Читать книгу The Devious Book for Cats: Cats have nine lives. Shouldn’t they be lived to the fullest? - Литагент HarperCollins USD, Ю. Д. Земенков, Koostaja: Ajakiri New Scientist - Страница 8
ОглавлениеRemember that exciting day when you were a kitten and the first box arrived in your home? It smelled different! What could it be? Cheese? Squirrels? Squirrels filled with cheese? You leapt on top of it, sniffing and picking at the flaps to find out what was inside. When your person finally sliced the box open, you were disappointed to discover that all it contained was her late-night jewellery purchases from the shopping channel. But once those useless guts were removed, a wonderful, comfy cube was revealed. Like a siren, it called, this room within a room. You chewed the edges, rubbed your face all over the pointy parts, and greedily crammed yourself inside.
Ever since that magical day, you have been very sure of one thing – you will lay claim to each and every box you encounter.
However, keeping this vow isn’t as easy as it might seem. Cardboard boxes are under constant threat from your person, who could swoop in and flatten them at any moment. The only way to really keep tabs on your box is to get inside and stay put no matter what. Known as box-steading, this requires a singular focus and the investment of a lot of time. Long naps are always an option, but sometimes you’re just too frisky. And that’s when you can be most vulnerable, jeopardizing your claim by scrambling after a piece of cellophane.
To ensure that box stays yours, it’s vital to stay focused and keep occupied. If you’re a determined box-steader, we’ve got some activities to help keep you going:
Fruit Crates: Having a sun-drenched rest in one of these open-air numbers is sublime, but they can also be used for other exciting pursuits. Try transforming this box into a battering ram. Tear across the living room and leap in, sending the box careening into plant stands and stacks of DVDs. If your person is trainable, she can also drag the box around the living room while you enjoy thrilling adventures as Captain Felix of HMS California Oranges.
Beer Cases/File Boxes: Take a moment to inspect whether your box comes equipped with bonus side-portals. If so, you’re in luck, because you’ve got the perfect set-up to play a game of Lurk and Smack. Crouch down in its dark confines and poke your paw through a hole. Then blindly and frantically smack at whatever might be passing by – legs, fur tumbleweeds, legs, that dog, legs. Give ‘em all the works.
Pizza Boxes: At first there’s a lot to do in a box that once contained a pizza pie, like scavenging for nuggets of meat and licking puddles of oil. But after you run out of snacky bits, what else is there? Plenty! This box easily converts into a lair when you transform into your alter ego, Flattened Kitty-Worm, who shall vanquish all who dare enter her kitchen-floor domain!
Fridge Boxes: You can enjoy an afternoon of peaceful seclusion in one of these boxes, but it can get boring in that deep, murky space. Instead, pretend to be trapped in a well. Let out wail after terrified wail until your person races in to find out what’s wrong. When she breathlessly opens the lid to come to the rescue, just groom yourself nonchalantly as if you haven’t a care in the world. This never gets old, so feel free to keep it up all afternoon.
SPECIAL BOX OCCASIONS
Certain days bring with them a veritable box bonanza, and this can overwhelm even the most seasoned box-steader. So many at once! Which should you claim? The answer is all of them, if you can manage it!
Christmas: The weeks before Christmas are a time of high spirits and wonder, with clanky ornaments to shatter, crinkly paper to be shredded and clunky candles just asking for a smack down the stairs. But this is nothing compared to the box-boom awaiting you on the big day. Boxes filled with tissue paper! Boxes filled with twist-ties and instructions! Boxes that stink like summer sausage! Just run around like mad and investigate. Dive in! Dive out! Dive in again! Take your time because, in the spirit of the season, your person will leave these boxes lying around for an extra-long time. To let her know you appreciate it, cram that big fluffy bottom of yours in that little box right over there and pose for next year’s Christmas card photo.
Moving: If a large number of pre-flattened boxes start entering the house, you are probably moving. The actual move will be an unpleasant experience, but the packing phase is actually great, so make the most of it. Out of nowhere, box after box will just start appearing. Hop into every one you can, burrowing under the newspapers and shedding thoroughly on all the kitchen equipment. Don’t worry about getting scolded. Your person will let you do whatever you want because she’ll feel guilty about uprooting her baby, particularly if you’re moving in with her fiancé who keeps a potbellied pig.
Whatever the box or the occasion, always remember the most important rule of box-steading. Be adorable. One thing is for certain: Any cat looking cute in a cardboard box keeps her box for that much longer, and has lots more boxes in her future.
THINGS THAT ARE NOT BOXES THAT YOU SHOULD BE IN
Shopping Bag: What’s in that bag? Are you in that bag? If not, get in there!
Cool Box: Your comfort is more important than the temperature of the beer.
Colander: These are cosy and perfectly cat-sized, and besides, spaghetti isn’t even delicious.
Laundry Basket: Nothing improves a pair of dress trousers like your fur.
Bathroom Sink: Your person can brush her teeth just as well in that one in the kitchen.
