Читать книгу The Heart's Choice - Joyce Livingston - Страница 12

Voices.

I hear voices and some sort of sound. A beeping sound.

Tavia tried to concentrate, but her fuzzy brain wouldn’t allow it. No matter how hard she tried to zero in on the distant noises, they drifted in and out like a radio station whose signal was being lost. She struggled to open her eyes but nothing happened. It was as if she was in a deep, deep pit, with no control and no way out. She even tried to scream, to call out to someone—anyone, but her vocal cords remained still, her commands not getting through to them. Help me! Someone help me!

Do they even know I’m here? If I can’t see them, does that mean they can’t see me? Oh, where am I?

Carefully pushing every other thought from her mind, she tried to listen to the voices, but the sounds were getting weaker and weaker. No matter how hard she willed herself to hang on, she felt herself slipping deeper and deeper into the pit. No! I want to stay here. I have to hang on. But to what? There’s nothing to grip. No handles. No rung on the ladder.

“There’s no need for concern,” she heard a woman’s voice say through the haze circulating in her mind. “It’s time to change her IV, that’s all.”

Tavia willed herself to tighten her grip on the walls, clinging to them frantically. She listened, but again the words were drifting in and out. She felt herself falling— going backward, spinning out of control. What would happen if she hit bottom? Everything was dark—so dark. She hated the darkness. Nearly everything bad that had ever happened to her had happened in the darkness.

“Go back to your room, Beck. You need to get some rest.”

Beck? Who is Beck? Tavia struggled to find something solid to hang on to—something to stop her fall. Though they were faint now, she could still hear the voices, but it was impossible to make out the words. Beck, Beck, Beck. She repeated the word over and over in her head until the pit claimed her once more.

“Annie and I are going to stay for a while.”

Beck gave James a dubious look. “Are you sure she’s up to it?”

“She’s out of her mind with grief—we both are—but she insisted on coming here today.”

Beck grabbed on to the wheels on the side of his chair and spun himself around. “I promised the nurse I’d leave as soon as you two got here. You will let me know if there’s any change, won’t you?”

“Yes, of course. You know we will.” James motioned downward. “By the way, that leg bothering you much? I see you wince now and then.”

“It’s doing okay. My injuries are nothing compared to hers. With those pins holding it together, the doc said it should be fine.”

“How about the bump on your head?”

Beck’s fingers touched the stitches holding together the split in his forehead. “Still sore, but it’s the least of my worries. I just want this leg to get well so I can drive again. Driving is all I know.”

He lingered long enough to take one last look at the still figure in the bed. Why did he have the strange feeling she was reaching out to him? He’d never even met the woman, yet he’d never forget those frightened eyes as they’d peered up at him through that window. He’d seen many a frightened deer mesmerized by his truck’s powerful headlights, but none had worn the look of sheer panic she’d had as she’d stared up at him. Those eyes had pleaded for help. He hadn’t been able to do a thing for her, and it had nearly killed him. In fact, he almost wished he’d died in the accident. Anything would be better than knowing his truck had killed a man, and injured this woman nearly to the point of death. Even if she made it, what would her life—

“Mr. Brewster? I’ll help you if you’re ready to go.”

He turned quickly to find one of the nurse’s aides holding on to the handle grips on his wheelchair. “Sure. Yes, thanks. I’m ready.”

“You can’t let this consume you, Beck.” James Flint released his hold on his wife and moved to Beck’s side. “Perhaps it’d be best if you stayed away for a few days, worked on getting yourself well. I’m afraid the time you spend here is depressing you, and that can’t be good for you.”

Beck stole another quick glance toward the tiny patch of skin showing beneath the heavy bandage. “Sir, I hope you’ll allow me to keep coming. I—I can’t go on with my life until I know she’s—”

James cleared his throat nervously, then motioned the nurse’s aide to roll Beck to the door, whispering so only Beck could hear, “I didn’t want to say too much in front of Annie, but there’s no telling how long Jewel may stay in that coma, and we—we may lose her yet, unless God intervenes. There’s always the chance of complications.”

