Читать книгу Cougar of Spirit Lake - Linnette MDiv Eller - Страница 7

Jessica could not believe that soon they would be leaving the farm. It just seemed as though everything had happened so fast once Thomas had put all the plans into motion. She felt odd that she had no reluctance to leave the farm. After all, Jacob had been born here and Mama had died here. Yes, so much had happened here. All the happy times with Mama had been in this house.

Well, she couldn't sit around here at the table drinking tea all day. She had much yet to do and this wasn't getting it done. She opened the back door to call Tommy to help her with her large hope chest from upstairs. Try as she might it was too much for her to handle alone. As she opened the door a cold blast of wind bit her in the face. She slammed the door and leaned against it with a shudder. This was ridiculous! She had to stop associating a silly thing like a cold breeze with sadness. Before she could stop herself though, she had begun mentally going through a list and ticking things off that had happened after she had felt that dread cold wind.

First, there had been the day Mama died. She told herself she couldn't really count that. It had been a warm and sunny day one day but the next day dawned bone-chilling cold, it was after all in the fall of the year. That morning stood out in her mind and she sighed, knowing it most likely always would. This morning she had dreamed of the cat again, as on that morning. She couldn't keep associating the cold wind and the cat with bad things! She shook her head and busied herself in an attempt to dispel her morbid thoughts.

Her mind continued its train of thought despite her busy hands. The next time she had dreamed of the cat was the day Thomas had come to speak with her about the wagon train. Even though she had felt that cold wind when she had stepped out on the porch with him nothing had really come of it, now had it? Well, just the news about the affairs of the farm. That was bad enough after all. Feelings of dread had haunted her all that day, before Thomas had come over, and still nothing so bad had happened.

Later that very night she had still felt that dread, even while standing at her window before going to her bed She could remember shivering uncontrollably after standing there a while and finally she had ran to her bed and jumped into it feeling like devils were chasing her. She was glad no one had seen her do that! She did admit that a short while after jumping into her bed she had really been frightened when she had come partially awake at the sound of the hideous scream from a cat.

Again, she had dreamed of the cat, just this morning. That is probably why when she had encountered the cold wind just now it had bothered her so much. All through the winter she had felt the cold and it had not bothered her at all, just these few specific times. Still, she felt that dread, no matter how she tried to shake it. Oh, this was just stuff and nonsense! If she didn't stop this folks would think she was crazy just like she knew they were saying that Papa was.

As though thinking of him had conjured him up, he walked into the kitchen. She realized she was staring. She tried to stay calm and act like this was an ordinary occurrence, even though it was anything but that! Papa never left his bedroom anymore. She must be calm she told herself and forced a smile to her lips as she turned to face her father and said, “Good morning Papa”.

“Morning, Jess.” John answered, hoping he sounded ‘normal.

She looked at him startled that he had acknowledged her, let alone had spoken to her. Her eyes were riveted to his face. She saw for the first time in many months something she had all but given up hope of ever seeing again. He looked like Papa. His eyes looked normal, lucid in fact, for the first time in many months.

“Can I get you some tea Papa?”

“That would be fine Jess.” He said sitting down at the table. He waited for her to pour herself a cup and sit down before he attempted to speak. He looked at her intently and saw her for the first time in many months, really saw her. If anything she was even more beautiful! There was something else though, she had a more mature look to her and it made him sad to think that she really had grown up. He had been too submersed in his grief to watch the transition from girl to young woman. He cut short those thoughts. He had allowed himself to suffer enough in the past months, and that had caused his children more grief than should have been. They had lost their Mama but he, in his grief had caused them to lose their Papa too.

He almost felt like a stranger to this young woman who sat across from him. Lilly would have been so disappointed in him. He cleared his throat and looked at his daughter.

“Jessica, I am sorry for the way that I have been. I know how difficult I have made things for you since we lost your Mother. I am going to try to do all that I can to make it up to you and the boys. Can you forgive me?”

She left her chair and ran to him, throwing her arms around him. She was crying, but tears of joy. "Oh Papa, I am so glad that you are back, we have missed you so much! Oh, Papa" and buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed out all of the pent up grief she had held so tightly in reign. John stroked his daughter's silken hair and thought that maybe he was in time to yet see his daughter grow to full womanhood. But she was just like the little girl she used to be at this moment. Then as now, when she hurt herself she threw herself into his arms for comfort. Yes, she did still need him and so did the boys! It was just as Lilly had said it would be when she had stood at the foot of his bed last night and had spoken to him again.

