Читать книгу Special Deliveries Collection - Kate Hardy - Страница 83

“I don’t know,” Amanda said, shaking her head. She still couldn’t believe anyone had spread that rumor. Couldn’t believe that Nathan had thought for even a minute that she would ever do such a thing.

In a flash, Amanda was back there, on the night when everything crashed down around her. They’d been engaged for two weeks—because Nathan had insisted on a wedding the moment he found out she was pregnant. But that night, she had been the one doing the insisting.

“The wedding’s off, Nathan.”

“Just like that?”

“The only reason you were marrying me was because of the baby, right?” Those words cost her. She so wanted him to say that wasn’t true. That he loved her. Always had. That they would be okay, they would get past this.

But he didn’t.

And she couldn’t marry a man who didn’t love her—no matter how much she loved him.

“So that’s it?” he demanded. “Now that you’re not pregnant, you don’t need me anymore, that it? Find someone richer?”

Stunned, she could only look at him. She had never cared a damn about his money. She’d loved him for as long as she could remember. And she’d convinced herself that he cared for her, too. Even though he’d never actually said the words. Now she could see she’d been living in a dream world. “How can you say that?”

“Oh, I’m not done,” he told her flatly. “You said you lost the baby, but that’s not the whole story, is it?”

Amanda stared up at him. She had expected him to be supportive. To share the pain that was still tearing through her. The loss of the baby, her hopes, her dreams for the future. They were all gone now.

She’d needed Nathan so badly. Now that he was here, she only wanted him gone.

“I don’t know what you mean,” she said finally.

“Yeah, I think you do.” He stalked around the perimeter of her tiny Midland apartment. “Hell, you hated the thought of marrying me so much you got rid of my baby?”

“What?” Shock held her in place. Outrage made her want to scream. Pain held her in such a tight grip she could hardly breathe. “You think—”

“Thought I wouldn’t find out, didn’t you?” he asked, his voice dripping with ice.

“There was nothing to find out, Nathan.” Through her pain, anger began to blossom like a black rose. She gave it free rein. “I lost the baby. I had a miscarriage. I told you.”

He scrubbed one hand across the top of his head. “Yeah, that’s what you told me. Others told me something different.”

“And you’d believe them? Believe that I could do something like that to our child?”

His eyes were hard, his expression distant, remote. “Why would anyone say that if it wasn’t true?”

Good question, but that was for later. Right now, the most important question on her mind was how could he think for even a second that it was true?

“How do I know?”

“Exactly,” he said. “How do I know what to believe, either?”

“I guess you have to trust me,” she said, knowing he didn’t. Knowing he wouldn’t.

“Yeah.” His eyes were as cold as the moon. Suddenly he looked like a stranger to her and Amanda knew she wouldn’t be able to reach him because he didn’t want to be reached.

So much lost, all in a blink of time. She swayed with the impact of what was happening.

He turned and walked to the door. There, he stopped and looked back at her. “You’re right about one thing, though. The wedding’s off. I was only marrying you because of the baby. With the reason gone, there’s no point, is there?”

The fact that his words echoed what she had thought herself only moments before just made the pain that much deeper. Sharper. When Nathan left, the quiet click of the door shutting behind him sounded like a gunshot. It seemed to echo in the empty room long after he’d left her. Long after Amanda had curled up on the couch to cry herself to sleep.

Shaking her head as if she could somehow dislodge the painful memories, Amanda looked up at him through eyes that were no longer starry with love for a man who refused to love her back. She wasn’t young and foolish anymore. If she still loved Nathan, that was her problem and she’d find a way to get over it. But he would never know that he still had so much power over her heart.

“You walked out, Nathan,” she reminded him in a voice that was low and throbbing with remembered hurt.

“Yeah,” he admitted, “I did. But you were the one to end things between us. Hell, I walked in the door and you handed me the ring.”

“You agreed with me about calling off the wedding,” she reminded him.

“Damn straight, I did. You weren’t pregnant. You’d already handed me the ring—”

“You wouldn’t talk to me,” she said.

