Читать книгу The Anxiety Getaway - Craig April Ph.D - Страница 9

Have you ever seen footage of a rattlesnake when it strikes? The anticipation is tremendous. And when it does strike, it is vicious in its speed, ferocity, and bite. This is what anxiety feels like for many. Of course, anxiety varies in intensity. But no matter the severity, people’s struggle with anxiety always amounts to some degree of suffering. They suffer with their symptoms, the limitations anxiety places on their lives, the impact it has on their relationships, and because they are simply afraid.

When people call my center for help, they are often at the tipping point of “enough pain” to motivate them to seek the effective, healthy way out—no matter the challenge. This motivation can be the foundation of their breakthrough, and it is this motivation that I often call upon in my sessions with anxiety sufferers. Whether dealing with a phobia, panic attacks, or OCD, motivation is going to be required to overcome your anxiety symptoms. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. No reason to stress, though. This requirement is commonplace throughout life.

Motivation is always a factor in goal achievement. Achieving any goal of great meaning, plus one that offers a great sense of freedom, can be a challenge. And any worthwhile challenge requires time, effort, courage… and an appropriate dose of motivation to achieve it. That, plus maybe a latte or two.

I always notice people’s demeanor when they enter my office for the first time. They are sometimes cautious, lest their high hopes get dashed. But that caution is coupled with excitement. Excitement over the bright and shiny object of what is, to them, a new anxiety treatment. Anything new (and don’t forget scientifically proven!) in our eyes can bring us excitement. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety is typically something people haven’t tried before, and maybe something they’ve read is supposed to work. After their history of trying many different unproven, non-scientific methods, with little to no anxiety reduction, they are usually ready to jump in. I often enjoy this time with people because they’re brimming with hope and motivation to do the work required (and willing to complete the homework I assign!).

Still, after over twenty years and hundreds of patients that I’ve helped overcome their symptoms, there are always some who display “the downturn” and stop before breaking free. Essentially, the downturn is a quick decline in motivation. For them, the bloom will soon be off the rose when it comes to walking the path of this treatment, the bright and shiny newness now gone. Why? Because soon they will be in the treatment grind, working on their anxiety with a proven, structured, and gradual plan. They’ve transitioned to the blah, tedious, Nike slogan-like “Just Do It” phase. It will no longer be exciting and it can be a little scary.

Facing fear takes some work. It can be a process that is no day at the beach—or if you’re more of a dry land person, no walk in the park. I liken this treatment grind to getting in shape at the gym. Most who exercise consistently have made workouts part of their routine. After the excitement of a new gym, new workout class, or new trainer has worn off, you transition to the routine of working on a goal. Nothing exciting to see here, folks! Just work that, if consistent, will get you to your anxiety getaway. And that’s where excitement reigns! If you want to conquer your anxiety symptoms, you’ve just got to be willing to grind it out for progress. Do the work to claim your calm!

Sometimes I’m still surprised to find that one of the biggest barriers to total anxiety reduction can rest on a little progress. Yes, you read that right. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? But once some people with an attachment to the bright, shiny object of this proven treatment make some progress, they falter. Now a little bit happier and feeling a bit more freedom than they’ve experienced in a long time, they start to back off. Why? Because for many, the suffering that remains is tolerable. It’s an acceptable amount of suffering because it’s better than what they’ve been living with. Sadly, for some, this can mark the end of treatment, as they make the choice (and it is always a choice) to back away from totally ridding themselves of still limiting anxiety symptoms. Of course, the progress they’ve made is still positive. However, it’s difficult not to see it as sad when one chooses to live life with ongoing anxiety symptoms that are resolvable, rather than completing the work required and living life with full freedom.

