Читать книгу Great Sporting Wisdom: Legendary Quotes from the World of Sport - John Scally - Страница 12
ОглавлениеThis collection reveals the unquenchable, insatiable wit that smoulders unseen under the mute, impassive faces of the world’s toughest men. The result is a wry, idiosyncratic and sometimes bizarre catalogue of comic creations. Perhaps the intensity and sheer brute force of the sport requires a natural human fallout, a spontaneous emission that enables pugilists to get through the physical battle. Comedy serves as a safety valve.
1. The Good
Self-confidence
When you’re as great as I am, it’s hard to be humble.
Muhammad Ali
Down And Out
Politics is like boxing – you try to knock out your opponents.
Idi Amin
Preliminaries
Marriage is like a boxing card. The preliminaries are frequently better than the main event.
Anon
Goldfist
My aim is to become another Diego Maradona – the man with the golden fist.
Frank Bruno
Three In One
If you ever get belted and see three fighters through a haze, go after the one in the middle. That’s what ruined me – I went after the two guys on the other end.
Max Baer
Family Tree
Charlie Magri has to do well against the unknown Mexican who comes from a famous family of five boxing brothers.
Harry Carpenter
Discretion
Only the nose knows,
Where the noes goes,
When the door close.
Muhammad Ali, when asked about sex before a fight
Thrilling
It’ll be a thrilla, a chilla and a killa when I get the gorilla in Manila.
Muhammad Ali’s confident prediction before his third clash with Joe Frazier in 1975
Behind Every Great Man . . .
I don’t know what impressive is, but Joe was impressive tonight.
Marlene Bugner
Crowd Pleaser
When I got into the boxing ring, women used to scream with delight because usually I’d left my shorts in the locker.
Roy Brown
Metaphorically Speaking
That’s cricket. You get these sorts of things in boxing.
Frank Bruno, after Jorge Vaca took Lloyd Honeyghan’s world title following an accidental clash of heads
Of Biblical Proportions
Joe Bugner: Get me Jesus Christ, I’ll fight him tomorrow!
Hugh McIlvanney: Joe, you’re only saying that because you know he’s got bad hands.
Know What I Mean, Harry?
They said it would last two rounds – they were half wrong, it lasted four.
Harry Carpenter
No Contest
I’m the best heavyweight fighter in Canada and I’ll still be the best when I’m dead seven years.
George Chuvalo
Daddy’s Girl
This baby was planned. Before conception I had wanted a girl. It’s uncanny how I always get what I want.
Chris Eubank
Finnegan’s Awake
I know it’s said I can’t punch, but you should see me putting the cat out at night.
Chris Finnegan
Fair Fight
Sure, the fight was fixed. I fixed it with a right hand.
George Foreman, on his 1994 victory over Michael Moorer
The Eyes Have It
His potatoes kept getting cut eyes.
Reg Gutteridge, on why Henry Cooper quit his greengrocer’s business
Hair Today. Gone Tomorrow
With four sisters about the house, I could never get my hands on a comb.
‘Marvelous’ Marvin Hagler on his shaven head
Poetic Justice
I came from a dirt farm. Now I’m filthy rich.
Larry Holmes
Not To Put A Tooth In It
The hardest thing about boxing is picking up your teeth with a boxing glove on.
Kin Hubbard
Noblesse Oblige
Boxing is described as a ‘noble art’ because the winner is usually the first to draw blood on the canvas.
Colin M. Jarman
Womaniser
I enjoy broad-jumping!
Sonny Liston on his hobbies
Relaxation Therapy
I don’t like money, actually, but I find it quiets my nerves.
Joe Louis
Affectionate
When women kiss, it always reminds me of prize-fighters shaking hands.
H. L. Mencken
Extra-body Experience
I’d like to borrow Muhammad Ali’s body for just forty-eight hours. There are three guys I’d like to beat up and four women I’d like to make love to.
Jim Murray
Rule Of Thumb
Queensbury Rules K.O.
Graffiti
Tunnel vision
Joe Bugner emerges from the tunnel wearing an outrageous green and white dressing-room.
Gary Richardson
Double Negative
I ain’t never liked violence.
Sugar Ray Robinson
Poet’s Corner
He has turned defensive boxing into a poetic art. Trouble is, nobody ever knocked anybody out with a poem.
Eddie Shaw, on Herol ‘Bomber’ Graham
Double vision
I see two fellows in the ring; I hit the one that isn’t there and the one that is there hits me.
Billy Softly
The Arts Show
They called me ‘Rembrandt’ – because I spent so much time on the canvas.
Bob Hope
Face To Hand
He hit me among my face.
Henny Youngman
Uncertainty
How many chances do I get?
Chuck Wepner, during a standing count in his 1974 clash with Muhammad Ali, when the referee tried to test his senses by asking him what day it was
2. The Bad
Eye To Eye
His gloves, dear. I’ve never been hit by an eye in my life!
Terry Downes, when asked by a female reporter if he watched his opponent’s eyes or gloves
Against The Odds
I’ve seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.
Muhammad Ali
A Vote of No Confidence
A lot of boxing promoters couldn’t match the cheeks of their buttocks.
Mickey Duff – boxing promoter
KO
My toughest fight was with my first wife, and she won every round.
Muhammad Ali
The Lion And The Lamb
Going into the King’s Hall is like going into the lion’s den – you go in like a lion and go out like a lamb.
Barney Eastwood
Slumberland
Terry Downes’ face looked as if he had slept on it.
Michael Parkinson
Cut Down To Size
General Gowan of Nigeria: I used to do some boxing.
Muhammad Ali: What did you box? Apples or oranges?
3. The Ugly
Deconstruction
The Great White Hopeless.
The Boston Globe’s verdict on Mike Tyson’s comeback opponent, Peter McNeeley
Suppression
Joe Bugner was like a volcano that never erupted.
Henry Cooper
In The Eye Of The Beholder
He’s [Joe Frazier] so ugly, they ought to donate his face to the World Wildlife Fund.
Muhammad Ali
Hard Neck
He [John Conteh] has a neck built like a stately home staircase.
Tom Davies
Turning Defence Into Attack
Baroness Summerskill: Mr Cooper, have you looked in the mirror lately and seen the state of your nose?
Henry Cooper: Well, Madam, have you looked in the mirror and seen the state of your nose? Boxing is my excuse. What’s yours?
Acid Drops
He’s [Sonny Liston] so ugly, that when he cries the tears run down the back of his head.
Muhammad Ali