“You didn’t give me a chance to say anything and even if you had, what the hell could I say?” he countered. “It was done. The baby was gone and your ring was in my fist. What do you think I should have said, for God’s sake?”

“That you believed me.” That was the one thing that had always stung. He had known her better than anyone else—or so she had thought. And he’d taken the word of malicious gossips over her.

How was she supposed to forget that?

He scrubbed both hands across his face as memories crowded so close he could hardly draw a breath. The rumors had driven him crazy when he couldn’t get to her. At first, she was in the hospital and then when she was out, he was confined to the academy. Couldn’t even talk to her. Couldn’t look into her eyes and see for himself truth from lies. But by the time he finally reached her side, the crazy had taken over. The doubts. The disappointment and fury had him so tangled into knots it was all he could do to hold it together.

Hell, he prided himself on control. On being in charge of every damn thing around him. He had his own personal rules of conduct. And he’d blown them all on that long-ago night. Duty. Honor. They’d both gone out the window when anger made him blind to common sense.

Blowing out a breath, he stared up at the sky for a long minute, then lowered his gaze to hers. Doubts still gnawed at the edges of his heart, but being with her, looking into her eyes, clouded with hurt, he could see the truth that had eluded him for so long. “I do believe you.”

The moment he said it, he knew it was right. Back then, he’d been young and stupid. He’d wanted her to rush into his arms looking for comfort. He’d wanted her to cry and mourn their lost child so he would know that she hadn’t ended her pregnancy. Instead, she’d handed him the ring he’d given her and told him, more or less, to move on.

So his own self-assurance took a hit and then delivered one right back. Hurt, he’d made sure that she hurt, too. He wasn’t saying he was right. He was only saying—screw it.

A sheen of tears filmed the brilliant green of her eyes, but before he could panic or kick his own ass for making her cry, she blinked them back. She took a breath, steadied herself and said, “Thanks for that, anyway. Better late than never, huh?”

“I guess,” he said, but this conversation still felt unfinished.

She hitched her bag higher on her shoulder. “Now, I’ve got to go.”

“Damn it, Amanda—don’t walk away.”

“What else is there to talk about, Nathan? We’re over and done, and standing here in the park together is only going to fire up the gossip train you hate.”

True.

He did hate knowing that, but there didn’t seem to be much he could do about it. For days now, he’d lived with everyone in town watching his every move. With having people drop by the jailhouse for a “friendly chat” when what they were really looking for was more grist for the rumor mill. They wanted exclusive news about Nathan and Amanda so they could be the ones to spill the next part of the story.

Hell, he was actually getting used to it.

He’d come here today, knowing the gossips were chewing on them, knowing that meeting her like this would only make things worse. But this was his plan. Talk with her, bed her, then move on and—damn it—he was going to stick to it. It was a good plan, even if it had gotten more involved than he’d originally thought it would.

Nathan hadn’t meant to dig into the past. Hadn’t intended to throw up that night between them like a damn battle flag. He didn’t want her pissed—despite how good she looked when fire was in her eyes. He didn’t want her sad. Or resigned.

He wanted her hot and ready and as eager to be with him as he was to get his hands on her. But he couldn’t do that until he ended the war.

“You’re off tonight, right?”

“What?” She looked as surprised as he was over his blurted question.

Taking hold of her arm again, he drew her around to the far side of the old oak, using the tree to block most people’s views of them.

“Let go, Nathan.”

He did, though his fingers still felt the warmth of her skin long after he drew his hand back. Through the years, through the old pain and shared memories, the heat between them lingered. He was more convinced than ever that he was doing the right thing. Get her back into bed, feel the burn again so that he could finally let it—and her—go.

“We need some time, Amanda,” he said, keeping his gaze locked with hers. “Time to talk. To find a way to be in this town together.”

She was shaking her head so he talked faster, refusing to give her enough room to back away. “Come out with me tonight. We’ll have dinner—and time.”

