Читать книгу Cougar of Spirit Lake - Linnette MDiv Eller - Страница 5

It had been six months, since they had lost Mama. Jessica felt as though it had been a lifetime instead.

She remembered thinking at the time that at least they still had Papa. How wrong she had been in that! She didn't even know who Papa was anymore, in fact, she did not think Papa knew who he was anymore and far worse. He did not care. His grief was a horrible thing to behold, and he had not improved at all in these past months, if anything she thought, he was worse.

She had taken over the running of the farm. The bitter cold morning that dawned the day of Mama's death took their crops from them. It had been an unseasonably early fall and the crops had frozen like shafts of ice in the field for three days. The gravediggers had even complained of the frozen ground. Jessica shivered as she remembered. Yes, one thing after another she thought. Will this never pass she wondered?

She had repeatedly asked Papa for the accounts so that she could deal with each of them and have a good understanding of where they stood and what needed to be done. That had proven to be a waste of time. Papa would not even speak with her about the farm. Even after all of these months of trying to communicate with him, she still had no idea, and she held bitter feelings over that. If she had one more man tell her 'not to worry her pretty little head over men's business' she would punch them right in the mouth! She vowed that she would!

Mama had taught her the accounting for the farm records as well as the housekeeping portion of running the sizeable house. She was not only well informed she was totally capable of running it smoothly, if only she had been allowed to do so. She began pacing the floor in her frustration. Although the boys were working long hours on the farm, she still insisted that they have their lessons. She knew that Mama would have been adamant about this. She also felt their education was very important and had done an admirable job of tutoring them. They were both quick to learn, and eager for the knowledge. Her parents had instilled this interest in all of their children, since they were born.

There was just no way that the three of them could do it all. There had been the hired hands who had gone sadly away one at a time. Looking at her with sympathy and their own guilt at leaving her in this situation showing plainly in their faces. She had approached Papa countless times for the money for their wages and all he would do was rant and rave and tell her to let it go, let it all go to hell for all he cared and order her out of his room. Now the three of the Ferrall children were trying to do what their Papa, Mama and five full time hired hands had done.

Jessica chewed her lip looking out the window and wondering what to do next. She realized she had been pacing and sat down with a sigh. She should try and look her best since Thomas was going to visit tonight. Actually, she was dreading his visit. All thoughts of marriage had been quickly put aside on that awful day six months ago. Thomas had been so understanding and seemed so complacent about giving her time to deal with her grief. She thought briefly of the way Mama had felt about Thomas. It bothered her, more than she cared to admit. Mama had been very intuitive, and she had said more than once she had bad feelings about Thomas. Yet she had not pressed Jessica about them. She had told her that time would tell, and to just take things slowly. Jessica had been more observant about Thomas, trying to discern what her Mama could have sensed about him. She could see nothing amiss in his actions or deeds and was as mystified as ever about what Mama had felt about him. She thought for a long moment about Thomas.

Thomas as a husband, her husband. She had to admit, if only to herself, she did not feel the excitement or eagerness that she should about becoming his wife. Perhaps her grief had numbed all of her feelings she mused. Still, she wondered about her lack of emotion where Thomas was concerned. Did she truly want to marry him and spend the rest of her life being his wife? She again sighed, thinking that life had become so confused and complicated in just six months. She couldn't marry right now anyway, Papa being the way he had since Mama had died. She certainly would not even think of leaving him in his condition.

John Ferrall had ceased to be on the day his beloved Lilly had died. Even the look in his eyes at times frightened her immensely. Months ago the boys had started creeping into her room with their blankets and sleeping on the floor after his ratings would wake them. Finally, she had moved their beds into her room rather than have them go through the same ritual night after night. Working as hard as they did it was important for them to have a comfortable place to sleep at least.

Last night Papa had awakened her and then Tommy. Jacob, with the ability of only the very young had learned to sleep through all but the worst of Papa's loud nights. Yet last night he had not been loud, just different, very different. He talked as though he were talking to a person.

Her eyes had met Tommy's as they both realized he was talking as though Mama were there with him.

He was talking to his wife.

They both felt the shivers go down their spine as it dawned on them what he was doing. He didn't go on overly long. It was eerie listening to him have his one-sided conversation. At one point, he sounded startled, and they heard him say loudly, "What Lilly? No, no how can that be?"

