Читать книгу Special Deliveries Collection - Kate Hardy - Страница 84

As they drove through town and took a turn in the direction of the Battlelands, Amanda looked at Nathan’s profile. There was a slight smile on his face, but that told her nothing other than that he was pleased with himself. Hmm.

“Are we going to the ranch house?”

He glanced at her and smiled. “You’ll see.”

Why was he being so secretive? What was he up to?

She could play along, so she said, “It’d be nice to see Jake and Terri again. Been a long time since I’ve seen their kids.”

“Uh-huh. You will eventually.”

So, probably not going there right now. Okay, fine. She could be patient. To a point.

“How’re you and Pam getting along these days?”

The question caught her off guard and made her a little uncomfortable at the same time.

“About the same,” she said. “She’s glad I’m there in the diner, but I think she’d rather if I could phone in the work from somewhere else.”

He frowned. “She’s got some issues with you.”

“There’s a news flash,” she murmured. She had a couple of issues with Pam, too, now that she knew her sister had dated Nathan. Probably shouldn’t matter since she and Nathan were so done when it had happened. But it did matter, darn it. She didn’t like her big sister making a move on her ex. And one of these days, she and Pam were going to have to talk about that. But for now, she changed the subject. “Speaking of families, how’re Jake and Terri doing?”

Now he gave her a real smile. “They’re great. I know you’ve kept up with what’s going on here in Royal, so I’m guessing you know they have twin boys and a little girl?”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling wistfully. “Last time I came home to visit my dad before he—well, I made sure you were nowhere around and I met Terri and the kids in town.”

Nodding, he said only, “The twins are in kindergarten now and Emily’s talking all the time.”

A small ache settled in her chest, thinking about Nathan’s nephews and niece. Children always did that to her, though—made her remember that she’d been cheated out of her child. Amanda had been playing what-if for more than seven years—wondering how her life might be different if only she hadn’t lost Nathan’s child. They’d have married, of course—Nathan wouldn’t have had it any other way. But would they be happy? Or would he have always felt trapped by circumstances? Would she always wonder if he really loved her or had married her solely out of duty? Questions she would never have the answers to.

She tried to shake them off. “Emily’s almost two now, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, and a beauty. Has Jake wrapped around her tiny fingers, too.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Hard to believe sometimes that Jake’s a father, but he’s damn good at it.”

So would you have been, she couldn’t help thinking. And maybe his thoughts were mirroring hers because his features slid into more somber lines.

A few miles of silence filled the big black car before Nathan took a turn she recognized.

“So we’re not going to the ranch house at all.”

“Nope.”

“We’re going to the river.”

“That’s the plan.”

Nerves jittered and Amanda told herself not to build anything out of this. After all, Nathan had grown up on this land. He and Jake had spent most of their childhoods at the river, fishing, swimming, avoiding chores. For him, this place was just a part of his life. There was no reason to believe that Nathan felt the same…affection for this spot that she did. For Amanda, this river was magical. This one slice of his family’s ranch would always be special to her.

Cutting right through the heart of the Battlelands, the fast-moving river was shaded on either bank by ancient live oaks. It was cool and green and lush. As they approached, she couldn’t help remembering—and didn’t try too hard to stop—that she and Nathan had been in this private place when they made love for the first time so long ago.

Her heartbeat quickened as the memories inside her mind played out like a movie. She could see them both so easily. Young, eager, and for her at least, so much in love she was drowning in the overflow of emotions. Nerves had been thick, but desire was more prominent. It was as if in this one place, time had stopped. The world had dropped away and she became a part of the one man she had always wanted.

Was he remembering? Did he think about that night and all the nights that had followed? Did he have the same regrets she did? Or had he really moved on from their shared past—and if he had, why were they here together now?

The sun was so low now, that only the barest hint of color remained in the sky. Amanda turned her head to the side, looking away from Nathan. What was she supposed to think about this? What was he expecting? Was he deliberately trying to recreate that night? Did he really think that after all these years, all it would take is this one romantic setting and time would roll back?

Oh, God. What if he was right?

The Texas landscape stretched out for miles beneath a faintly rose-colored sky. Grasses waved in a sultry wind on either side of the lonely road and Amanda drew an uneasy breath. Years without Nathan and now, in a single day, he was wiping away the emptiness and drawing her back into a net designed to reawaken emotions she’d thought long buried. How could he take her from fury to desire so easily? And how could she defend her heart against him when all she really wanted was what they’d once had?

“Look familiar?” he asked, voice deep enough to rumble along her spine like tentative fingertips.