“I don’t know.…”

Confusion etched itself onto her features. He could see her weighing her decision, so he gave her a little push. “Not afraid to be alone with me, are you?”

It worked.

Her head snapped up and she snorted. “Afraid? Please.”

He grinned. “Then it’s settled.”

“Fine.” She nodded at him. “Where do you want to meet?”

“I’ll pick you up at your place about seven.”

She laughed a little uneasily. “This is Saturday. Everyone for miles around will be in town. You’re not worried about how many people will see us together?”

He glanced up at the crowd milling around the park before looking back to her. What was the point of hiding now? They were already the center of every conversation in town. No sense trying to fight it. “They’re already talking, remember? Besides, damned if I’m going to sneak around.”

She nodded. “Good point.”

“All right, then. See you at seven.”

Over at the diner, Pam leaned on the counter and tapped her fingernails against it in a sharp staccato. “People have been talking about them all day.”

“You shouldn’t be listening.”

“How can I not?” She shook her head and gave a quick look around at the people sitting at the booths and counters. Peggy, the other waitress on duty, was laughing with her customers and in the kitchen behind her, Pam could hear the cooks talking while they worked. The diner was busy and that was a good thing. The fact that it was all because of Amanda made it harder to appreciate.

“She’s been back home for a couple of weeks and she’s taking over again.”

She looked at the man sitting in front of her. JT McKenna had been her friend since school. He ran his own ranch just outside of town where he raised a small herd of cattle and his pride and joy, quarter horses.

His dark brown hair curled over the collar of his shirt and his tanned face showed a line of white across the top of his forehead where his hat normally rested. He was tall and lean and according to Pam’s friends, gorgeous. She’d never really noticed because JT had always been just her friend.

Now, he cupped his hands around a cup of coffee and shook his head. “Pam, you’re the one who asked her to come home.”

She sighed. Hard to admit, but he was right. Pam had tried to run the diner on her own, but it just hadn’t worked. She’d been overwhelmed with trying to handle the whole place on her own. But she still hated to acknowledge that Amanda had made a difference. Her younger sister had always been the golden one. Her parents’ favorite. Taller, smarter, prettier…Pam’s fingernails sounded out like a jackhammer.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like her sister. But did Amanda have to be so perfect?

“You’re getting wound up over nothing, Pam,” JT said.

His brown eyes were on her and she had to sigh. “You’re probably right, but—”

“No buts,” he teased and gave her a grin that lit up his eyes. “You’re so focused on Amanda and Nathan you can’t see anything else around you.”

“Like what?”

JT blew out a breath and said, “Like I could use some more coffee.”

“Oh, sure.” She turned to reach for the pot and told herself she needed to calm down. But the last few days had made that nearly impossible. Everyone was talking about Nathan and Amanda again. Just as they had all those years ago.

Nathan.

Her heart ached at the thought of him. Without even trying, her little sister had even gotten the man Pam had always wanted. All those years when Amanda was living away from Royal, Pam had done everything she could to capture Nathan’s attention. But it was as if he was completely oblivious to her. Even the couple of times she’d managed to get him out to dinner and to a movie, nothing had come of it.

“Still,” she said thoughtfully, “according to Dora Plant, Nathan and Amanda were arguing at the park today.”

“You’re doing it again,” JT told her flatly. “I can see it in your eyes. You’re thinking on how you can get around your sister to Nathan and it’s not going to get you anywhere. You best watch your step, and move careful, Pam.”

“What?”

“You and Amanda,” he said gently, “you’re family. Always will be.”

“I know that—” she argued.

He cut her off. “Maybe you do, but I’m thinking you tend to forget what you don’t want to think about. My point is, you should open your eyes, Pam. Nathan’s not interested in you that way and probably never will be.”

She flushed, but couldn’t seem to stop it. Pam had hungered after Nathan for so long, it had become a way of life for her. All the time he was with her sister, that knowledge had eaten away at her like acid. But then the two of them broke up and Pam began to hope again. All right, nothing had come of their few dates, but that didn’t mean she should give up.

