Читать книгу Welcome to Mills & Boon - Jennifer Rae - Страница 47
ОглавлениеCassie was captivated. There was something about the way Tanner looked at her that defied logic. Defied good sense. Defied every warning bell in her head telling her she was crazy to be so achingly aware of him. His brown eyes searched her face, lingering on her mouth, and there was enough heat in his gaze to combust the air in the room.
Something rattled around inside her head. A sense. A feeling. It was both familiar and breathtakingly new. She wondered how he could do that to her. How, even though they barely knew one another, there was a growing energy between them that drew her toward him in a way she hadn’t expected. If she believed in past lives, if she believed that two people could have a connection that belied the depth of their acquaintance, she would have sworn they’d somehow shared a moment of time together.
The feeling lingered and she couldn’t have moved if she’d tried. She looked to where his fingers stroked her hand and felt the heat of his touch through to her very core. He had nice hands, big and tanned and just a little calloused on the tips. Hands that were made for schooling the most skittish colt, but hands she’d seen soothe her baby son to sleep as no others had. Cowboy’s hands, she mused, forged from hard work and skill.
Her thoughts shifted and she wondered how it would feel if his fingers traveled slightly up her arm. The quiet intimacy of the room amplified her awareness of him and Cassie let out a long, shuddering sigh. He felt it, too; she was sure of it. The intensity in his gaze couldn’t be faked and the tenderness of his touch was wholly mesmerizing.
It had been so long since she felt a connection to someone.
And the fact that someone was Tanner McCord scared her to pieces.
He drew her hand to his mouth and softly kissed her knuckles. It should have sent her running. It should have had her jumping up in protest and demanding an explanation. But she didn’t move. She didn’t break the contact.
He did.
Tanner released her hand and got to his feet, staring at her for a few long seconds. “Good night, Cassie.”
By the time he’d left the room she was shaking all over. By the time she finally tumbled into bed ten minutes later she was certain she had to pull herself together.
And fast.
It was past seven when she rolled out of bed the next morning. Tanner was in the kitchen preparing Oliver’s bottle and she barely looked in his direction when she entered the room and made a beeline for her baby, who was happily chuckling away in his bouncer. It felt so good to hold her son after a day without having him in her arms. She took a deep breath and inhaled the sweet baby smell that always gave her such comfort.
“Good morning.”
Finally she looked at Tanner. He’d pushed a steaming mug of coffee across the counter and Cassie half smiled. “Ah, thanks.”
“This is ready to go,” he said and shook the bottle in his hand a little. “You want to feed him?”
“Oh, yes,” she replied and moved toward the counter. She took the bottle and quickly settled herself at the table. Oliver latched on immediately and she relaxed when he began to feed.
“You’re feeling better this morning?”
She glanced up. Tanner hadn’t moved from his spot behind the counter. “Yes, much.”
He nodded. “Good. Then I’ll get going.”
“Tanner, I think—”
“I’ll call you after my meeting with the lawyer.”
There was a terseness to his voice she hadn’t heard before. The easy friendship they’d developed over the past few days seemed to have disappeared. He clearly wanted to leave and she had no intention of stopping him. “Okay, sure.”
“Goodbye.”
She nodded a little. “Yeah...goodbye.”
Then he was gone from the room and Cassie barely drew another steady breath until she heard the front door close and the faint sound of his car pulling out from the driveway.
By the time she’d fed and bathed Oliver it was close to nine o’clock, and after she put him down for a nap Cassie took a shower, tied up her hair, applied a little makeup and changed into jeans and a pale lemon-colored sweater. Keeping busy stopped her from thinking about Tanner, which was exactly what she wanted.
At ten she’d had an unexpected visitor—her longtime friend Mary-Jayne Preston.
“You’re here?” Cassie said once they’d finished hugging in the doorway. “I thought you were neck-deep in orders and holed up in your workshop?”
Her friend shrugged. “I bailed and came to see you instead.”
Cassie grinned. “I’m so glad you did. But do you want to tell me why?”
Mary-Jayne, or M.J. as she was affectionately called, tossed her mane of dark curly hair. “Not especially. Today was merely just another boring event in my mundane life.”
There was nothing boring or mundane about Mary-Jayne Preston. Her beautiful and talented friend designed jewelry. She was vivacious, fiery and had strong ideals about politics and the environment.
“You’re the most un-boring person I know,” Cassie said and ushered her guest down the hall.
M.J. grinned. “I think I’m just restless.”
Cassie raised a brow. “Are you thinking of taking off again?”
