Читать книгу Welcome to the Jungle - Hilary T. Smith - Страница 21

However you're feeling about your diagnosis, there's someone out there feeling the same way. There's another newly bipolar skater punk grieving over her “lost self,” another type-A personality feeling guilty for “screwing it all up,” and another nerd who's done his research (helloo, Medline) and who feels that in his professional opinion, the doctors are right, but more research needs to be done in the area of gabapentan interceptors. You might even have every one of these feelings at different points throughout the year and throughout your life:

“There's no way this can be true.”

“Finally, an explanation!”

“This is a mistake.”

“This is my fault.”

“This is so cool.”

“It's my parents' fault!”

“I should have been stronger/smarter/more careful.”

“This makes sense.”

“I can't believe this is happening.”

“Is my life ruined?”

“Can I still graduate/be a poet/find a boyfriend/have a career?”

“Am I going to die?”

“I wish I could turn back time.”

“I shouldn't have dropped so much acid.”

“I shouldn't have left the church.”

“This feels like a dream.”

“This is completely ridiculous.”

“I can't tell anyone.”

“Bipolar's for pussies. Real men/women don't have bipolar.”

“Bipolar's not a real disorder. Psychiatry is a conspiracy.”

“What the hell?”

“Scientology! Kaiieee! Kaieeee! Take me, Lord Xenu, I'm a level one clear!”

“I guess the only thing I can do with my life is become a belligerent hobo.”

“I was already a belligerent hobo.”

“What am I going to do with my life?”

“I can't live with this.”

“Why didn't someone tell me sooner?”

“Will people just shut up about this?”

“Am I going to be on meds my whole life?”

“Does this mean I'm crazy?”

“This is unbearable.”

“This doesn't really make a difference.”

“So what?”

“What a blessing!”

You're going to go through long stretches of your life when the fact that you have bipolar disorder never crosses your mind—and there will also be the odd stretch when you can think of nothing else. Trust me: you'll get used to it.