Читать книгу A Visible Heaven - Kirsten Blyton - Страница 9

The slow rumblings of the morning staggered to keep up with the bustling streets below. Couples walked hand-in-hand down the worn New York streets; tourists tried to fend off newspaper vendors from magazines and packets of cheap cigarettes. A young woman, who had given up on her dreams to be a dancer on Broadway, called out to pedestrians about the sales of some clothing shop, her voice monotone. A brother and sister bickered on the sidewalk about who should have paid for breakfast; a tall business man in a blue pinstriped suit sidestepped them as he hurried by. A married woman stole a kiss from her much younger boyfriend under a street awning. A taxi driver was distracted by the kiss and hit the brakes just in time to avoid a crash. At the end of the street, just below a line of perched pigeons, Eve stirred in her apartment. She hugged her pillow closer to her body. Rays of light filtered through the window above her bed, warming her back. Eve stretched out her limbs and stumbled to the bathroom, her body not yet fully awake.

‘Today’s the day,’ she said under the shower head. Eve lay out her clothes on the bed. She thumbed the hem of her black dress. Grabbing the matching shoes from the bottom of her mess of a wardrobe, she stuffed the outfit into a canvas bag. Eve shot down the staircase, almost three stairs at a time. The smell of wet concrete rose from the pavement and circled Eve as she stood motionless against the entrance. She looked out across the street and sighed.

The ever-familiar scent of the store welcomed Eve and she disappeared inside. In the storeroom, she leafed through an old soap opera magazine that Marco had stuffed without context behind his drawers. She flicked it open to the first few pages and began reading. Her eyes quickly grew tired of the monotonous hyperbole of the storylines and she chucked the magazine back into its hiding spot. Eve checked her watch for what felt like the hundredth time that hour, wondering how time could be so slow.

Laura’s heavy footfalls bounced against the treadmill as she ran along the belt, her new jogging shoes squeaking. Laura grabbed hold of the treadmill and steadied herself as the timed workout beeped to a mechanical stop. Puffing, she wiped her brow and stared out the window. Laura watched the traffic and the families that flocked to Central Park. Her eyes traced the outline of a blue balloon that had escaped the grasp of a young girl; she watched its ascent through the cloudless sky. Once it disappeared from sight, she stepped off the treadmill.

Laura stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror as she dried her hair. She ran a manicured nail over her shaped eyebrows and scrutinised the barely visible bags under her wide blue eyes.

Eve leaned back against the wall and balanced a paperback on her thighs, eyes skimming over the lines, her thoughts elsewhere. She nervously checked her watch and waited; it was nearly seven. Eve tried to return to her book but her patience had dissipated. She nearly fell off her chair when she saw Laura come into view. Eve nearly face-palmed her forehead when she remembered – so caught up in waiting for the time to pass, she had forgotten to change.

‘Thanks,’ Laura smiled shyly when Eve unlocked the door for her.

Eve smiled, not sure what to do with herself. She stood awkwardly on the door, then remembered for a second time what she was wearing. ‘I’m really sorry about this but I didn’t get time to change.’

‘You can go just like that.’ Laura shrugged, motioning to Eve’s blouse and jeans.

‘Where would be the fun in that?’ Eve flashed her a smile. She disappeared upstairs, leaving Laura to her nerves.

Taking a seat on the stool, Laura turned over the book Eve had been reading. An anatomy book on the inner workings of the brain. She managed five dense pages by the time Eve came back down the staircase, twenty minutes later. Laura couldn’t help but stare at her as her high heels tapped against the wooden stairs. Her eyes hugged every inch of her. She wore a tight black lace dress that had been cut off at the shoulders. Her black hair fanned out around her face, a sharp contrast to her glowing skin. At the end of the staircase, Eve turned. Laura’s eyes took in the offset of blood red lipstick and black eyeliner that framed her sea green eyes. She breathed in her toned arms that hung weightlessly at her sides.

‘So?’ Eve bit her lip.

‘Beautiful, you look beautiful.’

Eve blushed, looking away at the compliment. ‘Should we get going?’

Eve held the door open for Laura and locked it behind her. The sun drew down against the growth of shadows. Eve’s high heels clipped the pavement as she made her way over to a parked motorbike.