Both boys came crashing through the doors and stopped in their tracks as they looked at their sister crying in their Papa's arms. He looked at them and with a tender smile said, "It’s alright boys, she is alright, everything is going to be better from now on." When all of them had finally gotten through the emotions that had run rampant for the past few minutes, they all sat down at the table. It felt like a real family again. It felt good!

Then Jacob remembered his news. "You will never guess what has happened!" When he could see he had their attention he went racing on in his excitement to be the first to tell them. "Doc Hansen was just riding by and he said they had finally found out what happened to poor Carrie Carpenter. Seems they found her little body, just over by the pond. Doc said she had been treated really, bad! Sorta, like some real monster had been at her! Anyway, since the weather has been so cold he said that she was in pretty good shape, and that is why they could tell.......

“Jacob!” Tommy yelled. “I told you to go on up to the barn when Doc Hansen said he wanted to talk to me! What'd you do hide in the bushes and listen to everything we were saying?”

“You just sent me off cause you still think I'm a baby and too little to hear anything that goes on around here!” Jacob whined in a pout, although he did have the good graces to look a little uncomfortable at being caught by his own big mouth at eavesdropping.

Tommy looked at his Papa and then to Jessica. “Would you make him leave the room, please, Papa? This is important and Doc didn't just stop by to tell us the news. There is more to it than big ears heard, and I need to tell you all of it.”

John nodded at his youngest son and grudgingly Jacob left the room. When Jessica rose to follow Tommy stopped her. “This is pretty bad Jess, but you need to hear it anyway.” She took her seat again thinking again of the dream of the cat, the chill of the wind and the terrible feeling of dread that had been with her during the day.

“Doc Hansen did say that they had found the body of little Carrie. It was near the pond, like Jacob said. Only it was obvious it was murder. Whoever killed her had tried to cover her up so that she wouldn't be found. Jacob was right about it being a monster that killed her, but the monster was a man!” Tommy sat silent for a moment and then realized they were waiting. “She had been used by a man, sorry Jess, but it’s true, she was raped, horrible raped and Doc came around here especially to tell me to watch out for you. He said that he had never seen the likes of what this man did to her! The man had to be a crazy man is what he said. Guess she was gonna have a baby too. Doc thinks that whoever got her with that baby is probably the same as who killed her.” He paused, sorrow showing in his face, but finally roused himself from his thoughts to continue.

“He couldn't rightly tell how long she's been dead. When he questioned her folks though, he found out she's been missing about two weeks now. Her Ma was really sure about that because she said it was the same night everyone heard the cat screaming.” He paused when Jessica sucked in her breath and visibly paled. He looked at his sister, and again said his apologies, but continued.

“Jess, Doc says for you to be real careful and not to even go to the barn by yourself, especially after dark. Told me to make sure you weren't even here in the house by yourself. Not even during the day. I wish I'd have known then that you were, ah...up and around Papa. That would've been a relief to Doc. Boy, I can tell you he is real upset about this! Kept telling me that this man is a monster and no girl around here is safe until he is caught. The Constable has been out all morning with the two assistants he has appointed just for this. Doc had just left the Constable and he said they've been going around to all the farms since daybreak seeing if anyone has seen anything odd or any strangers have been hangin’ around. This is the worst thing I have ever heard of happening around here! It spooks me and I'm not even a girl!”

Jessica sat so still she looked like a statue. Her face was ashen and when John looked at her he immediately got up and went around to her side of the table and placed a comforting arm around her shoulder.

“Jessi, I know this is awful, but you don't need to get alarmed. You have men folk here to watch out for you. Believe me I will never let anything happen to you as long as I can still draw a breath!”

“Oh, Papa, I know that! Its...it’s just so terrible, so awful! Poor, poor little Carrie! She was so sweet and gentle and surely never harmed a soul in her life. She wasn't a half wit like so many people thought either, she was only mute. Oh, how can something like this have happened to such a sweet, gentle little soul? Oh, God, how could anyone have wanted to harm her?”

“There is no accounting for some things, Little Cat. You could live with a person a lifetime and never really know what they are thinking for certain. This isn't any normal person, we know that. This man is crazy! They'll find him. Anyway, soon we will be gone from here and on our way west.”