M.J. often went on spur-of-the-moment vacations to obscure places. Cassie had always envied her friend’s fearlessness and adventurous spirit and sometimes wished she was a little more like her. She’d never traveled. She’d never even been on an airplane. Doug had complained many times that she’d lacked daring and was too set in her ways. She always shrugged it off, but deep down she was hurt by his words.
“Maybe,” M.J. replied and sat at the table. “You know how I feel about being trapped by routine. But enough about me... How are you doing?”
“I’m good,” she fibbed and smiled.
“Lauren said you’ve been ill,” M.J. said, suddenly serious. “Do you need me to do anything for you? Perhaps help out with Oliver?”
She shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I’ve had—”
“Help?” M.J. asked with a grin. “Yes, so Lauren told me. I hear a certain cowboy has been here.”
“Tanner,” Cassie explained, and ignored the heat in her cheeks. “Yes...that’s right.”
“Is he still gorgeous?”
Cassie allowed herself to smile fractionally. “Oh, yeah.”
“Does he still make your knees go weak?”
Cassie colored hotly. “I’ve never said he does that.”
M.J. laughed softly. “Maybe not in so many words.”
“You’re incorrigible.” She grinned. “But the truth is...”
“Yes?” M.J. prompted.
“He’s...nice. Much nicer than...”
“Much nicer than Doug ever said he was?” her friend asked bluntly when Cassie’s words trailed off.
“I guess so. I mean, I knew they didn’t have the closest relationship...but there are things Doug said about Tanner that now seem so far from the truth.”
M.J.’s brows rose sharply. “You mean Doug lied?”
She nodded. “I suppose he did. It’s almost as though he wanted me to think badly of his brother.”
“Perhaps so he could make himself look like the better man?” M.J. suggested.
Cassie’s mouth flattened. The idea of that sounded mean and spiteful. It wasn’t how she wanted to remember the man who’d fathered her child. “I know you think I was blind to Doug’s faults, but I did know he wasn’t perfect.”
“He never deserved your love, Cassie,” M.J. said quietly. “Or your loyalty. The way he reacted when you told him you were pregnant was truly awful. You know that in your heart.”
Cassie did know it. And Mary-Jayne, with her tell-it-like-it-is personality, was only saying what Cassie knew herself deep down.
“He would have come around to the idea of being a father,” she said, way more animated than she felt. “With time, things would have been better.” She sighed and looked at her friend. “I have to believe that. For Oliver’s sake.”
“I get what you’re saying,” her friend said gently.
But she knew M.J. didn’t really understand. And she didn’t want to explain any further. If she didn’t remain loyal to Doug’s memory, then she’d be forced to question her reasons for loving him. Without that love to hide behind she’d be vulnerable...and with Tanner McCord in town, being vulnerable was out of the question.
* * *
When Tanner arrived on Cassie’s doorstep on Wednesday afternoon he didn’t expect to be greeted by a stunning-looking brunette with wide green eyes, who regarded him with a kind of guarded curiosity.
He stepped back on the porch and forced out a smile. “Is Cassie home?”
The brunette leaned against the door frame and shook her head. “So, you must be the jerk’s little brother?”
Okay. Now he knew who she was. Doug had told him about Cassie’s friend who had always been a very vocal critic of his brother’s continued absence from Cassie’s life.
“Tanner,” he said, ignoring the jerk taunt. “You must be M.J. Doug mentioned you once or twice. Nice to meet you.”
M.J. grinned. “I’m watching the baby while Cassie’s out visiting her grandfather. She should be home around four. You can stay and wait if you like.”
He glanced at his watch and then politely declined her offer. “Just tell her I stopped by and I’ll call her later.”
Knowing that Cassie was visiting her grandfather made him think about his own family. And the visit he’d been putting off. Tanner got back in the rental car and took the fifteen-minute drive to the cemetery where his entire family was buried. His parents’ dual headstone greeted him as it had so many times in the past. He stared at their names, forcing memories into his head. So much about them had been forgotten. But the feel of his mother’s embrace and the deep comfort of his father’s voice remained locked inside. So many years had passed. Over two decades of being without them and it struck him how similar his story was to Cassie’s. They’d both lost their parents around the same time. His died in a car wreck, hers in a boating accident. Thankfully she’d found a home with her grandfather, which he hoped had lessened her loss just a little.
He took a deep breath and turned his gaze to the right. Doug’s headstone was glaringly white beside the faded one of their parents. Tanner’s stomach churned and emotion quickly thickened his throat as he read the words.
Douglas Ian McCord. Aged 41. Son. Brother. Soldier. Killed in action. Never forgotten.