“You don’t know what it’s like, JT.”

He laughed shortly, shook his head and dug money out of his wallet. Laying the bills on the counter, he said, “You’d be surprised by what I know, Pam.”

She watched him go, then turned back to her customers, still wondering what JT had meant.

A few hours later, Amanda was standing in front of her mirror, trying to figure out how Nathan had maneuvered her into this. She wasn’t even sure why she was going along with…what was it? A date? Her stomach swirled at the thought.

“It’s not a date,” she said, just to hear it said out loud. She dragged a brush through her hair. “It feels like a date. It shouldn’t, but it does. God, I haven’t been on a date in—” She stopped because even if there was no one else there to hear her, admitting out loud that it had been three years since she’d been on a real, live, guy-picks-you-up-and-pays date was too humiliating.

No wonder she was nervous.

Music pumped from the radio in the living room and Amanda smiled at herself in the mirror. Looked more like a grimace, but she’d take it. She had no idea where Nathan was taking her, so she’d changed her outfit three times, finally settling on a pale blue skirt that hit just above her knees, a white, short-sleeved blouse that buttoned up the front and a pair of sandals with a heel that would bring her almost to eye level with Nathan.

And there was the swirl of nerves in the pit of her stomach again.

Notadate…notadate…notadate …

The chant went through her mind but couldn’t seem to find anything to hold on to. Because she’d been off balance ever since she’d returned to Royal. Those first two weeks, waiting to see him again. Then that first meeting in the diner, when he’d been so cold, so remote. Only to have him show up later, right here and, after demanding she leave town, kiss her until her head was spinning.

No wonder she felt as if she were at the center of a madly spinning tornado. She had no sense of direction. Only the instinctive drive to keep her heart intact this time. To become so immune to Nathan and what he could do to her with a glance that she could finally move on. Find a nice man—one who didn’t drive her to impossible highs and heartbreaking lows—and build a life. A life with the children she longed for. A life filled with the love she’d lost so long ago.

So why then was she putting herself through this notadate? Because she wasn’t immune to Nathan yet and just maybe a night spent alone with him might start her on that path.

When a knock sounded at her door, she slapped one hand to her abdomen in a futile attempt to quell all the butterflies nestled in there, then told herself to get a grip. To get over Nathan, she was going to need to restrain her natural tendency to go up in flames around him. She walked across the room, deliberately casual, opened the door and nerves slid away to be replaced by something more elemental. More…hazardous, to her already iffy sense of control.

He wore black jeans, a red, button-down long-sleeve shirt open at the collar and the boots that seemed to be a part of him. He gave her a slow, thorough once-over, then an appreciative smile curved his mouth. “You look great.”

Fire licked at her insides, but she squashed the flames flat before they could take hold. This wasn’t a romantic thing, for heaven’s sake. This was just…who knew what it was?

“Thanks.” She grabbed her purse from the nearby table. God, he smelled good. “I’m ready to go.”

That smile of his deepened as he turned her toward the stairs. “Always liked that about you, Amanda. None of this make-him-wait stuff.” Taking her hand, he led her down the stairs and then to his car, a big, black SUV he’d left parked on the street.

Saturday night was date night in Royal for young and old alike. A lot of the local ranchers came in to treat the family to dinner out. There were shoppers hitting the stores on Main Street and pedestrians, just out watching other people. And she was sure that most of them were avidly watching her and Nathan.

Nothing could have proven to her more completely that he didn’t give a damn about the gossips any more than picking her up on a Saturday night for the whole town to see.

To her left, the wide front windows of the diner shone with light and she knew that everyone in there, too, would have a perfect view of her leaving with Nathan.

As if he knew just what she was thinking, he squeezed her hand briefly and gave her a conspiratorial wink. Her heart clenched—it was almost as if the two of them were a team again. To underline that sensation, his hand around hers felt warm and strong and…right. She nearly stumbled when that thought zipped through her mind.

Thankfully, she recovered quickly, since an older woman with a crown of gray braids wrapped around her head stopped them on the sidewalk.

