Читать книгу Hug Therapy - Dr. Stone Kraushaar - Страница 12

How to Use and Not Use This Book

Hug Therapy is divided into six parts.

Part I lays out the hugging essentials. It includes: a brief history of hugging, as well as the science behind Hug Therapy. Next, it provides an overview of the benefits of hugging, as conveyed in The Hug Store, a beautiful book about hugs, written from a child’s perspective, to help better understand the important question “where do hugs come from?”

Then, the first section shifts into how common it is to feel stuck, and explores how a hug can be a tool to an increased awareness, moving us from feeling stuck, to being powerfully in action. It introduces the concepts of being fully grounded, appreciating ourselves, and truly embracing our value and completeness in this very moment.

Part II provides tools to utilize when planning your first 21-Day Hugging Journey. It introduces the concepts of supercharged mindfulness and radical transparency (truth in love). Next, Part II explores how any interaction between two people is either a hug or not a hug, and how identifying this can be helpful. It also introduces three different levels of hugging, including, “the space of a hug,” the physical hug, and the virtual hug. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, this part includes the critical Action Steps to Starting Your 21-Day Hugging Journey (see page 91 if you want to jump ahead right now).

Part III explores what it means to Embrace Yourself—literally and figuratively—with sample exercises to guide you. It doesn’t matter what you have or haven’t done in the past. That is over. Loving yourself in this moment and taking care of you is at the core of Hug Therapy. Start to embrace that concept in this moment, accepting this and letting it wash over you. Too many of us hold onto anger, frustration, and resentment, allowing it to drag us down like a bag full of bricks. Let’s work together to identify these heavy burdens, and then let go of them, so you can feel lighter and refreshed, with newfound energy and purpose. It helps to explore how you can surprise and delight yourself each day, and have increased awareness that you are the hero on this journey.

Part IV is about Embracing Life, with more exercises to help you appreciate and make the most of every moment. Together, we will come up with new ways to stimulate your creativity and set new goals. You will be encouraged to do all those things you’ve been thinking about doing, but haven’t yet taken on. It’s action time! The way to make things happen is by putting a concrete structure in place.

Part V is about Embracing Others, with additional exercises to help you connect with the people in your life: family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and even people you don’t yet know. It’s also about the critical importance of understanding the mutuality of a hug, and of being clear whether the huggee really wants a hug, with an important focus on “consensual hugging or not at all.” You can’t fully embrace yourself and life without embracing others(This doesn’t necessarily mean physical hugging, it can also mean fully embracing them metaphorically, such as truly listening to them, hearing their story, and really seeing them). A huge part of hugging is about developing empathy, compassion, respect, and focusing on doing your best to truly understand this other person, so that you can be as supportive as they need in that moment.

Part VI is about bringing together all the different, rich forms of hugging that have been explored throughout Hug Therapy. It emphasizes deeply engaging in life through a 21-Day Hugging Journey that lights you up and inspires you. Whether you are already in action or about to begin, this section reminds us that the only day to really hug ourselves or anyone else is today. Hug yourself and those around you, and spread love and acceptance in the world.

Hug Therapy is for people of all walks of life and beliefs. That said, you might be interested to discover that the teachings you read here are inspired, in part, by the Kabbalah—the ancient Jewish wisdom that helps reveal how the universe and life work, which seeks to develop the following:

•A deep understanding of nature, the world, and who we are.

•Practical tools for developing a new perspective on the world around us.

•An awareness of the source of problems in our personal lives and in society.

Those are also the ambitious goals of Hug Therapy. As you read and work your way through each chapter, the goal is to come away with a powerful exploration of these areas. Each brief essay has three parts:

The author’s thoughts and insights on the chapter’s subject.

Why this matters (i.e. how you will benefit from incorporating this concept in your life).

Action steps and activities to apply what you’ve learned to your unique situation.

Allow Hug Therapy to guide you into a new hugging paradigm as your understanding of its principles and insights grow. I hope you will come to think of it as a discovery source and launching pad. This is not a book to rush through and put back on the shelf. If you got a digital copy, it’s perfect because you can have it with you whenever you want. This is a book to read in your quiet moments, to revisit often, and know it’s there for you.