Then his voice became more subdued, and they could no longer follow the conversation. It seemed like it went on all night, but in reality, it must have lasted less than a half-hour at most. Jessica and Tommy both feeling uneasy didn't sleep for the rest of the night. That is what my main problem is today Jessica thought to herself. I am overly tired after last night, and everything appears gloomy to me simply because I am tired. Why keep going over it all out today anyway? Papa being like he was, and the boys depending on her, she couldn't marry right now anyway.

The problem of Thomas would have to be faced up to though. He was becoming very reluctant to come to the farm to visit with her in the evenings, obviously due to Papa's irrational behavior. In fact, it seemed that Thomas had been acting more hesitant since Papa had called him into the bedroom to talk. It had only happened two or three times, but it was obvious Thomas did not want to have to face John Ferrall one on one. Who could blame him after all? She couldn't expect Thomas to keep waiting forever. Being totally honest with herself she didn't think she wanted him to wait anyway. Too much had changed. She had changed. She knew she had changed forever.

Tonight, she was going to tell Thomas that they could never be married. She really couldn't ask him to keep waiting. She had no idea how long it would take Papa to come to his senses. Oh, how Mama would have loathed this! She would have been horrified to think that her beloved family could be in this situation. Jessica herself was horrified. How could this be? How could everything have gone so terribly wrong in such a short time?

Hot tears sliding down her cheeks she sat down on the bed and took a deep breath, trying to get her emotions under control. This crying had to stop! There had been far too many tears these past months. She knew she still shed tears for Mama, but today she seemed to be crying for Papa, the boys, even herself, knowing she would no longer have Thomas either. She inhaled a deep, if somewhat shaky breath and with her little hands knotted in fists, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut and tried to force herself into control. With a vague prayer that her next nineteen years fared better, she rose and went down to the kitchen.

The boys were eating the pie she had made for dessert. Both jerked their heads up immediately at her step, alarm showing clearly on their faces. When they saw that it was their sister rather than Papa, they both relaxed immediately. Again, Jessica thought to herself, I have to do something about this! We cannot go on this way! We just cannot! She looked at Tommy, almost startled at really seeing him. He had always been small for his age and everyone just thought he took after Mama. These past six months it seemed like he had grown every day. It was all she could do to keep up with his clothing the way he was growing. Now, he was nearly as tall as Papa. She asked herself when that had happened. She glanced at his face and winced inwardly. He shouldn't have to have that haunted look on his face. He should be out doing what other boys his age were doing. Boys? No, he was a young man now, not a boy!

A while back, they had moved his bed into the hallway outside her bedroom. He felt that they were too old now to be in the same bedroom, Pa or not. Then, yesterday he offered to move back down to his own room and get things back to normal. She told him she felt safer when all three of them were upstairs, and closer together than they would be had he moved back downstairs. He had looked relieved, and proud that he might be protecting her and making her feel better.

Jacob was so like Papa. He had his dark hair with the deep red and blonde streaks in it and even walked like Papa. Tommy had Mama's light blonde hair and gentle blue eyes, and a nature that was gentle and kind like Mama. They were fine boys, and Mama would have been excessively proud of them. Papa didn't seem to know they even existed now. Many times in the past few months, Tommy had tried to approach Papa, but those attempts were met with either blank stares, or a sudden fit of grief. Tommy no longer even tried. What should she do? She asked herself again.

A knock came at the back door. She went to answer it and found Thomas standing there; somewhat nervously from the way he was twisting his hat in his hands. She stood back and let him into the kitchen where he, and the boys exchanged greetings. Jessica had to tell him to take a seat, since he stood shuffling his feet and looking ill at ease. When he looked at her it was not quite in the eye. She found herself sighing again. Sitting down, she wondered if something else had gone wrong that she didn't even know about yet.

Thomas was nearly twenty-seven years old but somehow seemed younger to her than he had months before. Perhaps, she thought, these past months have made me grow up so fast and take on so much responsibility that I have matured to the point of passing him by.

