of roses for Albin Anders, I’m glad I came, was his thought on the matter as three other persons entered the door.

Owen Winslow did the introductions again as two ladies and a man now joined those already present in room 405. “This is Gilda Emerson, and this is Donna Coyne,” he said as he turned to Collin. “Collin Seldon, ladies, a new member of our group.” There was an exchange of handshakes. They were ladies indeed. Collin’s thoughts shot into action again concerning what flak such fine people as they must have to put up with in society. It was interrupted this time, as Owen went on to say with a grin “and this is Leo Aidan, a man who brings such life and vigor to our group as you have never seen before.”

“Oh, just listen to the reputation this guy is giving me,” he shot back mischievously. “You just wait and decide for yourself Collin, and you’ll find me to be one of the most peaceful people you ever met.” Everyone laughed and the ice was well broken.

Dr. Eldren looked at his watch. “Is Brett planning to continue his attendance in this group?” he asked of Owen.

“Yes,” replied Owen with a smile, “but you know he’ll be late!”

“Well, we can arrange the chairs and sit down at any rate,” suggested the doctor.

Chairs were placed in a circle, and as they were about to sit, the remaining member, Brett Culver rushed into the room.

“Sorry I’m late again folks,” he apologized, and greeted the other members of the group with handshakes and a warm comment of how nice it was to be here and see them all again. He included Collin in his greeting without introduction, as a part of his effort not to delay the meeting. “I’m making a real effort these days to be on time for appointments, and its working - almost! I almost made it on time this evening, but will have to do better in the future,” he said in self-criticism of a light nature. There was laughter and everyone was at ease as they sat down.

Dr. Eldren took the initiative. He spoke in the mellowing tones of a sympathetic man of seventy years of age. “As you already know, I am Dr. Eldren, a psychiatrist retired from private practice, and doing part time work in counseling here at Quilibet University. For the benefit of our new-comer, Collin Seldon, whom we are pleased to have join us, and also to refresh the memories of the remainder of us who met three times last spring, we will survey our purpose and accomplishments to date. Then hopefully we will be able to chart a course for the semester we are just beginning. Do you all agree with that approach?” he asked.

The doctor apparently wanted a shared planning and responsibility for this group - a mutual effort for the highest benefit. Collin was pleased immeasurably with that. He had already taken a cautious liking to this psychiatrist whom he learned had had a great deal of experience in a notable private practice which had involved him in the broader realms of the field. A man so experienced and mature would no doubt have a mind open enough to take in and deal with the ordinary, the extra-ordinary, the unexpected, even the unbelievable. Collin was becoming more impressed by the minute as Dr. Eldren spoke. His understanding tones befitted his humane appearance. His gray hair, almost white, yet thinned very little, rose up somewhat at the front, then swept back over his head in a medium length as though a crew cut had grown too long. Yet it was well trimmed at the sides, making it obvious that it was not really overgrown, but intentionally groomed that way. Dr. Eldren had put on very little extra weight in his older years. He was not exactly thin, but less than medium build, and a little on the tall side. His face showed slightly bulging jowls, common to a man of his years. He appeared to be holding his age well, except for one thing - his face appeared to be pale. He had a pleasant face, but it was very pale, Colin noticed. There could be a thousand and one reasons, either temporary or permanent for a person to have a pale face, he thought.

“This group was formed last spring, mainly on the initiative of Owen Winslow,” continued the likable doctor. “Albin Anders,” he said, as he looked at Albin with an affectionate smile, “was in Owen’s class. Perhaps you would like to tell us Owen, how you and Albin came to be here.”

“Yes,” replied Owen, “I teach a history of religion course and Albin was in my class. I half noticed, half guessed that he was probably having similar difficulties as I had when I was younger and struggling through college, so after I got to know him better through routine class work, I approached him on the matter. Sure enough it was with him as I had thought. I came and spoke to Dr. Eldren about him. Dr Eldren just about that time had Leo Aidan referred to him by a department head for counseling because of the difficulty he was having with a professor in the department. During the same semester in another of my classes I was getting to know Gilda Emerson. In this case I had no reason to believe she had any problem - she appeared to be doing well - until one day in an after-class discussion she revealed to me that she had been having problems in the past, but was now doing fairly well. Because of this information and further observation, I thought she could both help with and benefit from this group. I invited her and here she is. So with the project unintentionally growing into a support group, I began to scout around intentionally for more members, feeling sure by then that I was coming up with a gathering of people who had problems in common. Leo told me about a friend of his, Donna Coyne, whom he thought could ‘qualify,’ he said with a smile and making the gesture of quotation marks with his forefingers, ‘qualify for this group,’ he re-emphasized as he smiled at Donna nearby.

Owen continued, “Last but not least, till now anyway, is Brett Culver. Brett was the last to join us last spring. Although he has been registered in evening courses here at the university for the past two years, it was really from patronizing one of his business establishments that I came to know him well. Then to my surprise one evening, I met him in the registrars office here at the university. Once again from observation and conversation, I realized he was another one for the group.”

“Another one of us” jested Collin.

“Yes” said Owen, “another one of us. I seem to have developed a nose for such people now,” he quirked, “guess you could call it ‘attraction to one’s own kind,’ or something like that.”

The members chuckled collectively as Owen continued, “Then it happens that just last evening I met Collin Seldon in, of all places, a psychology class. He is not only the latest addition to our numbers, but the one I’ve been able fastest to recruit - just took one class and a very brief but intensely productive meeting with him.”

“You’re getting to be very good at this Owen, you’ll straighten us all out yet,” interjected Leo. Everyone laughed - except Collin. He knew the remark was intended only as a jest, but for him it contained a grave misstatement which had cost him dearly in the past, which he could never accept, and which would always keep him wary. Attempting to straighten us out will never work for us, he thought to himself.

“Thank you, Leo,” responded Owen, and, as he looked at the unsmiling Collin, “I only hope he decides to stay with us for a while.”