He blinked away the heat in his eyes. In that moment the loss of his brother hit home in a way it hadn’t since the moment he’d heard Doug had been killed. Tanner pressed a palm to his chest to ease the sharp jab of pain that knocked him with the force of a runaway train.
He experienced a mix of emotions. Hate and love. Betrayal and forgiveness. Relief and anguish. Over the years he’d felt them all in one way or another when it came to his brother. After Leah had told him she was in love with Doug and carrying his brother’s child, Tanner had shut down and vowed to never speak to the other man again. At eighteen, his heart had been fueled with rage by the knowledge of Doug’s treachery. His inheritance was gone. The girl he’d loved was gone. He’d packed his bags and taken off for Europe, never intending to look back.
Two years had passed before Doug tracked him down and for so long afterward Tanner wondered why his brother had sought him out. For a man who didn’t want commitment or anything or anyone tying him down, he’d worked hard to rekindle their broken relationship.
Guilt...
He hated to think that was his brother’s sole motivation. But nothing he’d done later in his life made Tanner believe that Doug had changed. Not when he’d bought a house he clearly couldn’t afford or wasted money on cars and bikes he’d never use. Not when he’d secured the love of another woman who would go on to bear his son, and then have every intention of casting them aside.
No...his brother hadn’t changed.
But he still grieved the loss of his only sibling. And he still wanted him back so he could tell him what a damned irresponsible fool he was.
“Tanner?”
A soft voice said his name and he turned. Cassie stood by his parents’ headstone, her hands clasped together. In her kitchen he’d almost kissed her beautiful mouth. And he was certain she wouldn’t have stopped him. Which meant one thing.
Complicated.
He stepped back, leaning heavily on his uninjured leg and moved beside her. “I thought I’d come and pay my respects,” he said quietly.
She nodded. “I usually stop by on my way back from seeing my grandfather.”
“How is he?”
“Granddad?” She stepped closer. “He’s had a bad week and didn’t know me today.”
Tanner saw the pain in her expression. “That must be difficult.”
She shrugged. “Yeah...but he’s eighty-two and has lived a full life. Not like...”
“Like Doug?” he queried when he noticed her gaze flick to the headstones. “Or my parents? Or your parents?”
“Yes, exactly.” She pointed south. “They’re down that way.”
“Shall we visit?”
She frowned a little and looked at Doug’s grave. “You don’t want to stay here?”
“I’ve said my goodbyes.”
She lingered for a second and then nodded and, as she turned, the scent of her perfume caught on the breeze. It didn’t take long to reach the spot where her parents were and Tanner hung back while she stood at the foot of their graves. She remained there for barely a minute and then turned back to him.
“I’ve had enough now,” she said and started moving away.
“It’s hard for you to be here?” he queried as they walked down the path.
She shrugged. “I guess I don’t want this place to be how I remember them. No one’s life is defined by their headstone.”
“You’re right,” he said and moved in step with her. When they reached their vehicles and she’d flicked the lock mechanism on her sedan he opened her driver’s door. “If it’s okay with you I’ll see you back at the house. I went to the lawyer today and there are some things we need to discuss.”
Her small smile faded. “My friend Mary-Jayne is at home looking after Oliver and she always stays for dinner on Wednesday night, so now is probably not a great time.”
“I met her,” Tanner said and grinned. “I dropped in earlier. Colorful girl.”
Her smile returned. “She’s a straight shooter. And she never liked Doug much, if that’s what you mean.”
“She didn’t call him anything he didn’t deserve,” he said drily. “So, how about you play hooky for an hour so we can talk?”
She frowned a little, but then pulled her phone from her bag. “I’ll call M.J. and say I’m going to be late. Where would you like to go? Perhaps Ruthie’s? Or we could go to the beach and sit on one of the tables near the kiosk.”
“The beach,” he answered quickly, thinking he didn’t want to talk to Cassie beneath Ruthie Nevelson’s interested eyes. “We can grab coffee from the kiosk if you like.”
“Ah...okay. See you there.”
The Crystal Point beach was an idyllic spot where the Bellan River met the sea. There was a surf club near the holiday park and a kiosk that catered to the locals and tourists. It was off-season, so the park was mostly vacant and the kiosk quiet. Tanner parked outside and waited for Cassie to pull up beside him. He got out, locked the car and met her by her door.
Five minutes later he’d bought take-out coffee and they were making their way along the path that led to the beach. They stopped before they reached the sand and took a seat at a concrete picnic table.
“So,” she said, getting straight to the point, “what did the lawyer say?”
Tanner took a steady breath. “He confirmed what we already knew. There’s a mortgage and some credit card debt. The insurance covered some of the debt but there’s still a sizable amount owing.”