Finally, Thomas turned his attention away from Tommy and Jacob and looked directly at Jessica. His chest seemed to ache with the beauty that met his eyes. He knew that she had absolutely no idea how incredibly beautiful she was. That just made her all the more desirable to him. She was so innocent, but still she stirred his blood in a very manly sort of way when he looked at her. He had never seen eyes like hers on a woman before. He had tossed and turned many a night in his bed when he pictured her in his mind. She would be shocked if she knew how many times he had tried to envision her without clothes. Oh, Hell, he was letting his thoughts run wild. He had come here tonight to talk.

“Jessie, is there some place, we could talk? Maybe take a walk or stand out on the porch or something?” Thomas asked.

“Why, certainly, just stay right there, and I will run and get a shawl.” She felt fear of the unknown making her stand as straight and tall as her five foot three-inch height would allow. She walked from the room as ladylike as she could, but when out of sight she raced in a very unladylike fashion up to her bedroom.

What is wrong with me, she wondered again? Here just this afternoon I was worried about how to tell him that I couldn't, marry him. Now that I think that is what he is here to tell me I feel like I have been kicked in the chest. She grabbed her shawl and quickly ran back down to the kitchen, before she had any more time to dwell on it and upset herself even more.

Jessica and Thomas went out onto the porch and the brisk March evening. Involuntarily she shivered as a chilling wind caught her unexpectedly. She fleetingly thought of the bitter cold morning that had dawned on the day Mama had died and said a prayer that these chilling spells in the weather didn't always warn of tragedy to come. She quickly dismissed that idea, and thought to herself, she would have to learn to control these fanciful thoughts she found going through her head so much these days. Thomas had noticed her shiver and looked down at her.

“Jess, if it’s too cold out here we can go back inside where it’s warmer.”

“Oh no, really Thomas this is fine, besides, I needed the fresh air.” She said, pulling her shawl more tightly around her. She was afraid suddenly. It seemed as though in the past half-year she had lost too many people that were very dear to her. Mama, and actually Papa as well, and now that the time had come to lose Thomas, she felt as though she couldn't face it. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to let things go on as they were, at least for a while longer. That is, unless Thomas wanted to have her release him. That would be different, otherwise, why hurry things? All around her things had rushed past her in a manner over which she had no choosing, let alone any control. Just let this go on naturally, don't interfere she told herself. All the same she was nervous and surely wished that Thomas would get on with why he had wanted to talk to her.

Thomas was nervous himself. If only there were some way to know what this beautiful woman beside him was thinking. He didn't know what to do about the mess their lives had become. He could vividly remember that afternoon last October. He had arrived with his parents, thinking he was going to formally propose to this woman beside him. Instead, he had run head long into the most agonized family he had ever seen in his entire life. He had entered the sitting room, after knocking for quite some time and no one answering, yet being able to hear sounds from inside, he had gone on inside thinking they couldn't hear the knock.

When he was inside the sight of Jessica and her brothers sitting together, obviously crying alerted him that something had occurred, and it was something terrible for them, Jessica had raised her head and looked at him, and it was a pitiful sight! Those eyes of hers, cat eyes sort of, like an injured little cat looking at him. It took him a while to understand what had happened, All the while John Ferrall could be heard ranting and raving and even wailing. He had never heard the likes of the sounds coming from the bedroom that day. He had wanted to grab Jessica's little hand and run with her, as far as possible from this farm. He couldn't do that of course, not with her Papa and the boys depending on her and all. He hadn't known what to do.

Now, what would she think of his plan tonight? Would she think that he had lost his mind, just like John had? Because whether or not she would admit it, or maybe she did not even realize it, John Ferrall had definitely lost his mind. Why, everyone in the valley could see that. They knew it was because he was so crazy in love with his wife for a while, but now thought he was just plain crazy. Thomas could almost understand that! It sure would drive him crazy to lose Jessica at least he thought it might.

Lately, Thomas didn't want to be around because he saw something in John's eyes that made him fearful. It was as though he was completely over the edge, as if all the love he had felt for his wife bad turned to madness. It made Thomas nervous that Jessica stayed here with him. He couldn't stand the thought of that crazy man doing anything to Jessica. You just never knew what a crazy man might do. That's why he hoped she would go along with his idea. He thought it was a good one. It was logical and solid. Really, he didn't see any alternative he just hoped she wouldn't either.

“Jessica, you know we have to talk, don't you?”