“Don’t worry, Owen, I’ll be here for a while,” Collin reassured him.

“All right, that’s how we all came to be together,” intervened Dr. Eldren. “Referring again to our progress to date, last spring each of the members present did an I.Q. and other relevant testing, mainly to verify what we already thought, that here we have a group with this in common, that you are all highly intelligent, and there is little or no indication of serious personality problems. There was an interruption from Leo as he rolled his eyes, stretched the upper part of his body upward as he rocked it from side to side in a mocking gesture of mimicking a conceited one. “Yea, we do rate after all-maybe not as we should in society, maybe not always in the classroom, but at least in the results of psychological testing, we do rate,” he blurted out in a rollicking manner that brought smiles and laughter.

Collin smiled only, but a mixed feeling of amusement and satisfaction went deep, O so deep inside him, for here he was at last in the company of people with whom he had much in common. As humorous as Leo’s antics went over though, Collin couldn’t laugh aloud, for again Leo had unknowingly struck a meaningful and painful note. Collin glanced across at Albin, who also had smiled only. But he knew that young Albin’s laughter was being stifled by the weight of his burdens rather than by any mature and meaningful thoughts on the matter. I will stay on here just as long as it takes to help that young chap, thought Collin with a feeling of sympathy towards him. There are limitations to what I can do for him, but I’ll help him somehow.

Dr. Eldren took control again after laughing with the others. “I’m glad you can accept it in such a good frame of mind Leo.” He then turned to Collin, “Leo in his fun making has just stated the purpose of this group.” Then looking around at them all, “as previously indicated, all members of the group have an above average I.Q., you are all well behaved, well cultured, well groomed- smart and smart looking people. For all intents and purposes you should be doing extremely well in life, including academic life which is our most obvious concern since we are involved with the university in our respective ways. But I do not think we should try to isolate concerns pertaining to academic experiences only. I would suggest that in our discussions in this group we include any and all relevant life experiences. By exploring various aspects of your lives we will hopefully come up with some answers for you which will be helpful to you in the academic sphere as well.”

Dr. Eldren continued to the group of very attentive listeners who had much at stake in this venture, “I gather from experiences described during the group discussions held last spring that you all have something else in common besides being smart and smart looking; you all have a feeling of being discriminated against one way and another by certain people.” He turned to Collin, “Of course Collin, this being your first meeting with us, you haven’t had any input into the group, but may I ask, does the brief, and no doubt incomplete description I have just given of the problem register with you? Have you had similar experiences?”

“Yes sir” responded Collin most emphatically, “but you’ve put the problem very mildly. Discrimination is hardly the word.” Collin Seldon had never talked so freely to a psychiatrist for many years. He felt more free already with Dr. Eldren and this group, and besides, he wasn’t here for any purpose other than to help out, so if at any time he was told he was paranoid, he could simply walk out.

But there was no mention or inference of paranoia by Dr. Eldren, who continued on in a probing fashion, “In our previous discussions, incidents in the lives of each participant were told to the group; it was enough to illustrate that each of you did have common experiences. Now we need to go into the matter in more depth. If you have problems in common, there may be a common cause or causes. Over the next several weeks or months, whatever it takes, I would suggest that each of you take a turn in reviewing significant parts of your life history, but paying particular attention to experiences of discrimination or times when you were up against other people. Then maybe if as Collin suggests, the word ‘discrimination’ is not a suitable description, we may be able to find a more accurate way of describing the phenomenon. Maybe also, and this is most important of all, perhaps, we can come up with some of the causes, something perhaps that you have in common that you are going about in a wrong or ineffective or inefficient manner, that brings this attitude of others upon you.”

Collin Seldon froze in his chair at the sound of what he had just heard. Good heavens, he thought to himself, when will some people tune in to the world of reality. His thoughts raced on, What am I doing here anyway. Getting myself into trouble again, needlessly. He glanced around at the other members. They were listening intently. Obviously they hadn’t become perturbed by what they had just heard. At least there was no visible sign of disturbance. But then Collin himself was showing no outward reaction to Dr. Eldren’s statement. He had become quite adept over the years at not showing his feelings when necessary or expedient. It was one of his better means of protection. Is this how it is with the other group members, he wondered as he now surveyed them. Maybe with some of them. But the younger ones would probably not yet know the difference. He looked at Albin who appeared undisturbed about the issue. Collin felt compassion for him again. I will stay on, thought Collin again, to help Albin Anders - otherwise he’s done for - he will end up in an irreparable mess. I’ll stay on, at least until I am compelled to drop out by the circumstance I already see on the horizon. He then thought on the other side of the coin, so to speak, Dr. Eldren is a good man. He may understand, he may see things in a different light - maybe - but then again he has his professional training to stand by.

Collin was abruptly disturbed from his thoughts when Dr. Eldren addressed him by name, “Collin, as I indicated earlier, all members of the group have had psychological testing. Since you are our guest and have come to us because of our invitation rather than out of your own need, you can be exempt from any testing; or, if you think testing will be of any benefit in this instance, then we can arrange to have it done.”

Collin declined. “I’d rather not Dr. Eldren. I’ve had many tests, and from them have learned that I have a very high I.Q., and not much else wrong with me except that.”

There was laughter again. Even Albin laughed loud enough to be heard as he was attracted to Collin as a mentor. He spoke also, and, with a smile, “Mr. Seldon,” he said, still too shy and lacking in self esteem to be on a first name basis with an older person such as Collin, “Do you regard having a high I.Q. as being a liability rather than an asset?”

“Collin is my first name” replied Collin, warmly, “A high I.Q. in itself is not a liability, but in certain other combinations it certainly can be, although I wouldn’t exchange it, Albin, for a lesser I.Q.”

“Thank you sir” responded Albin nervously, with his shyness settling in on him again.

“That’s interesting” added Dr. Eldren, “I think we should explore that avenue more fully as you relate your experiences to one another. One would, off-hand, think of a higher I.Q. as being an asset at anytime - if a person has the initiative and is willing to put it to good use.”