As you are reading Hug Therapy and engaging in the exercises, know that you are brave, wise, and unstoppable. This is not a pep talk. Whether you doubt any of it, even a little, or know it wholeheartedly, embark on this journey of discovery. It will open you up more and more to who you are and what you want. It will all happen through something so simple and straightforward that you may take it for granted: the hug.

The hug may be a large part of your day or a little piece of your week. It may be something you can’t recall doing for a while or an activity you disdain—something only for those who are emotional or soft. You will be challenged, supported, and ultimately unleashed. It will all happen through your relationship with, and your understanding of the power of the hug.

Congratulations on embarking on a journey that, through your investment and labors, will reward you with powerful breakthroughs—both large and small—throughout your life.

Is it bold or naïve to suggest that Hug Therapy is potent enough to radically transform your life—and the planet? Perhaps. But I have a few things going for me. First, everyone understands the power of a hug. Second, most are capable of hugging. And, third, hugging is scientifically proven to have many positive effects. Of course, I’ll tell you more about that in the coming chapters.

So, let’s get started…and “hug it out!”

Stone

Hugging 101—Definitions Overview

Radical Transparency—Your word is extremely powerful when you act in accordance with your heart and stay true to yourself. Being aware of what you really think and feel in this moment, and expressing yourself will set you free.

Full Responsibility—You are masterful and fully accountable for your life. You can create anything you are fully committed to, and connect with others in doing so. This awareness is powerful. Seeing the world this way gives you access to action and how to create it through connection. This way of viewing the world offers you unique access to building and embracing a life that inspires you.

Regardless of your situation, you can change your life. Awareness of your present situation is your launching pad for moments, days, and years of unlimited possibility. It all begins with action today. This is about achieving the end result on the one hand, and—perhaps more importantly, and at least equally importantly—understanding who you know yourself to be in this moment, based on the action you take today. What if today was the last day you had to live? How would you want to know and love yourself? Not in any way bound to the balance in your bank account, retirement plan, or having the most toys, but in a more essential manner. How would you want to be with your loved ones and all the people around you? How would you embrace this moment and be fully engaged in life and the magic of you?

When you embrace each of these components, anything is possible. You will know with your entire being that you are a miracle, and that you can dance and play through life.

If you follow the recommendations here, you will begin to embrace yourself and the world, feel fully alive and present, and increase your potential to create deep connections wherever you go.

Brief History of Hugging

The official origin of where or when the act of hugging began is uncertain. It seems to be one of those instinctive behaviors humans share with primates to express emotional connection, love, consolation, and comfort. Wanting to be held in a tight embrace by another appears to be human instinct or primate instinct, and arguably, mammalian instinct. Human biology requires nurturing by our primary caretakers in order to thrive, because we can’t care for ourselves as babies and children. A hug may often be used when words fail or seem insufficient.

When we stop to think about it, hugging likely goes back as far as human existence. Even when there was only one person in existence, that individual likely had an evolutionary focus on taking care of themself (a self-hug). Once there were two or more individuals, they likely bonded together to support each other, and for the propagation of the species.

Historically, offering a hug or a handshake demonstrated that neither individual had a weapon, and was a sign of good faith. It is also a gesture that can be seen in the art of many cultures throughout history and across the world.

The specific origins of the word “hug” are unclear, and two theories exist. The first suggests it to be of Scandinavian origin, and is often presumed to be connected to the Old Norse hugga (first used in 1560), which was understood to loosely mean “to comfort.” The second, is that the word is related to the German word hegen, meaning to foster or cherish, and originally meant to enclose with a hedge.

Tree Hugging

One distinct use of the word “hug” is tied to “tree hugging,” which was first identified in India in the 1700s. The legend goes that when the maharajah wanted to build a new palace, he planned to build it on the land of the Bishnoi people, to whom trees are sacred. The Bishnoi people worship nature, and thus, the killing of anything in nature, including trees, is forbidden. A female villager noticed men about to cut down the precious Kherjri trees, and positioned herself between the men and the trees, wrapping herself tightly around the tree, legend says, hugging it with all her might. She is said to have offered her head if it would save one tree, and the maharajah’s loggers chopped her head off with an axe.

