Читать книгу “THEY” Cripple Society Volume 1: Who are “THEY” and how do they do it? An Expose in True to Life Narrative Exploring Stories of Discrimination - Cleon E. Spencer - Страница 7

Collin Seldon walked, at his usual brisk pace, up the sidewalk towards the glass doors of the Arts building of Quilibet University. The impressive glass front of the several storied structure caused him to glance upward as he approached. His face brightened and his lips showed the trace of a smile at the inviting warmth of the building. He swung open the street level door and entered. But then as if by intrusion of some other feelings the smile disappeared. He wondered now, would the inside be as inviting as the outside appeared to be. As he took the few steps across the entrance way, he gave a little shrug, as if to say to himself, oh well, take it as it comes.

Thoughts ran through Collin’s mind as on this September Tuesday evening he proceeded up the half set of stairs that led to the first floor. On the previous Thursday he had taken the downward section of the divided stairway to the below ground hall where he had registered in an evening course in Psychology. Classes would begin this evening.

From the stair top he proceeded down the sizeable foyer of Floor One, to the elevators. There he became somewhat absorbed in ambivalent thought as he pushed the up button, waited a moment or two, stepped with other students onto the elevator, disembarked on floor three, all the while thinking how pleasant it could be to be back in the student world. Collin had a liking for a reasonable amount of this part of life. But his thoughts were juxtaposed with unpleasantness as well. His past academic life hadn’t been all roses. Many people find university life pleasant, but not a person such as Collin Seldon. Have I been a fool to come back for more? he wondered.

Why, just now as he had crossed the busy foyer, he received a variety of unpleasant reactions from people who had only his appearance to go by as their motivation for their negative attitudes towards him. Of course there were some pleasant reactions towards him too, by those good people who took the trouble to even glance at him. But he much more caught the attention of people who didn’t like him.

As he rode up the elevator, he wondered again if he had been a fool to come. Being now past middle-age he perhaps should be gearing down with regard to things like this, and spend more time with his fine and lovely wife, and their children and grandchildren.

And what is it about Collin Seldon that brought negative reactions exemplified by such gestures as pushing up a lip in contempt; raising one’s head high momentarily in an ‘I’m better than you’ gesture; by a shaking of the head when passing by to intimidate and lessen his self-esteem; or by simply turning the head away as if to imply, I don’t even see you, or, you’re not worth looking at.

Although approaching retirement age, Collin had still retained a goodly measure of his youthful appearance and his vim and vigor. There were some signs of aging: his light brown hair graying at the sides; his wholesome, healthy looking facial complexion just beginning to show wrinkles in its past middle-age fullness; his once athletic body showing to be somewhat overweight; his average height being lessened, to a glancing eye, by shoulders that have begun to round. Collin was really just beginning to show his years, but he looked, and was still a fine, dignified looking person, as he had been all his life. His fine appearance was augmented by his modest, yet tasteful clothes and mannerism.

Good, well cultured people like and respect Collin Seldon for what he is - a fine smart looking, well charactered person of discerning mind. Although little or no attention is paid to it in society, the fact is, numerous others in all walks of life hate him and people similar to him, for the same reason, and often cause them much trouble. It is this latter reality which kept crossing his mind as he now returned to a campus as an evening student.

Collin had, over the years, learned to take these facts of his life in his stride as an unavoidable part and parcel of the life of a person such as he, yet he could not help but be aware of and affected by it.

At any rate he was coming back to the classroom again, if only on a limited scale. Collin Seldon was a clergyman by profession - a good one to whom many nice people easily confided their troubles and joys, their fears and hopes; to whom people turned, sometimes for advice, and often for approval or disapproval of a deed or desire or plan of action.

Collin, although not academically specialized in the area of counseling, was quite adept with this aspect of his ministry, coming by it naturally. He had a fairly broad basic training in the field, which he augmented occasionally by reading the latest books on the subject. In fact, the reason he was on his way to the classroom now was to take this course in “Current Trends in Psychology, Psychiatry and Relevant Social Problems.” The name had caught his eye one day as he looked through the university catalog while helping a young member of his congregation plan a study program. Mostly it was the last three words of the course’s title that had caught Collin’s attention, namely, Relevant Social Problems.