‘I hope you don’t mind.’ Laura’s eyes widened when she realised the black motorcycle was Eve’s.

‘I don’t think this—’ Laura shook her head when Eve offered her the second helmet.

‘I don’t do cars.’ Eve smiled in a way that made her feel safe. ‘I’m very careful. I promise.’

Laura remained still on the pavement, her eyes running over the mechanical components of the bike. ‘We can always just get a taxi. It’s safer and—’

‘You don’t like not being in control, do you?’ Eve asked, her eyebrows raised.

Laura kicked the pavement. ‘I always am. So no, when it’s different I …’ She pursed her lips.

Eve took her hand and balanced the helmet in it. ‘All you have to do is trust me for one ride.’ She led her to the bike. ‘Hold on to me. Remember that.’

‘Okay,’ said Laura without thinking.

Eve waited for Laura to mount the bike. She reached behind her and pulled Laura’s arms to circle her waist. Laura tightened her hold when the kickstand flipped back. The motorbike roared under her, like the heartbeat of a creature. She relaxed under the thrum. Laura closed her eyes against the wind that whipped around her unguarded face. She leaned into each straight and bend. Eve’s movements were fluid; Laura’s worry was left under the tread of the tyres. Her face warmed when she leaned against Eve’s back. Laura breathed her in – vanilla, salt and something else, like a day outside. Laura watched as they zipped in between cars and passed countless buildings. Eve drove her into the unknown. They made their way out of the city. Laura loosened her hold only when the motorcycle slowed to a stop. Eve kicked out the stand and helped Laura off the bike.

Laura looked around at where they had stopped. Immediately, she recognised the large, spherical ball in the distance.

Eve grinned. ‘Pretty cool, huh?’ She reached around to the small compartment under the pillion seat and lifted out a canvas bag. Laura took in the dog walkers, families and couples that milled around the park. A soccer game was just about to start, an old man sat on a worn bench and threw down seed for the flocking pigeons. Eve looped her arm around Laura’s waist as they walked. Laura followed Eve’s slender finger and took in the towers. ‘They used to be elevators. They closed them off years ago, though.’ They took their time walking over to the Pavilion. Eve’s warm arm burned through Laura’s blouse.

‘I remember coming here as a kid, once. My father swore the towers went to heaven.’

Eve smiled. ‘I can imagine you daring to climb it to find out.’ She craned her neck at the tower, like she was at the foot of a monster waiting for it to move. Early afternoon cast shadows across her strong features. Laura found herself unable to look away. Eve fidgeted with the canvas bag slung across her waist. She lifted out a polaroid camera and snapped a picture of the tower, the sudden flash cast her black hair in a white glow like the sun had woken up just to see her. Eve shook the picture out towards the wind and without a word handed the camera to Laura, like she was handing her a memory. Saying, Here, I know you’ve been looking for this.

Eve ran a steady hand over the concrete and sighed. ‘I wonder what’s in it.’ Laura lifted the camera. Her fingers ran over the knobs and weight of the camera with a warm nostalgia. She held it steady and clicked. Eve’s back was cast in a glow, her hand still pressed to the concrete. Laura noticed two joggers stop and stare at them. She gave them a tight smile when their eyes ran the length of Eve’s tight dress.

‘Let’s walk around some more.’ Laura looped an arm around Eve’s. As they began to walk, she noticed a tree lit up in the distance. As they got closer, she stared at the lights wrapped around it. Laura snapped a picture on the polaroid. ‘I wonder who did—’ She broke off. ‘It was you, wasn’t it?’

Eve shrugged with a coy expression. ‘Maybe.’ She took a seat on the bench beside the tree. Eve closed her eyes, trying to downplay what the wonder on Laura’s face had done to her. A clear stream of elation washed through her body; the only thing she could see was Laura’s hands touching the bright lights. Eve settled against the bench. Her muscles relaxed, the thought of having her eyes closed for a moment didn’t terrify her. Eve barely registered the camera flash on her skin.

Laura watched her from a few feet away, her head arched back on the curve of the bench. Her hands lay inwards on her lap, limp with relaxation. She looked safe and unprotected in the same breath, like a child holding a sword to the wind. Laura’s feet carried her to the spot next to Eve. She watched the rise and fall of her chest, the arch of her cheekbones and curve of her lips. Laura’s eyes flicked over each feature, from her nose to her chin, to the dented bracelet on her slim wrist.