The story goes that three other girls, and eventually hundreds of Bishnoi villagers, responded in the same way, joining the protest. Legend has it that 353 people had been murdered before the maharajah ordered a decree protecting the land from future harm. To this day, logging and hunting in Bishnoi villages is still prohibited.

Through the years, tree-hugging has continued to be a means of peaceful resistance to prevent the lumber industry from destroying native forests. It has become a more common way for environmentalists to protest, as well as become a part of green spiritualist practice.

Amma

One distinct and extremely influential and powerful hugger is Amma. She was born into a low caste family in the fishing village of Parayakadavu in the district of Kerala in India on September 27, 1953. Her parents remarked that she was born into the world smiling, and not crying. She grew up very different from other children in that she was very spiritual, and it is said that even at age five, she was spending much of her time praying. When she was nine, her parents sent her off to school, and she was given the worst jobs to do, which she did gladly. As she grew older, her mystical experiences intensified, and she began to gain followers attracted to her spirituality. Her devotees often said she took on the form of Sri Krishna, and many miraculous healings have been attributed to her.

Amma is uneducated in the traditional sense, but she teaches her followers about the ancient traditions of Yoga and Vedanta. Her main teaching has been to reject the false sense of ego, and focus on the divine, true nature of man. During the past thirty-five years, her main focus has been to travel the world and offer unconditional love to people from all walks of life. It is estimated that Amma has hugged over thirty-three million people worldwide. On some days, she may have hugged up to fifty thousand people in a day, working for up to twenty hours.

She does not try to convert people to her religion, and says that her “sole mission is to love and serve one and all.” Some people claim to feel vibrations when they hug her. They have come to see that her hugs are not just physical, but are spiritually powerful, and her touch is a blessing. Because she hugs for hours, her stamina and presence seem almost otherworldly. It is that endurance that gives her the magnetism people call saintly.

National Hugging Day

Kevin Zaborney is credited with the creation of National Hugging Day in 1986. It is also known as National Hug Day, International Hug Day, and Global Hug Day. This immensely important observance occurs annually on January 21 and was first celebrated in Michigan. It is now celebrated all over the world. Zaborney explained that the idea of National Hugging Day was to encourage everyone to hug family and friends more often. He chose the time of year for National Hugging Day because it is the emotionally low period following Christmas/New Years and before Valentine’s Day. The benefits of hugging are extensive, and in part, can reduce blood pressure, increase self-esteem, and improve both physical and mental health.

Zaborney cautions people to ask first if uncertain of the response, out of respect for personal boundaries. Zaborney has traveled all over the world promoting National Hugging Day. He is a founding member of the National Hugging Alliance, which worked with the Guinness World Records to set the benchmark for a world record of the Most Nationalities in a Group Hug. That effort successfully brought together more than forty-three different nationalities in the world’s first 21-Second Hug on January 21, 2018.

Free Hug Movement

In 1999, Bernard and Delia Carey started an extraordinary social movement by washing people’s feet in New York City. They placed a sandwich board sign out on the street, and waited for people to come in, no donations, and no fuss. People started getting curious and stopping into the little storefront on East 10th Street. Before long, the Careys were offering hugs, bandages, and money. The biggest letters outside the store were the ones that read “Free Hugs.”

What began as a storefront whim became an artistic experience. Customers referred to it as “performance,” but the Careys wanted to do something bigger and more impactful. They delved into the idea of “relational aesthetics,” traced back to the 1960s interdisciplinary community, Fluxus, which included performances by artists like Yoko Ono.

They began taking pictures and videotaping their experiences, and, before long, their “Free Hugs” became a national news story. They were asked to be in the Whitney Biennial Art Show in New York City, where they gave out hugs and were interviewed on the morning news program Good Morning America. The Biennial happened in 2002, in the wake of 9/11, and the Careys’ exhibit served as a public source of comfort for still grieving Americans. Most importantly, they were able to get the public to think of hugs as a service, something that people could give and receive much more from in return.

In May 2004, a man named Jonathan Littman began giving out hugs in Washington Square Park in New York City every Sunday, under a sign labeled “Free Hugs.” He also traveled to Germany and did the same. He wanted to utilize and share his generosity with the people around him.

