Читать книгу The secret faces of her - Hanadi A. Luethi - Страница 9

The basic rule

He took wide steps approaching her speechlessly confused as he saw her returning back to the rock she sat on before and started singing as if nothing happened at all. He stood at a distance starring at her shocked, she seemed calm or rather carelessly cold.

“What was that?” He exploded asking pointing back at where that strange house was, “How can that place change rapidly in this way?… “How could it be that the things that I adore are the same that cause me so much pain…” He paused trying to find the words to explain the many opposite feelings that ached his heart and overwhelmed his brain, “At first I felt like I was flying in the highest sky happy and content but after no time I felt like I was buried alive”… “Tell me, what was that about” He screamed demanding.

She looked at him and softly smiled, “I had to give you the last chance before you give me a final answer to the question I have asked. You have to admit the truth as it is, with all what it holds. There are two faces for everything, one is confessed and the other you tend to deny” She replied meeting his eyes.

“I don’t understand anything” He furiously screamed.

She walked slowly towards him with that smile that teased him the most, “This was a very short voyage deep inside your soul” She leaned and picked up some sand in her hand while he said nothing reflecting back at all what happened back in the glass house. She stood shoulder to shoulder with him and gazed at the horizon before both of them and then opened slowly her palm letting the sand fly away in the soft wind.

“You should see how the inside of you truly is and you might wonder why I asked you not to touch anything from what you see”

“Because nothing was real” He burst.

“It is all very real indeed…” She laughed, “I didn’t allow you to do so because you are not prepared yet to deal with what is happening in your soul”… “I guess now you may understand why I wanted to take you in this shot voyage. Being with me is going to be different from being with anyone or anything. If you want to continue this journey you must be aware that just any answer is not an answer for me” She glanced at him with the side of her eyes and she could feel how intimated and angry he was.

“There is something that I am obliged to let you know…” She continued to say, "I can guide you but just at certain points, I may stop you before you drift totally away from the right way. However, if you don’t cooperate, I won’t be able to stay and I would disappear just like that” She snapped her fingers raising her hand in the air. She saw his face change and she proceeded walking closer to the waves, “from now on you should be aware of the answers you give to me for any question I ask, and now… I feel that you are ready to do so”

“What question are you talking about!” He impatiently asked.

“What brought you here?” She asked the same question again and he had already forgotten about it. But as he thought of her words he came to doubt that he was not sincere enough with himself. A while ago he was certain about his goal and the purpose for the risk he took but that experience inside the glass house turned his scales upside down.

“My question is simple, very simple” She said looking at him waiting for his response.

He looked away taking a deep breath, it seemed that every ready answer he has won’t work and won’t do the trick.

“There is a basic rule for your journey with me, if you are not willing to follow it, this journey wouldn’t make any sense, In fact, it won’t even exist” She added.

“What rule?” Annoyed he asked.

She leaned close to his ears and whispered, “Honesty”…

He frowned confused thinking deeply, why is she treating him like he is lying, what makes her think that he could be having any other answer. It felt like she was digging to hear a certain reply.

“Everyone believes in their own way and is convinced with what they believe is right for them. May be what I think of as honesty won’t be so in your eyes” He cleverly argued.

“Exactly! That’s why we have this rule, that’s why many fail to complete the journey and many more tend to avoid going through it at all” She laughed making him terribly confused.

“Listen, I am exhausted” He said thinking to give up on the whole thing, “Why don’t you tell me what honesty is according to your way!”

“I am not here to tell you things, I am here to guide you to discover the meanings yourself…” She firmly replied, “You can’t be honest with others unless you are honest with yourself first” She tapped him on the shoulder before she continued to say,” Sometimes we get too much occupied by the busyness of life till we forget who truly we are and what life is all about”

She slightly smiled looking back at the place where the glass house was. “Have you ever tried to project your life and watch it as if it belongs to someone else?”… “Have you the courage to admit what pleases you the most and what scares you to death?… Are you living a life or a lie?”