Eve realised she had had her eyes closed. ‘Sorry,’ she smiled. ‘Not a great date if I fall asleep, is it?’

Laura pressed her lips together, looking at the scar on her temple. ‘You know you weren’t sleeping.’

A look of curiosity passed over Eve, but she said nothing of it. ‘Well, we better get going.’ She checked her watch as if for evidence. Eve motioned for Laura to stand. ‘Come on, I’m starving.’

Eve weaved with practised precision through the mass of cars and bikes. The smell of exhaust and steamed hot dogs rose as Eve sped further into the city. The rhythm of the speed and turns lulled Laura into calmness; she loosened her hold around Eve’s waist. She saw jeans and skirts disappearing into bars and nightclubs. Eve called Laura’s name. She hadn’t realised they had stopped.

‘I’ll only be a minute.’ She disappeared inside a grill restaurant further down the sidewalk where Eve had managed to squeeze her bike. Laura rested her body against the still bike. With her head turned towards the traffic, she didn’t see the two men coming towards her.

‘Hey! Oh man, it’s really you.’ Laura turned to the voice of a scrawny man with a mop of dirty, blond hair.

Laura managed a smile, wishing she had worn Eve’s helmet instead. ‘Hey.’ Her eyes ran the length of the shorter one, his T-shirt tight against his chest. It looked like it was about to burst. He gave her a suggestive smile.

‘Do you think we could get a picture?’ The blonde, asked fishing for his phone.

‘Uh … I—’ Laura’s answer was cut short by Eve, holding their food in a white plastic bag.

‘Oh, hey.’ The shorter of the two gave the same suggestive look to Eve.

‘Sorry boys, we were just heading off.’ Laura took the bag of food from Eve. The blond reached out and caught her wrist. Laura froze.

‘We just want a picture.’

Eve tried to remain calm. ‘Let go of her arm.’

The blond retracted his arm like it was Laura who had grabbed him. ‘What’s the big deal? We just wanted a picture, Jesus.’

Eve stared him down. ‘Maybe you should have thought about that before you put your hands on her.’

Eve mounted the bike and sped off. Laura barely heard the shorter one curse at them over the roar of the engine. Glimpses of Central Park flashed against the buildings before they came to a final stop.

Laura licked her lips with embarrassment. ‘Sorry about that back there.’ She tried to rid the feeling of his clammy fingers on her skin. A fan had never forcibly grabbed her before but, of course, it had to happen just when she was getting to know Eve.

Eve shook her head. ‘It wasn’t your fault.’

The way Laura had frozen, not making a sound, made her realise she didn’t find herself in confrontational situations often. She nearly scoffed, tallying up the many she had during just that week. Seeing that man with his hands on Laura, it had taken so much restraint not to punch him in the face. Even without needing an explanation, her anger had always been a problem. She reached for her phone and dialled Stephen’s number. ‘Hey, we’re here.’

Eve turned off her phone. She pressed her finger to her lips when Laura raised her eyebrows, wanting to know what was going on. Minutes later, a young security guard came jogging out from the side door of the building they were standing behind.

‘Hey, girl.’ He pulled Eve into a tight hug and beamed at Laura, she watched his eyes flicker from excitement to recognition. ‘Is that … are you …?’

‘She is.’ Eve nodded, squeezing his arm. Stephen dropped a pair of keys into Eve’s open palm, still staring at Laura in awe.

‘There’s so much I want to say.’

Eve smiled. ‘And you will.’ She took Laura’s hand. ‘Come on.’ Eve held her hand lightly as they climbed several flights of staircases. By the time they reached the very top, they were both puffed with exertion. Laura hoped there was an elevator back down.

Eve rested her hand on a door, their destination. ‘Okay … close your eyes.’

Laura heard the jangling of keys slotting into the large metal door. A rush of frigid air swarmed Laura as Eve’s guiding hands pulled her forwards. Eve brushed Laura’s hair away from her face. ‘Open.’

Before her lay the glowing rooftops of New York City. Thousands of lights blinked in the distance; the moon hung low in the sky. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked out over Central Park. It was breathtaking. Eve motioned to a blanket and some glowing jars, set out like a run way in front of them.

