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Chapter 9

“Lindy?” Rush dropped his hands from her shoulders. His mind was buzzing, as active as any hive. He felt weak from her touch, weak from the effect of her tears, weak with a desperate need to hold her and make her his own. He’d loved unwisely before, and had given up the dream of ever finding happiness again. And then Lindy, his sweet beautiful Lindy, had slammed into his life, and Rush knew he would never be the same again. His heart felt as if it would burst as he pulled her closer, breathing in the perfumed scent that was hers alone.

“Yes?”

Rush couldn’t believe the thoughts that were bouncing around in his mind like Mexican jumping beans. Nothing seemed to keep them still. He loved Lindy. He desired her in a way that went miles beyond the physical. Her courage, her honesty, her spirit—each had shattered every defense he’d managed to erect over the years. From the moment they’d met, she’d played havoc with his heart.

“Rush?” She was staring up at him with wide, inquiring eyes.

“I think we should get married.” There. It was out. He watched as the surprise worked its way over her features, touching her eyes first, narrowing them as though she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. Then the excitement and happiness broke out and glowed from every part of her, followed almost immediately by swift tears that brimmed in her clear, brown eyes. When her teeth bit into her lower lip, Rush wasn’t sure what to think. She tossed her arms around him, and Rush felt the shiver work through her despite the warmth of the June evening.

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” Her answer was issued in a small voice that pitched and faltered like a boat bobbing in a storm at sea. “When?”

“We’ll buy the ring tomorrow.”

She nodded, her eyes bright and eager. “I’ll arrange to take off early enough so we can get to the courthouse before it closes.”

“The courthouse?”

“For the license.” She cast him a stern look that convinced him she would make a wonderful mother.

Once he understood the implication, Rush frowned, unsure how to proceed. “But I don’t want to get married now.”

The happiness that had been shining from her face faded, then vanished completely to be replaced by a stunned, hurt look.

“I see,” she whispered, and took a step back, away from him. “You want us to wait six months until you return from this tour?”

It made a hell of a lot of sense to Rush, and when he spoke his voice was soft yet inexorable. “Of course.”

“I see.”

“Would you quit saying that like I’d just suggested we live in sin?”

Rush could tell that she was struggling to compose her thoughts. Confusion and another emotion he couldn’t define tightened her brow, and she looked to be on the verge of breaking into tears—but these weren’t tears of sudden happiness.

“I need to think,” she announced, stiffly turning away from him and hurrying down the concrete stairs.

Rush, watching her run away from him like a frightened doe, held up his hands in a gesture of utter bewilderment. They couldn’t get married so soon. For God’s sake, they’d known each other less than three weeks.

* * *

Lindy walked as fast as her legs would carry her, and her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it all the way to her toes. She was a little embarrassed, because she’d assumed that Rush meant for them to marry right away, and she was troubled, too. She didn’t want to wait, and she couldn’t think of a way of explaining to Rush all the strong and conflicting emotions that were churning inside her.

Within a matter of seconds, Rush’s quick-paced steps joined hers.

“For God’s sake will you tell me what you find so damn insulting?” he demanded.

Lindy stopped and looked up at him, loving him so much her heart threatened to burst. His eyes seemed unusually dark and, as always, unreadable as he buried his thoughts and his pain deep within himself.

“Insulting? Oh Rush,” she whispered contritely, “never that.”

“Then why did you take off like a bat out of hell?”

She dropped her gaze to the sidewalk. “I don’t want to wait…. When you leave Saturday I want to be…”

“Lindy, that’s crazy.”

“…your wife,” she finished.

Rush’s jaw clamped shut, and Lindy saw the muscles in his lean cheek jerk as a hodgepodge of doubts clouded his mind. She didn’t blame him, but if he was willing to make a commitment to her now, it seemed fruitless to wait six months.

“I’ve been through one long engagement,” she whispered fiercely. “I have no desire for another. I’ll marry you, Rush, and consider myself the luckiest woman alive. But when you place a ring on my finger there will be two, not one.”

“Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?”

She watched him intently, her eyes riveted to his. “Yes, I suppose I do, from your point of view.”

“In other words, it’s all or nothing?”

“No,” she answered softly. “I’d marry you tonight if I could, or six months from now if that’s what you choose. But if you love me enough to want me as your wife then why should we wait? That’s what I don’t understand.”

His eyes hardened. “But you might regret…”

“No,” she cut in, shaking her head so hard her hair whipped across her face. “I swear to you I’m not going to regret it.”

