Читать книгу Grumpy Old Men: A Manual for the British Malcontent - David Quantick - Страница 3

Cover

Title Page

Introduction

ENTERTAINMENT

Cinemas

Movie Trailers

Hair Ads

Perfume Ads

Loan Ads

Booze Ads

‘Irish’ Pubs

The Theatre

DVDs

Plays

Rock Musicals

Theme Pubs

ANIMALS

Cats

Squirrels

Wasps

City Pigeons

HOTELS

Hotel Rooms

Hotel Bathrooms

Hotel Towels

Hotel TV

Hotel Keys

Muzak

Tipping

ROADS

Speed Bumps

Speed Cameras

Parking Meters

Clamping

Minicabs

Black Cabs

Trendy Scooters

Urban Cyclists

Mountain Bikes

Penny-Farthing

FOOD

Burger Bars

Celebrity Chefs

Take-Away Pizza Parlours

Hot-Dog Vendors

Bad Restaurants

Supermarkets

Supermarket Trolleys

THE FRENCH

Parisians

French Music

French Hotels

French Design

French Toilets

LEISURE

Caravans

The British Seaside

Airports

Airport Book Stores

Luggagey Shops

Airport ‘Pubs’ and ‘Restaurants’

MODERN LIFE

Sports Casual

Call Centres

Banks

Cashpoints

Meetings

The National Lottery

Ikea

School Reunions

Squeegee Bastards

Language Pedants

Split Infinitives

Business Words

TRAINS

The Railways

Train Carriages

Train Staff

Reserved Seats On Trains

First Class

Train Food

Buffet Trolleys

Virgin Trains

OCCUPATIONS

Estate Agents

Estate Agentese

Hairdressers

Builders

Dentists

Astrologers

Traffic Wardens

Traffic Police

Royalty

‘Chuggers’ the Charity Muggers

Fourth Rate ‘Sporting Figures’

‘D’ List Celebrities

Magicians

Clowns (1)

Jugglers

Mime Artists

Pizza-Delivery Boys

Clowns (2)

Buskers

THE YOUNG

Babies

Schoolchildren

Teenagers

Students

PUBLIC HOLIDAYS

Christmas

Valentine’s Day

Bonfire Night

Greetings Cards

PEOPLE WHO…

Use A Train Like It’s Their Office

Throw Things Out of the Car Window

Haven’t Bought a Weekend Saver

Prefer Animals to Human Beings

Have Too Much Luggage

Are Obsessed With Their Country

Find Accidents Fascinating

Think They Have Street Cred (1) & (2)

Put Pictures Of Their Family On Their Christmas Cards

Park In Disabled Spaces When Not Entitled

Litter

Collect Toys

Play Poker

Let Their Children Record Messages On Their Answering Machine

Send ‘Round Robin’ Letters

Drive with ‘P’ Plates

Own Personalised Number Plates

Have Tattoos

Have Goatee Beards

Grow Designer Stubble

Wear Bow Ties

Wear Tops That Show Their Stomachs

Wear ‘Porn Star’ T-Shirts

Tie Their Hair In A Pony Tail

Keep Talking

Don’t Listen

Drink on the Pavement

Skate on the Pavement

Have No Manners

Picture Acknowledgements

Acknowledgements

Copyright

About the Publisher