Not always, Dr. Eldren, not always, Collin thought again, but dared not yet say aloud. There’s a whole big world out there that just hates high I.Q’s when they are in certain combinations with other traits. You’re a good type, doctor, maybe you’ll understand that when we talk about it later. But I have to know you better first. I wouldn’t discuss it at this stage of the game - not yet.

There was a pause. A silence came over the whole group. Dr. Eldren was waiting for more discussion on the I.Q. matter. He looked at Collin expectantly. Collin did a fast maneuver to avoid the subject. It would be ill-timed indeed to discuss it now. Discussions of life experiences should come first for needed illustrations.

“Your group discussions last spring, apparently will be continued now,” shot Collin quickly changing the trend of thought. “So could I have at least a briefing on what was said, and the general attitude in the group towards it.”

“Yes, yes,” responded Dr. Eldren with a slight jump in his speech, in reaction to the change in the subject. Then he simmered down quickly. “Well, on second thought I would suggest we start from the beginning again as though no experiences were related at all last spring. As we know, we only barely got started, and it was very sketchily done at that time. Let us have a new beginning, with each of you telling relevant portions of your life’s story with more detail and depth, which in turn will allow a more thorough analysis.

Everyone agreed to start anew and to go into more detail and depth.

The unconventional support group proceeded immediately and in earnest with Leo Aidan telling his story. He had had a clash with an English Professor whom he claims was discriminating against him. English was important to Leo. He wanted to major in it, feeling this would be a stepping stone into journalism.

To look at Leo, one wouldn’t take him to be a person to initiate trouble. His pleasant manner befitted his clean-cut appearance. His little better than average height balanced well with his broad well developed shoulders and the medium build of the remainder of his body. His casual-business clothing was tasteful - navy blue pants with a contrasting light blue blazer with small, subdued checks and an appropriate conservative bluish tie. His black shoes were polished and in good condition. Leo Aidan undoubtedly had a cultured taste for quality. His attire went well with his black wavy hair, cut to medium length and parted at the left side, which had the effect of minimizing any possible bushiness that sometimes accompanies wavy hair. The roots of his hair came low on his forehead to meet the permanently planted lines that ran horizontally across his brow. At the sides his hair was neatly trimmed. At its roots it crowded in toward the sides of his forehead and upper face.

Yes, Leo has a good head of hair, observed Collin to himself, it blends wonderfully well with the slightly darkened tincture of his complexion and his full and rounded face. In addition, his pleasant general facial expression, augmented at times by a broad seemingly uncontrollable smile produces the effect of a smart looking chap indeed, - and more. Yes, Leo Aidan would stand out in any crowd. Not that he would want to though. Yes, he would stand out in any crowd no matter what clothes he wore. Very interesting indeed, mused Collin in his private thoughts.

Collin Seldon was the new-comer to the group. But now, with his curiosity and enthusiasm aroused as they had never been before, he could not help but take the initiative in leading the group the way he would like to see it go in order to attain the highest degree of accomplishment possible. He was still able to conceal his feelings. That, out of necessity, he had developed well over the years so that it was now a part of him. But he was stirred on the inside.

“Leo” he asked, “I wonder if before you review any of your family and earlier life’s experiences with us, would you first relate in detail your skirmish with the English professor. Having done that, you could then turn to experiences in your earlier life and bring us up to the present time. In that manner we would be able to compare past and present and observe whether or not there are similarities in circumstances, causes, etc.”

“Wonderful idea,” interjected Dr. Eldren.

Leo agreed, “I think so too, O.K., here goes,” he said as his face grimaced a little. “Well it’s simple really. I was taking two evening courses in English last year. It is important to me that I do well in English especially. In one course I was doing well, very well-getting A’s in my papers and tests. In the other course I was getting B’s, and many B minuses at that. Now I fully recognized that it is not an uncommon occurrence for a student to do well in one course and not so well in the other, even possibly two courses in the same subject, but this was different.”

Everyone present listened intently to Leo as he continued, obviously feeling the pain of the matter. “To go back to the beginning of the year: I was registered in English 2002 and English 2007. It was in English 2007 I had my first paper to hand in. I was pleased when I was given a B grade for it, but also I wanted to improve. I went to the professor with my paper, asked him how I could improve my future grades in that subject. His response was pleasant and co-operative. In fact he was delighted I was taking such an interest. He spent considerable time with me, as he did with other students who approached him. My work improved to A grade in a short time and remained so throughout the year - in English 2007 that is.”

“In English 2002 it was an altogether different story,” said Leo as he leaned forward in his wooden arm chair, and with his fore-arms placed on the chair arms, then bringing his hands upward and shaking them in a gesture of frustration. “I just couldn’t get anywhere with that - that, how can anyone be like that anyway,” he said with a mixture of anger and frustration.

“I know already that it is a disturbing experience for Leo,” interjected Dr. Eldren, “perhaps even somewhat traumatic. However may I suggest that we refrain from expressing our feelings and opinions about people involved in the experiences we relate, at least until we have the whole factual story in sufficient detail so as to allow us to view the problems involved objectively. Then after our objective assessment has been made, we will be able to discern whether adverse feelings are justified or not.”

“I’m sorry sir” replied Leo, “I’ll try to keep better control of my feelings.”

“No harm done Leo,” said Dr. Eldren, sympathetically. “To express ones feelings is often therapeutic, but in this case we need an objective account as much as is possible. So if you can, just keep calm and tell us in as objective a manner as possible, your experiences with the professor of English 2002.”

“Right sir,” replied Leo as he tossed his head slightly in a gesture of disgust with himself, “I’ll have to keep my cool, won’t I.”

The doctor smiled and nodded his head in approval.

Leo proceeded with his story. “In English 2002 my first paper brought a B minus. I felt I had done a little better than that because I had already picked up a few pointers from the professor of English 2007. However, it didn’t bother me too much. I just decided I would talk to this professor as well, and ask him how I could improve my grade in his subject, fully realizing in the meantime that the two professors may well have different approaches to certain aspects of their presentations. I was ready to make allowances for that, but as time went by I was to find that it would not be so simple.