‘This is … this is amazing, Eve. I mean, the view and the …’ Laura ran a hand through her hair. Eve motioned for her to come closer. She handed her something cold to the touch. Laura looked down at a golf club extended in her hand. Eve’s slender fingers guided Laura into a golfing stance, then she thumbed a bright pink golf ball down.

Eve gave her a childish grin. ‘Let’s see if we can hit some stars.’

Laura focused her breathing. She hit the pink ball with a satisfactory crack, and watched the ball plummet away from her and disappear into Central Park.

Eve hummed a beat as she grabbed her own club. Laura stared as she hit the ball with a practised stroke, much farther than her own. Eve leaned, scooping another ball from the small basket next to the glowing jars. She spun it in her hands then threw it as far as she could into the park. The pink sphere curved into the darkness and vanished.

‘How am I doing so far?’ she asked, looking out into the night air.

‘Well, I’m impressed, I have to give you that.’

‘Hungry, too?’ Eve dug around in the large brown paper bag, steam rising from it. She lifted a cheeseburger to Laura, sitting on the blanket spread out under the glowing jars. ‘These are the best burgers I’ve ever tasted.’

Laura sat crossed legged beside her; for a moment, they ate in silence. She counted the jars lined up on the rooftop, twelve, of varying colours. Brighter than the lights of the buildings that surrounded them. Eve faced outwards, letting the satisfaction of the date wash over her.

‘Why did you do all of this for me?’ Laura asked.

Eve swallowed. ‘Because I wanted to. Because …’ She searched for the words, not entirely sure herself what had got into her. ‘I think you deserve to be treated well. Everyone does.’ She smiled, thinking how stupid she sounded. ‘Even if you’re as famous as you let on to be.’

Laura punched her on the arm. ‘I felt like such a dick when I said that to you.’

Eve chuckled. ‘I felt like a dick for you.’ She laughed once more and sighed out into the view of the city. She brought her knees up to her chest. Her eyes took in every detail, like they were painting through the air.

Laura grabbed the polaroid camera and shuffled closer to Eve, pulling her close. Eve smiled back at Laura, their foreheads almost touching. Laura clicked the button. Eve combed her hair back. A light breeze shifted across the building tops. Laura caught her eyes. She bore through them, shutting everything else out. This was what she wanted the first time she saw her from that store window: to be this close to this creature. Who had stopped her, made her look twice and carried her forwards without plausible reasoning. She wanted closeness, she wanted her breath on her skin, she wanted to know where she had got the scar on her temple, or why only the third knuckle on her left hand was bruised. Laura found herself immersed in a way she hadn’t been before. Her hand touched her cheek, her jaw, her shoulder. Laura moved her body forwards and melted into hers. Their lips found each other. Laura’s finger slipped on the camera, their first kiss captured in a glowing orb of light. When they drew apart, Eve found herself without words. She clasped her hand in her own and lay down.

Laura did the same. She stared out into the abyss of stars, counting the ones that flickered. ‘Tonight, the sky is ours.’

Laura’s hold on Eve grew a little tighter; as the bike rolled to a stop, she didn’t want to let go of the roar of the bike, the wind that whipped around her face and the warmth from Eve’s body.

‘Here we are.’ Laura slid off the bike and hugged her cold arms.

Eve couldn’t help but stare at the imposing building, the apartments that overlooked Central Park. ‘You … you live there?’

Laura nodded. She watched an old couple walk through the gold entrance doors. Eve dismounted the motorbike and stood in front of Laura. She caught a flyaway strand of Laura’s hair and tucked it behind her ear. The night’s cover masked her blushing cheeks. She made a move to walk her to the front entrance. Laura shook her head, placing an unexpected hand on her chest. Laura thought she would have to explain, that someone might see them together and post a picture that would be the end of a secret life she had always lived, never this recklessly. But she found herself making more than one exception to the rule in the same night. Eve seemed to understand; she showed no malice.

Eve walked slowly backwards from her. ‘Just to let you know, I’m not going to wait three days to call you.’

Laura smiled, counting her steps. ‘I never did like conventional.’