“Well, now, what might you two be up to on such a nice summer evening?” Hannah Poole was easily seventy-five. Her eyes—shining with glee—were razor-sharp and her nose was practically twitching with interest. If there was a gossip train in Royal, then Miss Hannah was the engineer. There wasn’t a thing that went on in town that she didn’t know about.

“Hello, Miss Hannah,” Amanda said, tugging at Nathan’s hand to stop him. “It’s nice to see you.”

“I’m sure it is, honey,” she said as her gaze locked briefly on their joined hands. “Going somewhere, are you?”

“Yes, ma’am, we sure are,” Nathan answered, then surprised Amanda by letting go of her hand only long enough to snake one arm around her waist, steering her toward the car. “And if we don’t hurry we’ll be late.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to keep you,” the woman said thoughtfully, eyes gleaming. “I’ve got to get on home, myself. You two young people have fun, now. Good to see the two of you back together again.”

“Oh, we’re not—” Amanda began.

“Thank you, Miss Hannah,” Nathan said over her. “You have a good evening.”

He got Amanda settled, stalked around to the driver’s side and climbed in.

“Of course she had to get home,” Amanda said, watching as Hannah Poole scurried down the sidewalk. Her feet, clad in sensible brown shoes, moved faster than Amanda had ever known them to go.

“What she meant was, she had to get on the phone and tell everyone who wasn’t in town tonight that she saw the two of us together.”

“Yep.”

She turned her head to stare at him. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Yep.” He fired up the engine, checked traffic, then pulled out onto Main Street.

“That’s it? Just ‘yep’?” Amanda’s gaze locked on him. In the old days, Nathan would have been rigidly furious to be the center of attention. This Nathan was a stranger. Mysterious. Intriguing. “Who are you and what have you done with Nathan?”

His lips quirked briefly. “What am I supposed to do? Shoot Miss Hannah? Throw her into a jail cell to keep her off the phone?” He shook his head and turned left. “Nope. No way to stop her or anyone else from talking.”

“Did you have a temper transplant?”

Unexpectedly, he glanced at her and grinned. “No, but not a bad idea.”

She was charmed. How could she not be? Not only was this Nathan—the man she’d been in love with since she was fourteen years old—but tonight he was…different. More relaxed. More…approachable.

Which could be risky, her mind warned. Logically, she should pay attention to that warning. Unfortunately, her body was too busy celebrating Nathan’s nearness to worry about possible future problems. And that was a whole different problem. She was supposed to be weaning herself from the allure of Nathan and now he’d made it that much more difficult.

Amanda settled back in the car seat, kept her gaze locked on the street in front of them and tried to stifle the sensations already building inside her.

It wasn’t easy.

“So where are we going?”

“You still like surprises?” he asked.

“Yes …”

“Then sit back. Won’t take but a minute to get there.”

That narrowed down the choices. Even if he was taking her to Claire’s restaurant, it was clear on the other side of town. But he wasn’t headed in that direction, anyway. They’d only driven a mile or so, when Nathan pulled into a familiar parking lot.

“The TCC?” she asked.

“Problem with that?”

“No.” She looked at the building that had been a part of town life since long before she was born. Built in the 1900s, it was a huge, rambling, one-story building constructed of dark stone and wood with a tall, slate roof.

She’d been inside a couple of times before—not as a guest, but as a server when her father had catered meetings. She knew the ceilings were high, the furniture and floors were dark and old-world style and the ambiance was loaded with testosterone. Sure, they were allowing female members now, but not many and not without a battle that had made the Alamo look like a playground tussle.

“I’ve just never—” She caught herself and shrugged. “I’m just…surprised, I guess.”

“Why?” Nathan shut off the engine and looked at her. “The dining room’s been open to women for years.”

“True, but you never took me there before.”

“Yeah,” he said, “there’s a lot of things I didn’t do that maybe I should have.”

She didn’t even know what to say to that. Did he have the same kind of regrets she had for the way things had ended between them? Nathan was a master at hiding what he was feeling so unless he came right out and said so, she might never know for sure.