Maybe, he thought to himself at the time, maybe there is some new breakthrough here. Please God, could there be? Heaven knows there is a need - and I know from personal experience. Could there be? He was looking for something to be at last formally recognized in psychology about the problems of fine, well cultured people like himself, often in some ways exceptional individuals; also the numerous hitherto unrecognized ways this matter so drastically affects society.

Collin was hopeful, well, sort of, so he had registered for the course. But he was doubtful too. That’s the kind of person Collin Seldon was - always with a mind open at both ends, so to speak; as in this instance, hopeful, but with a mind tuned and ready for whatever reality might evolve from the situation. That way, he believed, the shocks of life are not so great, and although when using this method one may not ride through life as high as the proverbial eternal optimist, nevertheless the shocks are much better absorbed. Not all people live that way, but for such a person as Collin, experience had taught him that it was the only viable way.

Room 307 was brightly lit, and as Collin entered the open door at the front of the room his mind cleared itself entirely after a passing thought that perhaps there is no need here for fear or anxiety. At any rate he would think positively and give the situation the benefit of the doubt. He was a little early and the professor’s chair was still vacant.

Collin glanced down across the room. Groups of students stood around chatting vigorously as though catching up with each others news after a summer apart. Most likely they had studied here the previous year, and some perhaps at summer semester too. Obviously the majority of them knew each other well. But here and there were students who were strangers to the scene, as one could guess; one walking around, hands in pockets, looking at the pictures on the wall; another just standing and looking here, there and everywhere, as though looking for some place or time to get in and mix with the crowd. Some others had already chosen chairs, were seated and ready, but temporarily passed the time by doodling with a pen or leafing through a book.

Collin, a newcomer himself, not only to this classroom but to this university, after inconspicuously surveying the geographics of the situation, chose a seat about three-quarters of the way down from the front and just to the right side of the center of the singly placed seats. After placing his briefcase on the writing arm of the chair he looked around. A pleasant and friendly looking young man was sitting two rows to the left. They caught each others glance.

The chap smiled, held up his hand and said, “Hi.”

Collin did likewise, adding as a gesture of friendship, “How are you this evening?”

“Good,” answered the stranger as he rose from the chair and proceeded towards Collin to make acquaintance. “Owen Winslow is my name,” he said, as he put forward his hand to shake.

“Collin Seldon,” said Collin, as he arose and shook hands.

So far, so good, thought Collin. For here introducing himself was a pleasant type indeed.

Owen Winslow, in his mid thirties stood a good deal taller than Collin Seldon. His somewhat heavy-set, yet trim, well-built body, obviously kept in good condition physically as well as with regard to neatness and appearance, as made evident by, among other things, good taste in clothes, would cause him to stand out as a fine person in any crowd. He looked down at Collin as the two now stood talking.

“I’m teaching here at this university, temporarily”, said Owen.

“Oh then,” said Collin with a smile as though well pleased, “you are to be our professor for this class.”

“No,” replied Owen, “I teach History of Religion, but I intend to take this course in Psychology 3004 to acquire a little more general knowledge of the subject. I find that basic training in psychology helps me to understand my students and colleagues a little better, which adds to the quality of my regular work. It also contributes to my personal growth.”

“Sounds interesting, Owen, and somewhat of a coincidence. I am a clergyman. I too come to this course for much the same reasons as you, and I do use it in my work to some extent, but....”

Collin’s words were interrupted by a call from the front of the room. “May I have your attention please. Could I ask you to take your seats. It is time to begin. Thank you.”

The professor had entered the room and taken a standing position behind his desk. In response to his call, the students cutting off their conversations, spread themselves around the room filling almost all of the chairs.

“Nice to have met you”, said Owen Winslow as he gestured toward his chair.