“I know Papa. It just seems like such a terrible waste. I will miss her so much. She used to come over a lot. Hearing the lid rattle on the boiling potatoes she jumped from her chair to remove them from the heat. Supper is nearly done. After all this I don't much feel like eating but I guess I'd better get this on the table, the boys are always hungry, no matter what.”

Even while she went through all the motions of setting, the table and she could not shake the horror that had filled her as Tommy had told them about Carrie. She gave herself a mental shake and forced her facial expression to be normal. At least that is how she hoped she appeared. She was just about to set the food on the table when a knock sounded at the door. When she opened the door to find the Constable there, she was only a little surprised. Tommy had told them the man was out checking with all the farms.

“Good evening, Constable, won't you come in and take a seat?” Jessica invited, stepping back to allow him to enter the room.

“Evening, Miss Jessica, Doc said he had already stopped by so I reckon you know why I'm here.” He replied taking the seat as Jessica had indicated.

“Yes, unfortunately we have heard. This is so sad, so terribly sad. We all knew Carrie, and she was so harmless, so gentle. It is beyond belief that anyone could do this! I'll be right back, Constable; I will just go tell Papa and the boys that you are here.”

The man looked up sharply, taken aback apparently by something she had said. “Did you say your Papa?”

“Yes, Papa and the boys, well at least Tommy.”

“Pardon me, but I thought your Papa was, well, ah, not quite up to snuff these days.”

“Oh no, Papa is just fine now. Grief can be a terrible thing though.”

“Hmm, yes, yes it can and that's a fact. Before you go and get them though, let me just ask you a few questions. if that would be all right?”

“Well, yes, yes of course.” She said giving him a questioning look.

“Now, have you seen anyone around the farm that you ain't used to seeing?”

“No, I surely haven't.” She replied, feeling very uneasy.

“You haven't heard anyone prowling about, like at night or anything of that nature have you?” He asked, noticing how pale she had become.

“No.”

“Good, good, yes that's good. Now, how long has your Papa been... uh, shall we say well again?” He asked, watching her face.

“Papa, well, he has come out of his deep mourning only recently.” She said, quietly.

“When your Papa was, well, ah, not like himself was he given to wandering around or anything? Like at night, or any other time for that matter?”

“No! Papa just stayed in the bedroom! He seldom left it; in fact he didn't even go to the barn.”

Jessica's mind was spinning. She felt as though a cold hand was gripping her heart. What was the man asking about Papa for anyway? The man he was looking for was a monster, a crazy man...oh, dear God! No, this couldn't be! She knew that some people had been saying things about Papa. That he was 'touched' or ‘off’ and yes, there had been those that whispered about him even going so far as to call him crazy. Surely this Constable could not have any suspicions about Papa! She decided to be very careful how she answered these questions. Suddenly she did not like this Constable at all. She wished he would leave right now! She realized he was saying something to her and looked at him. “Oh, I am sorry, what was that again?”

“I said would you have known? I mean, whether your Papa had left the house or not? Did you go in and check on him or anything like that, especially at night?”

“No, of course I didn't keep check on him! I know though, if anyone had entered the house or left it during the night I certainly would have heard them”

“Unless, they didn't want you to hear them leave.” He mumbled under his breath.

“I'm sorry Constable, what was that?” She asked, although she had heard what he said.

“Nothing, nothing. Why don't you go ahead and fetch your Papa now, Miss Jessica?”

‘I will be right back with him and Tommy, Constable.” Jessica replied.

“Thank you Miss.”

Jessica left the room with all the calm dignity she could muster considering her legs felt wooden and her stomach felt as though it was full of lead. She didn't know what to do! She was frightened, very frightened. Just because they had labeled the monster that brutalized little Carrie as a crazy man, it seemed people were being wild enough to think it was Papa! Was this all because people had called him crazy during his mourning? Papa had only been crazy with grief. Not insane. Not some hideous monster to be held in suspicion. Oh, dear Lord, please don't let this happen...Let this be some nightmare... This just cannot happen... I won't let it! I will lie for Papa if that is what it’s going to take. So will the boys when I tell them what this man is inferring about our very own Papa! “Please, please, Lord.” She prayed silently, “You saw fit to take our Mama from us but please, don't take our Papa too!”

Jessica called to Tommy and Papa who were upstairs still working on all the preparations for the move. Tommy stuck his head around the corner when he heard her call. “What is it Jess?”