“I guess, well, what about Thomas?” Her voice had quivered, and he had heard it. What was wrong with her, he wondered? He wanted to take her in his arms and love her. Really, love her, so she couldn't think of all of these other problems, just his loving. Instead, he said, “It’s about your Pa, surely you can see that something has to be done, why, even you have to admit he can't just go on like he is.”

“Whatever do you mean, Thomas? Why, we all know that Papa has been beside himself with grief, but he just needs time. Just, some more time to put what has happened behind him, that's all.”

She wondered why she had bristled at Thomas mentioning Papa's condition. She had been thinking the same thing herself just this afternoon. Somehow, she felt as though it were a betrayal of him and of Mama to allow someone else to say these things. However, she above anyone knew something had to be done about or at least for Papa.

Now what? Thomas thought. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but damn it shouldn't be impossible. He felt angry at her quick defense, but made himself remain calm. He would make it worse if he wasn't careful. He knew that.

“Now look, Jess, don't go getting upset, I didn't mean no offense or anything. Can't you understand that I want you so much and I'm so worried about you, and well, the boys too? You have to remember that I have been coming around here a lot, a whole lot. I know almost as well as you do what kind of shape he is in. If you will just hear me out, well, maybe this will be something that will help us all. Just hear me out and then think about it, I mean to really think hard on this plan, all right? Will you at least do that for me?”

Her eyes searched his face and even in the small amount of light coming through the kitchen window. She could see nothing but honesty and caring written on his handsome face. He was earnest, no doubting that.

“Alright Thomas, go ahead and tell me about this plan of yours. Lord knows, I haven't been able to think of what to do and believe me I have been thinking of very little else for a long time now.”

“Now, I know this may sound a little crazy to you, but I have already given it a lot of consideration. About two weeks ago, one of the neighbors came over and told us he was going to be having a sale of nearly all his belongings, except those he could get in his wagon. See, he is pulling out. Things haven't gone so well for him and his family. When they lost two of their boys last winter to the influenza and his Missus just can't stand to live there anymore. Says, everything around the place reminds her of the boys. He found out there is a wagon train full of settlers coming through here, headed west.”

“Well, that got me to thinking about you and me. Looks like to me that maybe this is the answer. Your Papa isn't leaving that bedroom in there hardly ever now, let alone doing anything on the farm. Sooner or later there just isn't going to be anymore farm left. Oh, I know the boys have done a pretty fair job of it, but the fences were down and you lost a lot of stock, even with the fences repaired there still is a lot of stock missing. Tommy knows a goodly bit about the stock breeding your Papa started, but for him it’s like starting over again, and that takes its toll too.” Thomas was watching her face closely.

“What I'm trying to say is, things have gone bad for you. Maybe like my neighbor's wife you need to get him away from here, away from all the reminders of your Mama. It may be the only way he can get past it, and until he is, there ain’t ever going to be a chance for you and me Jess. You know that, I know you do! It's obvious you will never leave him while he is this way, and sure wouldn't leave the boys. I'm getting all fired tired of waiting, and the way things stand, well, there's no end in sight. I want you; Jess like a man wants a woman, like he wants a wife. Do you understand Jess?”

He let his pent-up breath out in a sigh of uneasy relief. There! It was said and dammit it needed to be said. By the time he had finished the last part, he noticed Jess was blushing clear to the roots of her hair. God, she was so innocent!

Jessica was so quiet that he did not know what to think. He was starting to feel like it was hopeless when she finally turned and looked at him again. He could tell she was thinking about it. It was there on her face. Maybe there would be a chance for them after all maybe it was not as hopeless as he had thought.

“You are right. I mean about Papa. He hardly ever leaves the bedroom now. I have tried everything I know of to get him back out here and in the midst of things. Back into life, I have even tried to get him to take walks, at least get into the fresh, air. I thought it might get him interested in the farm again. Nothing has worked. Now you want us to all go west. How would we get him out of here for that if we haven't been able to get him out for any other reason? I don't know if we can ever get him away from here. Away from this house, from what was their bedroom, everything that is Mama to him. How could it be done, and who could do it?”

“Do you want to go out west Jessie?”