“I approached the second professor as I had the first, without complaint, and with an earnest enquiry as to how I might improve my grade in that subject. I approached him in the classroom after the lecture one evening. His reception of me was cold and seemingly lacking interest. He looked at his watch and told me he didn’t have time to talk now, but if I would make an appointment to see him in his office next week, perhaps he would have time to spare then.”

Collin smiled. He was familiar with the watch trick, the not having time - the put-off. For sure, he thought, there will be more avoidance to come.

Leo continued, “The professor spoke in such a condescending tone and manner that I felt strangely alienated from him at once. As I have already said, however, getting good grades in English is very important to me, so I continued to press him courteously but firmly, ‘You set the date and time for next week sir, and I’ll be there.”

“We-l-l,” he said vaguely, “I hardly know at this distance when it can be. You may speak to me about the matter again after class next Tuesday.” I suspected then that he might be putting me off. Nevertheless, on the next Tuesday I approached him again, this time before class. He fumbled a little for words, perhaps for a way out, I can’t be sure. Then, as if cornered he condescended again, “You may come to my office for a few minutes this evening, about fifteen minutes following this class. I’ll see what I can do to help you.”

“I wondered why he couldn’t speak to me in the lecture room,” Leo went on with his story. “But just as he suggested, I went to his office at the time stated. As I was about to knock on the half opened door, he beckoned me to come in. He sat behind his cleared desk looking very official, motioned to me with his hand and in a cold tone suggested I take the chair beside the wall, move it up to his desk and sit down a minute - a minute mind you,” emphasized Leo.

“Now,’ said the professor, leaning forward and with a low growl as I sat before him, ‘you think you should be getting a higher grade in your work?’

‘Not exactly, sir,’ I replied, ‘I would like to know how I can improve my work so that I can earn a higher grade.’

‘The professor came back as sharply as he dared without being openly hostile, ‘And what makes you think you have the ability to get a higher grade in this subject?’

“‘Well,” I said, as I shrugged my shoulders, ‘I won’t know till I try will I professor?”

‘The professor’s face dropped noticeably, and for a second or two he was stuck for words. Then finding his way out, he responded, “If I remember correctly, your composition is not too bad”--then he paused as if waiting for reaction from me. There was none. I was waiting for him to play his hand more fully. The pause came to an end. “This is a very complex and often difficult course. Some of the authors we are studying have a great deal of ambiguity about them, and it will require a well developed skill to really see through to their deeper meaning and interpret it in a sound and acceptable manner. Throughout the year, Mr. Aidan, you may develop this skill, but only time will tell to what extent.”

There was a dead silence in the support group at the sound of what Leo had just related. Collin, half smiling, half moved to anger, shook his head, not in disbelief, for this type of behavior was all too familiar to him, but in disgust. He thought it through to himself: the professor was sending Leo on a fool’s errand to search for the answers himself throughout the year. Of course he would never find them to the satisfaction of the professor, who would continually indicate to him that he wasn’t doing well with it. The end results-Leo’s confidence and self-esteem would be lowered. Also, he may be worn out from trying. The professor is envious of Leo because he stands out in public in a dignified way, which is how he would like to be. But he doesn’t have what it takes to do so. Therefore he turned on Leo. It is a mind-game. One of the foremost used by wayward educators. We will have to go into this one more thoroughly, later when it will more readily believed.

Dr. Eldren, his attention attracted by Collin’s head shaking, gazed at Collin in a mixture of wonderment and respect. His lips showed just a faint trace of a smile. The doctor was catching on but said nothing. It was too soon for comment.

Collin could have finished that story for Leo, but he remained silent, and Leo continued, “‘well professor’, I said, no doubt you can tell me what critics I can read on the works we are covering in this course. Especially since I am just a first year student, I would say it would be in order for me to allow myself to be guided by them, would it not?”

“‘Yes of course” the professor responded quickly, and defensively; then leaning forward again and in a slower, colder tone he added, ‘but the critics too can be very ambiguous. No! ‘he said sharply, ‘it will depend mostly on your own ability to discern. As for the critics you should read, the names of these will be given in class at the appropriate times to cover each author we study.’”

“‘Yes of course sir,’ I replied. I could not help but feel at the time that there was prejudice involved, but I wasn’t sure. I would give him the benefit of the doubt. ‘I will try my best sir to develop the skills necessary to get a better grade in this course. Thank you for your time. Good night,’ I said as I rose to leave.

“‘Good night’, he said, with a churlish smile as I turned and walked out of his office.”

The group remained silent, waiting for Leo to continue. The pause was broken by Albin with a premature and ill-constructed question. “Why was he prejudiced against you Leo,” asked Albin. “Was it the quality of your work, or was it you yourself?”

Leo was embarrassed. Collin jumped to Leo’s rescue, “Albin, I would say it is too early in Leo’s story for us to discuss whether there was prejudice involved, although at present it certainly seems such is the case. Why not wait until he has related his whole story. Then we will in all probability be better able to determine and understand more surely whether prejudice was definitely involved and why. If we do eventually determine that it was prejudice, I would suggest that the ‘why’ of it - the motivation for it, be explored at that time.”

“What do you think, Dr. Eldren,” asked Owen courteously.

“I think Collin has a good point there,” responded the doctor. “After all, you people seem to have a basic problem in common. So then there is a good possibility you all have something in common when it comes to the ‘why’ of it - in fact I suspect already that you truly have.

However, I agree with Collin, leave the whys and wherefores, so to speak, or the analysis, until we have heard more experiences to give us better understanding. Is that what you had in mind Collin?”

“Yes, Dr. Eldren, plus the fact that by waiting until more stories are told, the whys and wherefores of the matter will be clearly illustrated, I feel sure,” replied Collin confidently.

Dr. Eldren nodded approval.

