Читать книгу The Yummy Mummy’s Family Handbook - Liz Fraser - Страница 12

I have found the loss of independence since becoming a family very hard to adjust to. I love what I have more than anything in the world, but I do miss the life I had before sometimes, and wish I could be free again to muck about, travel and meet new people. I didn’t expect to feel this way, but it’s a compromise I’m happy to make.

OK, here’s some help:

Relax. This is a completely normal reaction to being made to grow up overnight, from overgrown child—albeit a child with an overdraft, a job and an impressive CD collection—into responsible parent. It can take years to wear the family badge with ease, so give it time, don’t run out of the door as soon as the panic sets in, and try to remember that what you have is a Good Thing. The sensation that you may have bitten off more than you can chew and are now choking on all the baby rice and family-size everything often doesn’t happen the moment your offspring squeezes itself into the delivery room, but creeps up on you over a number of months or years. Remember that you would be very unusual if you felt any of this transition phase was easy-peasy, and congratulate yourself on your healthy levels of uncertainty. Top marks so far.

Ease yourself in. If it all feels a bit too much too fast then give yourself a break and go back to something more familiar for a day or two. Go home to your parents for a weekend, go for a day out all by yourself or hang out with some good friends (who don’t have kids). You’ll soon remember that your whole life hasn’t changed after all, and you’ll be pining for the rest of your family before you know it.

Get ready to make mistakes. Like most works of art your family almost certainly won’t end up quite as you intended, but hopefully you will avoid making any irreversible gaffs that even Tipp-Ex can’t cover up. For everything else there is usually a way to smooth things over, and a secret credit-card-busting handbag obsession or even the hideous smudge of an infidelity can add something positive to the canvas if it ultimately brings you closer together.

Beg, borrow, or steal. The work you produce will be influenced to some degree by other struggling families you observe as you stumble along Family Lane. This is good—all the best artists nick stuff from people they admire, whether consciously or not. If you observe another family dealing with toddler tantrums better than you, then watch what they do and steal their technique. If you don’t seem to be coping with your work/life/soaks in the bath balance and know someone who seems to have it all under control, then ask how they do it. You’ll probably discover it’s all a front and they are struggling just as much as you are, but even that can be enough to cheer yourself up.

Talk. Not to your Mum, your friend or your cat. Talk to your partner—the person who is going through this weird transition with you, and tell him if you’re feeling apprehensive, lost or plain shit-scared about things. If he’s half the man he should be for you to have started a family with him, he won’t burn all your books, tear up your store cards or eat all your chocolate. He’ll help you, support you and give you a shoulder massage. He’s probably feeling exactly the same way anyway, but didn’t want to say so in case you thought he was getting cold feet already. Talking sorts it all out.