Читать книгу Grumpy Old Men: New Year, Same Old Crap - David Quantick - Страница 37

You can always tell if someone is a complete worthless arse by the way they use their mobile phones. If, for example, they talk without apparent interruption, it’s not because they’re having a chat with someone who’s a good listener, it’s because THEY DON’T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT UP. The reason it sounds as though there’s nobody on the other end is not because they’re so lonely that they have to pretend they’re talking to someone (although that might easily be the case), it’s because they are so sub-crustaceanly rude that not only do they not know the difference between a conversation and a monologue, they don’t care.

This also explains why these worthless nobulons only seem to know one pronoun: ‘I’. ‘I did this’ and ‘I said that’ for hours and hours. In a sane, polite society, surely we could invent a phone that delivers a small electric shock (or even a big, brain-melting one, it’s all the same thing) to anybody who uses the word ‘I’ more than a thousand times in one minute? It doesn’t seem unreasonable (see PEOPLE WITH HUGE EGOS).