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If I had a dollar for every person who’s asked me, “Lisa, how are you so confident?” I’d be able to retire immediately. Not that I would. I’d go bonkers, can you imagine? But my point is, I’ve realised that confidence – or lack thereof – is an issue that people from all walks of life battle with. Forget the elixir of eternal youth, if a pharmacist could create a magic potion for confidence, it would be a sell out.

A lot of people don’t understand how I can be so sure of my decisions, so relaxed around new people and stand on stage in front of a hundred suited, booted, bigwigs talking with so much self-assurance. But it hasn’t always been this way. I wrote in Daring & Disruptive about how I overcame my absolute terror of public speaking via an extremely embarrassing gig where I totally froze on stage. We’re all shy sometimes. Yes, everyone. Even that actress, singer, businessman, yoga teacher or politician who performs or stands before a crowd for a living. I read that singer Adele gets so nervous before going on stage that at an Amsterdam show she escaped out the theatre’s fire exit, and she regularly throws up before her big moment. We all get nervous; we’re only human.

But here’s the important thing to ask yourself the next time your hands start to shake: what’s the worst that can happen? Really? I have made a dick of myself so many times in life that when I had to think of a story for this chapter, it was impossible to just choose one.

There was the time I was hosting a big exhibition at Sydney’s Convention and Exhibition Centre. I went to the bathroom (don’t you just love a good toilet story?). Well, I’m always fastidious about putting toilet paper all around the toilet seat when using public bathrooms (as my mother taught me) but on this occasion, as I hitched my skirt up and pulled down my pants, I realised I’d forgotten, so I twisted around to do it. I’m not sure, in hindsight, how I didn’t notice the cubicle door had swung open, but everyone waiting in line for the toilets certainly did as one of the lead speakers at the conference mooned them. What can you do? I held my head up, took a bow and reframed it as a networking opportunity. At least I was memorable!

Then there was the time I took part in the CEO CookOff, a charity event where heads of businesses and famous chefs cook for people in need. In front of a large crowd of people I said to this guy in an apron, “So, what do you do?” and wondered why everyone burst out laughing. It was Bill Granger – only one of the best celebrity chefs going around. When I realised my mistake I could have dug a hole and buried myself, but instead I joked, “Well, do you know who I am?”

A friend told me she once went to a fashion show and said to a very prominent, very lovely female television presenter, “Oh I love your new hair cut. Pixie crops are very in right now.” The group she was in fell silent and the presenter replied, “I didn’t get it cut… I’m having chemo.” Ground open up, NOW! But do you know what? If a mistake isn’t made with malice, if you’re trying to pay a compliment and it goes wrong, then there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. My friend and the pixie cropper had a laugh and now have a fabulous relationship.

People get particularly nervous around so-called ‘celebrities’. Hilariously, readers of The Collective say they’re nervous when meeting me… me! I am in a funny industry where there’s a real fame hierarchy, but I’ve never taken much notice of celebrities. Ask my team – they’re constantly naming celebs and I’m saying, “Who’s that?” It means I get laughed at a lot, BUT it also means I rarely get star struck, and I see people for who they are rather than the hype surrounding them.

When you meet someone who intimidates you, just remember that they will have felt intimidated by someone else at some point. Next time you’re in a new social situation here’s a game to play: ask everyone about their biggest work stuff-ups. It’s an awesome icebreaker and a total leveller, as I bet everyone, if they’re honest, has a story to tell. The more experienced they are, the longer they’ve been in the industry, then the more extreme stories they’ve probably got to share.

I read that it is estimated one-third of the world’s population would describe themselves as introverts, including performers such as Harrison Ford, David Letterman, Clint Eastwood, Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Emma Watson. Think you’re the only one? Then check out a Facebook group called ‘Introverts are Awesome’, which has over 92,000 followers. Sir Richard Branson, who I was fortunate enough to spend some time with recently, says he can’t stand public speaking – in fact in his book The Virgin Way, he dedicates an entire section to the topic, entitled, ‘I Loathe Making Speeches’, followed by another section, ‘The No-speech Speech’. It’s well worth a read, as his philosophy on this is brilliant.

While I may appear totally extroverted, at ease and assertive, there are many occasions where I walk into a room on my own and quiver, “What am I doing here, who am I going to speak to, how long before I can get out of here?” It’s not easy turning up at an event full of editors who’ve all been working in the industry forever, when you’ve just launched a magazine with absolutely no experience. You’re an outsider and you know it. Remember at school when that new girl transferred from another city halfway through the term and everyone had already chosen their best friends? Yep, that was definitely me in mag land!

But the truth about confidence is you can fake it until you make it, it just takes practice, resilience and a few simple strategies to shift you from nervous to cool as a cucumber. I still have to draw on my reserves, tools and tactics that enable me to dig deep, take a breath and jump into a crowd of unknown faces. I always find it’s never as bad as I expected. It’s certainly more fun than wrapping myself in a cocoon, with only my own voice for company (blah, blah, blah!). The thing is though, most of those editors have been nothing but perfectly delightful and knowing the difficulties of running a magazine, have been in awe of our journey, very complimentary and extremely supportive.

You might be reading this thinking, “This doesn’t apply to me. I don’t run a business, I don’t do public speaking, I’ve already met my soul mate and don’t need to go out into the world promoting, parading and performing.” But confidence isn’t just about holding your own in big, brash situations. Everyone could do with a confidence boost sometimes.

I was recently asked to MC at one of my team’s weddings. At the engagement party the groom (who was not used to public speaking) made what was possibly the shortest and most nervous speech, ever. He stood up, stuttered, “Thanks for being here”, and then exited stage left before you could blink. He became the brunt of many a joke in the lead up to the wedding (aren’t mates kind?) and so, with a few weeks to go, my darling friend asked me to coach him knowing that he would have to give another speech at the wedding. We went out to several dinners where I was meant to be coaxing him into it, but all he did was avoid the subject. I needed to think outside the box and find a new way to approach this! I needed to be daring and disruptive (hah, I could do this!). So I suggested that instead of making a standard speech, he and I could do a Q&A together where I could lead him through his relationship journey. It would be fun, interactive and if he froze I could fill in awkward silences. Well, I needn’t have worried about that because at the wedding reception, when I asked my first question he was off and running. I couldn’t get another question in edgeways, which was fine with me. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house as one of his stories flowed into the next. He went from being the brunt of his mates’ jokes to the most revered speaker – and his new wife’s hero!

This is the secret to finding confidence in difficult situations – always remember the hardest part is the first 60 seconds. If you can survive that – and still be standing – then the rest is easy in comparison. It could be as simple as having the confidence to turn up at your colleague’s baby shower, even though you don’t know anyone else. Or asking a waiter if they’d mind not putting the dressing on your salad. It could be finding the courage to sit at a shared table in a café, elbow to elbow with someone you’ve never met. Even if you think your friendship group, family and support system are already complete, widening your web of connections is always a good thing. Researchers from The University of British Columbia recently looked at the benefits of talking to strangers. Their study found that adults who actively engage with people they don’t know also tend to be happier and less moody with their friends and family and feel a greater sense of belonging in their wider community, compared to adults who just go about their business, blinkered and insulated.

If you want to find the secret to confidence, my number one piece of advice is to look your fears in the eye, say hello and shake a hand (even if yours is shaking). I promise it will get easier with practice. The more you can prove you can do it – and not shrivel up with shame and inadequacy – the more you will want to. Because guess what? Other people are really cool and can teach you a lot about yourself, including how confident you really can be.