“Likewise,” said Collin Seldon. “No doubt we’ll have more opportunity to talk.”

“Right,” Owen responded as he proceeded to his seat.

Collin sat down. There would be no need to take notes at the beginning, perhaps not at all the first evening. He leaned a little to the right, placed his right elbow on the writing arm of the chair, extending his forearm upward so as to allow his extended thumb to connect with his chin. Simultaneously his loosely extended fingers covered a portion of the side of his face, the lower right side of his nose, and also a portion of his upper and lower lip and chin. It has been very profitable on many previous occasions to sit in such a manner as this, at least to start, he mused. Time would prove him out on that before the class was over. Collin outwardly looked relaxed in his chair, but there were tensions on the inside.

Professor Yates, a man in his middle fifties, briefly introduced himself to the class. He was an assistant professor in the psychology department he said. After extending a welcome to the students, he proceeded to outline the course, its purpose and scope. “The name of the course, ‘Current Trends in Psychology, Psychiatry and Relevant Social Problems’ indicates its broad scope. This in turn is indicative that with such all inclusive terms of reference we cannot possibly go into it with a detailed and prolonged study. You won’t be a specialist when you have finished with this class,” he quipped clumsily, belittling himself, rather than making his point in a humorous manner, as he had intended.

Then the professor quickly, and quite noticeably to Collin, set out positively to retrieve the stature he felt he had lost. He did so by expounding the merits of his “very comprehensive update” on this “all important subject” as he emphatically called it. “This is the essence of humanity,” he said, “the insight into behavior, that enables people to cope with and react to society in a healthy manner.”

Now gaining control of his composure before the class, he continued, “This is a survey course that I am sure you will find to be a valuable aid in helping you to chart your future course in the field of psychology; or, you may find it to be an excellent prerequisite that will open other doors to you; or, you may simply value it as good general knowledge.”

The professor was now showing signs that he was already in control of things, standing tall, and as he continued speaking, moved about behind his desk with assurance and an air of ascending towards cloud nine.

Collin retained the same position in his chair as he had begun with. Being an ardent observer of people, he glanced around the room at the students that he was able to observe without turning his head, and being careful to do so only when Professor Yates’ attention was directed away from the area where Collin sat. Without detracting the professor he was able to observe that the students were well absorbed in what they heard. Owen Winslow was deeply engrossed and obviously interested, so much so that he seemed unaware that Professor Yates avoided looking in his direction. The professor did look in Collin’s direction without problem, as Collin’s hand continued to cover a significant portion of his face. Collin too thought it would be a good course, but he wondered how things would turn out for himself. His inner tensions were somewhat quieted by his absorption with the lecture, but they were still there, and for good reason.

“In this course”, continued Professor Yates, “we will survey the latest in mind exploration; such things as memory, thought processes, mind body interaction, and so on”.

I’ve recently read some interesting articles on this, thought Collin as his own mind went into gear. This will be an opportunity to get first hand professional views on the subject, just for the sake of curiosity, and general knowledge to help with my ministry, of course, as I am not now or not likely to get involved in such work to any great extent.

After a little more detail on this aspect of the course, the professor swung into psychological testing methods. “Here”, he said, “we will look at some new techniques, comparing and evaluating them alongside the methods that have been in use for considerable time.” He spoke briefly on the indispensible value of testing, stating that this matter would be gone into more fully in due time.

That’s a little outside my sphere, Collin reminded himself silently. But the knowledge will never go astray, especially when speaking with any professional person to whom I may have to refer a parishioner for specialized help. At least I will be able to understand the language if a psychologist should need to speak to me about such things.

Professor Yates next zeroed in on psychotherapy. “First we will survey the traditional uses of psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, looking at some of the merits and criticisms of each, with some case histories for illustration purposes. We will give attention to the wide use and misuse of transference, counter-transference and projection. Over and against these we will place some of the types of therapies that have evolved in recent years, with case histories which show the positive values they can have, as well as their weaknesses. We will touch on Bioenergenetics, Reality Therapy and Gestalt Therapy, to name only some.” As Professor Yates mentioned the names of these newer methods, they struck a note in Collin’s mind. He had read books on them, but he would be pleased to hear about them in the lecture room. There was always so much more to learn that way.

