Читать книгу Anxiety For Dummies - W. Doyle Gentry, Laura L. Smith - Страница 67

If you find that the idea of dealing with your anxiety is just too much to handle, you may be struggling with excuse number 8 for staying stuck (see the earlier section “Having Second Thoughts about Change”): “My anxiety feels too overwhelming to tackle. I just don’t know if I could handle the additional stress of even thinking about it.” In this case, it may help if you start by putting one foot in front of the other — take baby steps.

Stop dwelling on the entire task. For example, if you thought about all the steps that you’ll take over the next five years, you’d be envisioning an incredible amount of walking. Hundreds, if not thousands, of miles await you. The mere thought of all those miles could stress you out.

You may, like many folks, wake up early in the morning on some days facing huge lists of things you need to do in the coming week. Ugh. A sense of defeat sets in, and you feel like staying in bed for the rest of the day. Dread replaces enthusiasm. If, instead, you clear your mind of the entire agenda and concentrate on only the first item on the list, your distress is likely to diminish, at least a little.

In order to take baby steps, it’s a good idea to write down your overall, endpoint goal. For example, perhaps you eventually hope to be able to give an hour-long speech in front of a crowd without being overcome with fear, or maybe you want to be able to master your fear of heights by taking a tramway to the top of a mountain.

Sit down and chart out your ultimate goal, and then chart a goal that isn’t quite so lofty to serve as a stepping stone — an intermediate goal. Then chart out the action that would be required of you to meet that goal. If your intermediate goal feels doable, you can start with it. If not, break it down further into smaller goals, even baby steps. It doesn’t matter how small you make your first step. Anything that moves you just a little in the right direction can get you going and increase your confidence with one step at a time. Here’s how Alaina put this plan into action.

 Alaina has a social phobia. She can’t stand the idea of attending social functions. She feels that the moment that she walks into a group, all eyes focus on her, which sends her anxiety through the roof. She desperately wants to change. But the idea of attending large parties or company functions overwhelms her with terror. Look at Table 4-3 to see how Alaina broke the task down into baby steps.TABLE 4-3 Alaina’s Baby Steps to SuccessGoalsStep-by-Step Breakdown of ActionsUltimate goalGoing to a large party, staying the entire time, and talking with numerous people without fear.Intermediate goalGoing to a small party, staying a little while, and talking to a couple people although feeling a little scared.Small goalGoing to a work-related social hour, staying 30 minutes, and talking to at least one person in spite of some anxiety.First baby stepTexting a friend, asking her to go to lunch, and talking about her struggles, in spite of anxiety.

 Alaina found that starting with texting a friend for advice over lunch helped get her moving. She repeated going to lunch and seeking advice with a few more of her friends. From there, she took the next step and went to a work social event for 30 minutes. She enjoyed herself so much that she continued going to events. After getting closer to friends and work colleagues, she found attending a large party easy.

Most people find that breaking tasks down into many small steps helps, especially for formidable goals. Make the steps easy at first, getting a bit harder with each success.