“Really does,” she said, steeling herself before she turned to look at his profile in the growing darkness. She couldn’t read on his face what he was thinking. As always, he had tucked his emotions away, offering the world no peek at what he was feeling. “Why are we here, Nathan?”

He glanced at her, then shifted his gaze back to the road. “We need to talk and I couldn’t think of a more private place.”

Oh, it was private all right, Amanda thought as another slow swirl of anticipation spread through her. This could be dangerous, she warned herself, but at the same time, she wasn’t that young, desperately-in-love girl anymore. She’d grown and changed and lived through a heartbreak she had thought at the time would kill her. She was strong enough now to withstand the churning emotions inside. Strong enough to hold her own against a man who was an overwhelming presence in her life.

At least, she hoped she was.

Otherwise, history would repeat itself tonight—and she honestly couldn’t have said which she was hoping for.

He pulled the car off the road and steered it toward a stand of oaks. She took a breath and let it out slowly, determined to keep what she was feeling to herself. Shouldn’t be hard since her feelings right now were so jumbled even she was confused.

He parked the truck beside the trees, then gave her a look she couldn’t interpret. “Everything should be ready. Let’s go.”

She had no idea what he was talking about but there was only one way to answer her questions. Besides, Amanda wasn’t about to let him know that being here made her feel as if she were off balance on a high wire. She opened the door and stepped out into the warm embrace of the summer air. Tipping her head back, she glanced up at the sky. The first stars were just blinking in and out of existence as clouds scudded past. The wind was soft, like a warm caress, as she walked around the front of the car to join Nathan. “What’re you up to?”

He smiled. “Come with me and see.”

He held out one hand toward her and Amanda hesitated only a moment before laying her palm against his. She was in this far, she told herself, no point in trying to back out now. Besides, she was curious.

Why had he brought her here? What was ready? And who was this man, anyway? Less than a week ago, he’d told her flat out that he wanted her to leave town. Tonight, he was being Prince Charming. Tall, dark, gorgeous and using his smile like a well-honed weapon.

She was completely unsteady and she thought that was exactly the way he wanted her.

Nathan gave her hand a gentle squeeze, then led her through the trees to the river. The whisper of leaves sounded overly loud, like hushed conversations you couldn’t quite make out, and the muted roar of the river grew louder as they walked closer. Wind plucked at her hair, her heels wobbled on the sunbaked ground. Nathan lifted branches out of their way as they passed and she felt herself slipping further and further into the past as memories became as thick as the shadows.

They stepped free of the trees and Amanda stopped dead, pulling her hand free of Nathan’s to stare at what lay in front of her. A blue-and-white quilt was spread out on the grass. A hurricane lamp was lit, the flame flickering in the soft breeze. A cooler sat at one side of the blanket and two place settings of china and crystal were laid out, just waiting for them.

It had been different in the past, she thought, mind racing as the years rolled back and suddenly she was a shy, nervous high school senior again. Nathan was home from college and he’d brought her here, to “their spot.” He had talked about school, what he was doing, who he was meeting, and all she could do was look at him, storing up image after image in her mind so that when he left again, she wouldn’t feel so alone.

They’d had a picnic, right here. Nathan had positioned his car so that the headlights shone down on them and the car radio had provided music. They’d talked and laughed and made plans for a misty future neither of them could fully imagine.

And then they’d made love, right here, beneath the stars, for the first time. Everything had changed for them that night. She could still remember his face, as he rose over her, as she took him inside her. The surge of love, of need, filled her now as it had then and had her turning to look at the man beside her.

“What are you doing, Nathan?”

“Remembering,” he said, his gaze fixed on the scene laid out in front of them. Then he turned those eyes on her. “Since you’ve been back I’ve been doing a lot of that.”

“Me, too.”

“And you remember what happened here?”

“Not likely to forget,” she said with a lightness she didn’t feel.

“Good,” he said and took her hand again, drawing her toward the scene so meticulously laid out.

It really didn’t matter, but she heard herself ask, “Who did all of this?”

“Louisa,” he told her just before he eased down to the quilt and drew her down beside him. “She probably had Henry drive her out here and help, but she packed the cooler and set everything up.”

Louisa Diaz, the housekeeper at Battlelands. She’d been running that ranch house for twenty years. Of course Nathan would go to her for help. “Wasn’t she curious about why you wanted this set up?”

“If she was, she’d never admit it,” he said, opening the cooler to draw out a bottle of chilled white wine. He poured two glasses and handed her one. “We’ve got strawberries and whipped cream and some of Louisa’s famous pecan cookies, too.”

