Читать книгу The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them - Elaine N. Aron, Elaine N. Aron Ph.D. - Страница 25

Yet another source of variation besides different genes for different kinds of sensitivity and the relative balance of the aforementioned two systems are your child’s other inherited traits. Those who study temperament have come up with several different lists. (I think of them as different ways to slice the same pie.) The best-known list is of nine traits, arising from the work of Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess. As you seek to better understand your HSC, it is important to know something about these other temperament traits. So let’s consider each, in the light of high sensitivity (the definitions are from Jan Kristal’s The Temperament Perspective).

1. Low sensory threshold. On this list from Thomas and Chess, low sensory threshold is the equivalent of high sensitivity, although their term seems to imply that the five senses are the main source of the trait and does not emphasize the deeper processing of experiences, including imagined or remembered experiences, with all their emotional implications.

2. Activity or energy level. Active children have a great zest for life. They are independent and approach everything with their entire mind and body on. They are usually well coordinated, quick to walk and talk, eager to learn, but exhausting to parent. Less active children are calm, seldom fidgety or restless, better at fine motor skills than gross ones, and in no hurry. HSCs can vary on this as much as other children (it is probably affected more by the go-for-it system). Being high in activity can help an HSC move out into the world. But when considering activity level, I like to think about both inner and outer activity. Some children, HSCs in particular, may be outwardly quiet but their minds are buzzing.

3. Intensity of emotional response. Intense children put considerable energy into their emotional expression. They seem dramatic and loud; you do not have to guess what they are feeling. Low-intensity children are subdued, showing their displeasure with little fuss, never a tantrum. Most HSCs have intense responses, but many would be considered low on this trait because they do not express their reactions outwardly, in dramatics, so much as inwardly, with stomachaches or anxiousness. It is usually not hard to see their intense response if you are paying attention. And HSCs who are outwardly intense—there are some—at least grow up with the advantage that they let the world know when they are overwhelmed.

3. Rhythmicity. Children with this trait are very predictable. You know what time they will be hungry, sleepy, or have bowel movements. When older, they are creatures of habit, keep their rooms orderly, eat regular meals and snacks, and get their work done on time. Most HSCs are fairly predictable, probably because they thrive on order, and this can be a great advantage to you and your child. But your HSC may also be quite unpredictable.

5. Adaptability. Children who are very adaptable go with the flow; they can handle changes, transitions, and interruptions; they make good travelers. Slow-adapting children need to know what to expect and when to expect it, and don’t like change that happens suddenly. They want to control situations when they don’t know what to expect. A simple statement like “Time to eat” may be met with stalling or a complete tantrum. Most HSCs seem to be poor adapters, but in reality they are being asked to adapt to too much. They are overwhelmed, or afraid of being overwhelmed, by all the new stimulation that must be processed before they can relax. On the other hand, HSCs can see the consequences if they do not adapt, both for themselves and those around them, and will try their best to be flexible. What is frustrating for parents is that these children often keep it together when away from the family, then when they come home, they “lose it” when asked to make a small transition. For the sake of being socially appropriate, they have overtaxed their ability to handle change. At home they feel free to let go.

6. Initial Reaction or approach/withdrawal. One child rushes into things, another is slow to warm up. Most HSCs pause to check, but if the HSC also has a strong go-for-it system, she might be fairly quick to engage with new people and things if it feels safe.

7. Persistence. Some children stick to a task no matter what. They like to finish what they start; they will practice something until they master it. We say they have a long attention span, until it becomes a problem, then we call it stubbornness. Other children stay with an activity briefly, then move on. It may be that they are easily frustrated and give up more easily. This is a separate trait from sensitivity, but sensitivity affects it. For example, since HSCs process things so deeply, they tend to be persistent. But their vision of how to do something perfectly can make them frustrated when they cannot achieve it, which leads to overarousal and a sense of failure, and then they want to quit and are not persistent. Or some will drop everything—not persist—if they see that someone needs or desires them to do something different.

8. Distractibility. This refers to how easily a child can be taken “off task” or shifts on his own from one activity to another. How does this differ from low persistence? A distractible child will look up from reading if someone walks by; if he is also persistent, the child will return to reading. A less persistent child keeps watching. A less distractible child would not even notice the person walking by. If he’s also not persistent, he will not read for long either, but not necessarily because of any distraction. HSCs are fairly distractible, since they notice so much, but their deep processing usually overrides their distractibility—that is, in a quiet place with no inner worries they have deep concentration.

9. Predominate Mood. Some children are said to be naturally cheerful, some irritable, some pessimistic. Many temperament counselors no longer use these labels, because they recognize that a child’s mood is deeply affected by her environment and experiences. I do not see any one mood predominating in HSCs, although I do see their moods affected more by life experiences than non-HSCs.