Rush inhaled and cast an imploring look to the dark sky as though seeking guidance, and if not that, then divine intervention.

“I don’t even want to discuss it.”

“Fine,” Lindy said with a sigh.

The remainder of the walk was completed in silence. When Rush unlocked the apartment door, Lindy stepped inside, intent on going to her bedroom to give them both space and time to think matters through.

Rush’s hand reached for hers, stopping her before she’d gone more than a few steps.

Surprised, she glanced up at him, the light so dim she could barely make out his features.

“It’s not right to hurry this when we’ve only begun to know each other,” he said in a tone that was low, husky and deliberately expressionless.

Gently Lindy brushed her fingertips across the taut line of his jaw. “I’m not going to repent at leisure, if that’s what you’re worrying about. You seem to find it so important that we wait, so we will. But I love you enough right now. I don’t have a single doubt that our marrying is the right thing, and nothing is going to change my mind.”

“Lindy, it’s crazy.”

“Marry me now, Rush.”

He shook his head. “Six months is soon enough. You need…”

“Me? You’re the one who seems to be having all the doubts.”

“I’ll marry you in six months, Lindy,” he said sternly.

Maybe, her mind tossed back. Maybe he would.

Rush studied her for a full minute. “I want you to wear my engagement ring.

The ring finger on her left hand remained dented from the year in which she’d worn Paul’s diamond. Unconsciously she rubbed her thumb back and forth over the groove now, reliving anew the desolation that engagement had brought her. The emotion rippled in her chest, each wave growing broader in its scope. She didn’t want to be Rush’s fiancée—she’d been Paul’s for so long. She’d lost Paul and she could lose Rush, too, in a hundred different ways.

“Will you?” he asked, his voice as unemotional as if he were requesting the time.

Once more Lindy would be forced to face the truth. Rush loved her enough to want a commitment from her but not enough to make her his wife. She would be a fiancée. Again. But not a wife.

A strange light flared in his eyes that she faintly saw in the darkness. “It’s important to me.”

She sucked in a deep breath and felt all the resistance inside her collapse. Gone was her pride; gone was her conviction; gone was her stubbornness. He wanted to wait. She would. He wanted her to wear his ring. She would do that, too.

“Yes,” she whispered brokenly. He needed that assurance. It was Lindy who required more.

* * *

Hours later something woke Lindy. Unsure what had stirred her from slumber, she rolled onto her side and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Across the room a shadow moved and she noted Rush’s profile outlined in the doorway of her bedroom. He was leaning against the frame of her door, his head dropped as if he were caught in the throes of some terrible quandary. Something about him, about the way his shoulders slouched and his head drooped, told her this was the last place in the world he wanted to be…or the first.

“Rush, what is it?” She raised herself up on one elbow.

Her words seemed to catch him unawares, and he jerked his head up and straightened. Moving to her side, he sank to the edge of the mattress. Tenderly he brushed the unruly hair from her forehead, his face so intense it seemed knotted. He didn’t speak, and Lindy had no way of knowing his thoughts. He groaned then, and his mouth claimed hers in a fiery kiss that threatened to turn her blood to steam. He lifted his mouth from hers and tucked her head beneath his chin, rubbing his jaw back and forth over her crown as if to soak in her softness.

Lindy dragged in a shuddering breath, her senses fired to life by his touch. She’d assumed when she first woke that he wanted to make love to her, but that wasn’t his intention. No lover would hold a look of such torment. His eyes were fierce, savage and yet unimaginably tender.

He studied her, and his warm hands stroked her face as though to memorize each loving feature. The smile that touched the edge of his mouth was fleeting. And still he didn’t speak. His thumb lightly brushed over her lips, and he closed his eyes briefly as if to compose his troubled thoughts.

“I love you, Lindy,” he whispered, in a voice that was at once gruff and soft. “I love you so much it scares the hell out of me.”

His arms went around her, holding her as close as he could with the blankets bunched between them. Inhaling a deep breath, he buried his face in her neck.

Lindy’s fingers riffled through his dark hair and she lowered her lashes, cherishing this moment, although she wasn’t sure she understood it.

“Tomorrow,” he told her. “I want you to take off early. We have an appointment at the courthouse.”

