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{ CHAPTER 1 }

Develop the Mindset

Many students at risk have sundry issues that prompt them to believe avoiding relationships with adults is in their best interest. They may have experienced tumultuous relationships with adults in their past. They may have been let down, betrayed, abandoned, abused, or even assaulted. Their lack of positive adult role models can foster behavior patterns that serve only to deepen their at-risk status.

While some educators work to build supports for students at risk, some students work to build walls to avoid relationships with teachers. During this time, teachers must not give up on trying to reach their troubled students. By adopting a relationship-building mindset, educators will make a commitment to persevere, be relentless in showing their students that they care about them, and go above and beyond to build trusting relationships with them.

The Glossary of Education Reform (Great Schools Partnership, 2013a) defines the term students at risk as:

Students or groups of students who are considered to have a higher probability of failing academically or dropping out of school. The term may be applied to students who face circumstances that could jeopardize their ability to complete school, such as homelessness, incarceration, teenage pregnancy, serious health issues, domestic violence, transiency (as in the case of migrant-worker families), or other conditions, or it may refer to learning disabilities, low test scores, disciplinary problems, grade retentions, or other learning-related factors that could adversely affect the educational performance and attainment of some students. While educators often use the term at-risk to refer to general populations or categories of students, they may also apply the term to individual students who have raised concerns based on specific behaviors observed over time that indicate they are more likely to fail or drop out.

Using focus groups of grades 6–9 teachers, Brittany Hecker, Ellie L. Young, and Paul Caldarella’s (2014) research identifies students most at risk for emotional and behavioral disorders. Teachers responded to their survey and indicated that they expected the behaviors of students at risk to include: difficulty maintaining peer and teacher relationships, difficulty with hygiene and sleep, challenging home and school relationships, and noncompliance with teacher directions (p. 20).

Research also has documented the following common characteristics, experiences, or behaviors of students at risk: substance abuse, underachievement, catastrophic worldview, academically challenged, disruptive family, poor communication, loss and separation, and connections with other disenfranchised students (Gasa, 2001). Some intrapersonal and psychological characteristics of students at risk include poor self-image, anger, loneliness, impulsivity, and depression (Nunn & Thomas, 1992). As you can see, the characteristics of students at risk are wide ranging. Such negative characteristics and behaviors are typically distinct barriers to success in school.

Educators must recognize these characteristics so they can intervene early. Early identification and intervention are key. Educators can identify students at risk by examining those with low academic scores, poor attendance, and frequent office discipline referrals. Teachers should begin building relationships with these students to increase their engagement and affection for school. Building a relationship has been widely recognized as one of the most effective actions that educators can take to transform a student at risk into an achiever (O’Shaughnessy, Lane, Gresham, & Beebe-Frankenberger, 2003).

Unfortunately, students who fall into this category are often at risk of dropping out of school because of other catastrophic events. The term at risk may be applied to students who face other catastrophic events such as teen pregnancy, health issues, or domestic violence.

The challenges that students at risk face also make it challenging for school personnel to develop relationships with them. Because the challenges are so great, some educators may find it easier to give up. This is why developing a relationship-building mindset is so important.

During my workshop “The Power of Building Trusting Relationships With Students at Risk,” attendees share how they struggle to build relationships with some of their more challenging students, sometimes falling into the trap of indifference. They describe the backgrounds of the students and some of their behaviors. They talk about different incidents that have occurred and how their irritation levels rise. They share stories of enduring disrespect, insubordination, and contempt and how they are cussed at, ignored, and even threatened.

Some state that they do not receive any help from their students’ parents and lament the many factors giving rise to poor behavior and low academic performance. At times, some even state they lack interest in building relationships with some of their students. Many teachers tell me that they feel themselves going into survival mode within the first quarter of the school year, followed by a period of self-reflection to decide whether they want to continue to teach.

I tell them, “I’ve been there and done that! Now let’s do something about it.”

My passion for working with students at risk prompted me to write this book. Studies show that teacher-student relationships affect students’ academic achievement, social and emotional development, behavior, and feelings of belonging, as well as classroom management and school climate, just to name a few outcomes (Cataldi, Laird, & Kewalramani, 2009; Gallagher, 2013). The importance of establishing these relationships and developing them with students at risk is the main focus not only of this book but of my life’s work. It has not always been easy building relationships and connecting with students, but over time, with continued practice and through trial and error, I was able to develop a relationship-building mindset that has proven to be such a game-changer.

