Читать книгу The secret faces of her - Hanadi A. Luethi - Страница 6

For the sake of what, For the sake of who?

He left home and started to walk down the market aisles, greetings and compliments showered him from everyone. He would nod with a smile thanking them warmly for their wonderful gift. He proceeded reaching to his favourite part of the market where perfumes and essences were sold as well as unique books brought from all over the world, the world he knew nothing of.

He was loved and respected by all the people of his island, from the youngest to the very old. They kept their oath as they promised his mother, the wise old lady who adopted him and was their beloved leader. For thirty-five years he grew to earn his people´ trust and they admired him as the years passed, it was a great honour and surprise when they have chosen him to be the judge of judges who makes the final decisions and says the last word. He was nearly seventeen at that time. They called him also the master of art as he perfected almost all handicrafts with an astonishing precision and remarkable taste. The wide knowledge he sustained from reading since he was a little child made him the greatest reference for teaching countless topics satisfying wide range of interests. Sincerely he loved his people as he was also deeply close to their hearts, he was a part of them all and they all lived in him. But, there was that one thing that he lost sleep over for years, a strong sense he no longer could live with and scared him day after day. The people of the island were living in peace… fake peace.

It was just a matter of time before one of the island´ tribes would thrive for the highest control and to have the upper hand. He saw that coming all the time and the feeling of it would hit him in situations he witnessed throughout the years. His people lived now in peace because there was no other choice, they needed one another for goods, sources of living and protection from the outside world. However, if this need would no longer exist, there will be a disaster that surely will fall upon his island and all the people he dearly loves. How could he face them with what he feels when each one of them will certainly deny out of deceive or fear? He tried hard for many years to interpret some warning signs, he hinted hiddingly his worries in gatherings and feasts and he spoke of them as if they were stories made up by his creative mind. And sometimes he would tell about his secret fears in words of wisdom in his poems.

He continued to walk through the market and kept greeting many in return, he did it unconsciously as his thoughts were somewhere far digging in a possible scary reality that no one would want to admit. Towards the sunset at the end of the market day he will have to give a speech, when the merchants leave and the people of the island gather afterwards as they are used and wanted always from him. It is a tradition since the ancestors´ times, and his mother, the wise old lady has profoundly maintained the continuation of it. The day of the feast was chosen for this event as it is the only time all tribes would gather for one full day. Usually his speech would be words of gratefulness or prayers for the good and protection, there were stories of laughter and joy too and many times his people insisted to hear him playing his flute as they adored the melodies he composed. But this time, what is he supposed to do? Shall he just face them plainly with his worries and his thoughts? Shall he let out the whispers of the battle of his mind or should he just be silent and keep on pretending convincing himself that nothing of what he feels or fears actually true. Perhaps he is way too concerned and his mind makes matters greater than they are. The only thing he was certain about is that he swears by heart to do anything to keep his island and beloved people safe, but what happens when he dies. No one knows when this moment would arrive and death does not know age or race, it does not differentiate upon hierarchy states, everyone tastes it alike. No, he must speak up as neglection is neither wise nor just.

He walked down the market´ aisles thinking harder than any other time he did in his entire life.

“I must speak up” He shouted at himself.

“Don’t…” His mind warned, “You will pay the attention that something is wrong. You will make them doubt one another earlier than you wish and accusations will spread with hatred and perhaps violence. If you do, what you are afraid to happen will happen much faster than you thought… Don’t talk”.

“For the sake of what and for the sake of who you want to remain silent and how long you feel you could?…” His heart blamed, “These people have given you their love and trust and they have put their lives in your hands. Are you letting go of your mother's footsteps? Are you abandoning the hopes and dreams of her and of everyone? … You are the only one who can do this, you must speak up”

Voices kept fighting in his mind, suffering to decide for the right to be done. There must be a way, he repeated silently to himself to ease this unbearable pain. He knew well if he didn’t act the guilt will slowly kill him, gambling with the most precious things in his life and putting the efforts of his ancestors under the dust is something he wouldn’t dare to think. Postponing the matter for another year will end up with him going through the same fear and pain over and over again. His head turned and sudden weakness took over him, it was not the exhaustion or the lack of sleep but the battle he went through which was much louder, more scarier than any other time.