* * *

The longest—and shortest—days of Lindy’s life were the three they were required to wait before their wedding. Rush made the arrangements with a navy chaplain, and Jeff and Susan Dwyer stood up for them. The ceremony itself lasted only a few short minutes. Rush stood close at Lindy’s side, and she couldn’t ever remember him looking more handsome than in full-dress uniform. When he repeated his vows, his voice was strong and confident. Lindy’s own was much softer, but equally fervent.

Afterward they went to an expensive restaurant for dinner and were met by several other couples, all navy people, all friends of Rush’s. Names and faces flew past Lindy, and after a while she gave up trying to keep track of who was who. She managed to smile at each one and made the effort to thank them for coming to share this day with her and Rush.

Once they were seated, Lindy placed the bouquet of baby’s breath and pink rosebuds in her lap. Susan sat on her left and Rush on her right. Rush was talking to Jeff who sat on the opposite side from him. Rush’s fingers closed around Lindy’s and communicated his frustration at being trapped with all these people when he wanted to be alone with her. Lindy felt the same way. Rush was her husband and she was dying with the need to be his wife in every way. They had such little time left together. Three days and two nights to last them half a year.

“Do you think we’re both crazy?” Lindy leaned over and whispered to Susan. There’d been so little time to talk before the ceremony.

“I think it’s the most wildly romantic thing I’ve seen in years.” Her new friend’s eyes sparkled with shared joy. “A blind man could see how much Rush loves you.”

“I honestly didn’t think he’d do it,” Lindy confessed.

“What? Marry you?”

“Yes, before he left anyway. He wanted to wait until he returned in December, and…then he didn’t. I hardly had time to think once he made up his mind. The past three days have zoomed by. I feel as if I’ve been on a spaceship—everything’s a blur. We’ve been up every night past midnight discussing the arrangements.

“Didn’t you have to work?”

Lindy nodded and suppressed a yawn. “I didn’t dare ask for any days off since I’ve been working such a short time. I regret that now, because I think my supervisor would have understood. But Rush didn’t want me to jeopardize my job.”

“You’ll need it once he’s gone,” Susan said with a wisdom that must have come from her years as a navy wife. “It’s important for you to keep busy. Rush knows that. Having a job to go to every day will help the time he’s gone pass all the more quickly. The transition from being together almost constantly to being alone will be smoother, too.”

“What about you?” Lindy knew that Susan didn’t work outside the home. Her friend couldn’t with Timmy and Tommy still so young.

“I manage to do some volunteer work with some of the other navy wives,” Susan explained. “We help each other. Once everything settles down, I’ll introduce you around.”

Lindy smiled, more than willing to meet the others and make new friends. She wanted to do everything that was right to be a good wife to Rush. There was so much to learn, so much to remember. Susan was already a valuable friend, and now she was willing to show Lindy the ropes.

When they left the restaurant, several couples stood outside waiting, and Lindy and Rush were bombarded with flying rice.

Rush had chosen a hotel close to the restaurant for their wedding night. He’d checked in before the ceremony and had their luggage delivered to the suite.

“I didn’t think I was ever going to get you alone, Mrs. Callaghan,” he whispered to her in the elevator, wrapping his arms around her waist and looking very much as though he wanted to kiss her.

“And exactly what are you planning to do once you have me all to yourself?”

“Oh Lord, Lindy.” He breathed in a giant whoosh of oxygen. “You have no idea how hard it’s been to keep my hands off you these past few days.”

“Yes, I do,” she answered softly, blushing just a little. “Because it’s been equally difficult for me.”

The elevator came to a smooth halt and the door glided cheerfully open. With Rush’s hand at her waist guiding her, they walked down the long narrow hallway to the honeymoon suite.

When they reached the room, Rush gently scooped her up and into his arms, managing to hold onto her, juggle the keys and unlock the door.

Rush carried her into the room, slammed the door closed with his foot and gently laid Lindy upon the huge king-size mattress.

Lindy’s arms curled and locked around his neck and, unable to wait a minute longer, she smiled up at him, raised her head and kissed him. Rush groaned and pressed her deeper into the pillows, covering her upper body with his own. Her breasts felt the urgent pressure of his chest, her nipples already tingling with the need to experience his touch. The hammering rhythm of his heart echoed hers and seemed to thunder in her ears. Lindy had waited so long for this night.

Poised above her as he was, Rush’s mouth dipped to capture hers.

“I can’t believe we’re finally here,” he whispered, his mouth scant inches above hers.

“I can’t believe we’re actually married.”

“Believe it, Lindy.” The moist tip of his tongue outlined her bottom lip.

