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MY FEEL-GOOD TOOL KIT

Endless optimism rarely comes naturally. Our culture likes to focus on the dark spot on the horizon. But over the years, I’ve learned a series of rituals and tools that help me to default to gratitude. These range from keeping a journal to a gratitude jar – when something good happens in your day, write it down on a scrap of paper and put it inside, then on bad days you can pull one out as a reminder of what you have to be thankful for.

I also have a little private ritual that I’ve never told anyone about until this moment. All day, every day, literally hundreds of times, I say a little prayer of thanks as I go about my business. Just two little words: ‘thank you’. Sometimes I whisper them, sometimes I just imagine them. The traffic light turns green as I drive up to it: thank you. My green juice is the perfect temperature when I sip it: thank you. My partner Jack drops by the office: thank you. It takes less than a second and I do it so often it’s become subconscious – an innate, ingrained ritual I do without noticing.

It’s all about acknowledging the tiny, easily glossed-over events and moments that balance out the badness. It’s like a flip that keeps me grounded in the positive. If I’m in the car sitting at an intersection and the driver next to me beeps for not moving fast enough, I’ve trained my brain to notice the beautiful tree on the sidewalk: thank you.

It doesn’t stop the bad stuff happening to me. It doesn’t stop me spilling my breakfast down my white shirt before a meeting or realising I’ve double-booked an important work trip on the same weekend as my friend’s hens party. But it enables me to reassess my reaction. My brain is constantly switching, switching, switching, to move quickly through anything that’s stressful.

I have other rituals I follow too. If I feel my emotions moving into a negative place – jealousy, envy, anger or insecurity – I imagine that my whole body is full of black, cloggy disgustingness like tar, filling me up from my toes to the top of my head. Then I visualise a tap releasing the thick, black liquid and watch it seep and ooze out of my body until I’m clean, light and bright again.

I love easy visualisation exercises like this because no one can tell you’re doing them (a bit more subtle than squeezing a stress ball in a business meeting). Here’s one for you to try: when someone really upsets you or drains your energy, imagine surrounding them in a pink bubble – once they are in a bubble they can no longer touch or effect you. I gently let that bubble float away. See the different energy here? It’s all about letting them go, rather than screaming and ranting and raving. I have found this to be very, very powerful. Sometimes I’ll take this one step further, and this might sound weird, but I have a beautiful little pink box that I keep in the freezer. Someone told me years ago that if someone is really upsetting you, write their name down and place it in a box (with love), put the lid firmly on and freeze it. I know, I know, it sounds woo-woo (trust me, as I write this I wonder a little about my sanity), however, it has helped me over the years.

These simple tools might or might not work for you, but they help me to move through emotional yuckiness. The best thing? These tools don’t cost a thing, they take a matter of seconds to practise and what do you have to lose? You’ll just have a little less space in your freezer!