She stared at the golden liquid in her glass. She was still off-kilter. He’d gone to so much trouble, setting all of this up, it made her wonder what was behind it all. Just memories? Or was there something more? “It seems you’ve thought of everything.”

“I think so.”

“The question remains,” she said. “Why?”

He sighed heavily, impatiently. And suddenly he seemed more like the Nathan she’d been dealing with since returning to Royal rather than the younger man she’d given her heart to.

“Does there have to be a reason? Can’t we just enjoy it?”

Enjoy it. Reliving a memory that was so cherished it still haunted her dreams? Remember a time when she’d had the world at her fingertips—only to lose it a year later? Pain floated just beneath the surface and Amanda had to fight it back. If she knew what he wanted, expected, maybe this would be easier. But because she couldn’t read him, she was left to stumble around in the dark. She took a sip of wine, letting the dry, icy flavor ease the tightness in her throat.

Silence blossomed between them and seemed to grow unchecked for what felt like an eternity before Nathan spoke, shattering the stillness.

“There’s no great plan here, Amanda.” His voice was deep, and each word seemed to rumble along her spine. “I just wanted to bring you to a place where we could talk.”

“And you chose here.”

A flicker of a smile touched his mouth then faded almost instantly. “You’re not the only one who remembers, you know. This was a good spot for us, once.”

“Yes,” she agreed, her own voice sounding strained and rough. “It was. But Nathan—”

He shook his head. “But nothing. We’re here. We’ll talk. Have dessert. Relax, Amanda.”

Relax?

This from the most tightly wound man she’d ever known?

She looked into his brown eyes and tried to see beyond what he was showing her. But he’d clearly gotten more adept over the years at hiding what he was thinking, feeling, and Amanda was left to take him at his word. Dangerous? Maybe.

But she couldn’t ask him to take her home now. She’d look as though she were afraid to be here alone with him and she wouldn’t give him that much power. Besides, she could consider this a test of her own resolve. If she and Nathan were going to live here in Royal together, then she had to get past the desire that swept through her every time he was near. She could hardly live her life in a constant state of expectation.

“Okay,” she said at last, taking another sip of her wine. “We’ll talk.”

He gave her a quick, disarming grin that jolted her heartbeat into a thundering gallop and she knew that for her, at least, there wouldn’t be any relaxing happening tonight.

“I came better prepared this time, too,” he said and reached behind the cooler for a small, battery-operated radio. He turned it on and a woman’s voice soared into the shadows, singing of love. “Remember the battery on my old truck died that night? Left the radio playing too long and we had to use the ranch walkie-talkie to get Henry to come out and give us a jump?”

She remembered. She also remembered the knowing look Henry had given the two of them. But the ranch foreman hadn’t said a word. He’d only gotten Nathan’s truck running again and then left.

“That was embarrassing,” she said with a sad smile.

“It was,” he agreed, then gave her another quick grin. “But it was worth it.”

Her hand tightened on the slender base of the crystal wineglass. Nathan was pushing past all of her defenses, one smile at a time.

She turned away from him and looked out over the river. At its widest point, it was no more than six feet across, but it was a wild river, fed from the distant mountains and left unchecked. The water frothed on the surface, slapping against the banks and over rocks worn smooth over time. While she watched, a trout jumped from the water only to splash back down. Wind sighed through the trees, rattling the leaves.

It was perfect.

A summer night, with the stars overhead. Soft music playing accompaniment to the roar of the river and the man who had been the great love of her life at her side. How many times had she wished for just this over the years?

She looked at Nathan as he reached into the cooler and pulled out two cookies. Handing one to her, he smiled and said, “You always did like Louisa’s pecan cookies.”

Her heart fisted in her chest. He looked so damn…harmless. And he so wasn’t.

“You’re evil,” she said, nipping the cookie from his fingers and taking a bite.

He nodded. “You used to like that about me.”

“There are a lot of things I used to like.”

“But not anymore.” The words were clipped. Cool.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Didn’t have to,” he told her and then shrugged as he took a bite of his cookie. “I feel the same way.”

“Good to know,” she muttered, as her foolishly hopeful heart sunk a little in her chest.

“Things’ve changed,” he said.

“If that’s what you brought me out here to tell me,” Amanda said, “you wasted your time. I already knew that.”

“But the thing is,” he said, as if she hadn’t spoken at all, “some things don’t change.”

He reached out and stroked the tip of his fingers down the back of her hand and along her arm. Amanda shivered.

“Not fair.” She pulled her hand free of him and dropped the cookie to the quilt before she stood up and moved to the edge of the river.

Music continued to sail into the deepening night. The river rushed on and, above her, the stars were glittering against the dark sky.