She wrapped her hands around the foam cup. “And you have to sell the house?”
“Yes.”
Her breath came out heavy. “Well, that’s not exactly unexpected. I’ll start seriously looking for a new place tomorrow.”
“It’s not that urgent,” he said and watched her over the rim of his cup. “The house needs some work done to it before it goes on the market if we’re to get the best price.”
She sighed. “I know I’ve let it run down since—”
“It’s not your fault. Nor was it your responsibility. But I don’t want to keep going on about what Doug should have done. I’ll fix the house up and hopefully it will sell quickly. Whatever money is left from the sale will go into trust for Oliver.”
She returned the barest nod and met his gaze. “Will...will I need to get DNA testing done to prove Oliver is Doug’s child?”
“You’re not serious?”
Color rose in her cheeks. “I thought you might want proof before you handed any money over.”
“No,” Tanner said gently. “I know whose child he is, Cassie. He has Doug’s eyes.”
“And yours,” she said.
“A family trait,” he said and smiled. “He’s a beautiful child and I’m glad I’ve been able to get to know him.”
“I’m glad, too.” She cradled the cup in her hands. “I know I’ve been a bit hot and cold about you being part of his life...but I am genuinely pleased that he has an uncle who cares about us.”
* * *
She hadn’t meant to say “us.” But the word slipped out and it was impossible to avoid the query in his gaze. He did care; that was obvious. He was a caring, kind man and she’d been naively deceived by Doug into thinking Tanner was some sort of closed-off, unfriendly loner who didn’t need or want any kind of familial relationships. He did want them... The way he’d bonded so effortlessly with Oliver was evidence of that.
“I’ll help you get the house ready,” she said and smiled. “Some of the rooms need painting and the backyard could do with an overhaul. And perhaps some new light fittings. It shouldn’t take long to fix up.”
“Sure,” he replied. “And don’t stress about moving. When the time comes we’ll find a place for you both.”
“And what about the safety deposit box?” she asked. “Did you find anything important in it?”
He shook his head. “No. It was empty.”
It seemed odd, but Cassie didn’t press the issue. She nodded and finished her coffee. “I think I’d like to walk for a while.”
“Want some company?”
Did she? Being around him was increasingly unsettling. And since the tense moment in the kitchen when he’d comforted her she’d done little else but think about him. She could have sworn he was going to kiss her...and not just on the hand as he’d done. Naive and inexperienced she might be, but there was heat between them and spending time with him only added fuel to the fire.
She should have sent him on his way. Should have.
“Okay,” she said and got to her feet.
He stood and tossed their empty cups in the trash. “Lead the way.”
The beach was deserted and when they reached the sand she flipped off her sandals and shoved them into her tote. There were gray clouds rolling in from the sea and the wind whipped up around them. “I love it here on days like this,” she admitted as they started walking along the sand. “It’s got a mysterious mood about it when the clouds rumble and the wind howls.”
He laughed. “Cold wind and unswimmable seas...not exactly my idea of a great afternoon at the beach.”
“Wimp,” she said and laughed back. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”
They walked closely together and Tanner quickly steadied her when she lost her footing and tripped.
“Oh, sorry,” she said breathlessly, gripping his arm. “I’m something of a klutz.”
“I bet you’re not. Doug told me you were a dancer when you were young.”
She grimaced. “Not exactly. I did ballet with Lauren when I was about ten. But I lasted only a few months.”
“Best I not take you to the upcoming Rosemount Rodeo, then,” he said and grinned. “There’s a cowboy dance being held in the evening. Don’t want you stepping on my feet.”
She released his arm. “I saw flyers advertising the rodeo when I was in town the other day. It’s about half an hour out of Bellandale, isn’t it?”
“About that.”
She nodded a little. “I’ve never been to a cowboy dance. I’m not sure I’d know how to move.”
“It’s easy. You just hang on to one another and sway.”
Suddenly the notion of hanging on to him, be it dancing or otherwise, sent another surge of heat coursing through her veins. It had been so long since she felt a man’s arms around her. And she missed it. She missed intimacy and closeness and...sex.
Not that she’d had much of a sex life in the past few years. Doug’s visits were so infrequent and brief before she’d fallen pregnant with Oliver she’d begun to question his commitment to her and their relationship. Being involved with a career soldier was one thing...being involved with a man who could leave so easily time and time again, another thing altogether. Doug wasn’t tied to Crystal Point. And there were times when she’d wondered if she was little more than a cook and housekeeper for him to come back to every now and then. She’d also wondered what might have happened if Oliver hadn’t come along. She knew in her heart there would have to have been some serious changes to the dynamic of their relationship if it was to last.
