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THE GENDER THING

Okay, now that you’ve wiped that grin off your face, let’s move on to a more serious issue: sex. The question remains: What gender should you be to maximize your chance of success as a creative writer? Male, female or undecided? Don’t guess.

At this point in time, fortune appears to favour the female writer, as long as she doesn’t overdo it. Exuding her femininity creates the impression that the writer is interested in reproduction of a more bodily nature than that of the Xerox machine.

On the other hand, the female author is much better off today than in the nineteenth century when Mary Ann Evans felt obliged to transmute into George Eliot, and Amandine Aurore Lucie Dupin hit pay dirt only after becoming George Sand.

Today the pendulum has swung the other way. Female authors actually flaunt their real names, while the guy named Joe might be tempted to transform into Josephine. This isn’t a good way to get in touch with his feminine side.

Most successful novels today are written by gals. Guys feel handicapped. They may even come to resent their own genitalia, as betraying the cause of that creative organ situated above the belt. But this is scapegoating of the worst kind.

Now, if a guy wants to experiment with wearing a bra just to get the feel of being Gertrude Stein, no harm done — probably. But stiletto heels are inappropriate on writers of any gender.