She heard him stand, then walk up behind her. When his hands dropped onto her shoulders, she was already braced for the heat that poured from his body into hers.

“Why the hell should I play fair?” he demanded and turned her around to face him.

“Why are you playing at all?” she countered and waited, watching his features in the indistinct light.

“Because I can’t get you out of my head,” he admitted, his voice harsh and deep, as if it were crawling up from the center of him.

If he could admit at least that much, then she could, too. “I feel the same way.”

He slid his hands up and down her upper arms as if chasing away a chill she didn’t have. In fact, she was so hot at the moment, she couldn’t imagine ever being cold again.

Amanda took a breath, tipped her head back to look up at him and said, “Wine. Cookies. Music.” She waved one hand at the frothy river beside them. “This place. What is it you want, Nathan? Truth.”

“Truth.” He tasted the word as if trying to decide if he liked the idea of it or not. Finally, though, he nodded and said, “Truth is, Amanda, there’s a lot of history between us and until we get it sorted out, life in Royal’s going to be harder than it has to be for both of us.”

Disappointment flashed through her before she could stop it. Of course that’s why he’d done all this. To soften her up. To make her malleable enough to agree to however he wanted to handle things. So much for change, she thought glumly.

“We’ve already had our ‘talk,’ Nathan.”

“Yeah, we did,” he agreed. “But it wasn’t enough.”

She pulled away from him and walked even closer to the river’s edge, where spray reached up from the water’s surface to kiss her skin. She turned her face up to the sky and fixed her gaze on one star in particular. It was a focus point, to center her thoughts, to gather her frazzled nerves.

She didn’t want to talk about the past anymore. It only brought pain. Still watching that star, she asked, “What more is there to say, Nathan?”

She heard him move to stand behind her again. She felt the heat of his body reaching out for hers. Felt the frisson of something incredible that she always felt when close to Nathan.

Once again, his hands came down on her shoulders and a whip of electricity snaked through her in an instant. She closed her eyes and took a breath to steady herself—an idea that went to hell the moment he started speaking. “Can we leave the past where it is, Amanda? Live here in town without going back there?”

“I want to,” she said and it was the truth. The past was pain and she’d had enough of that to last a lifetime.

“Then we make a pact. We deal with the present. Starting fresh.”

“Just like that?” Was it even possible? she asked herself.

“Won’t be easy,” he admitted, “but it’s easier than hauling the past around with us wherever we go.”

It sounded good, but she wasn’t as sure as he was that it could be done. But, talking with him, being with him, without the hurtful memories, was worth taking the chance.

“A pact,” she agreed and held out one hand.

He looked at it, smiled, then took her hand in his, smoothing his fingers over her knuckles. His voice was soft, low and as mesmerizing as the rush of the river below.

“You’re still in my blood, Amanda.”

Her heart jumped into high gear and she swayed on her feet. But his hands only tightened on her shoulders. He bent his head until his mouth was beside her ear. His voice came again and his warm breath dusted her skin.

“I think about you. Dream about you. Want you.”

“Nathan …” Her blood felt as if it were bubbling in her veins.

He spun her around, pulled her close and took her right hand in his left. Confused, Amanda only stared at him, until he said, “Dance with me.”

He didn’t give her a chance to answer. To decide yes or no. Instead, he began to sway to the music and she let herself move with him. He held her tightly, her body pressed along the length of his and she felt…everything, just as he’d wanted her to.

Her body lit up inside as desire pulsed like a beacon deep within her. He must have sensed it. Must have felt her body’s surrender because he dipped his head to steal a hard, fast kiss that left her reeling.

“Tell me you don’t the feel the same damn thing,” he demanded.

Amanda knew that if she looked into his eyes again, the very foundation of what little self-control she’d managed to cling to would be shaken. But she couldn’t resist. Couldn’t deprive herself of the chance to see those dark brown eyes flashing with need again.

The moment she did, she felt herself falling into a whirlwind of emotion. Long-buried feelings resurfaced with a vengeance and were tangled up with something new. Something still fragile, but so much deeper than anything she’d known before.

Their dance ended abruptly. He shifted his grip on her, sliding his hands up to cup her face. His thumbs traced the edges of her cheekbones and his gaze moved over her features hungrily. She felt every nerve in her body leap to attention. Every square inch of her wanted him so desperately she trembled with the need.

It would be so easy to give in, she thought wildly as she lost herself in the dark chocolate of his eyes. To surrender to her body’s demands. To push away the past and think only of the now. But where would that put them? Where would they go from here?

“Nathan, this is crazy.…”

“Nothing wrong with crazy,” he murmured and leaned in to leave a light-as-a-feather kiss on her forehead.