“Are you fine?” A young man worriedly asked when he saw him leaning on a wall lowering his head and covering his face with his hand.

“You look so pale…” The attention of another was grabbed, “I will go get you something to drink” He hurried to offer as he checked him close.

“Soon the sun is down and we can’t wait to enjoy what you have prepared for us tonight” A lady said walking by not realising the state he was in.

“The speech” he repeated in his mind many times.

The young man returned with fresh cool water in a clay cup, he thanked him and took a sip then dropped himself sitting on the ground. “There must be a way, there must be a key. Something that I can gain their attention and support with” He kept encouraging himself to think.

Memories of his childhood rushed projecting before his eyes in search for one common thing that all his people shared over the time and he remembered the most strangest thing. The stories that he always heard since he was a child, one of them is repeated in every house of every tribe. The tales which were told to the day of a legend or so they said, however, they all believed that the stories about her hold a truth in them.

The tales are about a woman who has the answer to everything and she knows much more than anyone could dare to wish. Even when his people argued about her identity itself, they still talked about her in several ways and every tribe described her mysterious being with different traits. Some said that she had lived at an ancient time while some believed that she never dies. Some said that she is a goddess of wisdom and justice for the mankind while others thought of her as a dangerous witch or an entity which causes harm. Many agreed that she knows the secrets of hearts and minds while others considered her as the work of imagination of a highly talented story teller or a poet. Some people described her as sun kissed with transcended brown eyes and some said that she had an alabaster skin with magnetising dark blue eyes. Many pictured her as an angel who was always there to help but also many thought she was the deception of evil itself. Whoever denied her existence referred to logic avoiding unnecessary arguments and the ones who admitted it consistently pointed that there were, are and always will be somethings in this world which are beyond the human comprehension. But the interesting thing is, she has been always talked about and she had a strong presence in their hearts and minds whether she was believed to be real or not. One more thing his people have repeatedly argued about, whoever had the sincere wish to meet with her, his wish will be eventually granted.

Since he was a child he always wondered about the truth of her, who truly was she or may still is.

“Come on son, everybody is waiting” A leader of one tribe cheerfully called.

“Do you feel better now?” The young man who offered him water asked.

“I am well. Thank you” He replied smiling and slowly took a deep breath. Somehow he felt free as if the thoughts of her had worked like magic giving him the sweet sensation of liberation that he longed for since many years.

“The best part of the day is here” Someone in the crowd said as he appeared, “What are you having for us today?”

“I am hoping for a new composition” A young lady declared her wish.

“I am looking forward for another magnificent poem” Another said.

“We need a humorous story after this long day” A man wishfully pointed.

“What about if our son offers us all of that?” Another said making everyone laugh.

“Today I have no music and no poems. I neither have a story nor humour is going to take part of what I am about to tell” He replied firmly but with a slight smile. “I actually don’t know from where to start…” He hesitated for the last time.

The eyes widened and few started already to worry of what he was about to say.

“Have you finally decided to get married?” One asked making many others question the same.

“Who is she?” Another curiously shouted while many hoped their daughter to be the one.

“It is nothing of that” He quietly replied with a smile.

The look on his face raised the doubts, they never saw him acting like that. He didn’t joke and every word he said was calculated and short and this was suspicious enough spreading discomfort in the crowd.

“I wanted to inform you that… I have to travel for sometime” This is all what came to his mind to say but he knew these words were more than enough to stir the conversation in the direction he wanted.

“Travel!…” One man screamed, “We never leave our island, no one ever did”.

“We welcome everyone to our island as long as they follow our rules, we don’t want strangers to remain with us neither do we need to discover their worlds. What we know is enough and we don’t need to know more” A leader of a tribe expressed his fears making a clear reminder of the rules.

“Please calm down” He raised his hands ordering this time,

“I feel there is danger coming for us, a disaster could happen and I must prevent it before it falls. If I didn’t travel to see her we might regret it for the rest of our lives” Finally the words spilled out of his trampled lips.

