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Six

A week after Steve sailed, Carol began experiencing symptoms that again suggested she was pregnant. The early morning bouts of nausea returned. She found herself weeping over a rerun of Magnum, P.I. And she was continually tired, feeling worn-out at the end of the day. Everything she was going through seemed to point in one direction.

Self-diagnosis, however, had misled her a month earlier, and Carol feared her burning desire to bear a child was dictating her body’s response a second time.

Each morning she pressed a hand over her stomach and whispered a fervent prayer that her weekend of lovemaking with Steve had found fertile ground. If she wasn’t pregnant, then it would be April before they could try again, and that seemed like a thousand years away.

Carol was tempted to hurry out and buy another home pregnancy test. Then she would know almost immediately if her mind was playing tricks on her or if she really was pregnant. But she didn’t. She couldn’t explain—even to herself—why she was content to wait it out this time. If her monthly cycle was a week late, she decided, then and only then would she make an appointment with her doctor. But until that time she was determined to be strong—no matter what the test results said.

The one thing that astonished Carol the most was that in the time since Steve’s deployment she missed him dreadfully. For months she’d done her utmost to drive every memory of that man from her mind, and sometimes she’d succeeded. Since Christmas, however, thoughts of Steve had dominated every waking minute. Until their weekend, Carol had assumed that was only natural. Steve Kyle did play a major role in her scheme to get pregnant. But she considered having a baby more of a bonus now. The possibility of rebuilding her marriage—which she had once considered impossible to do—claimed precedence.

Missing Steve wasn’t a new experience. Carol had always felt at loose ends when he was aboard the Atlantis. But never had she felt quite like this. Nothing compared to the emotion that wrapped itself around her heart when she thought about Steve on this tour. She missed him so much that it frightened her. For more than a year she’d lived in the house alone; now it felt like an empty shell because he wasn’t there. In bed at night her longing for him grew even more intense. She lay with her eyes closed, savoring the memory of their last two nights together. A chill washed over her at how close they’d come to destroying the love between them. The only thing that seemed to lessen this terrible longing she felt for her ex-husband was constructing dreams that involved him to help ease the loneliness as she drifted off to sleep.

Friday morning Carol woke feeling rotten and couldn’t seem to force herself out of bed. She pulled into the huge Boeing parking lot at the Renton plant ten minutes later than usual and hurriedly locked her car. She was walking toward her building, trying to find the energy to rush when she heard someone call out her name.

She turned, but didn’t see anyone she recognized.

“Carol, is that you?”

“Lindy?” Carol could hardly believe her eyes. It was Steve’s sister. “What are you doing here?”

“I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

Lindy looked fantastic. It had been nearly two years since Carol had last seen her former sister-in-law. Lindy had been a senior in college at the time, girlish and fun loving that summer she and Steve had visited his family. Had that been only two summers ago? It felt as though a decade had passed. Lindy had always held a special place in Carol’s heart, and she smiled and hugged her close. When she drew back, Carol was surprised at the new maturity Lindy’s eyes revealed.

“I work here,” Lindy said, squeezing Carol’s fingers. “I have since this past summer.”

“Me, too—for over a year now.”

Lindy tossed the sky a chagrined look. “You mean to tell me we’ve been employed by the same company, working at the same plant, and we didn’t even know it?”

Carol laughed. “It looks that way.”

They started walking toward the main entrance, still bemused, laughing and joking like long-lost sisters … which they were of sorts.

“I’m going to kick Steve,” Lindy muttered. “He didn’t tell me you worked for Boeing.”

“He doesn’t know. I suppose he assumes I’m still at Larson’s Sporting Goods. I quit … long before the divorce was final. We haven’t talked about my job, and I didn’t think to mention it.”

“How are you?” Lindy asked, but didn’t give her more than a second to respond. “Steve growls at me every time I mention your name, which by the way, tells me he’s still crazy about you.”

Carol needed to hear that. She grinned, savoring the warm feeling Lindy’s words gave her. “I’m still crazy about him, too.”

“Oh, Carol,” Lindy said with a giant sigh. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that. Steve never told any of us why the two of you divorced, but it nearly destroyed him. I can’t tell you how happy I was when you phoned last Christmas. He hasn’t been the same since.”

“The divorce was wrong…. We should never have gone through with it,” Carol said softly. Steve had been the one who had insisted on ending their marriage, and Carol had been too hurt, too confused to fight him the way she should have. Not wanting to linger on the mistakes of the past, Carol added, “Steve told me about you and Rush. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Lindy’s eyes softened at the mention of Rush’s name, and translucent joy radiated from her smile. “You met Paul, didn’t you?”

Carol nodded, recalling the time she had been introduced to Lindy’s ex-fiance in Minneapolis. She hadn’t been overly impressed by him and, as she recalled, neither had Steve.

“He married … someone else,” Lindy explained. “I was devastated, convinced my life was over. That’s how I ended up in Seattle. I’m so happy I moved here. Paul did me the biggest favor of my life when he dumped me; I found Rush and we were meant to be together—we both know it.”