After a few minutes outlining just how the therapy comparisons would be done, the professor went into the final aspect of the course.

“We are finding more and more as time goes by,” he said, “that the social aftermath of all that is done in the treatment of mental disorders is a key issue. It is an extremely important factor in deciding whether the patient will make the grade in society or whether he returns again, and perhaps again and again for further therapy of one kind or another.”

Collin became so intensely interested at the sound of what he had just heard, that he forgot himself completely. His hand came unknowingly down from his face and lodged on the arm of his chair. His self awareness was now almost nil. Perhaps what was coming was what he had been searching and hoping for for many years.

“The social problems related to the treatment of the mentally ill are numerous and difficult,” said Professor Yates. He continued to talk confidently, surveying his domain as he spoke, looking here and there at the students sitting before him. Then it happened. Professor Yates, in his surveillance of the class as he lectured, caught a glimpse, for the first time, of Collin Seldon with his hand down from his face. As their glimpses connected, the professor paused for a split second during which time there was a slight break in the flow of his speech as well as momentary stoppage in his head and body swinging. But then he turned very quickly away from Collin, looking out over the students to his right as he continued to lecture.

Collin, so absorbed in the content of the lecture, was only partly aware of what was happening as the professor turned back to venture another glimpse of him. Then with paling face he suddenly turned away from him again as if with fright.

This brought Collin’s self awareness back to full capacity. He kept his cool and casually placed his hand to the side of his face as before, meanwhile observing that the professor’s proud and elated swinging mood had now subsided. Whether his confidence had too, he could not detect, but the tone of the lecture was now definitely on the down beat.

Collin braced himself, expecting Professor Yates might venture another look. Within a short period he did, this time nodding slightly towards Collin, then turning away, only to look once more, bristle, then turn away to ignore Collin’s presence throughout the remainder of the class period.

I won’t have much of a rapport with this one, thought Collin. I know from previous experiences that this professor perceives me, just by my presence, to be too much for him. By his bristle he has indicated he is going to handle it by being unfriendly, perhaps hostile towards me, maybe even try to drive me away. Time will tell.

“The problems of social acceptance generally, the home environment wherein lies the root of the patients’ problems, the acquisition of social and employment skills; these we will consider in the final phase of our course,” continued Professor Yates. He was now somewhat subdued, but self-consciously endeavoring to regain his former stance.

Not much new there, thought Collin; well, there maybe some new approaches to these familiar problems. That will be interesting and helpful, but really not what I was hoping for.

Professor Yates continued the session towards its ending with an outline of how he would present these social problems with some experiments and case histories added. After presenting a list of text books and readings the period had passed and he dismissed the class, stating that he would be happy to talk to students individually in the fifteen or so minutes at his disposal immediately following dismissal.

Collin stayed in his chair as the students dispersed. At first he sat for a while looking over the list of text books he had written down. Slowly then he stood, purposely lingering some more, and allowing other students to talk to Professor Yates first. Collin would then approach him and, so he thought, try to befriend him.

Owen Winslow had lingered too, also for a purpose. Now that the other students had cleared away from the vicinity of Collin, Owen proceeded toward him somewhat hurriedly, meanwhile making an effort to control the smile that was breaking out over his face.

“You must be one of us,” said Owen enthusiastically.

“One of us?” questioned Collin, expressing complete surprise. Thoughts went through his mind. Was this some sort of shady approach? Then, no, it can’t be. Unless my guess is wrong, this man is a good type. I’ll trust him further. “Just what do you mean by ‘one of us’?” he asked curiously.

He was reassured by an apologetic reply from Owen, “I’m sorry I said that one of us so crudely, but my observance is you are a fine, well cultured, clean-cut looking person who stands out in public. Because of that, it brings on problems peculiar to people like you and I and the other members of a support group we have going here at the university. It was this group of fine people I had in mind when I said you must be one of us.”