“Maybe that’s true of both of us.” She offered a truce and was pleased to see his smile in response.

“Could be you’re right. But for now, let’s just say I’m a changed man.” He got out of the car and as he walked around the hood to come to her side, Amanda found herself hoping he hadn’t changed too much.

Over dinner, she realized that she had forgotten just how charming Nathan could be. His gaze fixed on hers, he led their conversation to happier times. To the years before they’d split up in such a crash of emotions.

All around them, the clink of silver against china and the tinkle of crystal became no more than quiet background noise. The people, the servers, seemed to fade away. She had even stopped noticing the hunting trophies on the walls. With Nathan’s full attention on her, it was impossible to be aware of anything else.

The dark paneled walls, the soft lighting and the flickering candles on the tables all made for a romantic setting that Amanda wasn’t sure how to interpret. She hadn’t expected romance, yet it seemed Nathan was determined to give it to her. Why?

And why couldn’t she just enjoy it while it lasted?

They talked about old times, without touching on the painful parts. They talked about what each of them had been doing over the last seven years and slowly, began to work into…what? A friendship? No. That was too pale a word for the connection that hummed between them, whether they were acknowledging it or not.

Of course, because they were in a small town where they knew everyone, their dinner wasn’t completely private. Several people paused at their table to say hello and Amanda watched as Nathan became what he was: the sheriff. A man respected and trusted by everyone in town, he answered questions patiently and promised a couple of people to look into their problems. He carried power easily and she realized that the last several years had made a difference. He wasn’t the young, arrogant man she’d known back then. Oh, he was still cocky, that came across just fine, but there was an underlying thread of patience that the old Nathan had lacked.

It wasn’t just him that had changed. The years had left their mark on both of them. They weren’t the same people they had been seven years before. And maybe, if faced with the same situation today, they’d each react differently.

Not that it would change anything now, but she couldn’t help wondering how things might have been if only they had trusted each other more. Talked to each other, rather than reacting to the pain of the moment.

When they finished their meal, Amanda took a moment to glance around at the elegant dining room, filled with TCC members and their guests. No doubt every one of them would be spreading the word about this dinner she and Nathan had shared—but at the moment, she just didn’t care.

Seated across the linen-draped table from him drinking a cup of coffee, Amanda said, “Thank you. For…bringing me here. I had a great time.”

“Good.” He glanced at their bill, tucked money inside, then set the black leather folder at the edge of the table. Lifting his own coffee cup, he toasted her and said, “So did I, but the night’s not over yet.”

“Really? What could possibly top that fabulous dinner?”

“Dessert.”

She had to laugh. “Nathan, we both passed on dessert, remember?”

“You won’t pass on the one I’ve got in mind,” he assured her.

Amanda looked into his eyes and in the dancing candlelight, she read desire in those depths. Tingles of something expectant, something amazing, went off like sparklers in the pit of her belly and even lower.

A deep, throbbing ache pounded out inside her to the rhythm of her own heartbeat and the longer she held his gaze, the faster that rhythm became. Here was the danger, she told herself sternly. And if she had a single ounce of common sense, she’d ask him to take her home. Now. But she knew she wasn’t going to do that. It had been seven long years since she and Nathan had been alone together. Seven years since she’d felt this sizzle of bone-deep attraction. Years since she’d been able to look into those chocolate-brown eyes and see the need she saw now.

No. No matter what happened next, she wouldn’t be leaving him. Not yet.

“Well, now I’m intrigued,” she managed to say.

“Then let’s get going.” He stood up and held one hand out to her.

She only hesitated a moment before laying her hand in his and allowing him to draw her to her feet. Their gazes met and in the quiet elegance of the room, it felt as if explosions were going off all around them but only they could feel them. If interested gazes followed them as they left, Amanda was oblivious to them.

Nathan led her out of the club, into the warm, moist air of a Texas summer’s evening. Wherever they were headed next, she knew there was nowhere else she’d rather be.