“I've always had a yearning for mountains. Isn't that strange? I've never seen any, but I always felt like they were in my heart. Mama used to talk about the mountains a lot when I was little. The great Rocky Mountains she would say, that had been her dream and Papa's too, before we settled here. The past few years I don't remember her talking so much about them, but oh, how she used to. She had always envisioned living on a beautiful lake high up in the rocky mountains!” Jessica was still for a moment, those thoughts lingering in her mind and then said, “Yes, I would like to go west, maybe Mama's dream is what has always put the mountains in my mind, but still it’s something I would really like, for myself. How we would manage to get Papa to leave the farm? That is the part I just don't know about.”

“Oh, dammit, Jessica! I mean, well, excuse me, but I just didn't want to have to tell you about the other things I've heard, but maybe you should know. I hate to worry you more, but I guess if you have to hear it from anyone, I'd rather it be me. Your farm is up for sale right now. In fact, you probably have very little money, especially after you have the overdue accounts deducted from the sale of the place. They are all overdue, the feed and seed accounts, the dry goods accounts, nothing, absolutely nothing have been paid since your Ma died.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath and the look of disbelieve on her face as she stared at him. “Last year, when your Ma died, it was at harvest, and I guess with all the misery and grief your Papa was in, he didn’t harvest, or make any arrangements for anyone else to do anything about it. We were so busy with our own that I never gave it a thought either. There isn't anything left, nothing. A lot of it simply went to seed or rotted in the fields. Well, you know what I am talking about; there is no harvest, not to pay the debts. No money for provisions, or to put food on your table, it’s gone. Anyway, Mr. Mitchell, at the feed and seed put a lien on the place for his bill. Then one thing leads to another, and with nobody thinking your Pa is going to come out of it, well, they don't want to wait.”

He saw the look of horror on her face and took a deep breath and hurriedly went on, “No, I sure didn't want to be the one to have to tell you all this, but there it is. If we don't get your Papa out of here, sooner, or later he'll be put out, and then you'll have no place to go. I don't see we have any choice but to sign on for this wagon train, and go on West and start over again.”

Her hands were numb. She had been gripping the porch rail so tightly during the time he had been telling her all this. She had been fearful for their affairs, knowing that someone be tending to them, but every time she tried to talk to Papa about them it had been useless. He would just stare blankly at her, and tell her it had been taken care of and several times he even told her it just didn't matter. That had made her furious. She had screamed at him about how Mama would hate this, how Mama would be horrified to know that he wasn't taking care of her and the boys. What would Mama think if she knew he was sitting in this bedroom day, after day? She had railed at him. It was all to no avail though, he had just ignored her, if he had ever really heard her in the first place. Now they were ruined. Oh, dear God, don't let this be happening, she prayed silently. She knew even as they went through her mind that her prayers were too late. Yes, they apparently must leave the valley and begin life in another place. Yet why would Thomas want to leave? He had so much to keep him here.

"What about you, Thomas? Why would you want to leave the valley? I know what my reasons are, and you are right about all that you have said in respect to our situation. It’s different for you though. Thomas, you have a reason to stay here! Your folks have always planned for you to take over the farm. I know they have because I have heard you talk about it. No, it might be the only answer for Papa and the boys, and me, but it wouldn't be fair for you to pull up and go west. You have a future and you have it here.”

“Now Jessica, I wouldn't be suggesting this if I hadn't been of a mind to want to go myself. I want to do it, do you understand? I want to.” He had turned to her and had moved to hold her arms and was so earnest that she didn't doubt what he was saying. He could see that she accepted that he wanted to do this, and was mightily relieved about that. He couldn't tell her about the rest of his reasons for wanting to leave here. If he did she might not want to go with him at all. She was too innocent to understand. She couldn't and wouldn't accept what he had done. Hell, she would probably throw him off the porch right now! Dammit! It wouldn't matter to her that it was really her fault. Hers and that crazy old man of hers. If he had been able to take Lilly's death like a man, well, then Thomas wouldn't have had to wait to have Jessica and none of this would have happened. No, it was not his fault at all.

Now, all that mattered was getting out of this valley, doing it fast, and taking Jessica with him! He was just lucky that the half-witted Carpenter girl couldn't talk. He was sure that if she could talk, she would have told everyone by now she was going to have a kid, his kid. It was just because he wanted Jess so bad that it happened, he told himself. Jessica interrupted his thought when she started talking.

“Thomas, there is just one more thing I don't want to get married for a while.”