“Sounds super to me,” remarked Owen. The others expressed agreement also.

Dr. Eldren was pleased. “It seems we are off to a good start folks, and we are getting our format in order as we proceed. The experience Leo has just related to us took place nearly a year ago. I talked to him about it at that time. Now I think it will be interesting and helpful to our purpose to hear the remainder of the experience as it progressed through the university year. Would you mind continuing the story Leo?”

“Not at all sir,” replied Leo. “I continued in the course and worked very diligently at it. I could not help but feel that the professor was cold toward me in classes.”

“Was that a feeling only?” asked Gilda Emerson, “or were there some actions or tangible attitudes to cause you to feel that way. It’s difficult to describe attitudes, I know, but not impossible.”

“It turned out to be more than a feeling,” responded Leo, “there were actions and attitudes throughout the year to substantiate my feelings.”

“Can you describe these actions and attitudes?” pressed Gilda.

“A-h-h-h, he was just a screwball,” Leo replied in disgust.

“Maybe so,” came back Gilda, “but you are falling into the very common booby-trap that allows such screwballs to go on their miserable way, trampling on whomever they choose, according to their own whim and fancy. Then good people like yourself simply walk away from them and stay away from them, shrugging them off as funny or ill-natured characters with whom you want nothing further to do. Such an attitude as that by you and many others like you in similar circumstances, just serves to allow them to set up and rule their own little domain. In it they can include and exclude others at will regardless of the havoc it wreaks on other peoples lives and careers. Just so that their little kingdom isn’t upset is all that matters to them. Then you, a victim, just shrug them off as being of a funny makeup or ill-natured and do and say nothing further about it. Come on Leo,” urged Gilda, obviously moved to deep feeling on the matter, “put it into words. You can do it. Let’s get to the root of the matter and bring it out into the open. Describe to us those funny, those ill-natured, those screwball, if you wish, actions and attitudes. We’ll help you,” she added, now beaming with excitement. “Come on, let’s do it!”

Leo was held in amazement by Gilda’s challenge. After a brief pause he looked around at the other group members. There was no response from them, for they too were somewhat amazed, but more than that, they stared at Leo, as if in support of Gilda and her demand that he take up the challenge. There was silence.

“Describe with words a screwball’s attitudes!” repeated Leo slowly and thoughtfully-then after a pause added quickly, “sure, sure why not.”

“As you tell of your experiences with this professor throughout the year,” came back Gilda, “Let’s try to describe his attitudes toward you; I can help you with it, and I’m sure some others present can as well.”

“I think I can help with that” agreed Owen.

“I can too” responded Collin.

“I’ll try” joined in Brett Culver, “but it’s a brain drain. I usually try to ignore or avoid such mind boggling exercises, but this case can be an exception.”

“I guess it is possible” pondered Donna Coyne aloud. “I’ve never bothered, but it would be an interesting experiment among friends. I’m for it.”

Albin Anders and Dr. Eldren remained silent. This was unknown territory for them. Hopefully Albin will learn from it; but more important if Dr. Eldren will take a positive attitude towards it, thought Collin again to himself, then we will all come out unscathed.

Everyone in the group looked toward Leo, waiting for him to try. Leo began, “The outstanding thing that comes to my mind concerning the remainder of the year in that course is his behavior towards me in class. I’ll try to illustrate that behavior throughout the year, then between us maybe we can describe it more fully, and make some sense out of it.”

“There won’t be much sense to it,” quipped Collin, “mostly nonsense, NON-SENSE, he spelled it out, emphasizing the hyphen.

There was a chuckle.

“But we can describe even a weird attitude enough to better our understanding of the matter,” insisted Gilda. “nonsense isn’t always easy to understand. It can drive you right out of your mind if you let it. But if you learn to take it in your stride, then understanding such behavior in other people can be a great asset in enabling you to cope with them. At least you can cope with them after a fashion.”

Collin shifted uneasily in his chair, but said nothing.

Brett shook his head, “understanding is one thing, coping is another.”

He intended to continue on that aspect of the matter, but Collin interrupted, “maybe we can extend our format here to accommodate the matter of coping. Earlier we decided to leave the ‘whys’ and ‘wherefores,’ the analyses, until later. Perhaps now the coping aspects can come after that again.”

“That sounds reasonable” offered Dr. Eldren, “we certainly need the full story from each one before we can adequately cope with coping,” he said amusingly. “Of course,” he added more seriously, “there is bound to be some overlapping of the three. However, if we find at any time during the relating of the experiences that we are getting off too much on the why and coping aspect, let us check ourselves and leave these matters until later when we have the grounding on which to base them.”

There was general agreement.

Leo continued to tell his story. “After the unproductive interview with the professor, I was uneasy about my standing with him. During the next class this uneasiness was substantiated by the professor’s attitude toward me. As he lectured he looked everywhere around the classroom except in my direction. I felt somewhat self-conscious about it. I struggled not to let it interrupt my concentration. On reflection after class I recalled he had avoided looking at me in the class that was held before the interview. As time went on I came to feel he didn’t like me at all.”

Gilda perked up in her chair. “You came to feel he didn’t like you?” she asked, placing much emphasis on the word ‘feel’.

“Yes--well, he did things throughout the year to make me feel that way--I mean it wasn’t feelings only. It became obvious to me and to some others too, that he didn’t like me,” replied Leo nervously.

“Ah, good” sparked Gilda, “that’s what we want to hear. We want you to describe the things he did, the actual actions of his that made you feel the way you did. These actions are not as intangible as one might think.”

“You’re giving me a tough assignment Gilda,” remarked Leo, “but I see what you’re getting at now, and I think I can respond sufficiently to bring out the points you are after.”

“If you don’t” responded Gilda, amusingly but meaningfully, “Dr. Eldren here will think you are imagining these things; reading into your professors actions and attitudes persecution against yourself, a feeling, just a feeling,” she emphasized, “brought on by your first unpleasant encounter with him.”

