Читать книгу The Yummy Mummy’s Family Handbook - Liz Fraser - Страница 13

If everybody in the world let on what was really going on in their heads, what mood they were in or how their family lives were running, it would be carnage out there. There would be tears, fights, rampant sex and hysteria on every street corner. Luckily, natural selection has ensured that those people who are completely honest about things when they are out in the public arena have long since died out, because nobody wanted to sleep with anyone who moaned about their medical problems, mother-in-law or hefty workload, and we have now evolved into a species of finely tuned fakers.

‘Oh, yes, we had a marvellous holiday—the kids were happy, the place we rented was perfect and we all feel really rejuvenated’ is fake-talk for, ‘That was a fucking nightmare. The kids drove us nuts, there were rats in the kitchen and I’m completely bloody exhausted. We’re never going away again.’

My favourite one is the ‘Hi, how are you?’, ‘Oh I’m fine—you?’, ‘Fine!’ exchange that takes place a thousand times a day between people who are not fine at all, who haven’t had sex for three months and who want to send their kids away to a boarding school. It’s hilarious. We all wander about, putting on a united, happy family front when the reality is rarely anything approaching such harmony or bliss.

Of course, a certain amount of fakery is essential for life to be bearable: if you ask somebody how they are, you’re only ever expecting a ‘fine thanks’ if you’re honest. You don’t really want to know how they are at all, and if they tell you then you’ll think they are a bit weird and avoid them for a week. But it’s the level of this fakery that can become a problem, if we start to believe what we see and hear. Don’t and remember the following:

Everybody feels they are failing at being a family sometimes. Some are just better at hiding it than others.

Be vigilant, and never convince yourself that other families are doing a much better job than you. They are probably just as exasperated, exhausted and extremely bored as you are occasionally.

Open up. Sometimes, being honest and telling somebody that you are in fact not all that well, and that things on the home front are pretty rough at the moment, results in a torrent of similar confessions and tales from your relieved listener. Opening up about your problems means people are much happier to be honest with you, and you’ll soon realise that you are not surrounded by picture-perfect families at all!

Beat it with a smile. Putting on a happy exterior might sound superficial, but often if you stand tall, smile and try to be cheerful, some of your problems will melt away, and after a few hours you might well feel a lot better. No, it might not last after you get home, but just having a few hours away from your troubles can make what follows a lot easier to bear.