Indeed, adopting this mindset meant the difference between working with challenging students and giving up. I encourage all educators to view working with students at risk with a relationship-building mindset. The greater the number of teachers committing to this style of growth-fostering education, the greater students’ chances for success. Educational research documents numerous benefits of building relationships with students along with the negative effects of a failure to do so.

What the Research Says

Until the 2000s, research failed to address how teachers form strong teacher-student relationships in practice. And even since then, despite the implications and recommendations from research, many educational professionals remain unaware of the correct actions to take to build trusting relationships with students at risk as “educational programs for children often do not set a high priority on building student-teacher or student-student relationships. Instead, they focus on developing a range of academic skills” (Hamre & Pianta, 2006, p. 49). Educators throughout the 1980s and 1990s stressed the importance of the three Rs—reading, writing, and arithmetic. These were the essentials that teachers had to teach and students had to learn in order to contribute to society.

Researchers of the 2000s have updated the three Rs to stand for relevance, rigor, and relationships—the strongest factors in helping students be successful in the classroom and in life—and studies have well documented the importance of teachers and administrators establishing relationships with students (Hamre & Pianta, 2001; Rudasill, Reio, Stipanovic, & Taylor, 2010). Research also has demonstrated the correlation between positive relationships and student achievement and reinforced the concept that caring teachers have the potential to motivate students to succeed academically and to stay in school (Rich, 2006). This approach is successful with the majority of students in the classroom but especially with students at risk (Beattie, Rich, & Evans, 2015; Reilly, 2014).

However, while numerous teachers are adept at establishing relationships with students, countless teachers struggle mightily at establishing them with students at risk. This is “despite the belief that it is only by understanding the particular challenges faced by students at school that teachers are able to make changes and use strategies that reduce stress and increase success” (Bevan-Brown, Carroll-Lind, Kearney, Sperl, & Sutherland, 2008, p. 22). In addition, Ernest Morrell and Jeffrey M.R. Duncan-Andrade (2002) stress, “As classrooms across the country become increasingly diverse, determining how to connect in significant ways across multiple lines of difference may be the greatest challenge facing teachers today” (p. 88).

Many students at risk have serious personal and social problems and have had negative experiences with adults in their past. This causes many of them to employ every conceivable tactic to avoid establishing any relationships other than antagonistic ones with teachers, administrators, and other school personnel (McWhirter, McWhirter, McWhirter, & McWhirter, 2006; Seita & Brendtro, 2005). The influence of the affective quality of teacher-student relationships on students’ perceptions may be especially true for those with behavioral problems. Students’ adjustment problems in schools have been linked to “the failure of classroom environments to meet students’ needs for a feeling of belonging to the classroom” (Martin & Dowson, 2009, p. 332).

Inadequate relationships with teachers may lead to an aversion toward school and disengagement. According to Maria Poulou (2015), “When students feel alienated from school, they are at greater risk of developing antisocial behaviors, delinquency, and academic failure” (p. 87). The quality of teacher-student relationships may be a protective resource that promotes and maintains students’ school engagement (Skinner, Kindermann, Connell, & Wellborn, 2009).

Research performed since 2000 provides strong evidence for the impact teacher-student relationships have on various aspects of students’ cognitive, emotional, and social development (Hamre & Pianta, 2001; Rudasill et al., 2010). Positive relationships have both short-term and long-term social and academic benefits for students (Baroody, Rimm-Kaufman, Larsen, & Curby, 2014). Naheed E. Hosan and Wendy Hoglund (2017) tell us, “Negative interactions with teachers may in turn accentuate the negative aspects of school for children and interfere with their enjoyment of school, elevating their risk for emotional disengagement” (p. 202).

When teachers take the time to develop relationships with students, students feel more comfortable communicating with teachers and sharing information that may impact their learning. Healthy relationships also promote curiosity and increase the level of student engagement. Researchers assert that relationship building is at the heart of good teaching (Perry, 2013), and teachers who are flexible and can shift their interactions based on students’ emotional needs are much more successful (Warshof & Rappaport, 2013). In addition, young students’ relationships with teachers “reflect the quality of the emotional connection between the two parties, and these relationships play an important role in shaping students’ experience and adjustment in school” (Uslu & Gizir, 2017, p. 66).