Beck swallowed at his emotions. “I pray for her constantly. God can’t let her die.”

Joining them near the door, Annie wiped at her tears and circled her arms around her husband’s waist, her face drawn and red from crying. “None of this makes any sense. I want my Adam back! He was too young to die. I don’t understand why God, a God of love, would take him! Or why he would allow Jewel to be so severely injured.”

James stroked his wife’s back, his own eyes filling with tears. “I don’t, either, sweetheart. I’m as angry about this as you. I’m sure God understands our anger.”

Beck grimaced. “I can’t begin to imagine how hard this is on the two of you. Even knowing God and being able to turn to Him, I’m having a hard time, too.”

“Hopefully, we’ll understand it by and by. We have to keep trusting Him, Beck, and keep praying for our little girl.” James nodded to the nurse’s aide. “Make sure this man takes care of himself.”

The woman smiled and began to maneuver the wheelchair across the room.

Beck glanced back over his shoulder as she moved him into the hall. “Remember—if there’s any change…”

James smiled. “If there’s any change, we’ll come after you.”

Beck rode silently through the long, sterile halls, his mind fixated on Jewel Flint. Surely, since the CAT scan didn’t show any serious damage or swelling, she’d come out of that coma soon. What a shock it was going to be to wake up and find Adam had died.

He waved off the nurse’s aide and struggled to pull himself onto his bed when they reached his room. He wasn’t used to having anyone do things for him. He’d always been that way. His dad had been a military man and had treated his family like soldiers in his platoon. Stand up straight. Speak only when you’re spoken to. Make sure you can bounce a dime off that bed when you make it. Keep those shoes shined. Say “sir” when you speak to me. He could recite hundreds of commands his father had enforced. But, looking back, none of those things had hurt him or his siblings. They’d all turned out to be a pretty good, independent bunch of kids. All five of them.

“Ready for a pain pill?” the nurse who’d just come into his room asked. “I see on your chart your doctor has prescribed them for you but you haven’t been taking them.”

He shook his head. “Don’t need them. Thanks.”

His body felt as if it needed them. Everything ached, but he wasn’t about to take any pills that weren’t absolutely necessary. He’d heard too many horror stories about guys getting hooked on them, and he wasn’t going to be one of them. His livelihood was driving a truck. Besides, pain pills couldn’t stop those big round eyes from haunting him.

“Well, it’s up to you. Let us know if you change your mind.” The nurse placed the chart on the nightstand and moved to take his vitals.

He watched in silence. “Think I’ll make it?” he asked with a shy grin when she finally finished and picked up a pen to write the information on his chart.

“What do you think?”

“I think I’ll feel a whole lot better when I get out of here and can walk normally again.”

Tavia struggled though the mist, reaching upward with all her might. She had to get out of that dark pit before it consumed her. What was that noise? A swishing of some kind. Suddenly she felt warm. She’d been so cold, now she felt warm. Why?

“Well, little lady, is this going to be the day you come back to us? I’ve opened the blinds. Can you feel the sunlight on your face? It’s a beautiful day outside. Clear. Crisp. How about a nice warm washcloth on your face? How would that feel?”

Tavia could hear the sound of running water and someone humming, then footsteps shuffling across a floor. “As soon as we get you all cleaned up, I’ll rub some nice lotion on you. Would you like that? Oh, by the way, that man in the wheelchair was here again this morning. He wanted to know how you were doing.”

Man? What man?

“He sure is interested in you. I had to chase him out of here so I could give you your bath.” There was a pause. “He doesn’t look so good himself. Broken leg, big knot on his head and who knows what else, but I guess he’ll be going home soon. Umm, let me see. I think his name was Dick? Bart? Beck? Something like that.”

Beck? That’s the man I heard talking!

“Come on, Missy. Let’s turn you on your side. We need to pull this gown off and get you into a clean one. There you go. Now, let me lift your arm.”

Pain! I can’t stand the pain. With one final thrust, she sent herself hurtling upward, willing her eyes to open.

There was the sound of something suddenly hitting the floor, a metal dish or pan, a gasp, footsteps moving away from her, then silence.

