Читать книгу The Complete Book of Rules: Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right - Ellen Fein - Страница 12

Men love a challenge – that’s why they play sports, fight wars and raid corporations. The worst thing you can do is make it easy for them. When a man is trying to set up a date to meet you, don’t say, ‘Actually, I’m going to be in your area anyway’; don’t offer the names of restaurants between your place and his, unless he asks. Don’t say much at all. Let him do all the thinking, the talking, let him flip through the Yellow Pages or magazine listings and call a couple of friends for suggestions to come up with a place convenient for you. Men really feel good when they work hard to see you. Don’t take that away from them.

The Rule is that men are supposed to rearrange their schedules around you, pursue you, take cabs and trains to see you. For example, on their second date, Charles drove forty miles out of his way to see Michele because she was spending the weekend at her mother’s. Most girls would have left their mums in the lurch so that their date wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced. But Michele was schooled in The Rules and knew the right thing to do. The extra miles only made Charles more determined to see her.

Friends and colleagues meet halfway. Men (real men) pick up women at their homes or offices for dates. Always make the place convenient for you. We don’t care where you live.

Invariably, we find that men who insist that their dates meet them halfway or (worse) on their own turf, turn out to be turds – inconsiderate, uncompromising and even miserly. Jane recalls that after cabbing across town to meet Steve (a blind date) at his favourite brunch place, he suggested they split the bill.

Jane, a truly nice person, agreed that it was only fair to pay her share. After all, she made a considerable amount of money as a lawyer and felt it would be ‘unfair’ for Steve to ‘absorb’ the entire cost of the date. Why should he have to pick up the whole tab? That was very nice of Jane, but we assure you that had she insisted that they meet at a place near her, perhaps just for a drink (especially if she didn’t feel right spending his money), Steve would have treated her like a princess, not a co-worker. But since Jane made everything so easy for him, he didn’t treat her well, lost interest, and eventually stopped calling.

It’s not that women aren’t capable of taking public transport and paying for themselves. It’s just chivalrous, hence The Rules, for men to pick up their dates and pick up the bills. Equality and Dutch treat are fine in the workplace, but not in the romantic playing field. Love is easy when the man pursues the woman and pays for the woman most of the time. He feels that the money he spends on the food, the movie and the cabs is the price of being with you and it’s worth every penny. You should feel honoured, happy, not guilty.

But if part of you feels uncomfortable about him paying for everything, offer to leave a tip or, if the night is a long one – say dinner, a show and three cab rides or parking pay for something small along the way. But don’t pay for anything on the first three dates. Later on, you can reciprocate in your own way: cook him dinner at your place or buy him a baseball cap. If he’s on a tight budget or is a student and you’re worried about him spending tuition money, still don’t split the bill. Instead, suggest inexpensive places to eat and have a hamburger. Don’t order appetisers or more than one drink. There’s always pizza or Chinese food. Suggest movies, museums and cheap outdoor concerts.

It’s nice of you to care about his finances, but remember that he is deriving great pleasure from taking you out. Why deprive him of the joy of feeling chivalrous? Actually, the best way you can repay him is by being appreciative. Say thank you and please. Don’t criticize the place or the food or the service, even if they are plain awful. Be positive. Look for the good in everything. We know one man who became even more enamoured of a girl on their second date because she didn’t complain one word when he couldn’t remember where he parked at a football game. For the whole hour during which they pounded the pavement looking for his car, he kept thinking, ‘What a great girl!’

Many things can go wrong on a date, especially when a guy is so eager to impress you that he ends up making more mistakes – locking his keys in the car, forgetting the theatre tickets and so on. Never use these blunders to make him feel bad. Instead, see all the effort and expense he is putting into the date. Being a good sport could make the difference between being just another date and his future wife.