“Her? Who is her?” One lady asked as everyone was getting confused more than before.

“She… The legend” He replied without a second thought. They exchanged looks of questioning, puzzled trying to figure out who is he talking about.

No way he meant her, the mysterious woman of the fairytales. They frowned shocked at what they might have understood but soon one in the crowd laughed and many others followed. They thought that, probably the judge of judges was performing a kind of play or telling a joke but his face and the stern in his eyes said that the matter was serious and that he meant everything he said. The laughs disappeared and worries replaced them instead, murmurs spread of how he acted mostly strange and was out of his character the entire day. Some commented on how exhausted and pale he looked while others pointed that he remained distant most of the day unlike they used. Few were frightened that he caught some kind of a contagious disease from the merchants visiting the island and some wondered if it caused him to hallucinate. The worries raised not only for him but also for themselves.

“How can you travel to meet someone who does not exist?” A man exclaimed as many nodded agreeing with him.

“But there are some of you who believe that she still lives to this day” He argued knowing that a part of the crowd can’t deny this.

“The question is, why on earth would you like to do this! What brought this crazy idea to your mind?” A tribe leader asked concerned.

“I can’t tell you now…” He firmly replied, “But all what I can say is that this is the only way and chance that might save us of a danger that you all know nothing of yet”.

“This is insane” An old lady shook her head saying, “Even if some of us assume that she is still alive, no body knows where you can find her! No one knows where she lives”

“He doesn’t have to find her…” someone in the crowd shouted, “She will find him, she will guide him to her. She always does for the sincere of purpose and will”

Many threw the later man with sarcastic comments while others defended supporting what he said.

“You see…” The judge of judges raised his voice interrupting a fight that was about to start, “None of you knows who truly she is but nevertheless you still believe in her. No one ever thought or had the courage to discover the reality of her and I decided to do this… If she is the only chance and answer to what I seek then I will take the risk”

His words fell heavy on his people’ hearts but odd enough they started to feel curiosity crawling into their minds, a special kind of interest to reveal the unknown about her made many feeling revived from the boredom of their systematic familiar life.

“But son… you are aware that the stories also say whoever went to meet her never returns” A leader of a tribe pointed petrified.

“He is right…” Another screamed, “This risk is not worth it if the price will be that we never see you again”

“Perhaps those peoples chose not to return, we never know and no one can surely tell. But if that’s your concern then I am giving you my word that I will do whatever it takes to come back safe to you…” He tried hard to convince them with his assumptions which he, himself was not entirely convinced with.

“Oh dear God…” One in the crowd sighed, “You have no idea what you are bringing yourself into my child”

“I am not here to ask you for an advice, my decision is made and all I need from you is your support and bless” He replied with stubbornness to the hidden begs of fearful doubts. His people feared, the matter he is hiding must be great and what made it greater is that they knew nothing about, the mysterious way he talks made them take his words with earnest.

“I am leaving tomorrow before the sunset and I wish to see you all before I depart” The judge of the judges said his last words.

They couldn’t hold back the tears, how life would be in his absence and what might happen to him. He never left their side since he was an infant and no one ever did leave the island for hundreds and hundreds of years.

He is risking his life to save them from a sure danger that is hidden in the folds of the unknown future, he is keen not to let them know about it for the moment and the reason behind this must hold a great wisdom. That night, no one could close their eyes and the joyful celebrations of the market got replaced with fears, worries and doubts. Usually at the end of the feast everyone looked forward to his speech but if they only knew, they would have done anything so the day won’t come to this unexpected sorrowful end. Later that night he laid on his bed starring at the far away mountain and he did for very long. He glanced at his infant basket wondering of this magical sense of freedom and tranquil that suddenly filled him inside out. Just the thought of sailing to find her made him feel like he was brought back to life. Could this be one of her enchanting spells on those who seek her? Will she really guide him to her? For seconds he thought of all this craziness and his desperate desire to meet with someone who he is uncertain of the authenticity of their existence. But… the decision was made.