Wait! Don’t leave me! Tavia felt her pain increase and her strength waning, but she couldn’t give up now. Not when she was so close. Come back!

“I’m sure I saw her eyelids flutter!”

“Let me take a look,” a second woman said. “Perhaps it was just an involuntary muscular reaction. That happens sometimes.”

“No, I don’t think so. I’m sure she was trying to open her eyes.”

I am trying! Watch, I’ll do it again! With every ounce of strength she could summon, Tavia struggled to force her eyelids open. It was so hard, but she had to do it. She had to let them know before she slipped back into the tunnel.

“There! See! She did it again.”

“You’re right! Get the doctor. Hurry!”

Tavia drew back as the light flooded in, bathing her like a refreshing wave of ocean water. She’d made it! She’d reached the top! Now, if she could just hold on. But she was tired, so tired. She needed to sleep. To sleep.

“Can you hear me?”

Startled, Tavia pulled herself up to the rim again, holding on tightly as she strained toward the man’s voice. I hear you. Throat hurts. Why can’t I swallow?

“Come on, young lady. Open your eyes. I’m Dr. Stevens. I’m here to help you.”

Dr. Stevens? Am I in a hospital? Why? Pictures, like a slide show on a screen, flashed through her mind, each lasting only a split second. A truck. The sound of a loud horn.

“Come on, try to open your eyes. Come back to us.”

“Shall I get her family?” the woman’s voice asked.

“Not yet. Let’s be sure first. We don’t want to disappoint them.”

I don’t have a family.

“We need you to open your eyes wide. Can you do that for me?”

I’m trying! I’m trying!

“Atta girl! Come on.”

It’s—it’s so hard.

Someone touched her arm. Now she had something to hold on to. Something to keep her from slipping back into that abyss. Move! Blink! Let them know you hear them!

“She moved her good arm, Doctor!”

The excitement in the woman’s voice made Tavia want to shout. Finally, someone was helping her out of the pit.

“Can you move your arm again?”

An excruciating pain shot through her as Tavia pressed her eyelids together and lifted with all her might. She wanted to cry out.

“Oh, Doctor, she did it, and I saw her eyelids move again.”

The woman sounded almost as excited as Tavia felt. I’ve got to open my eyes. I’ve got to!

“Close the blinds,” the man’s voice ordered. “It’s too bright in here. The sun is shining right in her face.”

Tavia heard the swish of the blinds closing.

“Open those eyes,” a kindly voice said through the fog still swirling around her.

Slowly, Tavia opened them, peering through her lashes at first, then wider. Why wouldn’t her right eye open as easily as her left? A man stood close to her, giving her a pleasant smile.

“Ah, much better.” The man’s smile broadened. “Your family will be glad to see you’re back with us again. You’re in Boulder Community Hospital. We airlifted you here.”

Tavia flinched at the word family. I don’t have a family. There must be some mistake.

“I finally talked them into going to the cafeteria to have breakfast, but they should be back soon,” the doctor said, still smiling at her. “I need to check those beautiful eyes. Let’s see how they react to light.”

He pulled a small flashlight from his pocket and pointed it at her face. Tavia blinked as he moved it from one side to the other. She’d been in the darkness for such a long time and the light was so bright.

Finally, he turned the light off and slipped it back in his pocket. “Looking good!”

“Oh, you’re awake!” said a female voice.

Tavia squinted up into the smiling face of an attractive, if frail-looking, woman, who seemed to appear out of nowhere, so unexpected was her entry.

“We were so worried.” There was a man standing by the woman’s side and he patted Tavia’s shoulder. “You don’t know how happy this makes us.”

“You’ve come back to us.” The woman, her eyes filled with tears, lifted her hair to one side and bent to place a kiss on Tavia’s cheek. “I can hardly wait to tell Grandpa. He’s been praying for you, too.”

Why would these people pray for me? Are they some do-gooders from a local church? Do they have the wrong room? And who is Grandpa?

The man’s face took on a serious cast. “How is she, Dr. Stevens?”