“Oh-h-” replied Leo, looking apprehensively to Dr. Eldren, then back to Gilda as though looking for further clarification. Collin could not help but join in on what in the past he had seen to become a fray between doctor and patient. It was against his better judgment to get involved in such an issue as this, but he was free to walk out if he pleased, he reminded himself.

“Paranoia?” Collin queried, before Gilda had been able to continue.

“Yes” said Gilda, unabashedly, even defiantly, “that’s been my experience.”

Tension mounted quickly throughout the group. Dr. Eldren looked with concern at Gilda, then around at the others. Collin wondered whether Dr. Eldren would tip his scale in favor of or against Gilda’s position. At any rate he would not wait to see before stating his own.

“That’s been my experience too Gilda,” he said coolly and reassuringly.

Dr. Eldren, unruffled, responded in his usual graceful manner, “Your point is well taken, Gilda, and Collin. You have brought out a point which, I expect, we will have to watch carefully-very carefully,” he reemphasized, “as we pursue our discussions; paranoia verses unexplainable or intangible attitudes.”

The group was at ease again.

Leo struggled in his mind. He grimaced a little as he sought to proceed. “The professor’s attitude towards me in general is very difficult to put into words, but usually he ignored me. Most other students were asked a question occasionally, I never was asked. When a general response was sought from throughout the class, someone else’s response was always taken over mine. Then one evening when we were discussing an author, his works and his critics, all of which I had studied thoroughly, I decided to enter the class discussion whether he wanted me to or not. I watched for an opportunity when it was appropriate for me to enter the discussion in a mannerly way, without crowding out someone else, and without giving him the excuse of listening to another person rather than me. I offered the opinion of a well known critic on the matter under discussion.

“I stated the position of this critic, which I knew to be a leading, valid, scholarly and accepted position, and I stated it in such a manner as to infer that it is the position I would take. At the same time I was fully aware that among several other critics there was another one whose view was runner up for top position. This critic had taken a different view altogether. But before I could state that second position and compare, as I had intended to do, the professor jumped the gun on me, stating the second position and inferring that he favored this position. He inferred but without substantiation, that this latter position was much superior.”

“How did he actually infer that superiority,” pried Gilda.

“Well,” strained Leo again, “mainly by the emphasis of his voice and the expression of his face, and somewhat by the gestures of his hands. He spoke of the position I had stated in a disdainful manner, and of the position he had taken in superior tones. Both positions are logical and scholarly positions. But worst of all, after openly showing his bias toward the position he favored, he very subtly made a mockery of the position I had favored.”

“How did he go about making that mockery,” asked Gilda. Leo broke into a brief uncontrollable smile. “Your point is well made by now Gilda,” he said, “yes, these attitudes can be described in words can’t they?” Then he continued seriously, “he trivialized it with a chuckle and a grin and a wave of his hand as though brushing it aside as if what I had said was of no consequence. I knew differently, but nevertheless he drew several chuckles from around the class. That’s when I began to lose control of myself. However, I did manage to hold myself together somewhat until the class was over. Then I went immediately to his desk, being sure I was the first there.

The professor was standing pleased, poised and proud. He had belittled me before the class. It was obvious he counted it a victory for his ego. Without waiting for him to either receive me or brush me aside, and it probably would have been the latter, I opened out at him in a somewhat uncontrolled manner.

“Sir,” I said, “you know as well as I that both of the positions we discussed before the class are accepted positions with regard to the author we are presently studying.

The professor smirked, obviously still on a high from his victory over me before the class. And as I look back now, he was in complete control of himself, and I was not.”

Coolly he said, “There are many positions taken on the matter, by many critics over many years.” Then he said sternly, “It is as I told you before, it all depends on your ability to discern.”

“I fumed as he proceeded to gather his books from his desk. I knew he was about to walk out and I couldn’t let him do that without letting him know I could see through him. ‘You hate my guts, don’t you?’ I said rather vigorously and contemptuously as I stared him in the face. He paled and his smirk left him. He was brought down from his high, and was actually frightened - I think he was,” said Leo, now lifting the tone of his words to a lighter vein. “Yea, I think he was actually frightened by my affront,” continued Leo in wonderment.

“A coward in the crunch?” interjected Collin.

Leo paused briefly, “Yea - yea maybe that’s it.”

“But he found a way out!” came in Collin again.

Leo looked at Collin with surprise. There was a pause.

“They always do.” came in Collin a third time.

The pause continued until this time broken by Leo. “Yea, he found a way out. Although shaken, he somewhat kept his poise and in a subdued manner said, “I don’t have to take this from you, you’ll be hearing more about it.” Then he walked out of the classroom.

Albin had been listening intently and wide-eyed.

“Leo,” he said excitedly, “your experience in that class is similar to the one I had in a philosophy class last year. Did you drop out of the course?”

“No way,” replied Leo, “I stayed to the end.”

“Oh-h” responded Albin, “I did, I mean I dropped out of my philosophy course last year. Didn’t think there was any use hanging in there if they were against me.”

Dr. Eldren’s eyes glanced toward Albin at the sound of that statement. Collin noticed the glance.

“Albin,” said Collin, “I’m going to ask Leo some further questions about his class experience. I would like for you to pay particular attention to them and to the answers. O.K. with you Leo.”

“Sure,” said Leo.

Collin asked, “Leo, when the professor brought chuckles on you in the lecture room, did everyone in the room chuckle?”

“Oh, I don’t think so,” said Leo, “a minority of them really.”

“Did anyone openly show support for you,” asked Collin again.

“Well, there was no opportunity in the class, but after it was all over and the professor gone, a chap who had remained behind came forward, gripped my shoulder real firm and said, “Hang in there boy. He doesn’t like you, but hang in there.” Then he went on his way.

Collin asked further, “Were there any others there who showed support either by word or implication.”

Leo smiled. “We’re getting into attitudes and intangibles again aren’t we?”

“Yes, but they work on both sides,” reminded Collin kindly.