He swung around to look at her, startled. What the hell? This wasn't what he had in mind at all! What was she thinking now, for Christ's sake?

“But Jessica, we can't travel together without being married! I was going to get the Circuit Preacher to marry us before we left, marry us next week! We don't have any time to waste you know. No, not with the train leaving and us having to get rid of all this stuff we can't take and getting the wagons ready. We have to get married, and do it right away!”

“No, Thomas, I can't do that.” She turned to him again, and looked at him intensely. He could see she was determined about this, but why?

“Just listen to me for a moment. I can see we have to leave here, oh, not just for Papa, but because of what has happened to everything. But don't you see that there is no guarantee that Papa will improve just because we do this? Then what? I can't expect you to take on the responsibility for Papa and the boys too. It wouldn't be right!”

She took a shaky breath and with a determined set to her face said, “No, it just wouldn't be fair to you at all! We need to wait and see what this does for Papa. If he comes to his senses, then there is no reason to wait, and we can be married. Doesn't that sound reasonable to you, I mean, really?”

“Oh Jess, I don't see any sense in this at all! We will be traveling together, and I will more or less be responsible for you all anyway. Besides what if he doesn't get any better? What would you do then? You can't just go west only to end up there in the same fix you are in here!”

“No!” She said more sharply than she had intended. She calmed herself with an effort and said, “I mean it Thomas. I am very determined about this. You have been so kind, so understanding. I could never live with myself if I saddled you with all of this. You have just been too good to us for me to do that!”

He could see that there was no way to change her mind by the stubborn tilt of that little chin of hers. Damn! This wasn't what he had in mind at all. Something about the set of her face told him he had better not push too far. He could lose her entirely, and that was something he had no intention of doing! He had been downright obsessed by Jess, since he had first seen her when she was only thirteen. He wasn't going to lose her now. She filled his dreams and almost every waking moment. God, just thinking about her made his blood run hot. He had to have her! He felt like shaking her right now he was so damned outraged at her stubborn decision not to marry yet. She was sorely trying him!

“Alright, if that's the way it has to be Jess, so it will.” He told her, but he blew out his pent-up breath, and clenched and unclenched his fists while he said it.

Shortly after Thomas had left, Jessica again tried to talk to Papa about the situation with the debts. She told him what Thomas had told her, and he stared at her with an odd expression on his face. He muttered something unintelligible except for the word 'Lilly’. Jessica looked at him and again asked for the ledgers. John swung around and faced her with surprise, and she looked closely at him. He seemed almost lucid. When he finally spoke, it was to tell her that the debts had been paid, and she must have misunderstood Thomas. He then sat down in Lilly's rocker, turning his back on Jessica and not speaking again regardless of her pleas to him. Finally, in utter despair, she left his room and went to her own.

Jessica stood staring blankly out the window towards the woods. There was no moon tonight, and she couldn't actually see the forest, only blackness. She wasn't actually looking at anything in particular, only standing there staring blankly, her eyes unfocused. Staring off into space is what Mama would have called it she remembered. She was so heartbroken about what Thomas had told her of the debts. Her parents had never discussed things in detail with her, but she knew that there had been a 'nest egg. She could remember once shortly before Mama had died, she had heard them talking with satisfaction about how their nest egg was growing. They had said with the good crops from the previous years and the sale of the stock this year their affairs were in extremely good order.

The Ferrall's had moved here when Jessica was just a toddler. At that time, they had been what was considered well off. Papa had sold his furniture making business back East. The business had been a good one, and his name was well-known for the excellent quality. The business had flourished right up until the day they had sold it. Mama had told her so repeatedly and with pride in her husband.

She knew that they had lost a considerable amount in livestock and the crops, but she also knew they should have been able to withstand that without a real problem. How could it be as bad as Thomas had said? She was sickened by this news and heartsick as well. She knew it would be useless to confront the businessmen, they had already made it clear that they would not discuss the business affairs with her on more than one occasion. She felt the bitterness rising up in her again remembering their attitude.

The three of them had worked so hard to put it all back together again, how could she tell Tommy this? He would be heartbroken, just as she was. How could Papa keep telling her the debts had been paid? Had he imagined he had paid them and now believed it as truth? Dear God, she thought, can he be that far gone? A tear slid down her cheek as she thought of what her Papa had once been, and what he was now. Her stomach lurched sickly as fear for him rose up in her.