“I’d say considering her injuries, she’s doing quite well. Her vitals are decent, but with the kind of trauma she’s been through, we’ll continue to intubate her and ventilate her until she’s completely stable. Maybe only a day or so. Now that she’s come around she’ll be in quite a bit of pain with those broken ribs and her fractured arm, but we can deal with that. She’s bound to be a bit disoriented at times,” he went on, “but that should go away in a few days. If she keeps responding as she is now, I should be able to take that tube out by tomorrow or the next day.”

The man released a heavy sigh. “You have no idea how glad we are to hear this.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to visit with her. I have other patients to see.”

The couple gave the doctor wide smiles, though the woman kept dabbing at her eyes with a hanky. She looked as if she’d been crying for days. “I’m so happy to see your lovely eyes. I don’t know what I would have done if—”

“Now, Annie—” The man wrapped his arms about the woman and held her close. “Don’t even think that way. God answered our prayers and brought her back to us.”

Tavia’s gaze flitted from one to the other and back again. What about Adam? What about Jewel? Did that nice couple send you here to cheer me up? Yes, that must be it. Adam and Jewel asked you to come.

The woman began to weep hysterically. “Oh, James, what if she hadn’t—”

“But she did make it, Annie.” Tears rolled down the man’s cheeks as he spoke. “We have to take comfort in her survival.”

Though she didn’t know them, their tears made Tavia want to cry, too, at the deep, horrible pain evident in their voices. But why?

The man gave Tavia a look of concern. “I think you’ve had enough excitement for one day.” He cupped his hand gently about her shoulder. “We’ll go now and let you get some rest, but we’ll be back in a few hours.”

Annie rubbed her tears away with her fingertips before bending to kiss Tavia’s cheek again. “I hate to leave you.”

James grabbed on to his wife’s hand, tugging her away. “She needs her rest, Annie, and so do you.”

“I know, but—”

He motioned her toward the door. “We’ll come back later, I promise.”

Annie blew her a kiss as the pair backed out of the hospital room, leaving Tavia with puzzled thoughts and unanswered questions. Did these people have her mixed up with someone else? Surely, they could tell she wasn’t someone they knew. It was all so confusing.

The darkness. The tunnel. The hospital room. A couple who said they loved her and prayed for her. None of it made any sense. The room began to spin again, making her dizzy. The constant beep, beep, beep of the machines was grating on her nerves.

“Hi.”

Slightly turning her head, she peered into the face of yet another stranger. A man in a wheelchair, with a bandage on his head and a small vase of white daisies balanced between his knees.

“They said you were awake. I’ve been so worried about you.” He placed the vase on the nightstand. “I brought these for you. They’re not much, but they were all the hospital gift shop had to offer.”

You’ve been worried about me, too? And you brought me flowers? Why? Are you a friend of those people who were just here? Annie and James?

“I was here earlier, but I guess you didn’t hear me. I—I want you to know how sorry I am. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have been injured. Honest, I did everything I could to avoid the accident, but there wasn’t anything I could do. The truck just kept barreling down the road.”

Accident! This must be the man I heard earlier. Tavia concentrated with all her might, trying to bring up any details of an accident that might be buried deep within her mind. Why was she having so much trouble keeping things straight? And, she hurt. Oh, how she hurt. Just the slightest movement was sheer agony. Pain. Why doesn’t someone give me something for the pain?

“You were looking up at me through the rear window of that SUV.” The man in the wheelchair paused as a tear tumbled down his cheeks. “I—I figured you wouldn’t make it. But, praise God, you did!”

If only she could get the words out, ask him about the couple who had given her a ride, but she couldn’t. Something deep in her throat prevented it.

The man worked his wheelchair up close to her bed, then carefully placed a hand on her arm. “I shouldn’t have mentioned the accident. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’d better leave now, but I’ll be back. You do what the doctor says so you can get well. I’ll be praying for you.” With that, he maneuvered the chair from the room.

Tavia watched him go. All my life no one has cared if I lived or died, now three strangers are concerned about me. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, she felt herself sinking, ever so slowly, backward. But this time was different. The pit wasn’t pulling her down, she just felt tired. Sleepy. Sl-ee-py.