As Collin paused and pondered this unusual experience, Owen enthusiastically continued the conversation, “I couldn’t help but notice Mr. Yates’ reaction to you, and how you partially covered your face again. I recalled then that you had your hand up to your face from the beginning, but I didn’t realize the significance of it until the moment Professor Yates turned so quickly away from you. A neat maneuver you have there - think I’ll try that one!”

Collin began to see what Owen meant by us. “Might be a good idea for you too,” he said as he smiled. “Then the professor will look in your direction also.” They both laughed together in subdued tones.

Collin, looked toward the professor’s desk. “I wish to make acquaintance with Professor Yates. We’ll talk again later, okay?”

“That’s a good maneuver too, Collin,” said Owen, more seriously. “I think you can help us.”

Surprise and curiosity came over Collin’s face again.

“I mean - well - would you, that is, if you had it explained to you, I’m sure you would be interested,” Owen said fluctuating between stammering and excitement.

“I think I know what us means now,” replied Collin, “and if I can help anyone, I’d be glad to. There are lounging benches placed around the foyer. I’ll meet you out there in a few minutes, if that’s all right with you.”

“Good” said Owen, obviously pleased. “I’ll wait for you.”

Collin, now left alone, approached the area where Professor Yates stood talking to a student. There was one other student still waiting. Mr Yates had been putting them through about one every two minutes. He glanced at Collin approaching the area. The student with whom he had been talking was breaking away with the usual courtesies. The next student stepped up. Professor Yates engrossed himself in a lengthy conversation with him. Two minutes passed, three, four, five. Collin had experienced this before. He looked at his watch and thought of leaving.

On second thought though, he decided to stay and ride it out. At least he would stay long enough to be sure whether this delay was a coincidence or a standoff. His wondering about which it would be was soon answered. The conversation between the professor and the other student continued for about two minutes longer. Meanwhile Collin stood his ground, giving the impression he intended to stay in there. Looking at his watch, the professor sent the student on his way and Collin stepped up to him immediately.

“What do you want?” Professor Yates asked disdainfully and curtly of Collin, with emphasis on the you.

Collin braced himself, as he had done on many similar occasions. In fact he was able to handle such a situation so well now, that no notice of shock to his system was visible. “Just thought I would discuss some aspects of the course with you,” replied Collin in a calm and friendly tone that also seemed to say by its inference, Well for what other reason would I be here?

The Professor glared at Collin intensely and silently.

I could ride out that glare too,” Collin thought to himself, but then I know what it would lead to eventually; a complaint to the department head about me, a wayward student. Instead, he looked at his wrist watch, and then at Professor Yates, “Of course, if there is no time left, we can skip it. I’m sure the questions I have to ask will be answered as the lectures go by.”

“Yes”, said the professor, emphatically, lifting his shoulders a little, as if by the face saving opportunity Collin had just given him he was now in control again. “I’m sure they will, and time is running out.” He turned and began to pick up the papers from his desk and place them in his briefcase.

Collin bade him good night in a courteous manner and turned to leave the room. There was no reply. It had been a standoff indeed, from the beginning. Collin left the room, casually and unhurriedly, and went out to look for Owen Winslow.

As he entered the foyer, he didn’t have to look far to find Owen who now bounded towards him half smiling, half excited. The two met a safe distance from the lecture room door.

“You’ll have to excuse me for being so forward,” remarked Owen in a subdued voice, “for I did snoop on your meeting with Professor Yates, from a distance that is. I couldn’t hear the conversation, but the reaction was obvious, even from such a distance.”

“Come” replied Collin, “let’s go across the foyer a piece and have a seat, and we’ll see what it is you have in mind about ‘us’. In my whole life, you’re the first one I’ve met who has been so open about this matter.”

The two proceeded to an empty bench. Other students were scattered throughout, going and coming, talking, standing and sitting.