Читать книгу Better Health & Wellbeing Professionals Ask Better Questions - Lindsay Tighe - Страница 9

Introduction

From a very young age most of us have been told what to do. During our formative years we were surrounded by people who were excellent at providing much needed advice and guidance, particularly parents and schoolteachers, and so we learnt early in life to be more natural ‘tellers’. This ‘telling’ style continued to develop as we became adults, mainly because it was ‘role-modelled’ to us in the various workplace and social settings of which we were part. By way of clarification, what we mean by the word ‘teller’ is someone who does some or all of the following: directs, advises, informs, problem-solves, suggests and educates.

As ‘telling’ was the most common way of being role--modelled to us, we became practiced at taking this on as a natural response when we were presented with a problem by others or were asked for advice. Indeed, we unconsciously related this way to people for many years and never contemplated that there could be a better way to respond. We believed that we were being helpful when we were in this ‘telling’ role.

We must stress that we are not saying that it is wrong to tell someone what to do – especially in many medical settings. We can already hear many of you justifying that ‘telling’ is a good and really helpful thing to do, and so we must take some time to clarify our intention in writing this book.

One thing we are absolutely sure of is that we would not be the people we are today if we had not had the benefit of interacting with people who typically ‘tell’. Indeed, certainly in our formative years, that was primarily the way we made sense of the world, how we worked out what was right and what was wrong, and how we became the educated and knowledgeable people we are today.

So ‘telling’ definitely has a place in the world and it is OK to continue to ‘tell’ in many areas of our lives, including our professional roles. However, what we know from experience is that most people spend too much time ‘telling’ and not enough time ‘asking’, and this is the reason we are raising your awareness in this book of ‘TELLING’ versus ‘ASKING’.

Most of us conduct our lives in a space that we might refer to as ‘unconsciously competent’. What we mean by that is that we don’t think about what we do, we just do it. The main reason we don’t think about what we do is that we are too busy, and if we did think it would take much longer to get things done. So in most instances operating in this space is not necessarily a bad thing, particularly if we are getting the results that we want in the various aspects of our lives.

Where it can be dangerous, however, is when we think we are doing well with our performance, but there is some knowledge that, if we became aware of it, would allow us to perform at a significantly higher level. If we are too busy to even recognise that there is an opportunity to be better than we already are, the result will be that we will keep doing what we have always done and miss out on an opportunity to be better.

If we step back from being ‘unconsciously competent’ at ‘telling’, and learn and practice the skill of ‘asking’ (which incidentally often means we feel less competent for a short while), we eventually return to being competent at both ‘asking’ and ‘telling’, which allows us to become much more rounded in our ability to communicate and to tap into the potential of others.

Becoming a Potentialiser

The skill of asking Better Questions is definitely something that can be life changing when we become aware of it, learn it and put it into practice. We constantly get feedback from people who tell us that they had no idea how much of a ‘teller’ they were, and that now that they have become aware of the option of being an ‘asker’ it has dramatically changed their experiences with clients as well as radically improved their life. We have a term that we use for people who use Better Questions and that is a Potentialiser. The definition of this word that we use is, ‘a releaser of amazingness’ in others or, as Heather-Jane prefers to call it, ‘an uncoverer of innate wisdom’. You’ll already appreciate that better Health & Wellbeing Professionals are all Potentialisers.

The reality is that it isn’t hard to put the ‘asking’ process into practice, and we commend you for being prepared to step out of your comfort zone for a while, and take on board the messages outlined in this book. The old adage ‘no pain, no gain’ is definitely true when we are trying to learn a new skill, so be prepared for some internal resistance to these ideas. After all, it’s far easier to do what comes naturally than have to think about doing something differently!

We hope that you can see that there is no need to build a case for ‘telling’ or to provide you with any more skills in this area – you probably already do it extremely well! Typically we’re good at ‘telling’ and have had it role-modelled into us for most of our lives. Our aim in this book is to ask you to step out of your comfort zone of doing what you have always done, think about the ideas we present and have a go at putting them into practice. We guarantee you will be an even better professional as a result.

If you are up for this, let’s get started on inspiring you to be a Potentialiser in your role. We know that if you are able to perform even better in your role, then your world, your clients’ world and the world of those around you become better places. If all professionals are able to fulfil their roles in a better way, then the world really will become a better place – and you’ll have played a major part in that.