Читать книгу Welcome to the Jungle - Hilary T. Smith - Страница 20

When you underidentify with your diagnosis, you reject it and don't want to integrate it into your identity. You might think there's been a mistake. Or you might accept that you have a disorder called “bipolar,” but don't want it mentioned ever again.

When you overidentify, you attribute too much of your identity to bipolar disorder. Maybe you go over your past with a fine-toothed comb, ferreting out clues that everything you've ever done was a result of having bipolar genes. Or you drop all your other activities and spend all your time on bipolar message boards, interpreting everything anyone says in terms of GABA receptors.

Many people experience the full spectrum of under- and overidentification over the course of the first year, or several years, of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. One day you accept you're bipolar, the next day you weep bitterly over it, the next day you don't even think about it. Even though I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several years ago, there are still mornings when I wake up and say, “Really? Really?” Then my boyfriend rolls over and says, “Really.” And I say, “Oh, yeah.”