“I’m going to be a good wife to you,” she whispered fervently, planting her hands on either side of his face and guiding his mouth to hers, taking his tongue in her mouth. “You won’t regret marrying me…. I promise.”

“I have no regrets. Dear God, Lindy, how could I?” Again and again his mouth claimed her until she lost count.

“Lindy, Lindy,” he whispered against her neck. “I don’t think I can wait much longer…. I wanted to do this slow and easy, but already I feel like I’m going to explode, I want you so much.”

They kissed again tempestuously, their mouths grinding hard, their tongues meeting. The kissing sparked the coals of their desire with an urgency that left Lindy trembling in its wake.

Reluctantly, his breath coming in uneven gasps, Rush moved away from her enough to start unbuttoning his jacket. Lindy noted that his movements were abrupt, impatient.

With trembling, uncooperative fingers, she reached for the zipper at the back of her gown, letting the satin and lace knee-length dress fall to the floor.

She was about to slip the pale pink camisole over her head when Rush stopped her.

“Let me,” he murmured, his eyes consuming her with a need he couldn’t disguise.

She nodded and let her hands fall slack at her sides.

He stood before her—so tall, so solemn, so intent. Lindy could feel the spiraling desire wrap itself around them both, binding them to each other as effectively as any cord. His hands reached for the garment’s hem and she raised her arms to better aid him. The silky material whispered against her skin as he drew it over her torso, and Lindy heard Rush’s soft gasp as her breasts sprang free.

To her surprise, his hands came up to caress her neck and not her breasts. His touch was unbelievably light, as though he feared the slender thread of his control would snap. His hands gently stroked the sloping curve of her neck and then traveled down to her shoulders, his fingertips grazing her soft, smooth skin. Lindy’s eyes grew heavy under the magic he wove around her and her body felt warm and restless. The fresh, clean scent of him filled her and her head rolled to one side. She was caught so completely in the spell he was weaving around her that she feared she might faint with her need for him.

With the softest of touches his hands found her breasts, fitting to their underswell, lifting them, weighing them as though on a delicate balance. The thumb on each hand grazed an already erect nipple. Lindy must have moaned or emitted some kind of sound, because he whispered, “I know, honey, I know.”

Something like a flame began to warm the pit of her stomach—Lindy could think of no other way to describe it. The sensation grew more heated and more intense with every passing flick of his thumbs, until her nipples became throbbing velvet pebbles beneath his fingertips. When Lindy was convinced she could endure no more of this sweet torture, Rush lowered his mouth to hers. Gently, moistly, he kissed her lower lip, tugging at it with his teeth. Then he repeated the process and feasted feverishly on the upper.

Rush broke away from her long enough to finish undressing, then lowered himself to the mattress, propped beside her and slightly over her. The hand he slipped beneath her back felt cool and smooth against her heated flesh. He used it to arch her toward him, and she gasped when his hot mouth closed over a breast, feasting on one and then the other in turn.

The fire that had started in her stomach spread its flickering flames through her until Lindy felt she was about to be consumed by the heat Rush had generated.

If he didn’t take her soon, she was convinced she’d melt with her need. Everything in her seemed to be pulsating. Her breasts throbbed and the apex of her womanhood beat its own pagan rhythm until Lindy tossed her head back and forth, trapped in a delirium of sexual tension.

Rush kissed and caressed her endlessly, his mouth exploring her breasts, her soft belly, her long legs until Lindy thought she’d go mad. Every nerve in her body was shouting with need. Once he had reduced her to quivering helplessness, Rush changed positions so that he was poised directly above her.

His knee parted her thighs and she willingly opened to him. Rush guided himself into position so that the tip of his engorged manhood was pressed against her moist opening.

“Lindy,” he whispered hoarsely, “I…love…you.” With each word his pulsating warmth plunged deeper and deeper into her, until he was so far inside her, so firmly locked within her, she was sure he had reached her soul.

Slowly, gradually he began to move, and his swollen heat created the most delicious, most pleasing friction against the most intimate of her surfaces.

Lindy’s hands clutched at his broad back, wanting him closer, needing him. She was filled with a tautness, and indescribable demand that became more intolerable with every heart-stopping stroke until she was sure she would scream.

As she struggled to catch her breath, Rush’s hands caressed her once more, finding her tingling breasts and then the flat of her stomach.

“Rush…oh Rush….” She tossed her head from side to side, completely lost in the pleasure.