“Right,” said Leo, “Yes, you’re so right, and there were some positive attitudes around that evening. After the professor had gone, there were a few students standing around the lecture room, and also some lingering outside the door who gave me what I would interpret to be sympathetic looks and glances, a few smiles, as I gathered my things and left. Of course these gestures meant so little to me at the time. All that was on my mind was the confrontation itself, and I was so upset.”

“Thanks Leo,” said Collin as he now turned his attention towards Albin. “Albin, I just want to ask you a simple question; first, you stated that you dropped out of your class last year because ‘they’ - ‘they’, he repeated with emphasis, ‘were against you.’ Now, I haven’t heard your story yet, but I would assume that your professor for that class, and some of the students no doubt, didn’t like you, and took a negative attitude towards you, or, as you say were against you. But I would like to point out to you, using Leo’s example, that although those who were negative towards you absorbed your attention, and certainly a negative professor would produce that effect, there were also, no doubt many there who were silent supporters.”

Albin nodded.

“These silent supporters are not always of much practical help, but they do give a boost to the morale when we are up against it,” said Collin.

“I see what you mean,” said Albin as he now seemed pleased rather than shy about being included in the procedure. He added, “When I was a soda-pop salesman it was easier to distinguish the good ones from the bad. In that less complex environment most of them were good and showed it openly, but that all seems to be crowded out now by the bad experiences.

Collin turned his attention to Dr. Eldren. “Dr. Eldren, I have parted from the story telling, but I figure if I just planted that thought in Albin’s and indeed in all our minds, near the beginning, it would help us to keep in mind the positive side of our experiences.”

“I think it’s a very good point you brought in there Collin, very good,” nodded Dr. Eldren, obviously pleased.

Collin turned to Leo, “Your professor’s parting remark that evening was ‘you’ll be hearing more about it,’ and we assume you did. But since you finished that course, I can only assume one of two things: either the department tried to cover up for the professor, brushing under the carpet the wrong he had done, as though nothing much had happened. This would allow you to go back and finish under a sort of truce between the two of you; or, he was oblivious to that whole aspect of human behavior and in his naïveté just passed you on to a counselor thinking automatically that you had a problem, that the problem was yours and yours alone.”

Leo looked wide eyed at Collin. “You seem to know my story before I tell it,” he quipped with a smile of amazement, “are you psychic or something?”

“No, not psychic” answered Collin, “just experienced; been through the mill many times in various spheres of life.”

“Of course there are other possible scenarios but to my mind, these are the ones most often used.” Then Collin came abruptly from his reflection. “Sorry folks,” he apologized, “I’ve interrupted Leo’s story, and delved into speculation. Guess I just couldn’t resist sharing as though at long last I have found people like myself; but tell me Leo, and then I’ll let you be free to continue, since you did complete the course, which of the approaches was it?” “It was the second Collin, as you will see when I relate the happenings to you.”

Owen now spoke up. “I just knew from the beginning you’d be a great help to us Collin, and its showing through already. You show that you have insight into our problems.”

The other group members passed varying positive remarks, in support of Owen’s statement. Collin cautioned them soberly, “Understanding a matter is one thing, coming out on top of it is another, as you shall find out. Leo should tell us what happened now, and we shall see.”

“Sure Collin,” Leo continued with his story. “The unpleasant incident in English 2002 took place at a Tuesday night lecture. On the Thursday night following I attended my weekly class in English 2007. I arrived for it about ten minutes early as usual. Shortly after my arrival the professor came in, a very pleasant person indeed, and he handed me a letter, saying he had been asked by the department head to deliver it to me. The letter was sealed. I opened it and it was a request from the English Department Head that I make an appointment to see him. So next morning I phoned his office, and arranged to see him that afternoon. I got off work early to keep the appointment.”

Leo went on without interruption, “I arrived at his office on time, and entered the outer area where I was greeted by his secretary. “He’s expecting you,” she informed me, “I’ll take you right in.”

I followed her through the open door.

“Mr. Aidan to see you sir.”

“Yes,” he replied as he began to size me up and down. “Yes,” he said again, hesitantly, “yes, thank you.” The secretary left the room, closing the door behind her.

“Sit down, sit down,” the department head said, his hesitancy now coupled with a puzzled facial expression, as though almost bewildered.

“You’re getting good at describing the intangibles,” said Gilda joyfully. Other group members supported her with similar remarks.

“Why was he bewildered at the sight of you Leo?” asked Albin again. Leo paused to search for words for his answer.

Collin, now more glad than ever to be in company of his own kind, could not refrain from answering for him, “He was expecting a rowdy and a ruffian, was he not Leo?”

“Right on Collin!” remarked Leo excitedly, “right on. He had been expecting a tough character, and when it didn’t turn out to be so, he was on unfamiliar ground, and puzzled by it.”

Gilda probed once again for descriptions of intangibles. She would leave no room for misinterpretation or wrong diagnosis if she could help it. “Can you substantiate with something concrete, your supposition that the department head was puzzled, and that he had been expecting a rowdy?”

Leo smiled at her, “yes, I can Gilda, I think I have the hang of it now.”

Leo continued, “I sat down, and he said, ‘you’re having some problems in English 2002 class. Can’t be much I’m sure.” He looked me up and down, obviously favorably impressed by me. “Can’t be much,” he repeated. “I’m sure this matter can be easily rectified through our Student Counseling Department. I’ll make an appointment for you there”, he said as he reached for the phone.

“But sir,” I replied.

“Oh don’t worry, we have a very good department there. You’ll find them to be a good bunch, very helpful and effective, and they won’t hurt you; strictly confidential of course, no need to worry about anything.”

“I knew,” said Leo soberly to the group as he shook his head, “I knew I was talking to the wrong person about my particular problem. He was a scholar and a gentleman to be sure, but it did seem clear to me already that he would have not the slightest insight into my problem with my professor. “Maybe,” I thought,” if I go to the Student Counseling Department, someone there would understand. So I offered to go. The department head proceeded with the call to Dr. Eldren, and made an appointment for me. After the call was made and arrangements completed, I asked, ‘Sir, may I continue in English 2002?’”