It certainly wasn’t the relationship she’d dreamed of when she was younger. As a teen she’d had her share of romantic fantasies. She’d been quiet and studious and anything she knew about romance and love she’d learned through novels and old movies.
Well, almost everything...
Once, long ago, she’d been swept off her feet. By a boy riding a horse, no less.
She’d been on the beach with Lauren and they’d spotted the lone rider at the edge of the river mouth. Horses were common enough on the beach, so she hadn’t taken much notice, until her thirteen-year-old eyes had realized the rider was a boy around her age, and that he looked too gorgeous for words in jeans, plaid shirt and cowboy hat resting low over his eyes. Lauren had pushed her forward when he’d come close and she’d tentatively said hello. He’d done the same and they’d chatted for a couple of minutes. He was on vacation, staying with a relative. She’d explained she lived in the small town permanently. It had been puppy love at first sight for Cassie and she’d agreed to return the following afternoon and he was already riding off on his horse when she’d realized they hadn’t exchanged names.
“What are you thinking about?”
She glanced sideways when she realized Tanner was looking at her. “Nothing. You’ll think it’s silly.”
“Try me,” he said with a wry grin. “Sometimes we all need a little silly in our lives.”
Gosh, he was so right. She was tired of being serious all the time. Of worrying. Of overthinking. Of being a grown-up. Some days she longed to be frivolous and just have fun.
“All right,” she said and took a deep breath. “I was thinking about how right over there,” she said and pointed to a crest of sand covered in clumps of grass, “is where I got my very first kiss.”
His gaze narrowed. “Really?”
“Yep. I was thirteen and very naive.” She laughed and grinned. “Hard to imagine, huh?”
He smiled, as though he’d guessed she was a teenage dork. “And?”
“And he was a boy I met on the beach. He was a cowboy,” she said and met his eyes. “Like you, I guess. He had a horse and a hat and a nice smile and he kissed me.”
“And that’s it?”
She shrugged. “It was enough. It was everything a girl’s first kiss should be... It was sweet and soft and his lips tasted like peppermint.”
She smiled coyly, embarrassed by how foolish she must seem to him. But Tanner wasn’t laughing. He was watching her with such burning intensity she couldn’t move. The wind whipped around them and she shivered even though she wasn’t cold. Something kindled between them. A look. A memory. Something she couldn’t fathom. For the thousandth time she wished she knew him better. And she wished she wasn’t scared to death of letting him into her life and then knowing he’d be out of it once he left.
“Anyway,” she said, stepping back. “It was a long time ago. And I never saw him again.”
“So he just kissed you and took off?” he inquired, continuing to walk. “That’s not exactly chivalrous.”
Cassie took a few long strides to catch up with him. “Actually, I took off. I spooked and ran.” She came to a sudden stop and waited for him to halt and turn around. “We should get back. I promised Mary-Jayne I wouldn’t be too long.”
He crossed his arms, unmoving. “So why did you spook and run?”
“Because that’s what I do,” she admitted on hollow breath. “When it comes to getting close to someone I guess I spook easily.”
He stared at her. “You didn’t run from Doug.”
“He was never around,” she said quickly, hearing her words echo on the breeze. Did I really say that?
“But you wanted commitment,” he reminded her. “Marriage, family...right?”
“I thought so,” she said warily, feeling the intensity of his gaze so acutely it was like a fire racing over her skin. “But maybe...”
“Maybe it was safe to want it from Doug because you knew you’d never get it?”
There was something so elementally powerful about his words she stepped back, stunned by how much truth she heard. Was it possible? Had she set her sights and her dreams on a man she knew would never be able to deliver? Were her expectations and hopes that low?
“I don’t know. Perhaps,” she murmured, wavering between a sudden rage at Tanner for working her out, and an irrational fear that no one else ever would. “I don’t usually psychoanalyze myself.”
“You mean you don’t dwell on your abandonment issues?”
“I don’t have—”
“Sure you do,” he said gently. “You lost your parents at a vulnerable age and now you expect everyone else to leave you, too.”
“You lost your parents around the same age and you don’t have—”
“Of course I do,” he said, sounding suddenly impatient as he cut her off. “Anyone who loved Doug ended up as collateral damage in one way or another. I know that from experience. He dumped me into boarding school, remember? Why the hell do you think I’m back here, Cassie? Why do you think it’s so important to me that Oliver doesn’t grow up thinking that the people who are supposed to protect him didn’t bail and take what’s rightfully his?”
