Читать книгу The Complete Book of Rules: Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right - Ellen Fein - Страница 7

If you had ever met Melanie, you wouldn’t have thought she was extraordinarily pretty or smart or special, but you might have noticed that she had a way of behaving around men that put prom queens to shame. Melanie did the best with what she had: she wore makeup and clothes well and acted elusive. Unlike other, prettier girls who ran after men or made themselves available every time a man called, Melanie acted indifferent – sometimes aloof, sometimes nice, but always happy and busy. She didn’t return their calls, didn’t stare at them (a dead giveaway of interest, see Rule 3) and always ended phone conversations first. ‘I’ve got a million things to do’ was her favourite closing line. Melanie’s boyfriend eventually proposed to the one girl he thought he would never get – her!

Who hasn’t met a Melanie? Haven’t we all known women who seemed to be experts around men? Men don’t appear to unnerve these women or trip them up. They have a certain self-confidence around men that has nothing to do with their looks or their jobs. Melanies simply feel good about themselves – they can take or leave men – which makes men have to have them. Call it reverse psychology or whatever you want, but Melanies always get their man.

When you meet a Melanie, especially a plain and simple Melanie, you want to go up to her and ask, ‘What is it, what are you doing that make men run after you? What’s your secret? What am I doing wrong?’ A genuine Melanie would probably say without too much thought, ‘Oh, it’s really nothing.’ The born-again Melanies – former Rules breakers who have learned their lesson after being burned by chasing men – would probably say, ‘Yes, there is a secret. Men love a challenge. Don’t talk to them first, be busy sometimes, turn them down once in a while (nicely!).’

You will find Melanies everywhere you go. Watch them carefully. Observe how they have made self-contentment and independence an art form. They don’t look wildly around to catch men’s eyes. They don’t say hello first. They just go about their business.

It would probably be good practice the next time you are at a social event to stand back and watch the Melanies and The Rules breakers. Compare how the two types of women behave around men and notice the results. Notice how the Melanies intentionally don’t carry a pen with them in order to give men their phone numbers and they don’t rush to give their business cards. Notice the way they move around the room while The Rules breakers stand too long in one place, look anxious or talk too long to one man. They make it too easy for men to ask them out – and, as you will read in this book, that’s a big mistake.

One day, after years of watching girls like Melanie snag the men of our dreams, we asked Melanie how she got such a great catch. She took pity on us and told us about The Rules. She said that we were nice but we talked too much and were over eager, and that we mistakenly tried to be ‘friends’ with men rather than elusive butterflies, or, as she put it, ‘creatures unlike any other’ (see Rule 1).

Needless to say, we were offended by what seemed to us to be downright trickery and manipulation. The Rules would send women back twenty-five years. What would the feminists say? On the other hand, Melanie had what we wanted: the husband of her dreams who adored her. It made sense to rethink our offended psyches!

Melanie assured us that plain-looking women who followed The Rules stood a better chance of being happily married than gorgeous women who didn’t. Thinking back on our own dating history, it did appear that the men we really wanted didn’t necessarily want us. We’d be ourselves, friendly and supportive and they thought we were great – but it ended right there. And, come to think of it, the ones we didn’t particularly care for, the ones we didn’t notice, maybe even snubbed, were the ones who didn’t stop calling, the ones who were crazy about us. There was a message here somewhere: treat the men we wanted like the men we didn’t want.

Simple, but not easy. But what did we have to lose? We wanted what Melanie had. So we did what she did, and – it worked!