Читать книгу Anxiety For Dummies - W. Doyle Gentry, Laura L. Smith - Страница 62

Time and again, we see our worried, tense clients suffer from another needless source of pain. Their anxiety is bad enough, but they also pound on themselves because they have anxiety. Such self-abuse involves harsh, critical judgments. If you do this to yourself, we suggest that you try the following approach to self-acceptance.

Start by making a list of all the likely causes of your problems with anxiety. First, list any possible genetic contributions that you can think of in your relatives who may suffer from anxiety. Then, review how your parents may have either modeled anxiety or instilled it in you because of their over-controlling, over-protecting, or harsh, unpredictable parenting style. Then, review events in your world from the distant to recent past that were highly anxiety-arousing. Finally, after you list the likely culprits that led to your distress, ask yourself some questions like the ones that follow:

 Did I ask for my anxiety?

 Was there ever a time in my life that I actually wanted to feel anxious?

 Am I primarily to blame for my worries?

 What percentage of the blame can I realistically assign to myself as opposed to genes, parenting, and events, both old and new?

 If a couple of friends of mine had troubles with anxiety, what would I say to them?Would I think they were to blame?Would I think as ill of them as I do myself?

 Does thinking badly about myself help me to get over my anxiety?

 If I decided to stop pummeling myself, would I have more energy for tackling my problems?

These questions can help you move toward self-acceptance and discover that having anxiety has nothing to do with your worth or value as a human being. Then, you just might lighten up on yourself a little. We recommend it highly. Mind you, people get down on themselves at times. But chronic, unrelenting self-abuse is another matter. If you find yourself completely unable to let go of self-abuse, you may want to seek professional help (see the related section at the end of this chapter). You can read more about self-acceptance in Chapter 8.