Eve collapsed onto her bed. She couldn’t rid the warmth from her fingertips. She ran a shaky hand over herself, in remembrance of all the glances she had stolen when Laura wasn’t looking. She spread open the pile of polaroids they had collected over the night. Eve wrote quotes on the back of them as if stamping memories in a line. She lifted an early one, taken of Laura without her realising. In the picture, her head was raised to the sky, a slight, almost secretive smile on her lips. In the background, a shapeless cloud floated by.

Looking at the rooftop pictures, Laura had captured them both mid-kiss. She remembered how vulnerable she felt when her lips touched her, like she was standing at the edge of the building, thinking of jumping. All the anxiety between her shoulders had melted away until she took another breath. Eve had motioned to the stars, not knowing what to say. But in that moment, the sky had bored her. She only saw Laura. The way she angled her chin back to look into the light of the night, her forehead creased in concentration. Eve worried that, if she moved, the moment would, too.

Eve’s phone lit up, showing three missed calls from Anna. She called her back.

‘Hey.’ Eve always spoke louder on loud speaker, thinking no one could hear her if she didn’t.

‘Hey loser, how did it go?’

‘Really well … great, actually.’

‘Great, that’s great, kid. So, do I at least get to know his name?’

‘Nope. I enjoy leaving you in the dark.’

Anna whined, but Eve wouldn’t give in. ‘Well, at least one of us is getting some action.’

‘Oh, come on. Don’t wallow in self-pity until you reach cat number six.’

‘You’re such an asshole,’ Anna chuckled.

‘Sorry, I’m just in a good mood.’

‘It’s good to hear. Well, I better let you get back to enjoying your good mood.’

Eve was suddenly overwhelmed with a deep love for Anna, for everything she had helped her through and everything she had been for her. ‘I love you, Anna …’

Caught off guard, after a moment Anna answered her, like she always had even when Eve’s words didn’t match her own. ‘I love you too, kid.’ She took another moment. ‘Let’s not get sentimental now. Night, kid.’ Anna’s voice broke.

Eve pressed her lips together when she heard the dial tone and threw her phone onto the bed. Tears welled from her eyes. When was the last time I had said that?she thought, remembering. Three weeks after the funeral. That’s how long it’s been.

Eve remembered sitting in the ward, her shaven scalp with an ugly scar reflected in the window. She stayed by the window for three hours after Anna told her what had happened. Eve watched clouds collect then disappear, over and over, until she felt numb with emotions she never knew she had. They coiled and whipped at her stomach, screaming out accusations and trying to call out the sham of the situation. Her mind, or what was left of it, tried to pick at the façade. When the noise from her mind grew worse, she reached for Anna’s hand. It trembled like a fallen bird in her own. She whispered her first words in three weeks. ‘I love you Anna, so much.’ Her voice had cracked, her lips dry. It was the voice of another person, reborn out of bandages and hospital gowns. It wasn’t hers and it never would be again. This other person heard Anna’s wracked sobs from outside in the ward hallway. After her hand had left hers, she couldn’t look her in the eye. Eve returned her attention to the window. She tried to watch the clouds, but they had all disappeared.

Eve held herself against the kitchen sink, trying to steady her shaking body. ‘Just breathe,’ she urged, saliva pooled in her mouth. She barely had time to brace before she vomited in the sink.

Eve stood under the shower, her mind washed away, blank. It was the only way she could get herself up off the floor. The droplets rolled down against her skin. Eve’s eyes wandered to her upper arm and the four sets of constellations inked permanently into her skin. The design scrolled across her shoulder and rested just above her collarbone. A galaxy of colour mapped her skin, like her own personal night sky. The pain was still fresh in her memory, carried with her from when she was seventeen and the gruelling six-hour session it had taken to place it on her body. Whenever anything become too hard to handle, she calmed herself by looking into the abyss of constellations. One touch of the skin changed could take her somewhere else. Eve traced one of the lines with her fingernail, counting until she couldn’t hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears.

Laura looked out at the city, the lights of nearby buildings holding new meanings. Her mind wandered to Eve. Laura sighed against the weight of her eyes on hers, like they were listening to every syllable her mouth formed. Laura’s mind jumped to the rooftop, the childish smile on Eve’s face as she swung the golf club. Laura had tried to limit herself from staring at Eve and the way she moved gracefully through the air, her footsteps measured to the beat of unheard music. Her tall, slender figure against the darkened sky. It was many hours before she was able to give into the threat of sleep taking away the reality of the night.