Fatih Koca’s (2016) findings support the key role of teacher-student relationships in students’ motivation to learn and their school adjustment:

Positive teacher-student relationships can lead to a warm classroom environment that facilitates successful adaptation in school and increases student motivation to learn. In contrast, conflictual teacher-student relationships are associated with lower achievement and self-esteem as well as ongoing relational conflict with both teachers and peers. Children with whom teachers report positive relationships are outgoing and more socially competent. High-quality relationships between teachers and their students enhance classroom learning and motivation by building a safe and supportive classroom context for students to open up and take intellectual risks. (p. 8)

What It Looks Like in the Real World

As the research demonstrates, there are endless benefits to healthy, strong, and appropriate teacher-student relationships. The academic, social, and emotional benefits of building relationships with students should motivate every teacher to want to do so.

Many teachers begin the school year with the intention of building relationships. They may be successful doing so with a few, some, many, or all their students. On the other hand, some teachers’ efforts are thwarted. When this occurs, teachers can continue with subtle acts of kindness toward the students and wait for them to come around. Those students who still do not respond may show an intentional lack of interest in the teacher’s attempts to connect with them. When that happens, the teacher may continue to work to build the relationship or just say “Forget it” and proceed through the rest of the school year with a “Let’s just get through this as best we can” mentality.

But these unresponsive students are likely the ones who need connection the most. Although their initial behavior and attitude may send the message that they do not care, they want to be cared about and accepted. Perhaps they perceive adults negatively based on past occurrences. In many cases, they placed trust in an authority figure who let them down, and they have zero desire to repeat the experience. This presents a challenge for educators and requires considerable patience and perseverance.

Educators and teachers are some of the most resilient people you’ll meet, possessing qualities of strength and determination. Does this describe you? Know this: even when the task is difficult—perhaps especially when the task is difficult—the potential for amazing outcomes is worth it. Maintain optimism and frame the challenge as an opportunity for life-changing success. No matter how adamantly these students attempt to push teachers away, they will so greatly appreciate knowing that their teachers care for them that they may develop an unwavering loyalty in return.

To get to this place, the teacher has to have not only the will but also a relationship-building mindset to prevent him or her from throwing in the towel when times get tough. We as educators have to know that we do have the ability to connect with and role-model for our students. When we have the right mindset and refuse to give up, then we do not look at other alternatives or accept any other options; we keep trying until we are successful. This is the same mindset people adopt when they set a goal that they truly want to accomplish.

I set a goal to go to college, graduate, and become a physical education teacher. The first couple of years of college were difficult for me. I did not feel that I was properly prepared for college work. Much of that was my own fault; I was not a model student in high school. When I first arrived at college, the amount of work and the degree of difficulty overwhelmed me. I also experienced culture shock. This environment was completely different from that of my youth, and I knew absolutely no one on campus. When progress reports came out, I was nearly failing every class.

I wondered whether I was cut out for this and considered leaving. I was ready to drop out of school. I called my uncle who I regularly turned to for advice. He was a veteran Chicago police officer, and he gave me a talk that determined the projection of my future. I told him I wanted to drop out, and he asked me what my plan would be if I did. I told him that I could be a barber because I was good at cutting hair or a police officer like him. He then told me that I needed to “burn my ship.” Confused, I could only respond, “What?”

My uncle then shared the story of Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés who led an expedition that caused the fall of the Aztec Empire and brought large portions of what is now mainland Mexico under the rule of the King of Castile in the early 16th century. “Burn the ship” was born from an idea that originated in 1519 during the battle at Tlaxcala, where Cortés’s army subdued the Tlaxcalans. That year, Cortés set sail to Veracruz, Mexico, with his crew. Upon arrival, Cortés’s men became weary and scared, with hopes of retreating home.

As legend has it, Cortés had the men burn their ships, leaving no option but to fight for their lives. Their ability to retreat to safety and their previous way of life was gone; their safety net had been removed. They fought with all they had to win the battle because their lives depended on it. This victory eventually led to the fall of the Aztec Empire and Cortés established himself as the absolute ruler of a huge territory extending from the Caribbean Sea to the Pacific Ocean (Innes, n.d.).

After my uncle shared this inspiring and heartfelt story with me, I buckled down. I told myself that I would not, and could not, give up! I put any thoughts and ideas about returning home out of my mind; I “burned my ship.” I started attending tutoring sessions. I stayed up late to study and complete assignments. I taught myself how to type. I made sure that I was never absent from class. I participated more frequently in class and in group work. Instead of partying every weekend, I went to the library or the computer lab. I applied myself, my grades improved, and my momentum built. I started believing in myself. When I finally earned my college degree, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment and developed a determined mindset: if it is worth having, then it is worth working for.