But why would anybody willingly accept any degree of anxious suffering? There must be a larger explanation than a desire to escape the treatment grind. It doesn’t make logical sense. When valuable progress with these scientific, proven methods has been accomplished, why wouldn’t one continue with the plan to reduce all suffering created by their anxiety symptoms? Why choose to live with any measure of the same old fears and limitations? There are many unhealthy reasons I’ve seen in my twenty-plus years in practice. Here are some:

1.Some people have grown accustomed to living with a daily dose of suffering. They’re so used to it, in fact, that the uncertainty around not having their anxious symptoms can lead to more unconscious anxiety. In other words, they’re afraid they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves without the symptoms they’ve built a life around! What would they do with all that free time?

On a separate, but simultaneous, note: some unconsciously also believe they deserve their suffering. It’s as if they believe they’re not worthy of having a life filled with freedom and joy without some form of self-imposed torture. Talk about a false belief (we’ll cover these soon)!

2.Fear of losing one’s identity is another issue that can lead to a premature departure from completing this anxiety treatment. When anxiety symptoms have been present for a long time and have become part of the fabric of one’s daily life, they may be intertwined with one’s identity. Even family members might now define “you” as your anxiety, based on the adjustments they’ve made for it over time.

This reminds me of a patient, Marisol, who saw herself as “some kind of lunatic,” as did her family! Marisol was unaware she had severe OCD. In fact, prior to entering my office, she had never sought treatment or any diagnostic evaluation. Steeped in a germ obsession, Marisol was suffering from a compulsive home practice of laying down towels as stepping stones in order to move from room to room. To her credit, at that time she worked hard and was soon able to walk through the kitchen and bedroom in her socks, free of towel assistance. But then, abruptly, she quit treatment… before attacking the bathrooms, living room, and hallways. Based on our discussions in prior sessions, it seemed that she and her family could not let go of her assigned identity as a “crazy” person. The very idea of what life would be like without that identity was so threatening, she could not bear the uncertainty of finding out.

Allowing your identity to be wrapped up in your anxious symptoms is a big error. You are not your anxiety! But if you have done so, don’t be alarmed. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last. And while there’s no denying it can be scary to face the unknown, you’ll learn how to live without your symptoms as you gradually overcome anxiety with the proven techniques in this book. Won’t you welcome getting acquainted with that experience, and getting acquainted with the real “you”?

3.Secondary gains can be another unhealthy motivation as to why people quit treatment before breaking free from their anxiety symptoms. When it comes to anxiety, secondary gains are an indirect and often unconscious “benefit” of avoiding progress. Here’s a simple example to clarify: I recall Evan, an unmotivated former patient, who mentioned with a smile that his family never asked him to pick them up at the airport due to his fear of driving. For Evan, it appeared that one secondary gain of maintaining his phobia was never being burdened with an airport pickup! A broader secondary gain may have been that few in the family sought his help for much of anything at all.

Sadly, people can develop an attachment to secondary gains. This, of course, can further destructive anxiety management behaviors and decrease motivation for progress. The costs of choosing secondary gains over anxiety reduction can be eye-opening. For example, people will start to expect less of you and, subsequently, you may begin to expect less of yourself.

Anxiety Getaway Tip

Is it true that once your anxiety has lifted, people will expect more from you? Probably so. But don’t you want them to? Shouldn’t you expect more from yourself? Your anxiety has not only placed barriers on your life, but maybe also on the lives of loved ones. You owe it to yourself (and perhaps to them) to move beyond your anxiety symptoms.

4.The last, and perhaps most obvious, reason people quit treatment is (this one is worthy of a drum roll)…FEAR. They’re simply afraid to fully face their anxiety, so they don’t continue to use these proven techniques. Some even decide their anxiety symptoms are meant to be, and never try making progress again.

When people quit based on fear, they miss the chance to discover that this fear barrier is not as difficult to conquer as they think. Why? Because the steps provided in this book can be taken very gradually. You can set the pace. If feeling afraid or even terrified, you can go as slow as you need. It’s always best to start where you are. Wherever you are is your beginning. Don’t judge yourself or accept some false belief that you’re weak and should be further along. By using the scientifically proven tools in this book, you can make steady progress, no matter your degree of fear—if you allow it. If you accept the help and choose to help yourself. If you commit. Your choice.