“Oh yes, by all means,” came his reply. The instructor of that class is a very good teacher you know. He has been with us for some time now. I’m sure this little matter can be straightened out; and don’t worry, you’re counseling is strictly confidential. The counseling department is kept entirely separate from other departments of the university-no problem there.”

“Although disappointed in my overall interview, I was relieved by his last statement,” remarked Leo to the group. “I was now convinced that my English 2007 course at least would not be affected. That was a major comfort to me. Of English 2002, I was skeptical, but I would hang in there, as a class supporter had urged the evening of the trouble. However, I decided to put my trust in the counseling department, and here I am.”

“How did you make out in English 2002 afterwards,” inquired Collin.

“Well,” answered Leo, “surprisingly enough, in the two assignments I had after the skirmish I received a B and a B plus.”

“He was being cautious,” interjected Collin, “and what was your final grade for the course?”

Leo responded with a measure of disgust, “a B minus.”

Gilda joined the discussion, “What grade did you get in English 2007,” she asked sharply.

“An A,” replied Leo.”

“What did the course in English 2007 consist of?” pried Gilda again.

“Shakespeare,” came the reply from Leo, “Shakespeare’s Tragedies and Romances.”

“What did the course in English 2002 consist of?” Donna probed further.

“The Nineteenth Century English Novel,” responded Leo.

There was silence in the group, and a mixture of silent expression. Flashing thoughts were evident in revealing eyes. A head or two shook in dismay. There was puzzlement. There was astonishment. Leo had done far better in the more difficult course.

Collin Seldon eventually broke the silence with a question, “Why, Leo, did you not go to university immediately after high school graduation? Why wait ‘till now?”

“A-w-w.” replied Leo dejectedly, “I got turned off from studying by a couple of obnoxious high school teachers. “Then raising his voice in determination, “the same way as I’d get turned off now by this professor, if I’d let him, but I’m not going to let him do it to me. That’s not going to happen this time. I’m older now.”

“Tell us a little about yourself and your family,” suggested Collin.

Leo began without hesitation, beginning with his father for whom, it soon became obvious, he had much respect. “My father was a judge, a good one too, and a good all around man. That was a blessing for me in one way, but in another way it was a problem. You see, my father was an outstanding public figure, and some people used to pick on me for it. I used to get it slapped up to me.”

“Do you have brothers and sisters, Leo?” pried Collin again.

“Yes,” replied Leo, “one brother and one sister. They are both older than me.”

“Did they go to university after completing high school?” asked Collin.

“Yes, they did, and both graduated and have done well,” said Leo, heavily, then as though to make light of his burden, he added jestingly, “now I’m trying to catch up.”

Some group members smiled, but Collin remained serious, and inquired further, “did your brother and sister get picked on because of your father’s position?”

Leo blushed and got nervous. “Well some I guess,” he replied awkwardly and with embarrassment, “but not as much as I did. I was younger I guess.”

“Did you have a group of friends Leo?” asked Collin again.

“Oh yes,” replied Leo, now relieved with this less bothersome question.” I had some good friends; but also many enemies, mostly members of what I regarded as questionable peer type clusters of students. Out of respect for my father, I wouldn’t associate with them so they would shun me.”

Collin kept up the questions, “Did your brother and sister have similar trouble with peer groups?”

Leo’s face flushed and he stared at Collin with complete fear.

Collin spoke again. “What I’m getting at, Leo, is that there is another reason other than your father’s position why you were picked on by some teachers and peers when you were in high school, and now again by a professor in university.” Then Collin quickly and reassuringly added, “this other reason is not something that is your fault, and not something you could have avoided. It has to do with you, your makeup as a person, exceptional in some ways, that causes some people to like you real well, and others to hate you profoundly.”

Leo nodded in agreement, then added a little excitedly, “I think I know what you are getting at, Collin, but I couldn’t dare discuss it myself for fear of being labeled conceited. It has been in the back of my mind but I have never brought it out into the open.”

“I know how it is,” replied Collin, sympathetically, “to discuss it is to leave yourself open to all sorts of labels and misunderstandings so it gets pushed into the subconscious, or at least way back in the shadows somewhere. Your brother and sister didn’t get picked on to any extent but you did. It wasn’t because of whose son you were, although that would definitely be the outwardly indicated reason, the alibi given by your tormentors. It was because you, fine person that you were and still are, too nice a person for their kind to tolerate. You stood out among others, not only in appearance, but also in character and intelligence. They were envious of this and held it against you every opportunity. We can explore this later, together with their ways and means of putting you down, as we proceed with the stories.

Collin looked around at the group members for possible response. Their faces were bright with expectation as though they knew what was coming over the horizon and into this group; all except young Albin who was overwhelmed by the intimation of so much new knowledge to come, and the elder Dr. Eldren, who appeared mystified for the same reason.

“Just one more question from me for today, Leo,” spoke Collin again. “You haven’t mentioned your mother, how does she fit into your life?” Leo replied, “My mother in her lackadaisical way, sees me according to her own concept of me. She just makes such casual remarks as, “Leo won’t get as far ahead as the others. He just doesn’t have the drive,” She means me no harm, but could never help me to better either.”

“I see, thank you,” responded Collin. “That’s all I wish to ask you this evening, Leo, thanks for your co-operation.”

“And thank you, Collin,” he replied with enthusiasm and enlightenment.

“Very interesting, indeed fascinating,” replied Dr. Eldren, and since Gilda had considerable input to this evenings discussions, I think it would be helpful to hear her story next week, if she will agree.”

“I’ll be prepared to do so next week, Dr. Eldren,” Gilda volunteered.

After parting courtesies Dr. Eldren left for other commitments.

Owen brought to the attention of the others that there was a nice student gathering place, The Corner Coffee Shop, just down the street next to the parking lot. They all decided to go there for coffee and snacks, and socializing in a lighter vein before driving home.