One month later, in June 2004, it was reported that Juan Mann gave out hugs for the first time in Sydney, Australia in exactly the same way Littman had done. But Juan included a viral video as well. The band Sick Puppies created a music video out of his travels that became an instant internet success. Juan Mann began giving out hugs, because he wanted to be hugged. Millions of people have watched his video, and although Mann retired from the Free Hug movement in 2009, the video continues to inspire.

Ken Nwadike Jr. is a documentary filmmaker and peace activist known as the “Free Hug Guy.” He attended the 2014 Boston Marathon to spread love and encourage runners with free hugs. He explained, “while viewing the devastation of the 2013 bombing of the Boston Marathon, I was determined to be a participant in the next race. I failed to qualify by just twenty-three seconds, so I decided to attend the event in a different way.” He provided free hugs for runners in the marathon, and this simple act of encouragement resulted in national headlines. The hugs resulted in smiles and gave runners an extra boost of energy. He has invigorated the free hugs movement, and explains that the mission of the Free Hugs Project is to continue the work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., “to spread love, inspire change, and raise awareness of social issues.”

The Science Behind Hug Therapy: A Word with Dr. Kipp

To explain oxytocin from a medical standpoint, I asked my friend and colleague Dr. Kipp to share his expertise. Dr. Kipp is an interventional radiologist and former family practitioner. He is triple board certified, and has an extensive formal education, including medical training with two residencies and a fellowship covering a span of nine years of post-graduate education. Dr. Kipp speaks all over the country about issues ranging from the human-animal bond to the Affordable Care Act, and the sanctity of the patient-doctor bond. He is also the host of the radio talk show called Doctor’s Orders.

Have you ever watched a mother with her newborn baby? It doesn’t matter whether you’re participating in the birth of a child or of an animal in nature. The moment the child is born, the natural bond between mother and newborn forms, permanent, durable, and everlasting. Mothers love to cuddle with their newborns. They love the touch of their infants upon their skin. They even describe the distinct smell of their babies.

Animal studies have shown similar results. Mother horses know their own foal, even in a crowded pen of newborn colts. Mother mice are able to identify their pups in a crowded cage, and if the pup is separated from the mother for a short period of time, upon return, the mother showers her baby with maternal affection by licking its fur.

Have you ever wondered why? Childbirth has been described as the greatest possible pain any human will ever experience. When people have any other pain in their lives, they tend to avoid and run from the negative stimulus as fast as their legs can carry them. What is it, then, that makes a mother immediately forget the pain and suffering (sometimes as long as eighteen to twenty hours of pain)? And I mean immediately. It must be something powerful.

It is. Science has analyzed, examined, and studied this phenomenon for years, and has discovered some amazing things. Although an entire neurological system is working in unison before, during, and after the delivery, the one specific chemical that appears to have the most profound effect is oxytocin.

Oxytocin is a neuropeptide, which simply means it is a natural chemical, a hormone, produced by the hypothalamus in the brain. All scientific data points to oxytocin as the number-one explanation for a mother immediately forgetting that pain. If this hormone can have such an extraordinary effect during childbirth, what effect will it have on our everyday lives?

A well-known study at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill highlighted just how powerful oxytocin can be.1

The research includes studying oxytocin release in married couples and cohabitating adults. For ten minutes, the scientists in the lab ask the couple to spend time holding hands, hugging each other, and reminiscing about pleasurable events in their life, like how they met and how they fell in love. The couples then had their blood drawn for evaluation of oxytocin levels, and filled out a questionnaire. The results were telling—those couples who had higher oxytocin levels had better relationships. Science has begun to realize the valuable benefits of oxytocin. More study is necessary to fully understand the effects, and these studies are ongoing.

The dopamine-response system in the brain, under the influence of oxytocin, controls our ability to perceive pleasure. These neuropeptides, oxytocin and dopamine, have become known as endorphins, or pleasure chemicals. Here are some things we do know about oxytocin and hugs: When we embrace someone, oxytocin is released, and this makes us feel warm and fuzzy. This promotes feelings of devotion, trust, and bonding. The touch also enables the participants to develop a stronger sense of acceptance, and decreases loneliness, isolation, and depression. But it’s more than that—the hug leads to the lowering of one’s blood pressure. This appears to be directly related to improvement, or a decrease, in cortisol, the stress hormone. The same oxytocin effect can happen when you hug or interact with a pet. Besides being at the root of the human-human bond, oxytocin is also instrumental in the positive changes observed in the human-animal bond.