“Oh, Tommy the Constable is here and he wants to talk to Papa. Would you come down too?”

When all of them had once again assembled at the table, the Constable went through the normal, routine questions with them, as he had with Jessica earlier. When he had finished he sat around for a while and just visited. When he made ready to leave, though, he looked at John inquiringly for a moment and then requested that he step out on the porch with him.

While John was outside with the Constable Jessica quickly told Tommy how he had questioned her and what she thought he was insinuating with those questions. Tommy's fair complexion became very mottled as the red indicating his rage crept up his neck and onto his face. He felt the same as Jessica did. It was simply a matter of stupid people connecting the word crazy. Since Papa was the only one anyone had heard of lately described as crazy, people just connected the two. However, it was obvious that both of John Ferrall's children were worried, deeply worried about this situation.

It seemed like Papa and the Constable had been out on the porch for hours. Jessica wished she had looked at the Grandfather clock on the mantle when they had actually gone out there so she would know for sure how long it had been. Since she had been keeping track though, it had been nearly three quarters of an hour, and they were still out there. She exchanged yet another worried look with Tommy. She wished fervently she could hear what they were saying, but all you could hear was the low rumble of their voices, not the actual words. Waiting was pure torture for both of them. When the door finally opened, admitting their Papa they both chimed, “Is everything alright, Papa?”

John Ferrall had a grim look on his face, and was in deep thought as he came back into the kitchen and only looked up when his children spoke. “Everything is just fine. Just a few things that the Constable and I had to talk about, that's all.”

Again, Tommy and Jessica exchanged a worried look. Jessica said, “Papa that man asked me some very insulting questions! Questions, that indicated to me that he might be making some wild accusations about you in connection with this horrible thing that happened to Carrie.”

"Well, I don't think he feels that way after our talk. Now, come on, we best be getting some supper down before it’s ruined.”

“But Papa, what did he say to you?” Tommy asked.

“It’s like I said, and it’s nothing to be concerned about. Now let’s eat!”

Jessica called to Jacob to come and eat. When all had been seated around the table and the Grace said the meal began. Jacob kept up a lively conversation with Papa. His face showed his joy at having his Papa act like he used to again. Meanwhile, John's other two children were very quiet. Each lost in their own world of thought. Their faces clearly reflected that these thoughts were very troubling to them both.

John had noted the quietness and the worried expressions, but he knew that there was really nothing he could say to them right now to ease their worry. Anything he could tell them would probably worry them a great deal more. He would be glad to leave this house, a surprising thought to him since it held such precious memories of Lilly!

Jessica spent a restless night. She could tell from the rustle of the quilts out in the hall that Tommy was as well. He had mentioned moving back downstairs but Papa told him he would appreciate him sleeping near Jessie’s door after the news they’d had.

Thomas arrived bright and early the next morning to take Jessica and the boys to town with him to have some sturdy shoes made for their upcoming journey. Although they were taking the huge Conestoga wagons there would still be a great deal of walking to be done. Thomas was a big man. He clearly showed his Nordic heritage in his blonde hair and blue eyes, and as many a girl had noted was a very handsome man indeed!

Having exceptionally wide feet, in addition to relatively large ones, he had been coming to have his boots made special since he was fifteen years old. He had three more pairs of them made up since he didn't know whether he would find anyone on the trek West, or when they arrived at their destination, that could make boots as well as he could have made here. Jessica and the boys had been fitted and sized a week ago and Thomas had placed his order the day after he had talked to Jessica about the wagon train. His would be done and theirs should be done in plenty of time. They had only three weeks left now! Thomas breathed a sigh of relief over that.

Thomas had felt uneasy ever since the Constable had stopped by yesterday at his folk's farm to tell them of Carrie Carpenter. Not, of course, that he had any reason to feel uneasy. There was no way for the man to have any way of knowing who killed the stupid little halfwit. He had even admitted that! No, it would just be better to be gone from this place and he wished it was tomorrow not three weeks from now! Thomas realized that Jessica had been saying something to him and turned to look at her. Damn but she was a beauty and soon, very soon, she would be his. Now he turned his full attention on her and asked her what she had said.

“I knew you hadn't heard one word I have been saying to you about Papa!” Jessica said, feeling more than a little irritation that he was not paying attention to her important news.

“I'm sorry, Jess, I just have a lot on my mind with this move coming.”

