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Introduction

In 1906 Ambrose Bierce defined quotation as ‘the act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.’ Down through history much has been said and written about the people and events that have shaped the sporting world. This book assembles some of the most commonly misquoted and misattributed of those sporting quotations.

Humour is a difficult thing to define. What reduces one person to helpless laughter may leave another indifferent. And what makes a funny quote? The context can be crucial.

In normal circumstances the following would not be of great interest: ‘Sharp are currently working on bringing 3D TV into your living-rooms. Mr Koshima hopes it will be so realistic that viewers will have to duck when Eric Cantona takes a shot.’

However, what makes this press release from Manchester United’s sponsors such a gem is that it was issued just before Cantona’s flying kick at a Crystal Palace fan. Of course, Cantona has carved a special niche for himself in this field with the immortal ‘When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.’ No doubt this remark will be the subject of PhD theses in years to come in such disparate disciplines as philosophy, Anglo-French literature and sporting psychology.

The quote ‘Because we are dressed in black and white, the red, yellow, green, brown, blue and pink of the balls appeal to us’ may not seem very noteworthy. It becomes interesting when the source is revealed as Mother John Baptist of the Benedictine Order of the Adorers of the Sacred Heart of Jesus of Montmartre, who pray for the one hundred martyrs of the Reformation, during a snooker competition among the sisters to raise funds for their London convent.

Innuendo is another favoured verbal weapon in sporting quotes. An example is a remark, often attributed to Jilly Cooper, about a different form of sailing game: ‘I never liked sailing men. They yell blue murder at you all day, but then, when the boat is moored, the whisky comes out, “Captain Bligh” turns into Casanova and is all ready to play deck coitus.’

In 1890 Samuel Butler observed: ‘It is bad enough to see one’s own good things fathered on other people, but it is worse to have other people’s rubbish fathered upon oneself.’ Received wisdom is often incorrect. Cary Grant boasted: ‘I improve on misquotation.’ This book may also serve as an arbitration facility for long-standing disputes about who said what. The target audience is any reader with a sense of humour, or an eye for the eccentric or simply ridiculous, but obviously this will mean more to the sports enthusiast. One preliminary warning – the truth is often funnier than fiction.

John Scally

Rathmines, Dublin