She would have been far more than sickened if she had been able to actually see into the forest. Thomas stood behind a tree watching Jessica in the window as he had done so many times before. The light behind her made her night gown nearly transparent. God, he thought I have to have her! His eyes were glazed as he watched her, his hands fondled his engorged member. A line of spittle was dribbling down his chin from the corner of his mouth, but he was totally oblivious to all but the vision of Jessica in the window. Her and the huge hot member he had in his hand.

She turned slightly and he had a clear view of her full, ripe breasts in silhouette. Damn, he thought, look at those tits! To be such a small girl she had some tits on her for sure! He couldn't wait to get his hands on those things and crush them in his huge hands whenever he wanted to, once they were married. Maybe even after he'd had her once the usual way he would put his manhood between them tits and spill his seed all over her.

Just the thought brought forth a great shudder as he indeed spewed forth his seed, but this time only on the ground. He felt some relief as he always did standing in the woods watching Jess at the window and seeing to his own needs. Tonight, she stood there longer than usual though, and he immediately became hard again. When she finally left the window he was so aroused he was nearly mad with it. He turned, still fondling himself and tramped into the woods swearing to himself.

Maybe, he thought, that stupid half-witted Carpenter girl would be sitting by the pond again. She was hardly even showing yet, and he couldn't get her anymore knocked up than she already was. All her bruises were gone now too. Yes, maybe she would be there, and he would get himself some relief after all. This time she would know better than to fight him. She would know what he had for her was something that felt good, real good, even if she couldn't say so. She didn't have tits as big as Jess but in the dark that was about the only difference. Anyway, about all the difference you could tell if you didn't know. For him, he found there was no real difference between women, not when it was too dark to see their face. That was why the first time he took Jess it was going to be in full daylight. Yes, maybe with the sun shining right in her face, so he could see how she loved what he was doing to her.

The small girl, sitting quietly by the lake turned to see him standing there. He was exposing and fondling himself with a hideous leer on his face. A look of sheer terror and fear spread across her delicate little face. It was too late for her to run, but she tried anyway. He grabbed her and she fought, but against his bulk and strength, it was futile.

Through the hours of unspeakable brutality that followed, Thomas groaned Jessica's name each time he spewed forth his seed. He did everything to the small girl that he wanted to do to Jessica. When he left her and began dressing, he noticed all the blood. Good, he thought, maybe he got rid of more than my needs this time, needs Jessica should have been taking care of for him. Maybe he had gotten rid of the kid the stupid girl was carrying.

He hadn’t noticed that there was no sound or movement from the small form until he started to walk off. When he nudged her with the toe of his boot, she didn't respond. Stupid girl! She had to get up and get going, what was she trying to pull anyway? He bent over to give her a little slap on the face, and it was then he noticed she was very pale and finally, he realized that she wasn't breathing. Shit! He should have known a half-wit wasn't like a real woman and couldn't take what he had to give, not like Jessica would be able to anyway. It didn't seem to bother him overly much, after all she was just a half-wit. He covered her with leaves and brush and tramped off into the woods. At least, he mused, he’d given her a good time. No other man would have looked at her twice. No, it wasn't so bad at least she had known a real man before she died. She must've died happy he thought.

The residents of the valley thought they heard the mighty roar of that cat again on this night. It was speculated on by some, but quickly dismissed. Why everyone knew there were no cats here! Still, some continued to wonder what it had been that they had heard if it wasn't a cat? It sure could raise the hair up on the back of your neck when you heard it!

Jessica gave a small moan as the screams of the cat penetrated her world of sleep. She did not awaken fully, but a part of her knew that it was the cat she had heard before. A frown crossed her brow and even in sleep, she felt the agony of the cat. Turning on her side she finally slipped back into a restless sleep.

The giant cat raged for what seemed like hours. There were those who thought he was all-powerful, but he knew he was powerless to change what was to be. He could warn. He could watch and even lead, but he could not change that which was to be had to be. He suffered greatly these limitations on this night. One girl child so innocent, so pure of heart and soul had been tortured, hurt, and killed, and yet he could not stop that. His rage at the horror and his own impotence to prevent the horror was great for all to hear.