This is the type of mindset educators must bring to the challenge of building trusting relationships with students at risk. We do not always know the right answers, but we have to persevere. Just as students in the classroom need to work to learn new concepts and master new skills, educators must work to understand students and figure out how to support and connect with them. We may not know what difficulty a particular student has, or what happened to the student, but we know that we have the power to make a difference. The reward is greater than the challenge. Realizing the goal means feeling that tremendous sense of accomplishment while enhancing students’ lives. Our lives and the students’ lives will mutually benefit as we forge and develop relationships that are worth every ounce of work that goes into them.

To develop a relationship-building mindset, think about how your relationships with your students can be enhanced. Picture the ones who are at risk academically or display challenging behaviors and have avoided your previous attempts to establish a trusting relationship with them. Imagine how their achievement or behavior would improve if you had a connection with them. Now set a goal of establishing a relationship with these students, allowing reasonable time for this to be accomplished.

As you set this goal for yourself, reflect on a time in your life when you set a goal that would take a considerable amount of time and effort to accomplish. Think about how determined you were to achieve this goal and the sense of accomplishment you felt when it was met. Recall some of the challenges or roadblocks that you had to overcome in order to meet your goal. Think about the strength, mental fortitude, or resources you enlisted to overcome these obstacles. Remember the time it took, and remember how you got through it by anticipating both the reward of finishing what you started and the ways in which your life would be enhanced as a result.

Now picture the students you have difficulty with, and use this same mindset of determination to forge positive and trusting relationships with them. Parallel the goal of establishing a relationship with them to the goal you have already brought to fruition through your hard work and willpower. Tell yourself that since you were capable of investing the necessary amount of time, energy, physical effort, and mental effort into that goal, you are also capable of investing what is necessary to build a positive and trusting relationship with your students who may be at risk. This is how you develop a relationship-building mindset.

Because this is not easy, remember the resources and supports that were available to you when you were going through the process of accomplishing your previous goal. Think of any resources or supports that are available as you face challenges building relationships with challenging students. As you set out to do this, you may also draw motivation from the feelings of elation that you experienced when you met your previous goal. Envision the mutual benefits as the reward of building those relationships, and use that anticipation of the end result to keep working, despite the difficulty or challenges that will arise. Do not allow yourself to give up!

Once you have developed the mindset, then you must put it into action by showing students that you truly care about them. The next chapter covers this crucial aspect of engaging with students at risk.

Questions for Reflection

Use the following four questions to reflect on what you have learned in this chapter. You may choose to journal about them or discuss them with a partner or small group to gain further insights.

1. Think about a big accomplishment that you achieved. What were some of the difficulties you had to endure or some of the challenges you had to overcome? What made it worth it to keep going?

2. Ask yourself if you are interested in or committed to building relationships with your challenging students. Think about a student you have had difficulty connecting with. What makes it difficult to build a relationship with him or her? What are some of the challenges?

3. What are some of the benefits that you would like to see as a result of developing trusting relationships with your students?

4. After developing a relationship-building mindset, how will you stay committed to connecting with your challenging students?

Action Steps

Following are four action steps you can take right now to apply what you have learned and help students at risk in your classroom.

1. Identify one of your students at risk and tell him or her that you are going to commit to helping him or her be successful this school year.

2. Ask the student for three ways in which you can help him or her succeed in your class.

3. Based on the response, list several things that you may have to sacrifice to support the student. For example, you may have to sacrifice eating lunch with your colleagues once per week to eat lunch with the student to get to know him or her better. Or, you may have to come in to work a half hour early or stay late once a week to tutor the student. Sometimes, to truly commit to a goal means making sacrifices in other areas.

4. Based on your knowledge of your challenging students, anticipate several barriers they may put up to avoid building a positive relationship with you. To prevent giving up on these students, reflect on difficult times you have endured. Use the reproducible “Developing a Relationship-Building Mindset” to help you through the process of changing your mindset.

Developing a Relationship-Building Mindset

Respond to the following prompts to help you discover how to develop a relationship-building mindset.

1. Write down two of the most difficult or challenging goals you have accomplished so far in your life. Who helped or supported you, and how did that relationship help you accomplish your goals?

A.

B.

2. Identify a student who is facing challenges or difficulties and how building a relationship with him or her might help this student succeed.

3. What “ships” would you need to burn or excuses would you need to eliminate in order to develop a relationship-building mindset so you can be a more positive influence on students at risk in your classroom?

Building Bridges © 2019 Solution Tree Press • SolutionTree.com Visit go.SolutionTree.com/behavior to download this free reproducible.