She swallowed hard. “But if we do this—it will only make living in this town together harder.”

He snorted a laugh. “I can’t get much harder.”

“Oh, God.” Her breath caught in her lungs as he pulled her in close to him. Close enough to discover that he was right. Much harder and he’d turn to stone.

A burn started low and deep within her, spreading with a swiftness that made her feel as if she had a sudden fever. A fever only Nathan could assuage.

Shaking her head both at her own thoughts and at him, she pulled free and took a staggering step backward just for an extra measure of safety. Not that she was afraid of Nathan. No, she was more afraid that her good intentions would be blown out of the water by her own need.

“Damn it, Amanda,” he said roughly. “You want this, too. I can feel it.”

“Yes,” she admitted when she could talk around the knot lodged in her throat. “I do. But I’m not going to do it.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because it wouldn’t solve anything, Nathan.”

He threw both hands high and wide then let them fall to his sides again. “Why the hell does it have to solve anything? We’re not kids anymore. Can’t it just be what it is and leave it at that?”

“Not between us,” she said, a little steadier now that he wasn’t touching her. “It’s never simple between us, Nathan, and you know it.”

He shoved both hands into his jeans pockets and let his head fall back briefly as if looking for patience in the wide Texas sky above them. When he looked at her again, he said, “You can’t let go of the past, can you?”

Bristling a little, she countered, “Can you?”

Shaking his head, he pulled one hand free of his pocket and ran it over his face. “Not entirely, no.”

“Then how can us sleeping together help?”

“How can it hurt?” he argued.

“Nathan, sex doesn’t solve a problem, it only creates new problems.”

“Maybe that’s enough for now,” he said tightly.

“Not for me,” she answered.

“What the hell do you want, then?”

A thousand disjointed thoughts swept through her mind in one confusing instant. What did she want? Him, mostly. She’d tried to fool herself into believing that she just wanted to move on. To find a new man and build a life with him.

But there were no other men for Amanda. There was only Nathan, now and always. She wanted what they hadn’t had before. Trust. Love. A future. And she knew Nathan wasn’t interested in anything like that.

So that left her exactly where?

Alone, she thought. She’d be alone.

He closed the gap between them in one long stride and grabbed her up close again. Here was the danger, she thought. Feeling him pressed close to her, knowing that he wanted her as much as she wanted him. But want wasn’t enough, as they’d already discovered.

“Don’t make this harder,” she whispered.

“Why should I make it easy?” he asked.

She looked up at him and when he kissed her, Amanda lost herself in him. His mouth covered hers with a fierce tenderness that quickly became a dance of desperation. Their tongues met again and again, stroking, caressing, tasting. Hunger built and spread, wrapping them both in a wash of heat that was inescapable. His hands swept up and down her back and finally came to rest on her behind. He held her tightly to him and ground his hips into hers. She gasped and lifted one leg instinctively, wrapping it around his thigh, trying, but failing to bring him even closer.

His mouth continued to overwhelm her and all of Amanda’s good intentions were swept away on a tide of passion too staggering to fight. Her mind splintered under the onslaught of too many sensations. It had been so long, was her only coherent thought. So long since she’d felt his hands on her body, his breath on her face. How could she not have him? What did it matter what happened tomorrow, if tonight, she could have this?

One of his strong hands held her thigh up along his hip, his fingers digging into her flesh. With his free hand, he lifted the hem of her skirt, then slipped his hand beneath the hem of her panties and down to the trembling, heated core of her.

At the first brush of his fingers, Amanda gasped, and tore her mouth from his. Reeling, she tipped her head back and stared into his eyes as he stroked her hot, damp center. His brown eyes were flashing with fire and need. His breath came as fast and sharp as hers. Her fingers clutched at his shoulders, as she fought for balance and for the orgasm that was rushing toward her.

He dipped one finger and then two into her depths, stroking both inside and out as he plunged and withdrew in a rapid rhythm that tortured as it pleasured. Amanda’s hips rocked into his hand as she struggled to find the release that he was promising her. Her mind was shutting down. Who needed to think when he was offering her so much to feel?

Again and again, she whimpered and twisted against his touch. His thumb rolled over one sensitive spot and she cried out his name in a broken voice torn from a throat nearly too tight to allow breath.

“Come for me,” he whispered, kissing her mouth, her eyes, her nose. “Come now, Amanda, and let me see you shatter.”

Stars shone overhead. A Texas wind caressed her bare skin. Her lover’s eyes held hers. And Amanda surrendered to the inevitable with a groan of release and a whispered sigh that was his name.