Hold on to that feeling, Carol mused, saddened that she’d been foolish enough to allow Steve to walk away from her. It had been a mistake, and one they’d both paid for dearly. “I’m really pleased for you, Lindy,” she said sincerely.

“Thank you … oh, Carol, I can’t tell you how good it is to see you again.”

They paused once they passed the security gate, delaying their parting. “What area are you working in?” Carol asked, stopping. The others flooding through the entrance gate walked a wide circle around them.

“Section B.”

“F for me.” Which meant they were headed in opposite directions.

“Perhaps we could meet for lunch one day,” Lindy suggested, anxiously glancing at her watch.

“I’d like that. How about next Tuesday? I can’t until then, I’m involved with a special project.”

“Great. Call me. I’m on extension 314.”

“Will do.”

* * *

Steve walked past the captain’s quarters and through the narrow hallway to his stateroom. Tired, he sat on the edge of his berth and rubbed his hand across his eyes. This was his favorite time of day. His shift was complete, and he had about an hour to kill before he thought about catching some sleep. For the past several days, he’d been writing Carol. His letter had become a journal of his thoughts. Chances were that he would be home long before the letter arrived. Because submarines spent their deployment submerged, there were few opportunities for the pickup or delivery of mail. Any emergencies were handled by radio transmission. There were occasions when they could receive mail, but it wasn’t likely to happen this trip.

Steve felt good. From the moment his and Carol’s divorce had been declared final, he’d felt as if he’d steered his life off course. He’d experienced the first turbulent storm and, instead of riding it out as he should have, he’d jumped overboard. Ever since, he’d felt out of sync with his inner self.

In his letter, he’d tried to explain that to Carol, but putting it in words had been as difficult as admitting it had been.

He didn’t know what had happened between Todd and Carol. Frankly he didn’t want to know. Whatever had been between them was over and Steve could have her back. Lord knew he wanted her. He was destined to go to his grave loving that woman.

When he’d sailed out of Hood Canal and into the Pacific Ocean, Steve had felt such an indescribable pull to the land. He loved his job, loved being a part of the Navy, but at that moment he would have surrendered his commission to have been able to stay in Seattle another month.

Although he’d told Carol that they should use this time apart to consider a reconciliation, he didn’t need two seconds to know his own mind: he wanted them to remarry.

But first they had to talk, really talk, and not about Todd. There were some deep-rooted insecurities he’d faced the past couple of weeks that needed to be discussed.

One thing that had always bothered Steve was the fact that Carol had never seemed to need him. His peers continually related stories about how things fell apart at home while they were deployed. Upon their return, after the usual hugs and kisses, their wives handed them long lists of repairs needed around the house or relayed tales of horror they’d been left to deal with in their husband’s absence.

Not Carol. She’d sent him off to sea, wearing a bright smile and greeted him with an identical one on his return. The impression she gave him was that it was great when he was home, but was equally pleasant if he wasn’t.

Her easy acceptance of his lifestyle both pleased and irritated Steve. He appreciated the strength of her personality, and yet a small part of him wished she weren’t quite so strong. He wasn’t looking for a wife who was a clinging vine, but occasionally he wished for something less than Carol’s sturdy oak-tree character. Just once he would have liked to hear her tell him how dreadful the weeks had been without him, or how she’d wished he’d been there to take care of the broken dryer or to change the oil in the car.

Instead she’d given him the impression that she’d been having a grand ol’ time while he was at sea. She chatted about the classes she took, or how her herb garden was coming along. If he quizzed her about any problems, she brushed off his concern and assured him she’d already dealt with whatever turned up.

Steve knew Carol wasn’t that involved in the Navy-wife activities. He figured it was up to her whether or not she joined. He hadn’t pressed her, but he had wished she would make the effort to form friendships with the wives of his close friends.

Carol’s apparent strength wasn’t the only thing that troubled Steve, but it was one thing he felt they needed to discuss. The idea of telling his ex-wife that the least she could do was shed a few tears when he sailed away from her made him feel ungrateful. But swallowing his pride would be a small price to pay to straighten matters between them.

What she’d said about wanting a baby right away made him feel soft inside every time he thought about it. He’d yearned for them to start a family long before now, but Carol had always wanted to wait. Now she appeared eager. He didn’t question her motivation. He was too damned grateful.

A knock on his door jerked his attention across the room. “Yes?”

Seaman Layle stepped forward. “The Captain would like to see you, sir.”

Steve nodded and said, “I’ll be right there.”

* * *

Carol sat at the end of the examination table, holding a thin piece of tissue over her lap. The doctor would be in any minute to give her the news she’d been waiting to hear for the past month. Okay, so her period was two weeks late. There could be any number of reasons. For one thing, she’d been under a good deal of stress lately. For another …

Her thoughts came to a grinding halt as Dr. Stewart stepped into the room. His glasses were perched on the end of his nose and his brow compressed as he read over her chart.

“Well?” she asked, unable to disguise the trembling eagerness in her voice.

“Congratulations, Carol,” he said, looking up with a grandfatherly smile. “You’re going to be a mother.”