He listened to every word she said, somehow her talk made him feel cared for and loved and this is what was odd. Although she succeeded to make him burn in anger and let doubts manipulate his sanity and the reality of this madness but she is the only one since very long who made him really feel that she was scared for him and she wanted to offer sincere help, she insisted to do the right thing whether he liked it or not. Perhaps this is what made him starting to trust her even when he hated the way she acted and dealt with him. She just took him to a place where he was divided in two, one moment he is a proud happy man and the other he is the most miserable of them all. She knew the truth of the opposites in his little world, she knew his world better than he thought he does.

“So… What…brought…you…here?” She said pulling him out of his thoughts. He knew how to run away from many things yet still able to convince himself that he was at the heart of everything but she won’t let him do that anymore.

“Again!” He screamed out of control, “That question again!”

“You listen now…” She firmly said raising her voice, “You and I can’t take a further step without having an honest answer to this question. The journey has a sequence, it has rules and this is the first step. I guess I have explained more than enough and my patience is out” She continued to speak as she turned walking already away, he didn’t need all this stress and it seemed that his stubbornness would put him to a dead end.

“Wait” He ran behind her screaming as loud as he could. He had to decide of what to say and he must think real quick… “What if I… Said something wrong…” He stopped catching his heavy breath, “What if what I say is not the right answer you expect”

“Be honest… Just be honest” She demanded slowing with her steps then turned with that smile that softened his heart and said, “Just remember, I am here to help”

He lowered his head closing his eyes trying to focus on every word he would say… Why does it feel hard to speak from the heart? He thought to himself.

“I came here because I am scared that…” He slowly spoke and she suddenly gestured with her handoff him to stop. Annoyed he looked at her, again she is interrupting in a disrespectful way.

“Scared… you are here because you are scared. You risked your life to find me because your are scared” She said smiling, “That’s enough, you don’t need to further explain”

“But I haven’t finished the sentence yet!” He starred at her utterly shocked.

“Sometimes one word says it all and talking much misleads more” She added touching gently his hand, “Here is one more thing you have learned about the law I work with, sometimes I am allowed to stop you from misleading yourself before it is too late”

He raised his eyebrows surprised and that funny face he had made her laugh and he couldn’t help it but to laughed too. Everything was strange from the moment he embarked on the boat till this second they stood close to one another at the shore.

“And if I ask you what terrified you of the most and made you endanger you life to see me?” She gently asked.

“I…”.

“Say it just in a word or two” She quickly demanded whispering.

“Peace… Fake peace” He replied without feeling the need to give it a thought.

He was surprised when she leaned her head on his shoulder and gazed at the never ending skies, he stood there as a stone afraid to move or touch her but the nearness of her made him feel safe. He too starred at this marvellous scene and he was shocked that it was already dusk and he wondered of how the time ran fast with her. He kept thinking of what he has been experiencing, how strange and scary but also interesting. He drifted in his mind and sailed with his heart not knowing for how long or even feeling the urge to know.

He glanced with the side of his eye to check on her but to his horror she was gone and he did not feel it happening at all. Where did she go? He turned around himself searching with his eyes everywhere. Soft light grabbed his attention and he hurried towards it to find a small fire, a fresh fish and some fruits. He smiled looking around himself again, she is near, he could feel her even though he didn’t have a proof of it. He dropped himself on the sand and started to eat.

“It is all in your hands” He repeated her words and shook his head smiling as he recalled the day from the beginning till the end. Why did it take him so much time to answer a question that nothing was simpler than it and why was it hard to open up and to admit that he always lived in fear. She wanted him to leave what he pictured about himself, the hero who is risking his life, the saviour of lives and the circumstances he tended to justify his reasons with. she wanted him to step beyond all of this and feel the man he truly is. She wanted him to know and to admit the reason beyond the reason and the feelings he tried to neglect.

He was glad that she insisted to hear the truth from him, her simple demand opened doors that he never wished to open inside himself. The voyage of the glass house made him visit places he didn’t want to believe existed in heart and mind. Honesty is the key to the answers he sought, it is the basic rule if he seriously wants to make the journey with her. Is he willing to? Is he able to face the truth? He wondered himself.

“It is all in your hands” He repeated her words once more with a smile. “It is all in my hands” He affirmed himself.