Читать книгу Great Sporting Wisdom: Legendary Quotes from the World of Sport - John Scally - Страница 11

4

Board and Card Games

Card and board games have generated a highly enjoyable and varied selection of interesting, informative, intriguing, infuriating and occasionally just witty remarks. For some reason they attract exponents of renowned surrealism, comic genius and savage wit, offering a quirky insight into the sporting psyche as well as some riotous good laughs. The vintage comments range from the classical to the colloquial, from ancient philosophers to today’s stars of stage and screen.

Is There A Doctor In The House?

Never play cards with a man named Doc.

Nelson Algren

Outdoor Pursuits

I’m afraid I play no outdoor games at all, except dominoes. I have sometimes played dominoes outside a French cafe.

Oscar Wilde

Small Is Not Beautiful

I failed to make the chess team, because of my height.

Woody Allen

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

She leads away from aces and neglects to keep my jump bids alive. But she is still my mother.

Heywood Brown

Suspicious Minds

Trust everybody – but cut the cards.

Finley Peter Dunne

Unfair Advantage

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Michael Enright

Exhaustion

Bridge I regard as only one degree better than absolutely vacuous conversation, which is certainly the most fatiguing thing in the world.

Arthur C. Benson

Waste

As elaborate a waste of human intelligence [chess] as you can find outside an advertising agency.

Raymond Chandler

Time Management

Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people think they are doing something clever, when they are only wasting their time.

George Bernard Shaw

Nothing Compares 2U

Trying to stop [Bobby] Fischer in full flight is like trying to stop a runaway train with a butterfly net.

Liam Fowler

Love Affair

Chess is better than romance.

Bobby Fischer

Exit

When a man’s house is on fire, it’s time to break off chess.

Thomas Fuller

Equality Of The Sexes

Mixed chess is the ultimate mating game.

Colin M. Jarman

The Feel Bad Factor

I say, let’s banish bridge. Let’s find some pleasant way of being miserable together.

Don Herold, US humourist

Arrested Development

The only athletic sport I mastered was backgammon.

Douglas Jerrold, playwright

Mistaken Identity

I always thought backgammon was a side of bacon.

Spike Milligan

Revenge Is Sweet

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Emo Philips

Maverick

She [Joan Collins] has the assurance of someone dealing herself a fifth ace in a card game with children.

Louis T. Stanley

V for Victory

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Savelly Tarkatower

Fair Play

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

Oscar Wilde

Impossible Odds

Fate was kind to him, dealing him a hand of five aces.

Harry Wilson