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The Benefits of Hugging from The Hug Store

1.Reduces stress, worry, and anxiety

2.Increases calmness

3.Reduces production of cortisol (the stress hormone)

4.Enhances bonding differently than language alone

5.Lowers levels of emotional and physical pain

6.Increases compassion and understanding

7.Relieves depression

8.Elevates mood

9.Boosts and enhances the immune system

10.Relaxes muscles in the body

11.Lowers blood pressure and improves heart health

12.Balances the nervous system

13.Reduces feelings of hostility and anger

14.Helps with nonverbal communication

15.Boosts self-esteem

The previous page is an excerpt from a children’s book that I think offers a profound lesson. If you are looking for a great children’s book, I suggest you read The Hug Store from Veronica Lane Books, written by father/daughter team Shana and Rick Morrison. It is based on a true story in which Shana (a five-year-old kindergartner) tells her grandfather that she “is all out of hugs” and needs “to go to the hug store to get more.”

Feeling Stuck

Sadly, people often feel a nagging sense of dissatisfaction with their lives. Things are not turning out as they had hoped. They had plans that never materialized, goals and expectations they didn’t meet, or dreams they never pursued. Their lives are full of shoulds: I should be more successful. I should have gone back to school. I should be in better shape. My marriage should be happier.

Perhaps you have thought, I’m an unpaid chauffeur, driving my kids to lessons and practices and play dates. I resent being in this position, but I’m stuck. You’re comparing yourself to all the other parents and wondering about their levels of contentment as they drive kids to piano lessons or dancing lessons and hockey practices. Is this the way my life should be?

Or, maybe you are frustrated with your professional life. You may be thinking, I’m in a job that’s going nowhere. Half the time I’m bored, and the other half I’m frenzied and about to burn out. I don’t like what I’m doing—it’s a bad fit for my skills—but I’m stuck. Jobs are not that easy to find, and I should be happy I even have one. I have to support my family even if I don’t love what I’m doing.

Shoulds can lead you to a pity party: My marriage should have worked out. I should be in better shape. I should be making more money. I should be married. I should go back to school, because I’m not getting anywhere. I should have gone for another degree or pursued a career in a different field.

Does this sound familiar? Are there areas of your life that aren’t working? If you feel overwhelmed, dissatisfied, or just plain stuck, you are not alone.

Why This Matters

You are not stuck. By becoming aware of how you feel about your life, you have taken the first step on a life-changing journey. Hug Therapy is your guidebook.

Action

In all of life, and as you read the upcoming chapters, it is critical to identify what is and isn’t the truth. As humans, we are prone to getting caught up in the drama of our lives. You must learn to separate what’s actually true from your version of the truth. This must be done with razor precision. The challenge is that we get so caught up in our version of reality that we see it as the truth, even though an objective outsider will clearly see the distinction. Let Hug Therapy help you identify this difference. The value in it is immeasurable.

Begin to rely very heavily on these two questions: Did that really happen? and Am I completely certain that actually happened? For example, your best friend unexpectedly misses your birthday party. Many of us in a situation such as this have thoughts, like: They don’t really care about me. Are they really my best friend if they aren’t willing to go out of their way to attend my birthday? A best friend shouldn’t behave like this. In this instance, the reality is that they did not physically attend the party. The rest is conjecture, and yet we often treat “the rest” as if it is fact. As a result, we often create a world of suffering, and become trapped in it. Open yourself to looking deeply at assumptions that you have made about the people in your life. Are you doing this to some of the people with whom you are or have been close? Getting lost in these inaccurate versions of reality is not only hurting ourselves and negatively impacting our quality of life, it is pulling ourselves away from the people in our world.

“Each day of human life contains joy and anger, pain and pleasure, darkness and light, growth and decay. Each moment is etched with nature’s grand design—do not try to deny or oppose the cosmic order of things.”

—Morihei Ueshiba

Dear Reader,

Consider that you are part of nature, perfect the way you are. In today’s world, it’s hard to accept that you are whole the way you are. We are constantly being fed advertising that says we need to change. This is nonsense, because you are as perfect as any part of nature.

Deeply connect with the moment you’re in, regardless of where you are or who you are with.

Think of this book as your coach, and the message below as foundational. You will be encouraged to explore and embrace places and things you thought were too much or too hard. You can do this. Let the words below remind you of your power and completeness. Let them ground you in your place as a loving being who is capable of anything you conceive and pursue.

It was written with love, and you are encouraged to fully embrace it. Preferably read it aloud or listen to it online as you prepare for the journey ahead.

When All is Said and Done

(a Message and Wake-Up Call)

Below is an example of one moment in life in which I was fully present. Look at it and use it as a tool to slow down and connect with yourself in any moment of your life that you choose.

We have this moment and only this moment.

You’ve likely heard the above statement many times. The challenge and the profound reality are to really “get” this in as many waking moments as possible.

It’s 6:36 a.m. on a Thursday morning, and I’m looking out the bedroom window into a forest. In the foreground is a beautiful, gnarled tree with many bends and expressions. Alone, it stands proudly, and yet, it is not alone. It is surrounded by others, and the depth and the richness of the rest of the forest is captivating.

There are a few suggestions of green pushing through with new spring growth, but mostly there are shades of brown. The light is coming softly through the canopy of the forest and highlighting the various trees; some thicker, some thinner. And yet, the whole picture is woven together in a magical way. It’s perfect. I can hear the birds chirping lightly in the background, and occasionally, the sound of a car passing by.

I want you to know that wherever you are in this moment, it’s perfect, and it really works.

You can slow down, really notice your surroundings, and be with them. The acceptance of this morning, or whatever time of day it is right now as you’re reading this, wherever you are, is the foundation for moving anywhere.

Accept that you are perfect, whole, and complete—not as an intellectual thing, not like “Yeah, I know, Stone.” Instead, accept yourself as an embodiment of something in nature. You are perfect in the same way that each one of the hundreds of trees I see out my window is perfect.

Some are thinner; some are in bands together; some are wavy, and bumping into others. The taller ones that have the blue sky blasting out in the background, and the shorter ones that are waiting to grow; each branch, each piece of bark, each leaf—that is you and me, perfect.

Let this wash over you.

Any time you feel overwhelmed or lost, come back to this, and get in touch with how you are—as perfect as any stone; as whole and complete as a diamond, an amethyst, a ruby, or a boulder.

You have everything, and thus, need nothing. You may want things, and you may definitively create things, but know that you already have it all. Consider that from this foundation, you are already being the magic of who you really are.

This is not a pep talk. This is reality. You are perfect, whole, and complete. This is simply the reality, and you are either in touch with this reality or not.