“Kiss me,” he pleaded. “Give me your tongue.” He put a hand under her head, lifting her mouth to his. Gingerly she explored the hollow of his mouth, running her tongue over his smooth, even teeth. His lower lip was full and when she nipped at it the effect on him was electric. He drove into her again and again, gaining momentum with each thrust until there was only the insistent friction and the sweet, sweet pangs of an all-consuming pleasure. When he climaxed, Lindy felt him throbbing in the innermost recesses of her body and smiled, depleted and utterly content.

Panting, Rush rolled over and pulled her on top of him. He was as breathless as if he’d run for miles, and Lindy’s own breathing was as labored as his. Exhausted, she closed her eyes and pressed her flushed face to his heaving chest, allowed herself to be transported, floating in the warm aftermath of his love.

* * *

Lindy slept in his arms and Rush watched her, astonished at the woman who was now his wife. Even though he would do nothing to change the deed, he knew deep in his heart that they should have waited before marrying. But he’d wanted her so desperately, and the thought of losing her had been more than he could bear. So he had sealed their future. It was what Lindy wanted—it was what he wanted.

These past weeks with Lindy had begun to fill the emptiness in his soul. His heart had found a home with her. She had wiped away years of cynicism with her smile, erased the bitterness from his memory with her tenderness, healed him and given him a reason to live.

A thin ribbon of sunlight peeked through the crack in the drapes but Rush dared not raise his wrist to check the time for fear of disturbing Lindy’s sleep. Lord, what a woman he’d found. Twice more during the night they had made love, and each time she had opened herself to him, holding back nothing. As their bodies had come together, their souls had merged as well. Their lovemaking was as Rush had always known it would be. He could hardly bear the thought of waiting six months to love her again. And they only had one night more.

* * *

“Rush.” She tossed his name over her shoulder. “I’ve got to push your things aside if I’m going to get all my stuff into your closet.”

“Then do it,” he said, delivering another armful of dresses and blouses to her.

They’d decided to transport her personal things into Rush’s bedroom; she could sleep in his room when he was away, which only made sense.

“I can’t believe you hauled all this to Seattle in that dinky Rabbit you drive.”

“I did.”

She was so intent on her task that she didn’t notice that Rush had moved behind her. He slipped his arms around her waist and hugged her, resting his chin on her shoulder, kissing her neck. Lindy finished pushing the hangers to one side before twisting around and shyly kissing him back.

“Is that everything?” she questioned, looping her arms around his neck.

“Just about. You know, there are better ways to spend a honeymoon.”

Her lashes fluttered down. “Yes, I know, but…but I thought you’d be exhausted by now. I mean…well, you know.”

Rush started unfastening the buttons of her blouse. “I find that you bring out the animal side of my nature.”

Already Lindy could feel her body starting to respond. “You seem to be doing the same thing to me.”

“We’ve got a million and one things to do,” he muttered, but his fingers were intent on only one task.

“I know,” Lindy returned, pulling his shirt free from his waistband.

He stripped the blouse from her shoulders and removed her bra. Her breasts stood out firm and round. He fondled each one, then kissed them in turn. “Did I ever tell you about the morning I walked in on you in the bathroom?”

“Yes,” she whispered hoarsely.

“I thought at the time your nipples were begging to be kissed.”

“They are now, too.”

Rush groaned. “Oh God, Lindy, I’m never going to get enough of you before I leave.”

“But not for any lack of trying,” she whispered back, threading her fingers through his hair. Tossing back her head, she whimpered softly as he sucked her breast with the hunger of a starving man. Already his hands were at the snap of her jeans, working that open and then tugging at the zipper. Lindy’s fingers were equally busy.

They could hardly make it to the bed fast enough. Wordlessly Rush spread her legs and lowered his body into hers. At his first thrust, Lindy felt an electric charge shoot through her and she cried out.

Their lovemaking was a hungry, wild mating that was both tender and fierce and left them so exhausted they fell into a deep, drained sleep.

A sharp sound broke into Lindy’s consciousness, but she resisted waking, not wanting to tear herself away from the warm, lethargic feeling of being held in Rush’s arms.

“What the hell?”

Lindy’s eyes shot open to discover her brother standing in the doorway of Rush’s bedroom. Before she could move or speak, Steve had tossed his seabag on the floor and stormed into the room. With one sweeping motion, he hauled Rush out of bed and slammed him against the wall.

“Just what the hell are you doing in bed with my sister?” he demanded, his fist poised in front of Rush’s face.