The UNC study results tell us some interesting things about human contact, specifically hugs. When a person experiences the inviting touch of another person, a burst of chemicals fills the brain with a wave of warmth. Oxytocin is released, and the pleasure receptors are bathed in pleasure chemicals.

What does this mean for the science behind the hug? Everything. It brings our emotional self in line with our physical self. Science provides the validation that something pleasing has occurred. And it’s even more profound than that, although there is some controversy on whether how the duration of the hug determines how much oxytocin is released, with some scientists claiming a twenty-second hug is needed for any oxytocin release. Recent studies raise the possibility that oxytocin release starts seconds before humans’ exchange contact. Just thinking about a hug may have a similar, if not identical, effect as the actual thing.

Remember the phrase “an apple a day keeps the doctor away?” Medical professionals have analyzed this statement from various angles. What if we changed it to “a hug a day”? Interestingly, a new study at Carnegie Mellon University, involving 404 healthy adults, studied the effect of a hug on their overall susceptibility to developing the common cold after being exposed to the rhinovirus.2

People who perceived greater social support from hugging showed a 32 percent decreased risk in developing the common cold. And even those who developed a cold experienced less pronounced symptoms, if they perceived a positive benefit from hugging, and received more frequent hugs. It appears that hugging protects people who are under stress from the increased risks for colds usually associated with stress. Hugging is a marker of intimacy, and helps generate the feeling that others are there to help in the face of adversity. Psychologists have described hugging as follows: hugs surround the recipient with a “force field,” or an invisible armor that gives the person a psychological feeling of safety and security.3 4

What’s more telling is what is exactly happening at the physiological level. When the person receives the hug, touch, or human contact, this stimulates pressure receptors under your skin in a way that leads to a cascade of events, including an increase in vagal activity. Specifically, stimulation of the vagus nerve triggers the hypothalamus to release oxytocin. The increase in oxytocin levels in the bloodstream creates a domino effect in which the adrenal glands inhibit or decrease the amount of cortisol and norepinephrine in the bloodstream. These effects place you in a relaxed, contented, and secure state. Another related study from the University of North Carolina School of Medicine in Chapel Hill studied postpartum mothers. They found that higher oxytocin levels were associated with lower cardiovascular and sympathetic-nervous reactivity to stress.5

Indeed, a hug a day—especially a twenty-one-second hug—may very well keep the doctor away.6

What could this mean for long-term treatment of stroke victims during their physical rehabilitation, situational or even chronically depressed patients and their daily medical regimen? Could frequent hugs, or so many quality hugs a day, be prescribed as part of their medical therapy? Why not include a prescription that states, “Three twenty-one-second hugs a day, every day”? And for stressful conditions, add a fourth thirty-second hug when needed. Why not? There’s enough physical evidence to suggest hugs provide the recipient with measurable and reproducible benefits.

The scientific community hopes that anxiety patients may be helped more quickly with the aid of oxytocin. Oxytocin would have a positive effect on the patient’s perception of fear. It would aid in bonding between therapist and subject, suggesting a heightened increase in success of treatment. Oxytocin could become an alternative to standard anxiolytics like lorazepam or diazepam, but with a much more natural approach, and less risk of side effects. More clinical studies are needed, but early results suggest there is reason for much optimism. Oxytocin may change how we look at and treat anxiety in the future. The possibilities are virtually endless, or at least that’s how it seems now.

We see anecdotal examples every day. “When I come home, my daughter will run to the door and give me a big hug, and every stress that happened that day just melts away.” I doubt this father knew much about science, or that he understands the oxytocin effect behind this display of love and affection, but his statement speaks to the depth of his grasp of the hidden benefits behind his daughter’s hug. If hugs can have this level of influence on our daily lives, shouldn’t we incorporate human contact into our daily activities? I suspect we would all be much better for it as individuals, as families, and as fellow citizens of the world. If someone important has passed on from this world, what would you give to have the chance to hug them once more? Don’t be afraid to touch your loved ones—your health and well-being may depend on it.