“Oh, I know that, but this is important, Thomas. What I was saying is that Papa is right as rain! Yes! I just can't believe it! Yesterday he came into the kitchen and was just like his old self. I still have a hard time believing it, but it is true! The boys and I were never so happy!”

“Just like that he came around, Jess?”

“Yes, just like that!”

“Hmmm. Strange isn't it?” He asked, not liking this news at all!

“Thomas if I didn't know better I would think that you weren't a bit happy about it!”

“Aw, no, that isn't it at all. I just find it strange that it just happened so sudden after all of these months. Did something happen to bring it on?”

“No. I told you, I can't explain it myself, it just happened! Why, just a few hours before that I had been in the bedroom trying to ask him if he had any way for us to buy some provisions for this trip! I told him it would be just the bare necessities, nothing extra at all, but now that we hadn't paid any of our accounts in town for so long we couldn't put anything else on credit.”

“YOU DID WHAT?” Thomas exploded at her.

Jessica jumped in her seat when he turned on her and yelled. “Thomas, whatever is wrong with you?” Jessica couldn't believe he had yelled at her like that, no, not yelled, bellowed at her. What on earth could be wrong with him this morning?

“Uh, oh, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to holler at you like that. It’s just, well, uh, it’s just that when a man has been in the condition your Papa has been in its sort of ill advised to be talking to him about what he's let happen to his affairs. See what I mean? That's all! I just think that talk like that would just do more to upset him. No, Jess, I don't think you should be talking to him about these things, I mean, I can handle everything, and you don’t need to worry about everything so much. Just leave all this to me!”

“But Thomas this is our problem not yours! I can't let you take care of us, besides, Papa can do that now. He was always a good manager and Mama used to remark about that quite often!”

“Well, for now Jess, I think you should just let me handle it! When John gets back on his feet entirely, that's fine. Why, he probably can't even remember what he has done these past months. After all he has been right near crazy.”

“Thomas, don't you ever, and I do mean EVER say that about my Papa again, do you hear!” she ground out, green fire flashing from her eyes, showing the fury surging through her veins.

He didn’t like the tone she was taking with him and damned sure didn’t like being hollered at, but now was not the time to teach her what doing that could mean so he tried to mollify her instead. “Oh, come on Jess, don't get so riled up! I didn't mean to make you mad, but half the country has known that he's been anything but sane these past months, even you know it if you would just admit it!”

“Let’s just not talk about any of this anymore.” She said, trying to quell her anger and lighten the mood. “It’s our first really nice morning in months, why it’s almost warm, so let’s just enjoy the ride!”

Thomas cast a sharp look at her. He didn't much like being told what to do, but he guessed that this wasn't the time to say much to Jess about that either. He damned well had enough to think about anyway. So...old John had suddenly gotten well had he? Thomas just hoped that he wasn't going to have any problems about John. Oh hell, if anything came about with John he could handle it. Nothing else mattered as long as he got Jess out of all of this damned mess.

The rest of the trip was spent mostly in silence. Everyone trying to enjoy the morning it seemed. Tommy and Jessica exchanged some small talk about the wagon Papa was getting ready, but other than that it was a quiet trip.

Jessica was in a pensive mood on the return trip, which did not make Thomas happy in the least. She was upset about what Thomas had said, more directly, the cold blooded way in which he had said it. A caring person would not think of having said such a thing about one's father. At least not if one had feelings! Yet that was not the only thing that had disturbed her. She could feel in Thomas the need to totally dominate her in all matters. Many marriages were exactly this way, certainly it was not unusual. Her parents had more of a partnership and deep mutual respect for the opinion of the other. She truly felt this would not be the case with Thomas. His word would have to be law. They had not rushed into anything but she suddenly felt rushed by Thomas.

Thank God, that Papa was back, she thought, only to realize that she had to make this decision herself, not Papa. She didn't need Papa to tell her what to do like a child any longer. He could protect her when she did make her decision if it wasn't to Thomas' liking, however. Suddenly she realized what she was thinking. Was she afraid of Thomas? Oh, surely not! Still, she had felt the need to be protected from Thomas for some reason. It was as though she had glimpsed something in Thomas on the ride into town that she had not been aware of before. Like viewing a stranger. This needed some long hard thought she realized. Much thought and the long journey on the wagon train should the ideal time to do such thinking, and a great deal of observation.